Cogitations On The Web; Diary Of a Nigerian Girl

Crushes or rather the lack of it.

2011-11-14T17:58:00.001Z

Someone on my twitter timeline started talking about her crushes and what age she started. She says even at age 6, she knew what it meant to have a crush.

I say it took me 10 more years to do what she's started at a young age.
I have no idea why that happened.

Actually, I do have a bit of an idea.
That last statement is a white lie and here's why...

I grew up with my mother as all my sisters who are very much older had left for the UK. I was in strong and capable hands.

Even before I reached the age of puberty, I knew the things you did when you reached puberty. My mum was very blunt about these things and she succeeded in grossing me out. She went the 'guilt tripping' route and would accuse me of allowing some boy/man stick his finger in my panties. (Till today, when I think of the way she says it, I cringe).

Another time, we had gone to visit a friend of hers who had a son about my age. When we got back home, she said that someone had told her he'd seen her friend's son and I on the bed, and the boy had had his pants down. I was barely ten.

Another day, she said she'd seen me smiling with one of the guys who lived in our compound and she was certain I was smiling with him because I'd allowed him do things he shouldn't be doing to me. Once again, I don't think I'd started secondary school here. It got so bad that I got too scared to talk to anyone in the area nor have friends ( which I wasn't very keen on anyway, because I disliked the area we'd moved to).

Knowingly or unknowingly, my mother had succeeded in putting me off 'discovering what puberty was and what it meant to become a woman'. So you can imagine how worse it got when I started my period ( that's a post for another day).

As such, I became too serious for my age. I never had any crushes, nor talked of boyfriends, let alone having one. Reminiscing with old friends, I got very surprised when I heard that in my primary school and junior secondary, people were having 'boyfriends/girlfriends' and were experimenting with kissing. I thought I didn't grow up in such environment but apparently, I did. I was just oblivious to the things that were happening around me. STUPIDLY OBLIVIOUS!

In senior secondary, I had a crush and unfortunately, the boy proved my mother right -- "all boys want to do is get in your pants". I'd gone to my crush's house, sat in the living room with his parents who seemed a little interested in my family and what part of Lagos I come from. Shortly after, we went up to his room and yes, his fingers did start to stray. I got up, ran as fast as my legs could take me and headed home. I didn't say anything to my mother because unfortunately, it did prove her right and that would be me setting myself up for punishment. Punishment was usually serious whooping and most times, threat of painting your sore body with freshly ground pepper. She never acted on that threat but somehow, pepper always seemed to be available and in sight. Don't ask me how she ever came up with that.

That was how I left secondary school without so much as a kiss nor a boyfriend. I'd like you to guess what age I got my first kiss.

Don't get me wrong though, I wasn't an SU or whatever they are called. I played HARD. I probably looked like one of those girls who had started out early. I wasn't a recluse and I infact became a relationship counsellor at 15. Please don't ask me how that came about.

Now that I'm much older, I keep thinking if my childhood had an effect on the choices I've made today? Even though I don't think about those things she said. Sometimes I think I'm the way I am because I chose to be? Or??

To ask or not?

2011-10-28T08:22:00.001+01:00

I one asked a friend if he'd had his HIV test done recently and just after that, I started to feel bad for a number of reasons but more because, regardless of how close a friend I regarded him as, I still felt like I was forcefully and wrongly invading his privacy.

That brought me to ask, as important as the question is in our dealings with people,is it still treated as a taboo?

Now forget the friends, do people with new partners or people who are about to start new relationships ask each other for their HIV status? Its easy to say there's nothing wrong with it because the basis of a relationship is trust. But I'm sure there are still some who would be scared to ask just so they don't bruise any egos.

Do most people even remember?

Should your trust begin after you're aware of their status or before? So would you ask before you kiss then? Seeing as it can be transmitted if the infected party has an open sore on the lip/ in the mouth?

Same as the sickle cell trait. I know someone who is a sickle cell carrier and makes it a point to ask if the guy (whom she's only just started talking to for about a week or so) is a carrier. Her reason being, she'd rather ask before emotions start to run high. Smart girl you'd say. I'd say that's 'ballsy' too. If he already ticks all other boxes, then that's the next step for her.

Honestly, I couldn't bring myself to do that at that point. Unfortunately, we'd have reached that comfort zone before I can ask and that's usually not the best. I'm not saying I won't, I just can't throw it in the 'getting to know you' part of the relationship.

So I ask you, honestly, would you ask you new partner for his/her HIV status before you as much as give him a kiss? Or you the AS carrier, would you be bold enough to ask before you get too comfortable?

As I thought, this one na serious JAMB question.
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12 Months and counting

2011-10-21T12:14:00.001+01:00

Yes its been a little over 365 days since I packed my wannabe uggs and cardies amongst other things into a bin bag and dropped them in front of Òxfam, the charity store. Then I hit the streets and went shopping for white shorts and white tees. I wasn't very lucky finding shorts as summer was wrapping up but I stocked up on tees and made my way down.

A few weeks later, I was sleeping in a bunk bed and sharing a room with 36 other ladies, going 8 days straight without doing a number 2 and waking up at 4am to morning drills.

Seems like yesterday but its been well over 365 days but am I glad its over? Yes I am. Will I miss it? Bits of it. But I thank God I've been a part of it.

Now, as liberating as that sounds, I've been thrown into a world of uncertainty and idleness. Not that I don't have things to go to but when you say you're unemployed, you're automatically idle. And I could go back to my job but that's story for another day.

Where will the wind blow me? Let's see. Whilst I wait, I'll work on my pet project. I'll be discussing that pretty soon! I hope it all works out for the best!

Have a fab weekend people.

Will you be voting tomorrow?

Sent from my BlackBerry® Smartphone, from Etisalat. Enjoy high speed internet service with Etisalat easy net, available at all our experience centres

Be my Mrs ... Or maybe not!

2011-08-22T12:51:00.000+01:00

A colleague at work once said to me, "The first time I met my wife, I knew that was the woman I wanted to marry. I'd only known her the whole of five minutes, but she fit so perfectly into my initial requirements in a woman. All others criteria would follow and we will make them fit". Later on, he went on to say "We made the decision to not have sex till marriage. This went on for almost 3 years till we got married, but in that time I PLAYED very well, satisfied myself and got myself ready for the woman I wanted to marry".

Sounds very weird when you combine all parts of his speech. But then, quite a few points were reiterated for me. Most I hear from people, I never met a man who actually came out to express them.

First, it rang true that men do know if they can marry a woman, upon first meeting. Not to say that its always the case 100 percent of the time but most times when you hear it, best believe it. He never said anything about the cliched 'love at first sight', his was a case of being practical. No lust, no love, just practical.
When a man says 'let's stay off sex, then be rest assured that he's getting it from somewhere else. As a woman, you probably wont feel bad if you set the rule, as you'd expect that, as a man, he needs that 'release' once in a while. But when he sets the rule, you wait for him to explain why. Its one thing to cheat on you to your face, its another to get 'serviced' just because he's keeping the rest of his life for his prized woman. That begs the question, 'so should cheating be condoned?' -- (Gist-post for another day)
Another is the fact that regardless of what happens out there or within himself/family, he has his eyes set on the woman he wants to marry.

The last point then brings to question the authenticity of the following incident. Guy meets girl 4 months after breaking up with his ex (whom he could have proposed marriage to at the time he met the new girl). However, this new girl is perfect or at least, things are going on well between them. Girl senses a bit of hatred between guy and ex, so the break up was not a 'mutual agreement'. Months down the line guy explains to new girl that his ex's family especially her mother and father have been calling him to beg on ex's behalf. They have involved his family and his mother and uncles are on his case. So basically, he's dealing with stuff and 'needs time'. Here's my question, is this guy an exception? One of the ones that are confused about who to go with? Actually his point is not about who to go with, its that its harder to break free when family members have been involved. True or false? You reckon this is true or as with a lot of men, 'hes one of them ones'.

Getting to know you.

2011-07-22T16:13:00.002+01:00

How do you get to know people?

By asking questions right?

Especially as we live in a world where our relationships are now 'over the waves'. We hardly do much in person. Twitter and BBM have taken over our lives.

Anyways, I digress.

Here's a scenario - people meet, get introduced, exchange pins (as is mostly the case) and kick off! They talk, perhaps ask questions within that process and 'get to know each other'.

Now here's where my problem is, recently I've been accused of 'not asking any questions'. Its happened on more than one occasion hence the reason why its become a bit of a concern. I've been told that I answer questions and don't ask any, which indirectly means I probably don't care. On my part, I'd say that's a bit harsh cos although it might ring true, its never really the case. It got me thinking though, so how do I get to 'know people'. I find that I can't really do the initial interrogation. Probably because it isn't effective for me. So when the questions end, how well do your conversational skills fare from that point? I think I'd rather study people and insert important information where appropriate. Many actually miss the fact one can say a lot or nothing in a conversation, depends on how receptive the person is to 'new entrants' in their lives. That is not to say they aren't 'interested'. So it feels rather weird when I get told "I've been asking all the questions since, I think its your turn now".

How do I deal with that? "Oh ok, so how many siblings do you have? Where do you live? What's your position in the family?" (I actually find that very archaic) but hey, whatever rocks your boat mate!

For me getting to know people involves learning how they think. Its a subconscious thing, I don't need to ask questions. Actually, I'm better off being asked questions cos I can't do the 'About You' speech.

Might seem like brain fart to some but in my mind, I've made a lot of sense. No?
Sent from my BlackBerry® Smartphone, from Etisalat.

Correct Sexing

2011-07-19T12:18:00.002+01:00

The other day I said I had a headache and my aunt said 'you need a man in your life toh ma ki e mole ti gbo gbo arun yi ma kuro ni ara e'.

Translation: you need a man in your life so he will 'do you right' and all these illnesses will leave your body.

Direct meaning of "Ki e mole' is give you correct sexing!

My question is how does 'correct sexing' relate with having a headache?

She says I complain a little too much about having a backache, stomach ache or something and that if a man roughened me up a lil, I'd either be immune to all these petty complaints or I'd have a bigger threshold for pain.

I hear you 'ahhing'. Imagine how I felt when I stood there and received the most shocking retort ever.

----
Hope y'all are having a good week so far?

Thinking of hoping on this 30day challenge!

Let's go!

Have a Cameron and Strike filled week!
Sent from my BlackBerry® Smartphone, from Etisalat.

Formula Two

2011-07-14T09:20:00.000+01:00

Life just got easier.

Maybe not.

Not having a car in Nigeria is close to being suicidal. Having one adds to our traffic issues. But what can man do?

Well for me, who never started a car, let alone drove one, I had to learn. I learnt with Uncle Ben and his Beetle cos my cousin wouldn't let me touch his car. So in the 14day learning period that spun over 3 months, I grew muscles in quite a few places. At that, I know that even if its going for 50p I will not buy a manual car. If I end up with one, I'd be driven around. Call me spoilt. That, I can live with.

Now I THINK I can drive. Think being the operative word! When they say "if you know how to drive in Lagos, you can drive anywhere", that's a big bag of crap. If you drive like this anywhere else, you will either fail your test or get arrested with a big fat ticket!! Don't dull!
One thing driving in Lagos helps you with though is offensive driving. When you're in a car chase, you'll fair well cos Lagos driving keeps you thinking the next car is out for you!

Plus you need extra skills to drive in flood and still avoid potholes! Talk about major brain work.

If you think you can out run the danfo guy who's high on grass and the aboki on okada who barely speaks English, I suggest you take the back seat. Literally! And watch the sights and wonders in Lagos.

Sent from my BlackBerry® Smartphone, from Etisalat.

Just Checking

2011-07-13T15:17:00.002+01:00

Many things are working against me now.

The fact that Blackberry still doesnt have an app for blogger. Either by RIM or a 3rd party, you'd think one of them would have thought to create one.

The epileptic and demented internet in Nigeria. If your life line depended on internet service either mobile or broadband, you'd be dead and decayed before you get help!

....

Ooops its home time and my free ride is calling.

Man cannot sleep in Lagos trffic

Undefined...

2011-04-13T13:13:00.002+01:00

Its a case of boy meets girl and they kick it off.

2 months down the line, they arent official yet, but everything makes it look as though they are. She's met his family apart from his mother and some older, married siblings. She'd met his friends, his cousins been to family gatherings and has been introduced to as many people as the time can manage. The point is, it was never under the rocks. They were out and open with it. In that time, it was all rosy and sweet. They had talked about the exes and how things ended. He broke up with his recent ex (who he was meant to have wedded the month he met her). In their minds, they had been transparent with each other. No fights, no quarrels and the likes. Although it all looked too good to be true, it was all bliss and it seemed like she had reached her last bus stop on the 'search' journey.

Suddenly, it all starts to go awol. The calls reduce, the BB chats start to go vague and the visits practically disappear. My girl asks whats happening? His reason. I'm dealing with some things that I cant talk about. Ok, fine. My girl assumes its just for the moment. The moment turns into 2 months and they have practically become strangers to each other. No fight, nothing and its still under the premise that he is dealing with stuff he can't talk about. He starts to send irregular hellos and how are yous and when he is in town, he never offers to stop by. She is running between patience and anger. Some are saying "leave him, he'll come around and start begging". Others are saying "I think you have the right to tell him to piss off, you're not a carity case".

Confused.com

What should she do?

Moving Swiftly on...

2010-11-23T09:13:00.003Z

Hey Guys!!!

Its good to be back home. Well, sort of. Lazying about camp sort of has side effects that coming back to a 8-5 doesnt agree with. But still, its good to be back home. The final week in camp was fun actually. I went with a plan and I executed it well. I cant say much about it seeing I'm not so anonymous anymore but it revolved around making someone miserable and I think I did a good job at it.
One thing I noticed about the final week was the haste in which everyone got hooked up or wanted to. I, being the back bencher and a very good audience to these scenes had a lot of fun watching. Trust me, its hilarious seeing guys and girls getting all cuddly and mushy, having known each other for a few days. Worse is when you hear stories of the ones who got down to the nitty gritty either behind the camp directors office or anywhere a chair could be placed. Meanwhile, many left boyfriends, girlfriends, fiances and even husbands and wives at home. Pure hilarity, I tell you. But why am I telling you this anyway? I'm sure you've all heard a similar story or the other about the popular 3 week getaway.

In the last post I mentioned that I wanted to ask you guys about 'moving on'. I'm sure everyone has one theory or the other about moving on from a past relationship or an 'almost relationship'. But regardless of the differences in humans and how we handle our emotions, shouldnt there be some set guides that apply to us all?
Taking a 4 year old relationship for example, both guy and girl got hurt and the break up is not as a result of a fight or one causing grief to the other. Say, forces outside of the relationship caused the break up, e.g religion or family matters, Health issues or what have you. When is it okay for them to move on? And even after moving other, when is it okay to 'brandish' your new significant other to the world and most importantly to the person you just broke up with.

Take another example. Guy and girl just met, talked a lot, like each other so much but hit a road block and for one reason or the other, they cant progress into a relationshp. Although, if not for the road block which neither of them could handle, she would be a candidate for marriage. Days later, the girl starts to hear of another girl and in about a week, he's all over the place with her. Status messages, profile pictures, etc all indicating that he's found new love. Now my question is how does that happen? Especially when he says that none of it started whilst you two had your thng. So what, he had a few days to recover and find new love?

I understand a break up where, one has hurt the other so bad that s/he would do anything to forget the past or get back at him/her but not one where you'd wish to be with that person but just cant.

I dont want to say what my opinions are so I dont create any biases, so I'd like to hear what yours are.

I hope you guys are having a more productive week than I am! My next post will be another question on things I've noticed since being back home.
Toodles!

2 weeks in..

2010-11-08T16:24:00.003Z

Whoever said some parts of Nigeria are still backward didnt lie.

I picked up my call up letter quite alright. That was after the crowd had gone mad and the NYSC officials didnt seem to show any crowd control skills. How can you have almost a thousand people queue up in no particular order to collect a letter that isnt arranged in any order. I take that back. We didnt queue up, we became a crowd that couldnt be managed where the tall ones had their noses up above the short ones and could smell their hair. God help those who had smelly weaves in their noses. One official then came out and said, he'd call out names (written in no order) and we had to queue up as he called out the names. Yes, that worked for a minute but the queue didnt move because the letters were not arranged in the order that the names were called. So once again, it became a very angry crowd. Finally the same guy came out with the letters and called out the names as he went along. That finally worked, after we'd spent almost 6 hours trying to pick up a lousy letter. After the gruelling task, the letter delivers the bad news that yes you have been posted to the state you asked for, but your orientation camp is in some remote village somewhere. Wow! How exciting!

Fast forward to days later and Lagos corpers are heading to Iseyin, Oyo state. I was looking forward to it. Partly because I'd have the opportunity to meet lots of people and also get a last minute feel of what its like to be in a boarding school. A few miles to camp and my feet went numb. Some call it cold feet but thats for those that that can feel their feet at a time like that. Got to camp and well, let the chaos begin. In as much as I would like to delve into every little detail in regards to registration, I cant. That itself is tiring. It was one hell of a day. I got there shortly after 11am but didnt finish my registration till 12.40am the next day. Thus leaving me with 4 hours to sleep, wake up and get ready. Well, I didnt get any sleep, so I had loads of time to get ready. With an 18 man room, I wonder how people still managed to snore away and sleep comfortably on a metal bunk and a mattress the width of a notebook.

Days went and so did the people. Many stayed to register and then found their way out, others took more drastic measures like scaling the fence. I had no escape route, so I had to stay put, in as much as I wanted to leave so bad! I mean seriously, how easy is it to manage in a place where there are pit latrines in place of toilets and open air cubicles in place of shower areas. SERIOUSLY HOW!!!!???? I managed to have a shower once in a while but hell no was I hovering my bum over a hole in the ground. As God would have it, my mind and my body were in sync and I didnt need a number 2 till sunday when we finally broke out with an 'atm pass' and headed for the nearest hotel. There we shat, showered and crashed. Forgive my crude diction but it has to be said in its crudest form for you to understand how bad it was.

Next day, I played a tiny bit of volleyball and managed to 'sprain' my ankle. Call it whatever you want, but I managed to get my exeat and with all the fuss I made, I got the rest of the 2 weeks off! Haha SUCKERS! The patient dog always gets the fattest bone, I kid you not!
I've been home for a week and now I want to go back. I'm more bored at home than I was in camp! So I'm packing my bags and I am off tomorrow. Lucky for me, it finishes on friday, so I'm sure my bowels can rest for another 3 days! Hehe!

I shall be back soon with a post on 'moving on and the barriers we create for ourselves in relationships'. I have questions! I need them answered by my very able blog fam.

Its EID next week and to my fellow muslim brothers and sisters, Eid Mubarak. To others, I say, enjoy the meat!

xxx

Anybody home?

2010-10-14T10:14:00.004+01:00

I blame twitter. I blame twitter. I blame twitter!

Shows how easy you can be cheated on, even when offered less. 140 characters and everyone seems to have lost the zeal to rant with the many words that blogger has to offer.

Anyways!

Touch down Lagos. Well 2 months in and need I say it hasnt been easy. I love it still.

Almost 7 years since I last saw this town, a lot has changed and a lot hasnt. The parts that have changed are most beneficial to people like me, so really I can't complain. The journey back was filled with anxiety amidst the elation to be back in this much loved town. I have no regrets as yet. Its been hard no doubt, but still no regrets.

I have had more experiences in the last 6 weeks than I did in the last 7 years. The most recent being my boat cruise. Well, more of a machine powered canoe to cross the waters between Ikoyi and VI. Another traffic dodging strategy I thought I'd found, but alas, I have to use everyone else's strategy. Leave home early to beat the traffic.

On the entertainment front, I have been to a few bars with my cousin and one thing I absolutely abhore is the smoking. On 2 occassions, I've had to wash my hair as soon as I get into the house. Its annoying to think people smoked this much. Arrgh! I also went to Lord of the Ribs; a show organised by BasketMouth. The highlight of the show for me wasnt the comedy, but the artists that came on later. From Jesse Jaz and MI, with little or no stage presence, to Wizkid who serenaded the crown with his 'Tease Me' and 'Holla at your Boy'. Though the kings of Serenading should really be Iceprince with his 'Oleku' and Banky W's 'Strong Tin'. King madness is none other than Terry G who blew the crowd away, though the best I could do was sing along to the 2 or 3 lines I knew. Gosh too many artists to remember but the one that killed it for me was Tubaba himself. Now I really see why we all love him so. Plus He and Sound Sultan were the only ones that performed with a live band! Commendable performances, I tell you! That has been the highlight of my return so far! I'd like to top that up with a visit to the theatre soon but in the mean time, I made do with the Chill and Relax open mic night! Very soothing atmosphere and there, you get to appreciate talent.

Coming up; Chronicles of the newest corper in town! Yes, that dreaded moment is slowly crawling up on me. Letters are out next week and then I'll know which state my fate lies. Hopefully, I wont faint when I pick the letter up and I wont cry when I get to camp. All the stories havent really done me any good.

Oh and Yes, I finally met some of my blogger friends. One really awkward meeting. Actually make that two and dont ask why!

I have actually missed blogger and I cant go anywhere. This is the closest I can get to being published. Hehe!

PS:

Speaking of Banky W, I bumped into him on the elevator and errr, he isnt as cute as I thought.

Later my lovely people!

Its my birthday

2010-06-27T15:30:00.002+01:00

..and I can get high if I want to.
Its one day where Im the centre of attention and I hardly get any of that so I'm loving it.
As usual, got the beautiful jewellery presents from my sister. Sapphire earrings and I cant complain.
Though I thought someone would at least make use of my Amazon wish list.
Oh well, the day hasnt ended yet!

Boundaries

2010-05-08T22:04:00.001+01:00

Rules apply.

Everyone believes you should know what to do and what to say in a relationship. Be it as friends, lovers, siblings or co workers.
Some things should just not be said and some, not done either.
But how do you know where these lines are?
We all know or have at least heard the saying that "your friends' ex is a no go area for you", talkless of your siblings'. Who came up with this rule?
Understood, you shouldn't pick up someone else's reminants but what if the situations were different? Maybe she hurt him, didn't appreciate him or just doesn't think he's right for her, but in your case, he's a perfect match. That aside, hes still the ex, if we decide to cast a blind eye on the reasons for their break up.
Notice the keyword being "ex" not current. So I'm still trying to understand why this particular rule applies. Cos a friend recently got into trouble for talking to her friends ex boyfriend. By talking, she means skype conversations. I've said to myself that it's wrong for her to do so, but I can't place a finger on one particular reason why. It's just something that's not done. Now she claims there's nothing between her and her friend's ex, they are just friends, but now her friend has gone stark raving mad saying she just shouldn't have. Now my question is why ?

Boundaries as friends. Should there be things that you should and shouldn't say to a "friend"? It's a common belief that you should be able to say anything to your close friends. You should be able to put them straight when they seem to be heading the wrong way, but some don't seem to want to hear the truth, they just believe it shouldn't be said. They come to you for corroboration, and as the friend you have to give it. Now this isn't done.
I think things that shouldn't be said revolve around matters thar probably hurt your friend, everytime they are reminded about it or as with the case above, the ex says something contrary to what your friend has said and you'd rather not confront her about it cos maybe you take her word over his and won't need to confirm anything with her.

Am I right? Or I seem to be getting these rules wrong? If so then where's the thin line?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Time of Death: Unknown

2010-04-23T14:00:00.003+01:00

Ever wondered when you might die? Or in which manner you'd choose to go when the time eventually arrives?

I do and I often also wonder who would remember me or miss me when I'm gone. Not a lot I can say.

I know quite a few who have died, some very close and others even closer. The feeling is awful and I think its harder to bear if you were with them when they took that last breath. When you see the person's journey come to a complete halt! When they cease to be and you don't get anymore 'I love yous' or 'Be good' or even the 'How fars?'. For some, that's all it takes for them to recount their steps and take each day as though its embellished in precious diamonds. Treat each day like its a newly found treasure. Live with meaning.

Yesterday I heard the news about Da grins death and I started to weep. It felt like I'd never known anyone die. Like my best friend had just been taken away from me. Only he never was my friend. He was never even popular on my iPod. In fact at some point, I'd known his songs for a while, I just didn't know they were his. He was just another artist to me. Another Naija artist.

I got offered his CD by a friend in Nigeria and I declined it under the premise that I was only familiar with a few songs of his, some of which I didn't quite like. So taking the CD would quickly wear out his novelty with me.
Weeks later I heard my friends go crazy over 'Kondo' and I asked my aforementioned friend to send me the song via blackberry messenger. She refused saying I should have taken the CD when she offered. We both laughed it off but I still didn't get the song.

Months later, last week, I was out with friends. The DJ dropped kondo and the crowd went mad. Literally. Some stood on the sofas and started to jump like a child would do on his father's kingsize bed. Then I found out Da grin was supposed to be at a concert here in the Uk. I smiled. Nice one I thought. I spoke to my cousin who's part of the organisers of the concert and asked about the concert. His words: 'that concert is going to be mad whether enemies like it or not'. I asked what do enemies want with your event? He said didn't you hear Da Grin had an accident. I responded that I'd actually seen it on some BBM statuses and gone to read a story online about it. The source in the story had said 'he's lucky. He should thank God for his life'. The concert is slotted for the 31st of may'. I said to my cousin, 'Not to worry, he has a month to recover, he'll be here'.

God had other plans.

I saw the first status message and then the 2nd and then I started to weep.I hoped it was an expensive joke. A joke I was willing to accept and not complain about whoever had started it, just so he'd be alive. He had to be. But he wasn't.

I think about death and I think about everything in life. It all ends one day.
Now I don't make plans. I can't. Each day is a new one. Its a fresh start. That way, I don't lose too much when I go. Actually I don't lose anything.

its just a number

2010-04-09T06:21:00.002+01:00

Is it?

Age I mean? Is it just a number?

Apparently, a rule in relationships, that goes without saying is ' the man having to be older than the woman'

Now I'm asking why?

Why does it have to be so? Is it because women feel a lot more secure when he's older or....? Sorry, I've got nothing.

Apparently, another rule again, that usually gets bent is that women shouldn't even go for their age mates, let alone one who's younger. This particularly applying to those women who have marriage next on their 'to do' list. Hence a guy who's ticks ALL the boxes isn't good enought because he's a few weeks younger.

I'm still not sure where these rules come from but I can safely say its the African or maybe just Nigerian mentality. We have decided to live by the supposed study that posits that men are seemingly 5years younger than women their age. How true that is, I don't know. Even if, its a study, have we confirmed what the sample size is? If its a bunch of teenagers, I'd gladly accept the inferences of that study without blinking. But does this mean that all women stay 5years ahead or the gap starts to reduce at a certain age where a balance is achieved? Not to say that the woman has reached a halt on whatever its it that gets her ahead, but that the man is catching up ie we are fast, they are slow but we all get there in the end.
It all looks like brain fart right, but I think I need to find that study, so my arguments can be a little more coherent.

Anyway, back to my point. Another reason why this rule may stand is possibly (once again applying to those in marriage age) because she's ready and he isn't. Now that may be true for a fact, well mentally that is. But I'm not sure a lot are thinking its a mental state, rather for most, its a physical thing or just because his social status hasn't really peaked. Which is it? I'm not sure, because outside of our mentality, its ok for Mariah Carey to dote over someone who's no less than 10years younger than she is, same going for Demi Moore. However, these women are heading to their forties, if not in it already. But if she were 25 and he, 15, would it still have been ok then? For me, either way, the 10year gap still applies, whether twenties or forties

So what's wrong in going for a year younger? Or let's raise the stakes to 2years and not trying to go for 10 like the Demis and Careys do. Anything wrong with it?

I asked a friend once if she would date a younger person and her response was ''NEVER''. I asked another and she rolled her eyes like it would go out of fashion and then said, or rather asked, ''Are you stupid?''

But really, Am I?

Same old story!

2010-03-29T21:23:00.001+01:00

I know!
Apologies bla bla. Same gist!
Who knows when next I'll be back here, so I'll apologise for the next time I won't turn up.

My life never lacks drama and two thirds of it is unnecessary family headache. I need a life of my own, where no one feels the need to order me around like a robot!

I came across something I put together a while ago and whilst I re-read it, I realised it only made sense to me the day I wrote it. After that, it just looks like I needed to regurgitate every word in my head that seemed to express the way I was feeling but in a very incomprehensible manner!
Below is what I call 'faeces of words'. No pun intended but it is absolute shit!

''When you have never known austerity, you never see life in the eyes of one who has. Seeing how they live does not equal knowing how they live. Knowing how they live does not equal feeling how they feel either.
They say, tough times are temporary. To some, it comes to pass. To most, it is a way of life and the belief that better times are temporary plays a more familiar tune with them.
Beside you is a dead man walking and beside him is another. You.
The game is tagged "survival of the fittest" when in reality it should be called "surviving the survival of the fittest". When the dead man walking strives to survive and then should he overcome, the battle to sustain becomes paramount. Where breathing is no longer the chore, staying alive is and the feverent need to be relevant continues to persist.
Should the dead man walking start to believe that "hard times are temporary", the need to do things the right way points the scale mark at zero. And if the scale marks read negative, a new rule is set. "An for an eye". A rule adhered to in its most literal and figurative forms, that ensures that the next man canot easily place blame. His society is accepting of his shortcomings.
Shortcomings are not inadequacies.
Short comings are not mistakes.
Shortcomings are not crime.
Shortcomings are a way of life
Shortcomings make better times temporary.''

To think that now that I have a blackberry, I'd blog more often! Kmt!

We are the world

2010-02-24T16:48:00.000Z

''We are the children''

So goes the lyrics to Michael and Lionel's song. Recently it's been used by various artists to raise money for the victims of the Haiti earthquake. An equally touching version was done by 57 YouTube artists. I must say I commend their efforts.

This got me thinking about the various stories I'd heard regarding this Earthquake and also our efforts as fellow humans to help others.

Firstly on the earthquake. Many have said God has forsaken the Haitians, there's so much voodoo and other unGodly acts going on there that He feels the need to wipe out their existence. I won't preach what I don't know but I'm sure we all have our views in these utterances and the religious ones amongst us know not to question God in His decisions whether this particular one is His or not.

The non religious approach would seek to ask why there is a settlement is an natural disaster prone area? What would then be the decision? For them to move? Would we then ask the millions of Japanese or Indonesians to move as well? Where would they move to? It's totally out of the question. But should we help the Hatians bring their nation back to it's feet, only to have it in a rubble within sixty seconds by the powers of the almighty natural disasters? Or help them survive these trying times.

It's a sad sad story. Please let us do what we can to help them

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Hopelessly Romantic

2010-01-28T23:34:00.001Z

Tis the season of love. Well on this side of my room. This is a mushy playlist inspired. Please see it as such.

Apparently, I'm a hopeless romantic, according to my friend. That's because I say 'aww' when she affirms that her dad has met her boyfriend.

What makes me hopeless, in my opinion, I have no idea. Other than the fact that I love being sung to. I'm not one for the grandiosely written stanzas or endless letters. I'd rather not have those. I'd love for 'us' to have 'our' song that would force a smile if he heard the busker cover it on the underground and cause him to drop a pound just because it brings me to the forefront of his mind for that split second. An added bonus would be if he could sing it. That's bliss for me. One would ask why I live in such delusion? That these men are hard to find. Well I want to believe that you can only be drawn to someone if you both have a common ground, if you share interests. I want this, if not more, to be our common ground. I guess this may mean that I might be single for a while, but I'm allowed to build dreams, live in them and imagine these may exist, someway, somehow.

I've seen boring marriages where I can see that there's love but there's no form of endearment. I dont want a boring man in that aspect. I don't want presents on every valentines day, I want holding hands to not be a figment of my imagination, nor a thing of our 'dating' days. I want to rub my husbands head and be able to tell by his reaction, at that moment, that there's something amiss or forsee a problem. I don't want a rigid man who thinks birthdays and anniversaries are all about cards and gifts. But that stroking my hair holds more water than a new handbag.

My list is endless but it shall stay in my head, where it makes more sense. On paper it sounds like the mind of a 14year old

I live in my own little bubble and thus oblivious of the fact that these are far fetched. I refuse to believe.

A bubble that confirms that I am indeed a hopeless romantic.

But hey, it's my dream, not yours

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Sibling Rivalry

2010-01-12T22:41:00.000Z

Yes, that's my burden for this year. For many years now and maybe more.

No preambles today. I'll go straight to my worries. I have 3 older siblings who are 2 years apart each, but the lowest number of years between myself and them is 13 years. *Do the math. I like to feel a little cryptic with myself. Allow me to amuse myself*

Anyways. They were boarding school students so I never saw them very often and as soon as they finished secondary school, they left for the UK. So I grew up with me, my ears and my mother.
I heard from them often. Here's how. The first would call home, speak to my mother and say a quick hello to me. The 2nd wrote me countless number of letters and the third, said hello via birthday cards.
One more thing, here's how we bonded. The first dealt with my clothes and shoes, I never lacked. The second bought me books and my first dictionary, albeit half eaten by her boyfriends dog and the other, well random things here and there.

I was a sucker for letters and anything called a book, so it goes without saying who I bonded with the most.

Now growing up, I had no favourites. They are all my siblings. I love them all.

Fast forward to end of secondary school and I'm leaving Nigeria and headed for the UK. The oldest believes I'm supposed to join her in the US. I refuse, very politely. I mean my first nephew by her is just about 3 younger than I am, so I definitely can't be rude

I choose to stay in the UK with the second and all hell is let lose.

Both of them have had fights since they all got to England. This is going on 20yrs. Now it looks like I've taken sides in a matter that has been going on even before I could read.

At this age though, I feel like I have a right to take sides. Especially when one party says harsh and evil things to the other. So much so that it's detrimental to her life, to her marriage and to her sanity. Sorry why am I not allowed to take sides? When the side I chose was the one that could be bothered to ask me what I wanted to do? Rather than force nursing down my throat like medicine. So no one has the right to be upset that they weren't told I'd graduated. If they bothered to ask what I was doing, then they wouldn't need to find out from facebook that I'd bagged that certificate.

So no one has any right to call this side and ask to call the other side. For what I ask? For what reason? Because that side is god and I'm supposed to have my tail between my legs and return home like the prodigal child. Excuse my French but that is bullshit served on a platter.

I have been quiet, but I shan't any longer. It is unfair that I have to do anything. 4 or 40, no individual is too big to apologise. And if they are, well I'm assuming they are too big to accept one, so none will be rendered on my part

Unfortuantely, ties have been severed and people like my almost 20yr old nephew and his siblings will be the ones to suffer for it.
But right now, in as much as I feel for those kids, I could care less about anyone else.

And to think they didn't see all these coming as kids. They apparently had a great time as kids. So God knows what happened during the transition to adulthood.

Lessons learnt though Most of all is to be able to detect these signs in my kids and avoid the he'll I've been through for them.

I hope we all do

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The light

2010-01-11T14:53:00.000Z

It's bright
It's White
It blinds

From afar
A speck amongst millions
From within
A glow that lights millions

I feel the light today
Everyday!
I glow in the presence of light
My skin beams
My cheeks, rosy as they are
Alternate between the shades of glow and red

The light approaches
Closer and closer
It's on me, just me
And now, I'm the star of this show
It's the light of the show
It transcends beyond my person
There are no shadows

I take centre stage
As I am the star
And it is the light
So, it is my light

Written in one of my moments, just one moment. In the space of that moment. In the hopes that I'd read it to someone. I didn't and so it sat in the book, as with many others. But todsy, it's finally seen the light of day

I hope everyone has a bright week

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

2009 in a few words

2009-12-31T21:47:00.000Z

Oh long overdue. I know

So since Juiceegals 'stock take' post, I thought I needed one too.

I don't do new year resolutions. I don't believe in them, more because I don't hold the means to make them happen, well this only applies to my own resolutions, I have lofty dreams. I have dreams and hopes and I can only pray that they come true. So anyways an account of this year.

I started this year with a big dream, to see the end of my degree. To some, it's not a big deal. To me it was as I had so many hurdles and hitches along the way, right up to weeks before. But now, I can only be thankful for getting to the end. It was worth the effort. I believe that, for me to have seen the end, God does have plans for me.

I started the year a happy person. Mid year saw the peak of this. You know like the movies, where halfway through is the climax. Yep! That's exactly how I was. All of a sudden, it all took a drastic turn downhill. The speed it all happened was overwhelming but they say when life throws you lemons, you make lemonade out of it. Rather, I chose to dwell on the sourness of these lemons. How I got out of it, I have no idea. But I'm glad I did.

Moving on, once again this year, I made new friends, mostly bloggers, a few random ones and got closer to already known ones. I must say that of all these, I can count a few that I'd still want to be acquainted with. Why? I've found that my view on people has made me become sort of a recluse. People are entirely different and unfortunately there are some differences that I can't deal with. I believe there are certain attitudes that I believe people should have. You know? those that go without saying. I find that many are fake and I can't deal with fake people. I can't deal with insensitive people. That's just me being naive, I'm sure there are worse but, I hope I don't have to deal with it all

This year, I planned on moving home. But as God will have it, plans change and as such, I've resorted to moving on with life here. When the time comes for me to head home, I surely will.

Every year, I pray to God for a better relationship with Him. I pray mostly for continuity in my faith. It's one thing to have faith, it's another to carry on with it. I've had so many downs and I must say the last few days have seen a sharp decline in my faith. I haven't said my prayers as I should and when I remember to, I don't. Tonight, as with many others, I will say special prayers, most especially for my faith, for me to build on it and be stronger than I am.

This time next year, I want to reflect on 2010 and still be thankful for progress made. I still have a long way to go and I still have one more hurdle to cross before I feel completeness in it's entirety. When that's done, life can truly begin for me and all other things will follow suit.

Some say what's the big deal with a new year? Isn't just another day? Surely it is, but it still marks 12 months since you last saw the 31st of December. So if anything, let's all be thankful

And That's my very undetailed recap of 2009. I wish you my blog family a very happy new year. Let's make 2010 another great year for ourselves

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

A little Clarity

2009-12-08T20:33:00.005Z

Having heard so much about the Vera show, I followed the link on Fabulola's post about the whole Ray Ray fad (Now I don't look stupid on twitter anymore when they are ranting over it) and clicked on the latest show.

Anyways, not to digress and make it quick, I downloaded the latest show, 'Christmas gifts that should' or so its called and Vera co-hosted with Funmi. The topic was on Christmas gifts and somehow they veered into 'Sallah' and how Muslims celebrate.

First off, this is not a hate post. If you think it is, please kindly take the Northern line to Waterloo and jump off Waterloo Bridge.

I'd just like to clarify a few things, to people who are perhaps in the same school of thought as Funmi. Please bear in mind I have paused the show, so I cant even tell if these were her thoughts when she was growing up or if she still holds them now. So it stemmed from what she said, but has nothing to do with her.
But for some who'd rather not seek a clearer explanation or for those that just don't know, here is a little about Islam's festivals, just so you know and can at least be informed. At least, in primary school I was bombarded with C.R.K and can tell the Nativity story better than some Christians would, so why not?

Speaking of which, let me digress a little. My sister was listening to BBC Radio 4 the other day and she said that on one of the shows, the host said quite whimsically that he went to his daughter's Christmas school play: the nativity story and after he came out, he said to himself, "that was the story of Jesus, but there was no Jesus in it". I had to laugh at that.

Okay back to the point. The Festivals are called Eid and the suffix usually denotes which Eid it is. Eid ul Fitri is the one right after the month of Ramadan when Muslims have fasted for 30 days and Eid ul Kabir is the one where the Ram is Slaughtered.

As you may be aware, we go to the prayer ground in multitudes, those practicing and those who don't: that's the day you know your neighbour is muslim because he is dressed in his best clothes and headed for the National stadium (for those in Surulere, Lagos). We go there to perform a special Eid Prayer, thanking God for seeing another Sallah day. Let's just say its the same way Christians head for Church on Easter and Christmas days.

In Islam, there are many ways to secure God's mercies, most are detailed in the Quran and Hadith and some are just the daily doctrines and ethics that we all should know with 'common sense'. The fasting for example is significant in so many ways. For one, it helps to improve your relationship with God. You are meant to cleanse yourself physically (avoid eating junk) and mentally. Devoid yourself of all forms of sin for those 30days, in the hope that once the 30days are over, you will carry on in that manner. Further, it is for us, as Muslims, to put ourselves in the shoes of the needy, however we decide to define them. There are many whose lives are austere and do not have the opportunity to have 3 square meal, let alone access to drinking water. With this, we are meant to be thankful to Allah for all that we have and as we have 'walked in their shoes', we can be more accommodating to them and most of all, get closer to God. Before the 30days are over, we offer a mandatory share of our wealth (zakat) to the said group of people, however much we can afford (as it is according to your earning) in order that they may be happy on the Eid day as well and have enough to celebrate with just like you are.

Eid ul Kabir on the other hand, signifies the sacrifice that Ibrahim (Abraham) made to Allah in place of his son. Once again, it is for us to be thankful to Allah for the things He has done for us. What if, in this day and age, sons need to be sacrificed and for some reason we all (both Christians and Muslims) still followed it, would we all be happy? No?? (I'm just saying though, I bet, if that existed, it wont be condoned, so don't quote me on that) What I'm saying is that the slaughtering of the Ram is meant to put us in the state of mind that Ibrahim was in those days and help us to feel remorse and be Thankful for where we are today. So it is in no way 'A TABOOED OFFERING' neither is it a sacrificial lamb to appease some god.

More :

During the celebration of Eid al-Adha, Muslims commemorate and remember Abraham's trials, by themselves slaughtering an animal such as a sheep, camel, or goat. This action is very often misunderstood by those outside the faith.
Allah has given us power over animals and allowed us to eat meat, but only if we pronounce His name at the solemn act of taking life. Muslims slaughter animals in the same way throughout the year. By saying the name of Allah at the time of slaughter, we are reminded that life is sacred.

As with regards to Muslims praying some prayer before we kill the animal, that is what makes it befitting for us to eat. It means we bear in mind that Allah has created these animals and though they are provided for us to feed on, we are not supposed to suck the air out of them or kill them however they are done in some abattoirs. It makes it haram (forbidden) for us to eat.

The Halal Food Authority further explains this:

.... require animals to be alive and healthy at the time of slaughter, since carrion is forbidden and, jugular vein, carotid artery and windpipe have to be severed by a razor sharp knife by a single swipe, to incur as less a pain as possible.
All the flowing blood) must be drained out of the carcass, as blood is forbidden (Quran 6 V145
Forbidden is an animal that has been killed by strangling or by a violent blow, or by a headlong fall

I hope this gives enough clarity. If you have other questions please feel free to visit credible sources wherever you may please.

Its for my sake, so that I am not called what I'm not and for your sake, to not sound ignorant in public.

PS: Regardless, I think back home, Muslims and Christians celebrate together more than anywhere else I've been. Do the British know what Eid is? Let alone give us a holiday.
Oh Please dont make me laugh.

Trust me?

2009-12-07T09:31:00.002Z

I'm sure loads of people have stressed this topic and opinions are saturated on this front. But I got thinking lately, on how trust is generated, maintained and possibly lost.

When people say 'oh that girl is so trustworthy', what do they mean? She can be trusted to deliver? Or she can be trusted with a secret? Does it mean you have faith in the person? Or you just believe that the person has your back wherever you or they may be? How is trust quantified?

In relationships, we talk about trust being the foundation of a good relationship and when it starts to waver, then we say that there seems to be a problem.

Trust is a human attribute, agreed?

So why then is a 'trustworthy' person given extra props if its meant to be an attribute that we all should have. It's just like those who argue that Fashola shouldnt be given extra credit for his work in Lagos state, because its his job anyway. Same goes for why should a person be given lofty praises when we are all supposed to be trustworthy. Would you compliment someone for breathing? I think not.

Its been dancing around in my head what other people's definitions of trust is? By that definition, what then does the said individual have to do before they lose that trust?

I ask because recently, I have been let down by many and I'm beginning to think if I have the meaning of trust misconstrued. I believe that when I trust people, they will not hurt me in anyway. When they do, they are honest and apologetic about it. Or at the very least accepting of the situation, even if no extra effort is made to rectify it, as the damage has been done already.

So whats your definition of trust?

Long Goodbye

2009-11-21T22:27:00.002Z

The Lyrics suffice as a post in itself.
I listen to this song so much to the brink of tears.
Its an amazing song
And I hope a lot of people appreciate that there is talent
And it brews in the words and voice of India Arie.

Lyrics:

I say I love you
You say that's kind
You don't wanna get too close
You loved me crazy
I lost my mind

Listen
You're everything I never wanted
and all the things I didn't need
This ain't who I wanna be

You don't have to stay forever
I'll take passion over pride
Full moon, high tide
Let's make it a long goodbye
Tomorrow we'll pick up the pieces
Try to mend our broken lives
Soft kiss, sweet lies
Let's make it a long goodbye

I cried in silence
I lived through you
I've given everything away
and maybe I can learn to fall
For someone who can give me all
The things I"m not afraid to lose

You don't have to stay forever
I'll take passion over pride
Full moon, high tide
Let's make it a long goodbye
Tomorrow we'll pick up the pieces
Try to mend our broken lives
Soft kiss, sweet lies
Let's make it a long goodbye

Whenever you see lonely faces
That's where I'll be
Don't cry for me, no no no
Don't cry for me
Don't cry for me no no no
I'll be okay

You don't have to stay forever
I'll take passion over pride
Full moon, high tide
Let's make it a long goodbye
Tomorrow we'll pick up the pieces
Try to mend our broken lives
......., sweet lies
Let's make it a long goodbye

You don't have to stay forever
I'll take passion over pride
Full moon, high tide
Let's make it a long goodbye

Tomorrow we'll pick up the pieces
Try to mend our broken lives
Soft kiss, sweet lies
Let's make it a long goodbye

Oh oh
Goodbye
Goodbye

Your housegirl

2009-11-18T10:27:00.001Z

How many people have stories of their own Ekaete?

I bet 2 in 5 families have these stories of their Ekaete getting pregnant. Of those 2 families, one Ekaete has been impregnated by the man or rather men of the house: The father or the son.

Why does this always happen? Is it because the Ekaetes are the ones that are readily available? Why are we all under the impression that its the Ekaetes that introduce sex to the 'naive son' and never the other way round?

Anyone have any stories to share?

If you havent seen the rather 'hot' Ekaete video, here it is.

2009-11-10T15:26:00.002Z

Saturday came and after all the trouble I'd been through that day, I thought I deserved an outing. Suffice to say that I had hoped for one the weekend before to clear my head and hopefuly do something drastic, but as God would have it, those plans fell through.

I went off to a bar with my cousin. May I say this is my 3rd visit to a bar/club in London, so pardon me if I take every little detail of all that was happening around me.
Another sole reason, I looked forward to it, was to hear all my favourite songs, both Nigerian and non, blaring out of loud speakers and watching many others make total fools of themselves as they tried to compose themselves, albeit hammered out of their brains. And both, I did to my contentment. Though, Ive never been a big fan of partying, I love to dance, I'm not sure how those two correspond but I'm sure there are many more people out there who these apply to.

When I told 2 of my friends that I was hitting town, so to speak, one of them said she couldnt picture me in a club. Well here is a picture, I won't say the girl standing alone in the corner, for I definitely wont be termed the loser who does that either to get attention or to just look like a loser. I might be with one or 2 friends. When I say friends, I dont mean those that want to go out looking all dolled up and sitting cross legged when they are out, I'm talking those that can have fun and by that I mean dance. Why pay £20 quid to go and look pretty when I can have fun that can last me for another 3 years or more?

So I noticed a few things. The people who wear sunglasses into clubs are real. I see pictures and I think, hmm maybe he just put it on for the pictures, but no, this dude had it on the whole night and did a very good job of looking very stupid through out the night too.

Exposing the breatises is very common fashion and I don't mean the cleavage cos that doesnt count. I'm talking half of each breast popping out of the dress. This makes me wonder, is the dress too small, i.e the designer got the size right, but didn't anticipate the the buyer would be fully endowed or was it made that way? I was a bit baffled when ladies like me had their endowments all up in my face. So I turned to my cousin and asked, does this attract guys? He said to me, well there are guys that are attracted to big breasts, whilst others prefer big bums. Then I said, no, thats not my question. Are they still attracted when they are both out and staring you in the face? His response, "well I don't know". If he doesn't know, does that mean all those efforts by those ladies fruitless? I wonder.

The drinking: I noticed was minimal. I wondered if it was because of the credit crunch or just the different environment. Comparing it to a university union where every one is pretty smashed, I figured it must have been the fact that it was an older crowd, who had a bit more composure.

Speaking of older, I was having a discussion with my 37year old sister and she asked how my night went, and I said, well, I had fun, but the place seemed to be filled with "old people". She said, what do you mean by old? Do you mean 40'a or 50's? I said, no, mostly 30's and over. She asked, was it someone's birthday and I said actually, yes, there were a few birthdays. Her tone changed and she said, 'you dont call those type of people old" and I thought, I get it now. Why would I say that to someone who falls in that age range. Its just like hearing my 10year old nephew say, that party was full of old people and these old people are my age. Sheesh!!!

Lightupnigeria

2009-10-19T17:19:00.000+01:00

I joined the lightupnigeria movementon Twitter for the first time today and I enjoyed. It so happened that there was a march to the state house as well and we were able to get updates as well as pictures on how it went.

I must say that I am proud of us. I was once told that this movement wouldn't make any progress maily for the fact that all we Nigerians do is complain and do nothing to seek a change. Today, those people were proven wrong. They will see that not only do we want change, we want it now.

I saw thousands clad in their lightupnigeria branded tshirts both in green and White colours and I felt elated that we are not sitting behind the comforts of out desks and pasting lightupnigeria in our every tweet
Now that this step has been taken, it is not for us to become complacent and do nothing anymore neither shall we sit back and wait for God knows how long for a response to be given to us. It is our right and we demand it. It has become ridiculous and too long accepted. We have to do something about it. We need to get to the bottom of it.

I know I don't have any solutions, not anything that fellow blogger Solomonsydelle has not mentioned nor the many other people. But I know that I'm ready to be a part of change.

Are you?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

A single story

2009-10-15T22:59:00.000+01:00

A friend of mine just sent me a link to a talk given by our very own Chimamanda Adichie, the author of Purple Hibiscus and Half of a yellow sun. The talk revolves around the thoughts of us as people on others, particularly when these thougts are formed when we have incomplete information, basically "a single story".

She speaks about the "single stories" that she has heard mostly about "Africans". These include the surprise a lot of people feel, that Nigerians can speak English, or the fact that we do listen Mariah Carey and not our "tribal music".

From my point of view, I don't think it's got anything to do with racism, as naive as that sounds. Because Chimamanda confesses to the fact that she also held single stories about certain people, such as mexicans who are portrayed by Americans as "abject immigrants" as opposed to the learned, hard working people she saw mexicans to be when she visited their country. That goes to show that no one is beyond formulating single stories. Not necessarily in respect to countries, but also individuals. Forming impressions about someones entire lineage or family background based on one person, as Chimamanda did their house-boy's family whom she was made to understand were poor. She then saw a raffia basket that his brother had woven and realised that the only thing she had attached to his boy and his family was "poverty" and nothing else.

This got me thinking. If she speaks about it this way, it means everyone out there does it in one way or the other. When we form these stories about individuals, then it's probably our faults for narrowly assessing people. Then if it's done to larger groups such as countries or a tribe, is it then our fault for not being thoroughly enlightened or the fault of the informant who most likely make sure to omit important information and constantly reiterate that single story that they want you to be aware of.

How then do we solve the situation? Simple! Others may say. "just look for more information". But is it that easy? I don't think it is. Even with the ease that information technology has brought in providing information, our generation does not seem to have thirst for this knowledge. We want to be spoon fed! Then we complain when Africa is named along with countries when it's a continent housing over 40 countries or when an american thinks Kofi Anaan is a coffee derivative (and probably quite expensive too). All in this 21st century, or more recently this year 2009. Meanwhile the average African knows that Utah is an American state and not a fellow African's surname.

But then it's all well and good to point fingers. The question is, what's the way forward?

I do it, you do it too, we all do, but how do we stop it? Both as the receiving end of a single story and the creators of single stories.

Below is the link to the video

http://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story.html

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Say you're one of them

2009-10-13T22:04:00.000+01:00

So I've just recently completed the book "Say you're one of them", written by Uwem Akpan.

Got to know about it from Sugarbelly, who says the author used to be her teacher.

For me, I try very hard to read Nigerian authors as I feel that it's what I need to jolt me back into my love for reading, especially when i've gone a long stretch without a good book. I did so with both Chimamanda's books and I never regretted it.

So I was rather excited about this new catch. The day after I read sugarbelly's post about "Say you're one of them", I went into waterstones and paid full price for it. Something I daresay Ive never really done, thanks to charity shops' cheap prices, WhSmith vouchers/offers and a sister who lives and breathes Amazon. So trust me, I felt very proud of myself and looked forward to more achievements like this.
I started the book on a train journey, which is a far cry from what my train journeys have been like in the last few months. Basically, I sleep on the train. I live quite far out in London and I love a little snooze in either a car or train. This is one thing I will miss when I get to naija. My eyes need to be wide open when I'm on public or non public transport. I don't want my bag or even my very self disappearing before my own eyes.

Anyways I started the book, with all excitement and anticipation of an exceptional journey.
It's a collection of short stories, each narrated by a different child, as each story is from a different country, all in Africa.
It tells of the struggles of children and their people in these troubled countries, Nigeria inclusive. The Nigerian story (the longest) revolved around the killings that took place when the Sharia laws were introduced in the north, whilst another story looks at Rwanda and the unrest between the Hutus and the Tutsis. Having seen Hotel Rwanda, I read that story like someone who has a fair knowledge of what that was all about. Plus being Nigerian and Muslim, I knew what the Nigerian story was all about as well.
For someone who was once a literature student, I embraced the book beyond it's theme and viewed it in respect to it's narrative style and structure.
I must say that it does an excellent job in giving the public a deeper view into the happenings in these countries, beyond what we see on the news or read on the Internet. It especially does so from the point of view of the most vulnerable parts of a nation's demographic; the children. When we see these things on the news, we never understand the intricacies of these occurrences, let alone their resulting effect on this part of the population.
On the other hand though, the book did drag a little, for me and took me almost 3 weeks to finish and that, doesnt happen very often. I found myself starting to skim read and when I do that, it means I'm bored. It was in no way boredom from the story, but more of style and a lot of things I considered to be irrelevant, especially in the Nigerian story, which unsurprisingly was the longest.
However, i will say that it's a good read, not great but good. It's pluses as I said are in regards to the theme that it chose, and the voices used. Its lows are mostly in consistency, fluidity, transition and relevance. These to some may not be considered important, but for me these play a huge role in my overall enjoyment of the book.
But still, I must say well done Mr Akpan. The book has been short and longlisted for prizes and that, is a great achievement.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Recently...

2009-10-11T22:41:00.002+01:00

I seem to have lost my flare for blogging..

Maybe because nothing happens in my life. I literally, wake up, help get the kids ready for school, go to work, get back, get them to bed, eat, go to my room and talk to a few people on messenger, fall asleep in the middle of the conversation and the cycle begins all over again.

Or maybe its that things, do happen but Ive lost that connection with my blog. I think its because Ive met a few bloggers and plainly cos I dont want to discuss anything I've published with anyone. For some who dont know, I dont discuss my blog outside of blogger, even with other bloggers.

Or maybe because my brain is not functioning right at the moment. Ive never been one to creatively write up something. My posts are usually spurred by occurrences around me and now, I cant be bothered to process anything in my head right now.

Or maybe because I am bored out of my brains with the monotony that my life seems to be holed up in at the moment. I dont find things interesting anymore. I think one person is full if shit, whilst the other is full of even more shit and the last one is burried in the shit. Some people just need to eff off like seriously. I've lost all interest in people. Both girls and guys. Me thinks Ive taken to much nonsense from a lot of people, even after thinking I was smart enough to deal with the good, the bad and the fugly!

Life and the people in it have lost all relevant meaning to me right now. One would thing something major has happened recently that has caused me to feel this way. Thats not the case. I actually dont know what the case is. I think its like watching a movie and halfway through, you just hiss and change the channel.

Lets see what channel can lift my spirits

Yay!!!!

2009-10-02T00:54:00.002+01:00

Now we are getting there!

Happy birthday darling!

Now lets perfect this icing dammit!

I need this thing to fetch me good money.

LOL
A long way to go abi?

Fear

2009-09-23T21:11:00.000+01:00

Talking to a another faceless friend
I began to lament
I wanted to be a child again
These responsibilities are overwhelming
Too daunting
Am I going to cope?
He said, it's life, deal with it
I said it's not fair, I feel a knife somewhere carving out who I'm meant to be
He said well, it'll just carve out a hollow space
A space I'm supposed to fill
How do I know I can do a good job of it?
I don't think I can
Every single day sees the birth of a new task, a new duty
I see a child on the street and I smile. Does that automatically bestow good traits of motherhood on me?
That's just one of the many responsibilities
The very many
How do I even know I'll have them.
How does the future automatically make these decisions
It shouldn't be so
I can't do this

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Eid

2009-09-21T15:55:00.004+01:00

I know its a day late, but for those in Nigeria who have 2 days off. It's still on point.

EID MUBARAK
I hope everyone enjoyed their Sallah. May Allah accept all our fasts and prayers.

All those in Nigeria are the ones enjoying o.
2 Days off!!
Thats what you call a country.
Other people may say that we are a lazy country, but to be honest, its for the appreciation of the fact that not everyone is a christian or atheist or ogun worshipper. I bet some states declare public holidays for appeasing their gods (dont quote me but I wont be surprised if it happens). Talk less of a place like the UK, that claims it is multi cultural, cannot think to give one day as a bank Holiday for this Eid or any Eid for that matter!!!

Anyways, I had to squeeze all my celebrations into one lousy sunday, whilst y'all get 3 days to do that!
I'm not hating. Dont worry.

One thing that annoys me though, is how, its only muslims that obviously remember to wish other muslims a happy Eid. I actually take offence, especially when people I call 'close' friends dont take the initiative to do so. Only one person actually said Happy Eid to me yesterday and that person, I dont even know well. I think these sorts of things are taken for granted. I know at Easter or Christmas, I try to at least send a general message to everyone, cos muslims dont celebrate those. Its just courtesy and an appreciation of the way of life of the person you call a friend or workmate or whatever. I swear my boss didnt even know what Eid was, let alone think to give me the day off, regardless of if it was a weekend or not.

It just goes to show how 'unconcerned' we are about the next person.
Its not acceptable.

A rant for a monday afternoon!!
PS: I'm not asking for an 'Eid Mubarak' now that I've talked about it, there is no point. Save it till next year and when you do remember, please say it to your muslim friends. Trust me the thought goes a long way.

When its...

2009-09-16T14:23:00.002+01:00

...my birthday,

*UPDATE* Its not my birthday, but when it is...I want to be the birthday cake
Hahahaha...

Jeremiah's still rocks though

And when I listen to Drake's version, I end up singing this...

Oh and yeah. I copped this from facebook. Everyone seems to be ooing and ahhing over it.
Honestly, do we really believe half of it?
Yeah, "Let us pay for you" my foot!!!

But read and let me hear your thoughts.
I hope everyone is having a good week so far?

*********************************************
We don't care if you're friends with other guys.

But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him, without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off.

It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we're still there.

We don't care if a guy calls >OR TEXTS<>
but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned..

Nothing is that important at 2 am
That it can't wait till the morning.

Also, when we tell you you're pretty/ beautiful/ gorgeous/
cute/ stunning, we freaking mean it.

Don't tell us we're wrong.

We'll stop trying to convince you

The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence.

Yeah, you can quote me.

Don't be mad when we hold the door open

Take Advantage of the mood I'm in.

Let us pay for you!
dont "feel bad"
We enjoy doing it.

It's expected.

Smile and say "thank you.

Kiss us when no one's watching.

If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking, we'll be more impressed.

You don't have to get dressed up for us.

If we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the need to
wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own.

We like you for who you are and not what you are.

Honestly, i think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pj's.

or my tshirt and boxers, not all dolled up.

Don't take everything we say seriously.

Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it.

Don't get angry easily.

Stop using magazines/media
as your bible.

Don't talk about how hott Chris Brown,
Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney is in front of us

It's boring, and we don't care. You have girlfriends for that.

Whatever happened to the word "handsome"
I'd be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me
with "Hey handsome!" instead of "Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/ sexy" or whatever else you can think of.

On the other hand I'm not saying I wouldn't like it ether ;)

Girls, I cannot stress this enough: if you aren't being treated right by a guy, dont wait for him to change!!!!!

Ditch his sorry ass, disgrace to the male population
and find someone who will treat you with utter respect
Someone who will honor your morals.

Someone who will make you smile when you're at your lowest.

Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel.

Someone who will stop what they're doing just to look you in the eyes....and say "i love you" ..and actually mean it.

Give the nice guys a chance.

Guys repost this if you agree.
Girls repost this if you think it's cute

Every Guy who isn't a jerk will agree with this,
so we hope that all the girls that read this will repost this.

ADVICE:

*Holdin Hands
Girls :If you want to hold his hand, gently bump into it a couple of times

*Movies
Girls : During a movie, if he puts his arm around you, tilt your head on his shoulder
Guys : Lift her chin up and kiss her.

*Loving each other
Guys : When she tells you she loves you, look deep into her eyes, give her a peck on the lips, and tell her you love her
too... And mean it

*Laying below the stars
Girls : When you're both laying under the stars, put your head on his chest and close your eyes as you listen to his steady heart beat
Guys : Whisper in her ear and link your hands with hers.

Girls repost as: written by a guy.
Guys post as: girls need to realize.

Because why??

2009-09-13T20:26:00.002+01:00

We keep complaining about the Sony PS3 advert and District 9. It's not like what the guy uttered isnt entirely true, isnt it?
We need to check ourselves. This is unacceptable and very played out. I dont find this very amusing anymore. At some point, I used to. Now, I dont think it is anymore.

If I am next of kin to someone, I would know who the HELL they are. Dont be sending me this jack shit!

Please, what is this?
I'll tell you what it is, a very stupid email, from a very stupid somebody.
NONSENSE!

Diamond Bank Plc
70 Harnham Road.
SP2 8JN
England,UK.

This is to inform you that you have been chosen as next of kin by one Mrs.Helen Morris who has been hospitalized.According to her,her total cash,shares,stock and bonds should be transfered to your possession.If truly you are her next of kin,please state it.Any form of identification is acceptable. You have the next 24hrs to reply or this transaction will be declined.

Regards,

Ohis Ohiwerei
Diamond Bank
Executive Director &
International Financial Officer
(44) 701-111-6284

One day at the station..

2009-09-09T23:44:00.001+01:00

Guess what that guy was doing!

On the train...

PS: Sorry about the position of the video...I had to do it discreetly

...If you didnt guess,

He was smoking!!!!!!!!!!!

One afternoon, on my way to Westfield, I changed trains at Edgware road and the train decided to sleep at the platform and to watch time pass by, this guy decided to light up a cigarrette!
I dont think he remembered the ban: 'no smoking in enclosed public places'

The good samaritan

2009-09-09T08:40:00.003+01:00

That got caught!

http://shakaratv.com/webisodes/the-good-samaritan.html

I wonder:
- Would you help her?
-What would you do if you got caught?

UPDATE:
-Erm the template is new and my 'search' box seems to have walked. If you find it please let me know where it is

Why...

2009-09-08T10:42:00.000+01:00

...Arrest them to find out what they did with the money?

Here's what they did with the money...

Oh thats GTB by the way

YAY!

2009-09-07T15:47:00.003+01:00

Today...

My little 4 year old started schooooollll!!!!
I was excited
I was excited for him
I was too excited for him

I was excited to get him dressed in his uniform!!
Yes uniform...
I was excited to go shopping for his uniform!!!!
I love uniforms...I hate schools that dont wear uniforms
I proudly wore mine

But I couldnt go with him to school cos I had to work. But we took loads of pictures and he got tired of taking pictures. He's back home now and knackered...HAHA...good thing about school is, it wears you out. Now I dont have a problem sending them to bed at 7:30..YEAH!!!

*Victory dance*

------------

PS...I got some mails about my last post...apparently it scared some people, well erm such is life. We never know what it brings our way do we?

I know I've been away (yet again), pardon me..Ive been dealing with too many things.

Oh and the little boy is my nephew- don't I wish he was mine, with the way he looked cute this morning??

Malignity

2009-09-05T23:19:00.002+01:00

Slowly
Then rapidly,
Circulating cells
Fatal cells
Possessing her being
Making it vulnerable
"all clear"
"You are now in remission" he says
"The fractions will still remain though"
This game had been won, a winner was declared
It was short lived.
Like being pushed off the podium and the medal yanked off her neck
Pain and anguish reigned
Amidst fighting a battle that defeats chemistry
Suddenly
He asks,
"What is the the date today madam"?
"Your daughters are here"
Checking for functionality.
No response
No recognition
The silence becomes deafening
Looks, like daggers are exchanged
Piercing the others' skin
"not dead"! She still breathes
With the twitch of an eyelid
As rapidly as it came,
The race was on again
But The winner had been declared,
She was gone
With No medal
Nothing
She'd quit
She was gone

UM.....

2009-08-20T13:11:00.005+01:00

I'll get back to you guys on the rest of that story..

Come to think of it, why do you think there is a 'rest' to it?

I know I've been MIA, its work o! One would think I work in Goldman Sachs with the way these people use me....NOW I MISS UNI!!! I want to be a student again. I'm not cut out for this 9-6 mehn!

NEVERS!

I've said that its either I marry rich or win the lotto- 9-6 cant happen for a long time.

NO NO NO!!!!

Anyways, it was my sister's birthday a few weeks ago and I cooked her some surprise fried rice, with some funky chicken

and baked. I tried icing the cake for the first time in my life and it all went totally wrong. Now I know I cant go into cake making for a living...or maybe the icing I bought was just rubbish - You guys will be kept up to date on the baking - unfortunately, you guys cant do any tasting, but be rest assured that my baking is mad, even though the icing appears to say otherwise!

I know you like....hmmmmm

Lastly...

2009-08-13T12:22:00.000+01:00

''I could take a look for you"...

The email said.

That was the first time they spoke.

In reply to rants about burns

Then it all started, boy meets girl, far across the oceans and seas.

Their conversation is endless, probably for fear that the chemistry might start to diminish with each passing second...first the emails for he was on the move, then to messenger when he wasnt.
It had no destination.

A week went by and there was no sign of life from that end. Then she thought, ''yes, I've done it again". "Like I always do, managed to chase him away"

The following lines were "please put me out of my misery and tell me what I've done", half hoping he wouldnt come back with a "ýour sarcasm"..for she knew that though she meant to be witty most times, it bordered on being rude.

"Nothing", it said.. "I've just been very busy". Ön the move, remember?"

Her thoughts read, "yeah right". ''Í know busy''. ''Busy is; sorry, I dont think this is working out and we'd rather end it, before it begins''

But for once... or so she thought, busy did mean busy.

The following weeks went past and it started to seem like, they were ''born to do it''.

Born to just talk.

On and on, till the sun set on one end and rose on the other. Till the hours trickled into minutes and minutes into seconds.

It was as though they were trying to play 'catch up' on not knowing each other since birth. Trying not to blame life and their parents, for choosing to live on separate ends of the country.

They say the start is always rosy.
The smell is always fresh.
The taste is always sweet.
The feeling is soft and warm.
The start is always rosy

Weeks later, came the transitions.

''May I please call you baby''? No one had ever asked that before. It felt like a trick question.

''No? Yes? Do as you please''? ''Why''?

Then the heart jolting, mind shaking question came.

''Why are you so rigid''?

''I beg your pardon''

''Yes, lacking emotion''. he said. As though in her veins ran lava, molten rocks as opposed to blood. Whilst her bones were a mixture of cement and bone tissue. So he must have thought, for her, feelings didnt exist. They might have just been a combination of eight letters of the alphabet, meant for describing someone who was human, not her.

''Dont you see the signs''?

''What signs''? She asked? At this point, thoughts were failing her, and ultimately, words.

"I like you very much and you know it, if not for anything, for the fact that I tell you every day, and all you do is smile and veer the conversation in a different, unrelated direction".

Words still failed.

''I tell you that I miss you, even though the only time not spent talking, is time spent sleeping''. ''So why are you making it harder''?

Then the thoughts came flooding in...its current was overwhelming. ''So why am I being rigid''? She asked herself''?

The waves of thoughts couldnt be held back in any longer. It forced its way to the shores of her lips and an ''I like you too'' followed suit. ''But honestly, I find it hard to say these things''. ''I'm a very reserved person and besides, you have just come out of a long, 'probably would have ended in marriage' type of relationship''. ''I didnt want to lead you on and take advantage of your vulnerability''.

''What do you mean vulnerability?" ''it's no big deal. We are just friends, telling each other how we feel''.

Imprudently, the word ''friends'' didnt register, but the rest of the sentence did.

Months later, 'friends'' then vehemently came back to bite her in the back side.

Weddings, Weddings, WEDDINGS!

2009-08-04T10:27:00.006+01:00

You'd think that after my experience the other weekend, I'd think twice before tagging along? Well, this time it was a wedding...why would I want to miss out on a wedding, considering I havent been to one!

I had a lot of expectations really. Outside of the single girl goes to wedding to socialize: I wasnt really thinking of that, cos I just dont randomly socialise like that, especially as, once again, the person I tagged along with was the only person I knew there. I wanted to see what weddings were like these days. The deco, the outifts (ESPECIALLY), the way the event went along and many other things..most of all, to just be out. I'm usually holed up in my house gisting with my alomost 40year old sister. Trust me, I'd pick that any day over hustling to get to a wedding in south London, that I'd have to hop trains for. I take life easy!

So anyways, the person I tagged along with was a bridesmaid - talk about worsening my situation. We got there just a little bit before the church ceremony and the bride was seriously raking!!! The last bridesmaid was late! So we both ran into the bathroom at the church, she changed into her dress, luckily she had done all her make up on the train and in the cab, so all she needed were her dress and shoes. Then she left me in the bathroom to change. Which I did....and I must say I was looking rather HOT!!! I had a high waisted ankara skirt on and a black tube top, but the top was tucked in, so for some reason, everyone thought I had a dress on! After changing, I realised the ceremony had started and the bathroom leads to the side of the pews and I thot, nah mehn...Im not going into that room with the ceremony having started and attract so much attention. So I got out of the church through the back door then went back in through the main door, then took a seat right at the back. I'm a back bencher...I love it.

The ceremony lasted just over an hour, it wasnt a Nigerian church, so you must understand why it didnt take that long. Then we headed for the reception. In this time, I'd only spoken to my bridesmaid cousin just once. We got to the reception and I sat at the same table as her friend who gave me a lift to the reception. She was also a friend of the bride, so she was on her feet the whole time. So I was stuck at the table with random people, her husband and their 14 month old daughter....the beginning of a very long day

I have to say, this is the part where I brought out my observation skills. Firstly, I was bored out of my brains...as in OMG...how do people do it? Really though? Or is it just cos of the type of person that I am? I was beginning to look sad and my cousin kept asking me if I was ok. But thats just me! Anyways, I think it was cos the compere was a bit on the dulling side. He didnt grab the crowd. For instance, when people were meant to clap or count down to the cutting of the cake, they just werent responding, or maybe they were just as bored as I was. Although, I was made to understand by a friend who said Nigerians are a bit rude and ll they do is eat and not take part...they werent even listening to the groom's vote of thanks!

Some people did have their own fun though, dont get me wrong. But I think, having heard and seen quite a bit about weddings, I subconsciously had quite a few expectations. Like recently, I just saw a wedding entrance where the bridesmaids and groomsmen each danced into the church to Chris Brown's forever and another Nigerian one where they danced into the reception with different songs, or another one where the couple's first dance was a choreography to the classics in the 90's. I wasnt sure what I was expecting, but I knew nothing really grabbed me the whole day. Instead, I spent the whole day sending text messages.

Plus I had a list of weird things I saw that day.

Why were the guys hanging around the back of the hall with their alcohol. I know alchy wasnt served at the party, so one of them must have organised it. Some of them looked silly, standing like Buckingham palace guards with their shades on. I think the shades fad has to die quickly cos its starting to annoy me...like REALLY!!!

Why did one of the tables have their own food in coolers and serving themselves. Food was in abundance, it was a 'serve yourself' set up and Nigerians looked orderly for once as they queued for the food, although there was some women who jumped the queue in the aim of going to say hello to others in line. Anyways, one of the women from this said table must have cooked some food, so she had them under her table and served only her guests. As in really? I thought people usually cooked for other people's occassions when its a small gathering, where the person who's having the party has seen what you have brought and is able to show some sppreciation. Plus they are able to put it where all other guests have access to it...so really, what was the point?

The souveniers!! Oh my God, Ive forgotten what Julius Agwu called them. So it is in this jand that you will see the funky things that people give out at parties. From packets of salt, to washing up liquid, then theres the conventional plastic bowls, baskets, trays and the likes. You know the one that got my attention? Yoruba people call it 'omorogun'. The wooden spoon that we use to make eba and amala. Yes...you could tell this was straight from Nigeria, cos it wasnt no spoon like it is in Tesco. It was the stick... the one you hoped your parents wouldnt pick up if they were looking for somethink to smack you with.

So obviuosly, I did the people watching as well. There were the fine girls. By fine I meant well dressed and good looking. There were girls who fit one or the other criteria but not both and all I did was shake my head, cos if I start on the way some of them were dressed, I think I'd get fired...(I'm at work). But anyways the one I will mention is women with white faces and brown legs. As in seriously? I thought people had movedon from it. I thought it was a phase that had died down? Well apparently not!!! To worsen it, they had horrible make up on! Euuurrgh! *CRINGE*

So I was torn between the kind of music I'd have at my wedding, cos I knew that was part of the reasons I was bored. There was a live band, who did covers of some Sunny Ade classics and mostly praise and worship songs. So I was thinking, If I got a DJ, we would be inclined to rely on CD's and stuff and you lose that effect of having a live band..but then a live band is still a bit stifling as well, although having one means you can at least cater for the adults at the party. But its MY party!!!!! Gosh, Im confused!!

Anyways it was surely an eventful day. Plus the bride and groom danced to the max, so I'm sure they had fun as well... The whole day now got me thinking...planning a wedding isnt easy in any way. I was told that sometimes, using name cards on tables helps with socialising i.e putting the singles at the same tables...etc.

So now I'm making a list....any other things you guys think should be done to make it more fun?

How not to shoot a music video

2009-07-30T20:56:00.003+01:00

3 solid videos from Dare and he takes the lead.

Saucekid needs a tip or 2 from this guy!!!

Plus, sorry what is Orits Wiliki still singing...as in seriously?

Dare is HOT HOT HOT!!!

Sauce kid is NOT NOT NOT!! Did he shoot the video in Peckham?

WORRR IS DIS??

Oh my Lord!!!

2009-07-29T15:16:00.006+01:00

Not a cry for help, more like an exclamation.

So as I said, I went to this grad party. More like I tagged along, meaning I asked for what my eyes saw that night. *Note to self*- No gate crashing of random grad/birthday/whatever you may call it party with anybody. Lessons learnt.

Ok it wasnt bad all.

Basically, the graduand is African, Sierra Leonan or Congolose, not too sure and she went to the same secondary school as the person I tagged along with. We got there at about 9ish and the party was still bubbling with family friends, kids everywhere. Food was in abundance, not that I could have much of it though cos there was rice that tried hard to look like jollof rice but didnt quite make it and their other ethnic food. There was no way I was eating anything apart from fish and chicken. I'm bad with experimenting food... sometimes I guess its good for me as a very angry stomach is not something I can deal with.

So anyways I didn't know anyone there apart from the person I tagged along with, who was busy chatting away, so I was left alone, with nothing to do but observe...which I gladly did.

What did I see?

A lady between size 18 and 20 dressed in a red halter neck top, white shorts, red heels. She had very dark skin which was equally pancaked with very dark powder. She had silver or grey eye-shadow on and rather long fake lashes. She had very glossy lips, I couldnt tell if it was the oil from the food she'd just eaten or she had some serious gloss on that even eating wouldnt clean off. But what was peculiar about her? Ok lets start this way, I have nothing against plus size women, as a size 14 myself ( I like to claim 12 sometimes), I know what its like being pushed to the plus end of the scale, however, seeing as I'm a bit conscious of how I look, I think I pay more attention to what suits me, which I think this young (not more that 23 year old) lady didnt do. Her stomach was hanging over her shorts, needless to say she had bronze hair glued to her face as an excuse for a fringe and stetch marks that were in different shades of brown. The weirdest part was that she is really hairy all the way to her back and its either she had bronze/brown hair or the lighting at the party made it seem so. But dear Lord, it was freaky and I thought to myself, now I dont blame those who go for full body waxing nor the guys who frown at it cos believe me its not a very nice sight...at all!!! I was cringing and I begged for forgiveness everytime I had to cringe.

To make matters worse for me, she was with this another lady, a few years older who was probably another 2 sizes bigger than she was. She had a short black dress on and fish net tights or whatever those tights with holes in them are called. What she did wrong? she sat with her legs wide open, with all her not-to-be-publicly-seen assets in full view. I felt VIOLATED! Ewwwwwwwwwwwww sheesh. I think I'll stop there on that one!

The less traumatising ones are the men. Oh those ones were funny. From the ones in funny coloured suits, ranging from gold (once again) to red. The funniest one, was this old man on bronze coloured trousers, a blue shirt and an even funnier tie. His tie had sonic the hedgehog on it, along with the rest of the characters...knuckles and tails. (Yes I know them. I live with kids) and then it was tied half way, plus he was walking so daintly possibly for fear of not creasing his outfit! That made me burst into fits of laughter and I thought wow...people still do these?

I think the best part of my evening was the people watching...I'd love to do that again..well apart from seeing -not-to-be-publicly-seen parts of the body...I think I'll pass on that!!

I love...I love

2009-07-26T13:07:00.002+01:00

My new template.

Though its driving me nuts cos Ive been trying to edit the HTML all morning...

*WARNING*

If you are a novice to HTML, do not even attempt it, else you will pull all your hair out, and for you that dont have a lot of hair...well, my sincere sympathies.

Anyways, I still love it sha.

Meanwhile, I went to this grad party with my cuz and erm...wow.

Basically, Africans amaze me....DAMN

As in.....I ended up staring the whole night.

Gist later.

FOOLISHNESS!!!

2009-07-24T22:24:00.003+01:00

There are some people that have been annoying me lately...actually bloggers.

Attention seeking bloggers.

How do I know them?

By their foolish comments...

Stupid utterances.

Others by their foolish posts too...

With comments and posts, they try to be who they are not, one is when they clearly write the way they don't speak. Its despicable.

There's being eloquent and there's being outrightly 'stupid'. I dont think they know how transparent they are...

Which one are you?

If you found this offensive...err, sorry but no apologies. I guess it may be applying to you.

Does it?

Really?

2009-07-22T21:01:00.002+01:00

So I'm getting dating tips from my uncle....

Weird!

He's telling me how to say yes, without actually saying yes!

Double weird

Next he'll tell me to snog or not to snog

Triple weird....cos err he did!

Then he'll tell me when to have sex

Quadruple weird... he hasn't

...well technically he is on his way there when he says "well I wont advise you to say no when he asks you...obviously thats when you already know he is the one"...

Right...

I think I'm beginning to spend too much time with Uncle....lets leave his duties for the "high table"
....when that day comes...at least 'that day' is what all this talk is about.

On a daily..

2009-07-22T12:56:00.000+01:00

In verbatim.
The response is somewhat a translation.
Dialogues between aunty-aged 22, niece-aged 3, nephew-aged 4 and 2months

Aunty ca I hab some fweet please - No darling you can't have anymore sweets

Aunty ee ee yours? - Darling you should say, 'is it yours'

Because I want some water - (In response to) Will you please put that cup down.

Because I'm sirsty - (In response to) Close your eyes and go to sleep please

Ca a wead a story - Yes we will read a story tonight.

Is it sminished?- No its not finished.

A new rism II

2009-07-17T12:42:00.000+01:00

The day of the surgery is here. You are all packed and headed for the hospital. The letter says you should get to the hospital for 7am. The surgery could be at anytime that morning.

At the reception of 'day surgery' waiting patiently...

"Mrs A."...the nurse calls out. You both walk into the changing room, she hands you a hospital robe and a pair of socks. "Please change into these, and I'll see you to your bed". Changing in that cold room makes it even harder to concentrate...anxiety is about the break the scale.

Getting to the bed, the nurse comes over with a clipboard..asking questions.
"Have you eaten anything this morning?"
No (Duhhh, I was told not to)
She carries on till she gets to the bottom of the clip board.

"Ok" she says... you will be seen to the ultrasounds for one more scan and markings and then the anaesthesiologist.

Very well. Another trip for ultrasound scans and have them use a black marker to map out where what will be cut open.

In the ultrascound room. The lady keeps going over and over the same spot. She is trying to make conversation, but she isnt even concentrating... so she is starting to sound like a child who's learning to string a correct sentence.

"So, how"....long stare into the screen, nose up into the air, trying to look through the glasses sitting at the tip of the nose

6 seconds later

"Are you today?"

"Fine thanks. Is there a problem?"

"Just a second please"..She walks out and returns with a colleague. They both stare at the screen. The other one says, "Yes I think you are right" and then turns around to say, "Hi there, Mrs A, sorry about this, we'll just have to send you upstairs for further scans ok. It wont take too long". You will have your MRI done in no time

Upstairs. It wont take too long in in their dictionary is another half an hour wait. Cold feet!

An hour later, the doctor comes in.

"Hello my dear, how are you today"?

"Fine thank you, is there any problem? I seem to have gone through a few scans today"

"Yes, basically we needed to be sure about a few things and the scan is the best way to do that. From our findings, you have what is called an aneurysm. A brain aneurysm, or cerebral aneurysm, is the weakening in the wall of a blood vessel or artery in the brain. If it ruptures, it can be fatal. Fortunately, we have caught it really early, so we will have to persorm the operation as soon as possible. Your surgery won't be a day surgery anymore. So we will have to admit you today and book you in for the surgery at the very latest, tomorrow morning. In the mean time, we will keep regular checks on you just to ensure that we do not have any problems".

Blank stare, smile.

"Do you have any questions?"

Thinking, yes, hundreds of questions. "No thank you, I'll just sit here and wait"

"Oh actually, can I please call my family?"

A new rism

2009-07-09T14:45:00.001+01:00

Here in England, we register with a local doctor (your residence has to be within a certain radius in order to use that particular one), it's like a little clinic- like mine is run by a couple who are both doctors, they have a few nurses and receptionists. When you have a problem, you call the 'surgery', tell them you need to see the doctor, they book you in. If you are VERY lucky, you get an appointment, if not, you have to wait for a few days. Then you go to the doctor, tell him/her you think you have this problem, let's say a headache-it's been very consistent. They assess you, with their hands (to check your temperature -ok thats not true), then with their mouths by asking you so many questions, you'd think you just walked into a murder interrogation where you were both the victim and the suspect.

Where this doctor thinks he has it covered, he prescribes medicine for you, because you've consumed all the paracetamol and Nurofen that you can buy without a doctor's prescription. You go and fork out your £6 an hour salary to pay for the medicine. A few weeks later, you come back to complain that the medicine you spent a day's wage on doesn't work, and to top it up, the headache gives you a sharp pain that often messes with your sight

Then he refers you to a REAL doctor. Now that's the doctor at the hospital ( The big building with wards where people are recovering and rooms where women are pushing out babies). By referral, it means you go home, he calls the REAL doctor at the hospital, tells them he is sending you over, then the REAL doctor books you in for an appointment to check you AGAIN! Unfortunately, this whole process is with the NHS (free medical treatment), so your appointment with the REAL doctor might be fictitious till at least a month later when you receive a letter in the post from the REAL doctor telling you to come for an appointment in another month. If my calculation is right, you don't get to see the REAL doctor at the HOSPITAL till 2 months after you have seen the doctor at the surgery.

*Its getting rather long, shey?* If you had a mole that was slowly eating up your skin, you'd be dead, buried and your will would have been read and your assets distributed by the time you were meant to see the REAL doctor.

Other options are available though- You go to a private doctor who will see you and assess you immediately- well in a few days- but be ready to fork out part of your £700 a day salary (yes that's where the difference is) or better still, **go to A&E with something that looks like a mosquito bite and tell them you think its a malignant tumour, but after you get there, you are made to understand that you have just come there to display your stupidity and ignorance because what you have is indeed a bite from some insect and its in no way a tumour, let alone a malignant one.

Please be aware that these are rare and extreme cases and in no way demonstrate anyone's display at the A&E.**

After you get to see the REAL doctor, then he does proper tests (of which take place on different days), two things might happen, although both of them involve bad news.
1. The doctor will tell you that you about some abnormal swelling in your head and that due to the long period of time it has taken for you to come and see them, it has reached a critical stage and all they can do for you is to admit you and give you pain relief till THE day comes.

2. He will tell you what the swelling is about, but lucky for you, its not so bad, but you will need to have an operation to get it fixed. He could then say its going to be a 'day's' job. You have the surgery in the morning, you go home later in the evening.

Your mind is at rest...you are patiently waiting for the day you get the surgery.

Then surgery day comes....and its a different story!

*TBC*

Sunday Gathering

2009-07-07T10:05:00.001+01:00

Have I said that sometimes, I am proud to be Nigerian? Yes I am.

Ask me why? Cos we know how to have fun. Give a Nigerian a few people to hang out with, he is laughing his head off whilst his cheeks hurt. Add an iPod and an iPod dock and the party is rolling out.

I went to my friends birthday a while ago . A little gathering with family and friends and I had more fun than another person would have in a club. Suffice to say that most of them were medi-lag students who are here doing a masters coincidentally at the same uni again, you can imagine the atmosphere. They all laughed and joked, I laughed so hard, you would think I went to medilag with them and I wasn't at least 6 years younger than them. The atmosphere was nothing like the one I hear about in clubs where everyone can see into everyone else's nostrils because they all have their noses up in the air.

Brings me to ask, why do we do so? Is it that it's a generation thing? Cos theirs seem a bit more friendly than mine.

Why have we decided that we want to show how much better than the other person we are?

Here's an example. My friends went to a BBQ last year or the a few years ago that was organized by a QC babe, so obviously most of her guests were QC babes who came with their friends or boyfriends. I heard the reception was so bad that people weren't mingling. They all stood around in their little cliques, assessing the other from the type of hair extension on their heads to the nail polish on their toe nails. People felt intimidated by their own peers. and couldnt even have fun as a group.
I'm not saying anything about QC babes, please don't get me wrong ( I'm not one of those school bashing people). I'm just using this as an example because QC girls are large in number, so they can easily have an effect on a gathering, especially when the majority of them there are from the same school. If it were mine, the reverse would be the case. Not because we dont adopt this nose in the air attitude but because my school was quite small and you just had to be friends with everyone, even down to the juniors.

So I ask, why are we so rigid and narrow minded? It baffles me. Would people like to explain this to me? Cos I want to be under the impression that its because they are so many in their school, they feel the need to stand out of the crowd. Agreed.
But what is not agreed is that, this behaviour is only typical of those whom puberty is still messing with their brains. So why do we, young adults, who are no longer teenagers display this abhorrent attitude?

Push Notification

2009-07-06T08:32:00.006+01:00

If you are with apple (i.e you use the Iphone or Ipod touch), then you are with me.
If not. I beg your pardon. I just needed the post to sound a bit intelligent.
Considering I spent the whole of yesterday reading scribbles' blog (of which I'm not done yet) and went to bed feeling intimidated by his eloquence and coherence, I still feel good cos its a new week. Although I'm still a bit scared to go back for fear that I might just wallow in misery for the rest of the day. But I have some learning to keep me busy...*In your face scribbles*

The pains of being a woman...1

2009-07-04T10:41:00.006+01:00

If you happen to have X and Y chromosomes, this might be a bit too graphic for you!

*You have been warned*

Growing up, I was made to understand that I was one of the lucky ones. Now, it looks like my luck has changed.

I started my menstrual period when I was quite young, about 12 I think, although some people claim to have been younger. Imagine seeing Aunty Flo ( as Buttercup) would call it at age 9? Ha my God!!! Even at 12, it still felt very weird and cringe worthy.
Anyways, my mother used to tell me that I was very lucky because I never had menstrual pains like my sister whose world usually stood still for that 5-7day period every month. She would wail, cry, wobble (because she couldnt stand straight, as her legs would give way) and generally just break down. But now that she is a mother, its all stopped (I have no idea what the explanation for that is).
That used to scare my mom and I think she prayed hard that the rest of her kids would not have to go through the same thing. One woman, four girls...I dont want to imagine the pain she herself went through for my older ones.

So instead of the usual stomach pains, back pains, all my body did was to swell...as in PUMP up like a balloon. As naive as I was, I never noticed, for months until my mother would ask me such questions like, what have you been doing with your pocket money, eating junk abi or its either you are on your period. Apparently, when I've had too much sweets and junk in general, my body bloats...according to my mother sha! So over the years, my feet and breasts especially would swell and indicate that madam was on her way. Now, those were the good times.

This time, the story has changed!
The reverse is the case.

A few months ago, it started. This unbearable pain in my lower abdomen. God, I cried my eyes out, it was even worse at uni, when there was no one to help me! Then back home during the hols when my sister actually saw me in pain, she joined me in crying and asked me several questions, like "Please tell me, what have you done? What happened?" She was thinking along the lines of sex, contraceptives or maybe even abortion. Me too I cried my responses back at her, nothing o...nothing. That was the beginning of my monthly sorrows.
It didnt end there. Now, my legs have started to give way. As in the pain is enormous. The best way, I can say it is in yoruba when you say "ese nro mi" and then there is "ese n dun mi"...thats where the difference is. The latter sounds like you've done something to the leg, may be bumped into a wall or done too much exercise that it hurts. But the former is as though the pain is flowing through your blood stream. Its inexplicable.

To worsen the case, my sister said to me "pele, just bear it, cos when you get pregnant, thats the same way it'll hurt"
Ha??? Mo gbe! Why is she telling me this now? Now that I've been bumping into so many pregnancy and child birth stories, that I'm beginning to think....hmmm??? Do I really want to go through this?

That one is a story for another day.

The beginning of the end... Plans my foot!

2009-06-30T13:08:00.003+01:00

Last week was a busy one.

Graduation was awesome! I had sweaty feet...not to mention that the floor of the cathedral was marble! Hmmm not cool, but Thank God no accidents occurred, so don't worry. I was proud of myself..though I didnt get the grade I wanted, I still felt elated that I had gone through it all amidst all the ups and downs and trust me, there were so many downs, right till the very end. But God has always been on my side and I am ever grateful to Him! I cried that day sha...forget! Who wouldnt? For many reasons actually... that not many people knew of my accomplishments and the ones I'd have loved to have with me were not there...but as it is said..Life goes on. I'm trying not to dwell on the past.

Then came the birthday...I didnt do much actually...just chilled with friends who are amazing and they got me a lovely present... I couldnt ask for better friends. In as much of a little way they could, they made it special for me...I love you guys. I had no access to internet prior to my birthday so my facebook was bombarded by those whom I'd normally talk to and those who...well, our facebooking would not really go past hello or hi or happy birthday (Which brings me to ask why they are on my facebook anyways). I've actually taken my birthdate off facebook a few times just before previous birthdays, just so I can limit the 'happy birthdays' to those who actually 'remember' it...not that its a big deal...but I'm not a big fan of mass 'happy birthdays'.

In all, I felt loved! Thanks to the amazing people I have in my life...I guess God just has a way of keeping them in it and keeping others away. I believe I deserve a little bit of the good ones in my life.

On another note...boy is it hot or what???

BlackOUT!!!

2009-06-16T10:33:00.005+01:00

In Nigeria, the lights go out and people heave a sigh of acceptance, praying that it won't be too long till they see that flicker of hope in the Phillips light bulb in their living room.

In the UK, the lights go out and every one stares at each other, thinking, "what just happened"? Then the braver of them steps up to the fuse box and fiddles with the switches, thinking " hmm it's probably just tripped off". He fiddles with it once or twice. When there is no show, he starts to panic.

He calms down. Right, first I need the toilet badly for a number one, then I will call the electric company. He goes to the toilet , finishes and turns on the tap to wash his hands. The water is freezing cold. He looks at the tap he has opened, double checks. " yeah it's the red one" , meaning it's meant to be hot. But no it's not, cos the boiler is off. " oh the boiler is run by electricity"...HISS

Next he decides, yes I need the number for the electric company. "Hmm let me try the Internet, I cant be bothered to find any of those bills right now. Well the computer is off. Oh well, the laptop is still on". He fires up Internet explorer and it says "the web page required does not work offline". Ahn ahn, offline bawo? At least my Internet is wireless. He goes to the modem and finds that it is off. " oh duh, it uses electricity too".

Faces the reality of looking for the bills. Goes to the door, where the mail is in a huge pile. Looks through, to find any of the monthly bills from the electrics company, it should have their number on it. Finally, he gets it and looks everywhere for the land line phone. He finds it sitting on its hub in the living room and tries to dial the number. 0-8-0-0-3-5-5-5-5-5-5, hits the green 'call' button. Places the phone to his ear but he doesnt hear the sound he uusually hears, the one he wants to hear. Its quiet. There's no dial tone. Haba? Ki ni de?
"Damn" He realises, the phone is electric, its 2009 and cannot think of where to find an analogue phone. Tries to call them on the mobile and they aren't picking up, A waste of his already finished minutes. Its slowly getting dark.

Well it's past 7, I better head out to buy some candles and whatnot. Beckons on his wife to feed the kids their dinner and get them to bed before it's too dark, and it becomes a case of sorting out electricity and children that cant sleep in darkness. She heads to the kitchen. Thinks of something she can do on the cooker seeing as the microwave won't work. She decided on warming up the rice for them. Turns the knob and hits the ignition. The sound of the gas coming out is all she hears. Nothing from the ignition. Oh my God. The ignition is electric and we dont have any match sticks at home.

Its gone past 7 and all the shops are closed. Waitrose shuts at 7 and the Tesco that is meant to be open 24 hours is shut due to flooding.

Shit, where is an aboki when you need one?

The husband declares, It's a state of emergency

Suddenly...

2009-06-14T22:17:00.001+01:00

... I understand life and it's complexities. You see that life is what you make it and how you choose to live it. There are rules, regulations and guidelines on how to live your life but then you design these to fit the way you live yours.
Someone said to me today that the Nigerian economy does not allow for progress in that one tends to live within one's means. I then said neither does the one in this country, seeing as whatever you earn goes to paying back what you owe. The point of my long story is? Live your life the way you want it and things will always sort themselves out. I'm not saying live lavishly or be non challant about things, but live comfortably, live for today. Cos you may not be here tomorrow. Do not live in austerity today because you want to live well tomorrow, for once again, you may not be here tomorrow.

I'm not preaching. I'm only airing my realisations. I have decided that no one in this life is worth the time and effort to hold any grudges. Not that I do anyways. Whoever feels the need to be friends with me should do so freely. But I won't go out of my way to look for anyone. The time for that is long gone. No one is worth it. Not till I am convinced that there are still good people on this earth. For now, I will assume that everyone is the same that they are only around you because something is needed from you , be it gist, money, your body, your boyfriend or your girlfriend or your coursework. Till otherwise proven, every gaddamn person is the same as the other. They can kiss my arse for all I freaking care.

On another note, I am disappointed with the way we nigerians use our places of worship be it church or mosque. As a Muslim, our place of worship is most sacred to us, either the mosque or the home. Cleaniness is a priority. The case is otherwise here. Most especially in this country, surprisingly. Considering all the amenities available to us here I'm in a mosque on Old Kent Rd at the moment and an Asian or Iranian or a muslim from another country would think twice before performing their Salat in this mosque. It's depressing. We need to do better as nigerians. This is appalling

A gentle but LONG reminder

2009-06-12T11:05:00.008+01:00

I'm sure this has gone around blogger and facebook, so most of you may have seen it. So not to worry, today, this is here for me. To remind me of many of the things that may apply to me. To remind me that:

- I will not set my standards any lower than they are meant to be.
- I shall not accept mediocrity in whatever shape or form it shows itself
- MOST IMPORTANTLY - I will not limit myself. For I know that I am worth more than I give myself credit for. I will not present myself as a charity case, nor something that is needing of pity

For pity does not breed love

If you haven't read it, I suggest you do. It's rather long, but think of it as something out of a little book you have picked up.

5 Mistakes Women Make - By Ekene Agabu
"A lady who lives from her principles takes personal responsibility for her own actions and responses. She takes charge and never leaves her fate to the opinions or actions of men. She doesn’t go on a date with every man that asks her out because she doesn’t need a man – she would want a man but she fully well understands that her worth is solely appraised on who she is and not who she’s with. She would not change her principle to have or keep a man. She’s doesn’t need to sleep with a man to have or keep him..........sleeping with a guy does not mean he’s yours. If you had to sleep with him to keep him, he was never yours in the first place."

Before I begin or rather let you into what I have written, I must confess that I had completed this article months ago but was a bit apprehensive in publishing it. I didn’t want to come across as being judgmental and if after reading this you feel judged or put down as a woman, please excuse my unskilled delivery, for that is not my intent. And if you feel that I have crossed the line as man sharing these with you, do not hesitate to express your disdain for my impetus.

Having said that, I feel qualified to write this as a man because I stand as an unbiased observer and also one who has had the opportunity to take advantage of these mistakes. But I must confess, we as men have been @$#*%*$ . Where we should have given, we took; where we should have loved, we lusted and where we should have preserved, we devoured. As a Man, I must call myself to higher standards. Before I touch you, I must respect you like my mother, protect you like my sister and look out for your best interest like my baby – after all, that’s what I call you when I want you! We’ve failed to realize that the significance of our masculinity does not lie in how many girls we can dis-virgin but rather the honor we can bestow upon one. We fail to understand that the purpose of our strength and dominance is to defend and protect not to attack and destroy.

But the first mistake was not yours. You were born into a world that didn’t even give you the chance - the chance to be who you really are without any pressure or expectation. From day one you were unconsciously groomed from childhood to be an acceptable accessory to a man’s life. You were constantly made conscious of a false milestone that suggested your value was based upon a man finding you worthy to be his, instead of being made aware of who you are by virtue of your own unique existence. Your worth as a woman was reduced to two things; being a wife and your ability to bear a child – and in some cultures, you had to bear the right type of child. And if per chance you failed in one of these areas, you were nobody, no one – you were nothing.

Unfortunately, along the way, you may have made some mistakes in trying to fulfill this false notion of who you are supposed to be. Bad relationship after bad relationship continually emphasized the lie that you were nothing without a man. Not only do you sit there as one with mental wounds from childhood, but also with hurts and wounds that are self inflicted as you sincerely tried to fulfill the so called destiny of the woman – being someone’s woman.

As I share this with you, I do not come as one who claims to understand your plight, but rather I stand as one who has heard you. From my mother to my aunts to my cousins and my friends, I have heard you and will continue to listen whenever you speak.

That being said, I do not believe we are responsible for the things that are done or said to us, but I do know that we are responsible for allowing those things continue in us. It’s in this light that I share with you the five common mistakes women make in relationships.

1. Your Personal Standards! Don't leave home without them!

By not setting your standard, you’ve just set the standard. The standards I speak of are not standards for the relationship; I speak of your personal standards irrespective of the relationship. What is your life’s moral compass?

This could get a bit confusing, so let me explain. Often times, at a certain point in life, people turn to religion for some sort of moral guidance or law. It’s an acknowledgment of some sort that they have made numerous personal mistakes and are in probable search for a turn around. So you might have a young lady who’s been around the block and has now become a Christian, and professes that she will be celibate until she gets married thereby claiming this new belief to be her standard. This is a religious belief that she has now adopted and not a personal standard. Your personal standards are born and realized from within you and become your principles rather than a law. A principle is born out of understanding; an understanding of who you are and why you are here on this earth. If you are roaming the earth like a lost sheep in search of a man to give you relevance, you will always find yourself jumping from relationship to relationship with each one leaving you even more confused than you were in the beginning. But when you understand that you are not here by chance and your presence on this earth has significant relevance, the aura about you changes and the people and things you accept into your life will only be a reflection of your internal essence or your personal standard.
A man can cause you to go against a belief because it was never yours in the first place, but he can never sway you away from your principle because you are one with your principle. A lady who lives from her principles takes personal responsibility for her own actions and responses.

She takes charge and never leaves her fate to the opinions or actions of men. She doesn’t go on a date with every man that asks her out because she doesn’t need a man – she would want a man but she fully well understands that her worth is solely appraised on who she is and not who she’s with. She would not change her principle to have or keep a man. She’s doesn’t need to sleep with a man to have or keep him. She understands that whatever she can’t get by way of her principles will never be her own. That you are sleeping with a guy does not mean he’s yours. If you had to sleep with him to keep him, he was never yours in the first place. In the absence of your personal standards, you end up trying many things and many people, but you never experience the love that is already within you. Allow that love within to write your standards and begin to live from them. That love will never lead you astray, never ever!

2. Why are you making excuses for him…..again?

I have come to observe that ladies often see the man as the prize. So once it looks like they have him – especially if he appears to be a good one – they want to do everything in their power to keep him. I understand that, but I don’t accept that and neither should you. You are the Prize. We should fight over you and want to do things to get and keep you. We should want to make sure you are ok.

A man who loves and respects a woman will never want her in doubt when it comes her knowing of his feelings towards her. When we are crazy about a woman, we are no longer the reserved and non emotional creatures you think we are. We become a mess - drooling internally when we think of you. We would never want you to feel you are on shaky ground concerning your status with us. We will publicly profess and show you to the whole world. We will put up a picture with you in it as the our profile pic, tag you in all photos you appear in and most importantly make sure that our status box shows that we are in a relationship with you. Yup, that’s what we do when we love you - we say it out LOUD!
And when we are out and about with you, our professions are usually crystal clear: ‘Meet my girlfriend, Sandra’ or ‘Meet my fiance, Sandra.’ Not, ‘Meet Sandra’ who is Sandra??? When we love you, we want the world to know that we love you. But I get amazed when ladies see the writing on the wall and continually make excuses to justify a man’s blatant abuse towards them. What do I mean? Take for instance the introductions highlighted above; He introduces you as just ‘Sandra’: you know you don’t like it, but you make an excuse within yourself and say, ‘he’s a private kinda guy, he doesn’t like to publicly show stuff.’ Really? Ok, let me ask, “Are you enrolled in midnight gymnastics with him?” In other words has he bent your body in ways you didn’t think possible? Well, there is only one thing worse than a guy sleeping with a woman in secret; and that is, a woman allowing that to happen. Before you allow a man do to you privately what can affect you publicly, he must first of all acknowledge you publicly as the woman he respects and loves. If he can’t do that, you need to tell me why you are still sticking around. How can you allow a man to knock you up when you are just ‘Sandra’ to him? You know you deserve better, so stop the excuses. Instead of making excuses for him, take charge – not of him or the relationship, but of yourself. Never remain in an environment where your integrity is compromised. Remember, you are the prize and we should work hard to get and keep you. And after all our hard work, you still have a right to say NO.

3. Why are you looking for ‘something’ in a bag of ‘nothings?’

A few years ago, a friend who was engaged was getting ready for her wedding which was just a couple of months away at the time. She called me occasionally during the preparation process, but on this one phone call, things were pretty bad. She was mad, upset, disappointed and unhappy that she was marrying this guy. So I asked her why she was still going on with the wedding if she felt the marriage wouldn’t work out. She said to me that she did not want the last four years of her life spent with him to go to waste. Hmmm! When she said this, I looked at my phone because I couldn’t look at her (she was in a different city) and in that instant – if I had a private jet – I would have flown to her city to give her a knock on her head - not a hard one, just a gentle knock - to help tilt her brain back to the center of her skull, because obviously it seemed out of balance with what she had just said to me. Let’s think about this, You are willing to screw up the next 50 years of your life, create babies in a hostile environment with a man you despise thereby screwing up the next generation, raising kids that would need therapy for the rest of their lives based on the abuse they will experience in that home, all because you don’t want the last four years of your life - 1,2,3,4 - to mean nothing (I’m having a headache just rehashing the story). So you are trying to create a love marriage from a four year crappy relationship. Needless to say, this lady was a young beautiful 28yr old lawyer. With good life habits she could easily live another healthy 50 years (Have you seen Barbara Walters lately? She’s 80). And here you are, willing to mortgage a future on four years with this jerk? She was desperately trying to make something out of nothing. That you’ve been in a long term relationship does not mean you should continually stay in it. Unfortunately for some ladies, it takes a while to see the light and muster up courage to get out of a bad situation. But when you see the light; RUN, GO, your life deserves it. If you don’t make that change, you’ll never know what’s out there? And when I say out there, I don’t mean what’s out there in another relationship; I mean what’s out there in you that you are yet to discover. Some of you ladies are afraid – afraid that you might not be married by a certain time. You begin the calculations, ‘Ok, I’m 28 now, if I break this up, how long will it take to find another guy and get married? Oooh! It may take another 4 years and I’ll be 32. No! I can’t be single at 30.” You are killing yourself with this kind of dialogue. Like she later said to me, she always saw herself married by 29. Needless to say, she was divorced by 29. They got married alright, but their divorce was made final before a possible 1st wedding anniversary. Sometimes we allow fear to dictate what we should do. We will never get from fear what love has to give. Love is bold, confident and fearless. Why are you scared? Why are you letting fear keep you in a relationship that you know you don’t want? Why do you want to marry a guy who has already made you feel like trash? Why are you choosing to be with someone you are not crazy about? Ok, so you are more concerned about looking good and successful on the outside at the expense of how you truly feel on the inside. You are too special for that. Let people think what they think, you know what you know and that’s all that should matter. Sometimes, we don’t believe; we don’t believe in ourselves, so we settle and then try to make something out of nothing. You can’t change another human being, it’s impossible. You haven’t even changed some things about yourself; how then do you think it possible to change another?

4. You’ve gotta think before you have his baby!

Often times when I’m in conversation with one of my numerous lady friends, something always cracks me up. I know they been having sex for years in and out of relationships and that fact is not hidden between us. But on some occasions, when I ask them if they have been pregnant before, their voice takes on a new tone of ‘How dare you?’ And then there is a resounding NO, like, ‘how could I get pregnant?’ Wait a minute! Am I missing something here? If you are having sex – sexual intercourse, you are potentially making a baby. You are filing an application. As soon as he ejaculates into you, the application is submitted and the outcome of that process is no longer left to you or him but to the Department of Conception. And if they approve it, you become pregnant whether you want it or not. Sex is not just about the pleasure derived, neither is it an antidote for loneliness. Sex is Responsibility; meaning you will have to respond to the outcome of that sexual encounter and sometimes it could be a lifetime of responses especially when a child is conceived. And when that child is born, you will forever have a symbol representing your union with your ex. Once a child is conceived, there is no moving on from that relationship. It begins the strongest bond known between a man and a woman. That man holds a special place in your heart regardless of how you feel about him today. You may have an abortion in trying to cut any future ties to this man, but may I have you know that the power of conception outweighs the power of birth. For something to be born, it has to be conceived. We are all on this earth first because of conception then birth. Without conception they will be no birth but without birth there can be conception. A strong bond is created when you allow a man’s sperm to start life within you. It is a major privilege to give to someone and not everyone should have that kind of access to you. If a man is horny and wants to be relieved, tell him to use his hand. You are no object and certainly no substitute for a man’s hand. So if you don’t want to have his baby, don’t make his baby.

5. I know there’s Pressure, but why are you under it?

I have come to observe that whether she’s 21 or 29, she always feels she’s running out of time. One thing you must understand is that pressure is not real. You are real and when you give attention to or come under the dominance of something that is impotent, you give it potency – you give it power. That is why this thing we call ‘pressure’ has the effect it has. You give it the effect. You are the effect. Sometimes we are driven by those voices of ignorance that may have come from people we love, so we try hard to get into a relationship and make it work. “Oh! This one has to work cos I’m almost 30.” Screw him and screw 30. You are more valuable to yourself and to the world than the timeline of your eggs or your age. Your world will not come to an end if you are not married by 30; in fact, it may just be beginning!

A few years ago, a lady friend of mine, who was 21 at the time called me up to talk about her ‘man' troubles. During our conversation, I observed that she had always been in a sexual relationship since she was 15. She confessed to me that she didn’t want to be alone; actually she didn’t know how to be alone. You see, you do yourself a huge injustice when you spend your formative years interrupted. Sex interrupts. It stops your creative and intellectual development and gives strength to your emotional cravings which should still be asleep. Your formative years are years you spend forming your person and your identity in readiness for your service to the world. Unfortunately, ladies give that time and space to some guy – a guy who may not even be in your life past your 30th birthday.

Have we as men failed you? Oh yes we have! As fathers some of us weren’t present in your young life. As uncles, instead of being fond of you, we fondled you. As friends we were more focused on the benefits instead of the sacrifice. We used you when we should have added value. We took advantage instead giving the advantage. We failed you quite all right, but you don’t have to do to yourself what we did to you – You don’t have to fail yourself. You can’t afford to fail yourself. You are the door to humanity. Life has to go through you to enter this earth. Even God needed a woman to come back into the world.

There’s no need to dumb yourself down or compromise your true integrity. We need the true you. We can’t exist without you and we will adjust to whatever standard you set for us – so why not make it high, why not make it YOU?

If you have come this far, I commend you.

Untitled

2009-06-10T20:43:00.005+01:00

Its hard
Its really hard
Its very hard

And when its hard, you make foolish decisions
when you make foolish decisions, things go wrong.
Ho do I fix it when it goes wrong?

when its wrong,
You help me when I try to fix it
Cos two wrongs cannot make a right.

Stepping Out

2009-06-05T18:01:00.003+01:00

I know this isn't anything new but I just thought I'd ask again. What is the point of cheating? This is from both parties I mean. As in most stories I've heard have been that the guy is the one stepping out, but really we know women do it too. But these days its ridiculous. Why be in a relationship when you are not 'in' it? I've heard NEWLY weds seeing others, talk less of those who have been married for more. A man that is about to be married, in less than a week or weeks is doing it, with no hopes of quitting once he gets hitched (even if getting married draws the line).

The other part is when the girl knows! As in, its bad enough that you know, its at the back of your mind, but then when things happen in your presence eg he receives a phone call from the wife, or he takes you along to do shopping for HER....doesn't that loosen up the tight knots in the head and make them feel bad? ARE THEY THAT STUPID?

Its really baffling. One thing I know I'd emphasize in my own relationship is, if you know feelings are starting to change, the best thing to do is TELL ME. Where I can fix it, I'll try and where not, then maybe we should go our separate ways. Why will I be in a relationship where the other party is not happy? Even if I am happy, knowing that he is not makes me unhappy as well. So why go through all that heartache? Why put myself through all that? I know its easier said than done, but I'm being practical and realistic. Or am I just being Naive?

I mean the stories I'm hearing these days are ridiculously stupid. Where friends are finding out that their friends are seeing their Aunt's husband or their cousin's husband or the likes...Why is that? What is there? Is it the thrill? The hide and seek? Or its still this materialism that is digging deep into our lives? Which one is it?

10 less 2 things...

2009-05-22T09:30:00.002+01:00

I hate these things!!
Argghhh

8 Things I look forward to

1. Getting a Job
2. Moving to Naij
3. Graduation
4. Going to a Wedding...Someone PLS GET MARRIED LIKE...NOW!
5. Becoming a size 10...ok maybe 12
6. My hair to GROW!!!
7. Going to Dubai
8. Getting a LIFE!!!

8 Things I did yesterday

1. Things that need to be censored! Lets keep it at that
2. Went to frigging training, that had me in pain for the rest of the night
3. Made that efo...Hmmm dont watch that!
4. Stared at my uni email inbox and wondered how I'd sort out over thousands of emails that I've kept over the last 3 years, before the email address gets shut down
5. Burnt the dodo, which was unripe anyway, though the skin said otherwise, and so it became extra bitter
6.Came to terms with the fact that a 2.1 is what I'm likely to get! Stupid Lecturers!
7. Realised that most of the places on campus dont open till 9.30...like the frigging cashiers office!
8. Bought my favourite muffin...Banana and walnut; stared at it for hours out of guilt, decided not to eat it, went out, came back....picked it up and quaffed it!

8 Things I wish to do

1. Get married
2. Get published : What I'm publishing, I dont know!
3. Get a Phd: In what, I dont know
4. Go sky diving...it might just stay a wish for a VERY long time!
5. Have lots of kids
6. Get a NEW LAPTOP
7. Get my hair into dreads! Will save me money and time in the long run
8. Get the balls to tell some people to EFF off

8 shows I watch

1. 24...Gatta love Jack- His screaming alone can make you wet your pants, before you finally decide to answer him
2. Prison break: Sob....Why Scofield, why?
3. Desperate housewives
4. Brothers and Sisters
5. Used to watch heroes, till it became pointless
6. Boston Legal- Loveeeeeeeeeeee Denny Crane
7. Entourage.... Ari Gold is the man
8. CSI

8 Bloggers tagged

1. Spesh
2. Incog
3. Mizcheif
...Ermmm

PS: I am not getting MARRIED O! E ma koba mi o, but thank you for the good wishes in advance, I shall be sure to let you know when that happens!

I did say, I'd gone old school right?
Lets see if you remember this.

Hi hater, See you later

2009-05-18T15:58:00.002+01:00

I didnt have a decent title, pls allow me!!

This is becoming a habit and its sooo bad!!! One would think that now that Im done with Uni, I'd at least put up a decent post once in a while, but no the reverse is the case. I confess though, on some days, Ive just been a total bum, and on others, I've just had other things to do.

Working on some projects...Yay, Im so excited!!!
Life is SLOWLY taking off, but hey...at least its taking off!
So Ive kind of managed to bag that BSc, unofficially, that is....
At least no more exams...till...Well, we'll see about the masters! Till then, no exams.

Meanwhile... I'm excited!!! Yay! I'm getting MARRIED!***

I'm Excited about too many thngs
Im excited!!!!!!!!!
Im excited!!!!!!!!!
Im excited!!!!!!!!!
Im excited!!!!!!!!!
Im excited!!!!!!!!!
Im excited!!!!!!!!!
Im excited!!!!!!!!!

The Gist will come later...
In the mean time...
I have to go and make some Efo: Dunno which to go for...efo riro or egusi...hmm
I see mouths waterinG (CLOSE IT)
I am going to cook till I drop...No eating outdoors!!
I have been slacking on Fatbusters (Sting I am so so sorry)

So graduation is coming up,
Grad ball is coming up,
Birthday is coming up,
Projects are taking off..
(And maybe finally take pff to Las Gidi..who knows)

My post is dismemebered, I know, bear with me. Its how I feel at the moment

HELLO EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BRB!!

I'VE BEEN FEELING RATHER NOSTALGIC LATELY
So I went on to youtube and I found this...

The embed link was disabled :(
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9n22cWMAhM

***Believe at your own risk

Rant # 2 - am not feeling this

2009-04-26T19:35:00.000+01:00

I did say I'd do this again, so I'm back for another people bashing on language and its misuse.

So come the shorthand nonsense, obviously follows those that do not understand the simple rules of grammar. I'm not talking about the ones that show off that they have a high vocab standard, theres nothing wrong with that. If you've got it, flaunt it. I fo one, would like to speak like the Wole Soyinkas one day. Not like the academics in Business, Law, or Psychology Journals (to name a few)that feel the need to use one big word after every preposition in their sentence.

This is an example:

Thus instead of wrenching unions from context and treating them as an exogeneous determinant of productivity, the best work has sought to recontextualize their social practices and view them as one element in a complex parallelogram of market, technological and institutional forces determining outcomes in production.

Tell me, if you know nothing of unions and productivity, does this help you in any way?

HISS

Anyways I'm not talking about the over-sabis.

Im talking about those that missed primary 2 and 3, when we were being taught the preliminaries of the English Language.

I know people will say, ehn but English is not our first language. Please that is the lamest excuse ever, because English is the language of the world. The world trades in English, the world communicates in English..hence there is no argument there. If we are anti-westernisation, then why do we strive so hard to gain their education? why?Why didnt we all just stick to our farming and hunting, as opposed to becoming civilized. If we dont want to speak English, then we shouldnt. I will teach my child Yoruba o, dont get me wrong, but he will learn the English equally well.

Forget people who have gone to 'jakande' schools or what ever, I understand, they may have received second hand education, but I tell you , half of them do not come out writing like this.

The one I see the most, that makes me cringe, that can make me lose interest in a guy once I see it, the one that makes me scream my head off is 'am' for i'm... but as in, really?

Why???? why?

I'm not saying Nigeriansare the only ones that do it, so dont get me wrong, alot of other people do it but I think its just not right. I understand the mistake once or twice, but there are people that just cant stop using it that way.

I have the memory of a fish so I cant list the ones Ive seen, but Im sure you guys know what Im on about.

Indecent Exposures III

2009-04-23T13:47:00.001+01:00

Considering I have 3 posts on indecent exposures, one would think I must be some recluse, suffering from the trauma of having been exposed one too many times.

Well in this context, I havent actually been visibly exposed, its more of 'hearing', which kind of builds up to an image you really wouldnt want to 'see'.

So do you live with married adults?
Parents?
Brother maybe?
Or sister, or aunt, probably uncle?

Erm, has it crossed your mind once or twice on how they erm 'make babies'?
If it hasnt, now it has. (Evil grin).

Well unfortunately for me, "I've been hearing too much of it lately". I need ear plugs and a not so imaginative mind.

HELP!

Rant # 1 - Shrt Hnd.

2009-04-16T14:41:00.001+01:00

I HATE IT!!!

I hate shorthand.

If you went to secondary school in Nigeria and did Business Studies, then you'd remember the stupidity in doing that part of the subject. Drawing lines in place of words, and by the end of writing a few sentences, your 'reporter's note' resembled something out of a very posh nursery school where the 3 year olds had learnt to chicken scratch in a very systematic way or looked like some rubbish being labelled as post-modern art nowadays.

I'm actually not talking about that. I'm talking about the way we have resorted to sending our text messages, or the more annoying one, the way we chat on msn or wherever.

am nt sayn dat I dnt use shrt hnd, bt nt as ridiculsly as dis.

Notice the I'm has become 'am'? And 'as' and 'use' seemingly the only correct words in that sentence . But, that one is a post for another day.

Back to short hand...I don't understand why we do this. For sms messages, I understand we want to cramp as many words as we can into one message, but then chatting too? Is it because you want to type much faster? I think it makes you type much slower.
Even I do the occasional 'n' for and or 'r' for are, but the things like 'lyk for like is just ridiculous or mess'd for messed...erm sorry what is the apostrophe for? Isnt it a character for that same character that you are trying to avoid typing?

It is absolutely disgusting....

I get so many messages from naija that I find so hard to decipher mainly because every other word is in shorthand. why have we become so lazy to write and talk properly? I spoke to one of my friends about it because hers is just too much for me to handle and she said to me that it has affected her writing in general...worse still that she is a graduate soon to be going into employment and writing reports proposals. It is that bad that she cant separate the two styles of writing and it has become part of her.

Anyone feel me or disagree?

Ps: I am not directly attacking anyone o!!

Live from London...Tales from home.

2009-04-08T17:11:00.009+01:00

Reporting from...somewhere in London.

***Yes I'm home for Easter and I cant say these kids are doing my head in, cos Ive missed them die, so I'll have to deal with it.
Suffice to say I'm supposed to find out if trade unions reduce productivity and write a 4k word paper on it. Point of the story is, its not getting anywhere, as in

who gives a f*** if you fumble because you are in a union, the bottom line is if you don't deliver, you get sacked. End of story!!

I think I should just copy and paste the 3 lines above, about 4,000 times and cross my fingers and hope for an A. The lecturer's justification for that A should be, showing acts of 'rebellion'♦ Thats what the world needs. Then show me off to the rest of the 400 students in my class and say to them, believe!!!!

***A disadvantage of being back home - I have to be fully clothed. At uni, I sleep naked mostly, even though I live with 3 boys ( And no, they wont dare)...I just hate clothes. I think we should all boycot PJ's and sleep in our skins. Trust me, its bliss. You sleep better.

Plus-*I sleep better when someone watches me sleep* Now I cant help it.

***New improvements- Popcorn is now pronounced poh-orn by the 2yr old in my house...Dont ask me how that pronunciation came about, but now I find myself saying it. I hope people don't laugh at me in public when it slips out.

***My Post is leaning on the random side today. My apologies - but randomness is now the way forward, followed by razzness, in form of the Jenifa syndrome.
If you don't know about Baba Tee and Teksy, then you are missing out on a major phase of your generation. You will lack tales to tell your grandkids and it will be a traumatising experience for them when kids their age, know about the craze in their grandfather/mother's time and still say 'ama see saw at the gest togedas' and yours dont.
Do you want that for them? ...No?... Then get on the train!!

You know, as in, its like, my posh, finishing school bred sister now calls me Franca and answers her kids with a 'yelz' and says 'housh' when the oil spills out of the frying pan.
It is a way of life.
The world is changing...are you changing with it?

People, how have you been? (This is me avoiding the fact that, yet again, I have been away for too long)

YAY!!!

2009-03-19T15:48:00.005Z

I know I've been MIA. Sorry, but the major excuse is done and gone now. Yes that Disso has been handed in...please pray for me o. Nothing less than a first for my hardwork (please let me be optimistic) thank you!!!

So the work was handed in on friday, I thought of a way to celebrate, I went home to SLEEP! Not to say Ive been lacking so much of it, but it was good to be able to sleep during the day, I tell you it's bliss!

Next day, saturday, I packed my things and headed for London. I got invited to Notes and Swag. For those in Jand, you'd know it was the show that that saw the invasion of M.I, the mister incredible himself, and those who know me outside of blogger will know that I love him die!!! *You can't see me but I'm there like your eye-brow*...CHAI!!
So anyways...the weekend turned out to be SHYTE, for reasons I refuse to blog about, but still, I will use the show as the highlight of the weekend. Though the people I went with were ANNOYING ME...oh my God! HOW CAN PEOPLE BE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO razz OH MY DAYZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As in????

Anyways the show was meant to start at 6pm, erm it didnt start till 10:30pm. Yes 10.30pm. Nigerian timing to the CORE!!!!! So during MI's performace, pink and ruffles had to do their own showcase of some funky lingerie...hmmm I fear o!!! Those things were serious. Even me as a girl, I bow!
Though, now I can put a face to the pink and ruffles designer.. (she used to be a blogger).

Oh and Agama Label....I want oneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. I'm starting a fundraiser to get a short sleeved and long sleeved one...or betterstill, just be nice and get me one as a birthday pressie. You know you love me xoxox

MI's performance was banging, and he didnt just do any lip synching...nah he did his stuff! But my guy short! He cute though....his big words for a small MAN...ME LIKEY!! Oh and I met him, got introduced to him whilst I was standing jejely in my corner, waiting for my razzite friends to compose themselves so we could fade.

Oh and did I mention that naija girls are ANNOYING!!!!! So one of the songs started and I swear they were WAITING, as soon as it started, they all jumped on stage to GRIND on the poor little guy! SHET! Naiaja girls, no DECENCY!

Anyways, looks like I might be heading to London again this weekend...let the fun begin. Of my 3 years in uni, this is the first time Im going out in London...I've left it too late, but still, I'll make the most of it.

If you dont know, this is my guy spitting his stuff!!!

Why so serious?

2009-03-03T22:19:00.005Z

I will admit, letting people know who you are makes it harder to express yourself, without fear. So many things you'd like to talk about, without having to think if one person or the other will come and ask why or where or for full details. Not to say I complain that I've met wonderful people even though half the time the white sheet comes with a dollop of black paint. It's life isnt it? They say shit happens.
Maybe I should revert back to my journal where I can safely purge it all out. Like sick, it just pushes its way out, of course with a little effort on my end, I heave every other second and it all comes pouring out. After I cant heave anymore and the sick is down the drains that are the pages of my diary, then I wash my face, close the diary and say to myself that I do feel better. That I have rid myself of the things that make me lie in bed and allow insecurity to eat me alive, starting with my self esteem and then working its way up to my paranoia, and then probably towards the direction of my sanity and by the end of a whole of 5 minutes, I can confidently say I feel like shit. But once again, there's that stream of guilt that seeps into my brain, leaves those little drops of information that remind me of the things I should be grateful for. That even though some aspects of my life are not that great at the moment, the others make me feel like the sun always shines on the other side of me. That the bird's squeaking sounds remind me that its the dawn of a new day. That the dry patches on the leaf indicate that the sun is here, dried off the dew that are the reminders of the previous night. That lights the corners of me that remain unlit, undiscovered and certainly untouched. Then I bask in the glory of illumination till the night comes again and the cycle begins all over again.

I lied...

2009-02-20T13:20:00.003Z

....Once or maybe just half of one

1. My first kiss came just before I turned 21.
Just about 4 weeks before, and he wasnt even my boyfriend!

2. I can bend my forefinger backwards to touch the back of my hand.
I soooooo can and I would have put up a picture to prove it, only that people will cringe and never visit my blog again, for fear of seeing things that will make them pass out.

3. I play the keyboard.
I wish I did...I know the keys and all, plus I can manage to play something if I know the tonic solfa, but then it might start to sound like something from a scratched CD so, I wont even try.

Not one....But Two!!

2009-02-08T14:08:00.002Z

Firstly, I'd like to say a big thank you to all of you who gave their support in the last few posts. I do appreciate all your help and kind words.

Now to business. I shall make this as random as I can cos I cant stand this tagging thing...I usually have to rack my brain to answer them, so KOE and Incog, thank you very much for putting me through this.

Plus, If I tag you and you've done this before, then I guess...well I dont know sha.

First one.

Rules...
1. You have to tell us 3 things about you, 2 truths and 1 lie

2. Link the person who tagged you.

3. Mention the rules in your blog.

4. Leave a comment on the blogs of those you have tagged

5. Tag 6 following bloggers, link them.

1. My first kiss came just before I turned 21.
2. I can bend my forefinger backwards to touch the back of my hand
3. I play the keyboard.

The other.

Where's ur cell phone?
Under my pillow.

Where's ur significant other?
Somewhere I guess

Your hair colour?
Gold.
I kid...black

Your mother?
I miss her to bits

Your father?
I'll get back to you.

Your favorite things:
I dont know.

Your dream last night?
Mizheif rand me up to talk about the 'shells' in my project.

Your dream goal?
Do I have one? I take life as it comes.

The room you're in?
My bedroom...I live in it.

Your hobby?
READ, READ READ....
I love music...listen and dance!

where u wanna be in six years?
Married.

Where were you last night?
At a friend's birthday party

What you're not?
LOUD!

One of your wish list items:
Ball Gown

Where you grew up?
Lere, Lagos, Nigeria.

Last thing you did?
Got out of bed.

What are you wearing?
Robe.

Your pet:
None.

Your computer?
Needs to be replaced.

Your mood:
Moody.

Your car?
None.

Something you're not wearing?
Shoes amongst others...shush you!

Favorite store?
Waterstones/Amazon

Your summer?
Same.

Love someone?
Love people more like

Your favorite colour?
Red...
No Brown..
Black maybe

Last time you laughed?
Last Night

Last time you cried?
Almost every night these days.

Are you a bitch?
I hope not...but then again Hell No!!!

Favorite pastime:
Lie in bed...daydream just before falling asleep.

Hater or lover:
Lover...who would claim the other?

Genuine or fake:
Once again, would you claim to be fake?

Any vices?
Naivety

Pro life or wire hanger:
I dont know o

Mccain or Obama:
Damn right Obama, who's the other guy?

Pro-plastic or natural:
:S

Dream job?
Mothering my children

Now the VICTIMS...
This is the fun part

Virgos Lounge
Bad Guy
Danny
KOE
BB The Lawyer
Seye

If you've been tagged for one before, means you're being tagged for the other, if not, then both! HAHA!

.....

2009-01-29T14:23:00.003Z

No title
Thats cos I have nothing to say.
I noticed i'd been blogging on thursdays
Don't know why?
I just thought I didnt want to break that
But I still dont have anything to say.
Actually I do,
I cried today. I cried alot.
I dont know why.
Maybe I do,
Maybe they are just too many things to point at
I want to feel sorry for myself
But thats unfair to people who really should feel pity for themselves.
But I am still distraught
But maybe over unimportant things,
But still, they add up to the little happiness that I might feel.
I am between a rock and a hard place,
Actually I'm not.
Cos I dont have daunting decisions to make.
I'm just scared.
Scared of too many things.
The only one person I can talk to,
I cant talk about everything with.
So I have to deal with it on my own.
And that I will do, as I always have.
Well not entirely on my own.
There have been people
Not really actually,
they've just been there,
They USED to be there,
Not really done anything.
There were there to talk to, each about different things.
They are all gone. ALL.
Not all actually,
One person has been there,
No, two.
but I dont see Him, one.
Do I need to? I cant anyway even if I wanted to.
But I'd like to.
He knows EVERYTHING before I do
He knows EVERYTHING before they happen,
So we might as well talk about things
But then I dont know what to say.
I have nothing to say.
Should I have something to say?
I'm confused.

Finding me...

2009-01-22T11:39:00.003Z

Recently, I ran into an old friend, and the first thing she said was, "you havent changed". I said to her, now that you've said that, I'd like you to please tell me how I was that I havent changed from.

Her statement made me a bit disappointed in myself that, perhaps I wasnt doing so much in line with my new year resolutions. Then again, its only the 22nd, I cant turn a new leaf in a second.

I consider myself to be a pretty nice person. At secondary school, I was usually the first to talk to that new student, however creepy he or she might look, considering how un-inviting the atmosphere of secondary school is and how unfriendly teenagers can get. After the person had warmed up to the class, I'd back out and leave the person be.
I wasnt much of a clique person. I spent alot of time with my juniors, mainly because when I started the school, there were less that 10 of us in each class and we all became friends, especially as the students in the class a year above mine refused to be friends with us.
Even after getting to final year at secondary school and becoming the senior prefect, I still didnt look down on my mates, let alone the junior ones, so much so that it used to piss the girls in my class off, that I was hob-nobbing with the 'juniors'.

Having said that, I had my boundaries. I had days where I would'nt say a word to anyone, maybe because I just didnt feel like it, or I'd had too much trouble at home, that it had changed my whole perception of my life.

I believe I am one to give more, in a relationship, be it with a girl or boy...(not that kind of relationship...silly). I worry over everything. The slightest change in the person's demeanour arouses my worry, and I always think it has something to do with me. It's never them, its me. I always feel the need to make sure that they are pleased with me, that I'm not being a pest and if they needed their space, all they need do was raise the hand and I'd be gone, though I'd still be around the corner, if I was needed.

I was talking to someone the other day and he said, ''you are always so emotionless'', another said, why are you always so cold? , another said, whats the matter, you seem to be so snappy these days?

Now, I am as confused as you are.

I know some will say, 'let them say', 'you are your own person', dont let people judge you.
Well honestly, however misconstrued people's judgements may be, theres always an iota of truth in it, right?

So this is my blogger 'honesty box'...
Pretend, I havent just biased your thinking with all of the above, as accuratley as you can, I want you to tell me what your impression of me is. From whatever it is you may have read, other posts, some of you that I may have spoken to, or even met.
Who is this person?

Here's Gloria Gaynor

Randomness

2009-01-15T13:15:00.004Z

Yes I know, the block is going around. I didnt think it'd affect me but I guess its just the cold thats giving me the freeze. So I'll be as random as random can be...(that just doesnt sound right)

*Update on last post. Thanks guys. I was told to get some aloe vera gel, apparently it works quite well on things like these. Hmm, we'll see how it goes.

Random #1: I just went to the gossip girl naija blog and damn that spot is brimming with gist!!!! Geezz!
Some of those people actually go to my uni, well they've finished now (NO I'M NOT TELLING YOU WHO THEY ARE) and to think I didnt know jack shit about them....wow! I dont know anything about anybody anyways so its good to get informed. Yes I like gist, you nko???
Wow, I'ma be hitting that spot like every minute...F5 Baby....F5!

GGN is HOT! lol, unlike some, me I'm not scared cos, I know my gist cant enter those zones, plainly because there is NO GIST. LOL this is as good as it gets right here.

Random # 2: Whats the deal with people asking "awon oko nko"? (how are the husbands?) especially ones that havent seen you in a verrrry long time, or the ones you rarely spoke to even when you used to see them.
This is a convo on facebook with an old classmate from secondary school. I think I barely spoke 10 words to her each day at school! Not that I was snobbish, no...shush. She was just tooo quiet.

She: awon oko nko

Me: lol
awon oko wo?

She:dont tel u dont av one

Me :lol
The ones you gave me?

She:dat wil be d greastet joke av heard dis new yr

Me: ahn ahn
why now

She: anywaiz i can hook u up wit one of my brothers
if u dont mind

Me: lol,
o serious

She: they wil take care of u

Me:HAHAHAHA
thats funny

She:no fear oh money dey

This is me thinking....ehm 2 things. No I dont want you to hook me up with your brother and even if, I dont want his money.

Why is it that everything revolves around money? It's all about the prospects! If you are daddy's spoilt rich kid and you dont seem to have a life, dont come near me! Psheeewww!

Random #3: Yes, on another random note, I feel like looking for trouble. You know, like do little things to tick people off. I'm on one mission at the moment *wink wink*.

Oh and I had one over the hols. I got someones number from my friend and played the dumped one nightstander on him. Oh boy, he didnt find it funny o. That was the first time I'd done that kinda crap and mehn it was fun!!!! Did I say he didnt find it funny? Well when I told him it was me and I apologised, the dude has refused to talk to me. Not that we ever talked that much anyway, so I guess that was why he got pissed.
So yeah, forget that one, I need another scape goat.And more ideas! If GGN is on a rampage, then so am I!

I is out!
Do have a lovely day.

PS.
If you've noticed, I've been adding videos to my posts, well yeah, Its a way of sharing my awesome itunes playlist.

Thisone right here holds a special place in my heart. Talk about SEXY!!!!!!
This song, one ipod, one ipod dock, one room, one guy, one girl...and the rest they say is HIStory.

Introduction

2009-01-08T11:41:00.008Z

...is what I'm meant to be doing . And the deadline for it is tommorrow. God please help me. This is for my project by the way, so don't think I'm going nuts.

This is very random by the way, so pardon the incoherence when you do come across it.

So, the other day, the most steeeewwwpid thing happened. I had just made some food, what else? Rice and stew naw.
I took it up to my room and left it on the bed cos I realised I didnt have a glass for my ribena, so I went downstairs to get one.

I came back and gbos!

I had just sat on my scorching hot rice.

What????? It was not cool, no pun intended, but kai, it so wasnt funny. The heat went straight through my jeans, underwear and hit my bum with so much fierceness, that for a split second, I thought shet, is hell gonna be this hot??? Seriously, I'm not kidding. I took my jeans off and it was plastered with the top of the heap that had the stew on it, so the rice in the place was missing stew cos my jeans had it.

Pshew.

Now, I'm not sure if I have a burn patch on my bum. I know thats so random, but I dont have a standing mirror in my room. Would I look weird if I went into the changing room in H&M to check? As in picture me in the changing room with my trousers down and my underwear halfway down with me checking out my bum in the mirror? Actually that doesnt sound right, so NO, I'm not going to check my bum patch in H&M!
Do I have any volunteers? Hit me asap, I need to know if I need to fix it...I cant have that PATCH, not because it defaces my bum, but because its too embarrasing for me to explain how I got it.

It does sound like a repeat of violated, doesnt it? I don't know how these things happen to me o.

I hope you learn not to put rice on the bed, and most inportantly DO NOT SIT ON IT!

Heres the best Phil Collins performance ever!

YOU MUST WATCH IT SO YOU CAN FEEL IT IN THE AIR!!!

Have a lovely day.

~Happy New Date~

2009-01-01T08:55:00.000Z

Yes, we are back at the top of the cycle, so I guess this is the point where I say Happy new cycle.

I am glad that myself and whoever is reading this has had the chance to see the beginning of this new cycle, and my prayer is that for even though we have seen the beginning of this one, may we see the end and the ends and beginnings of many more.
It is both sad and happy cos every new date makes a difference in my life and also marks the anniversary of the death of my cousin who passed away on a fateful new years day.

Now to the resolutions
I actually don't do resolutions, but at this stage, for some reason, I feel like I need to start making some targets for myself, cos I just do things and I have no idea what I expect for myself, under the premise that whatever comes is what's been ordained for me. I believe that's the healthier option isn't it?

1. I say this every year and I don't do much towards it, but I guess the more I say it, the more it becomes a part of me and I shall get into the habit of working towards it. I need a better relationship with God. He has been wonderful to me in indescribable ways and I haven't shown my appreciation like I should. I fear that If I keep up this behaviour, He may soon forget me. I don't want that, now nor at anytime in my life.

2. I need to stop caring. It's not what you think. Its more like I need to stop caring so much that it starts to veer on the edge of stalking/bugging/Nagging...e.t.c
I've started to get hints that I can be quite bothersome and people have started to avoid me. Their loss or mine? I don't know, but I'd rather avoid having to think of it even if its true or not.

3. I need to map out my life. What am I doing with myself. People ask me what I want to do after uni and I have no idea. When do you want to get married, how many kids do you want to have? I don't know. Am I wrong in letting God take control of my life, in taking each day as it comes? But then again, they say if you fail to plan, then you are planning to fail. Lord help me!!!

4. I need to curb the sarcasm. SERIOUSLY! It seems to be getting me into trouble. Ok maybe not trouble, but once again, this, coupled with number 2 isn't getting me what I want. People just don't get me. Agreed they may be slow cos they don't get what I'm talking about, but then even when I just meet people, I'm myself i.e overtly sarcastic and once again its beginning to border on ANNOYING or so I think.

Ok, so I think thats it.

Right, honestly, I'm doing this cos I've lost the best gist buddy I ever had and even though he refuses to admit it, I'm sure this is part of the reason why he ran away. Even though I never admit it, I do miss you.

Either way, friends or not, I've got family and I've got LIFE!!
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE.

Have a wonderful day and year,
Make the most of your year
Achieve greatness or at the very least,
Figure out the road to your great achievements,
Be the best that you can,
Most of all BE GOOD.

Much Love.
*Insert* New year hugs and sloppy kisses*

And here is another classic for you...

Nearly there.

2008-12-27T01:24:00.002Z

The complexities of blogging.
Too many people know and it just stops the flow of that tap of thoughts.

So, I finished exams like a few weeks ago and I lazied about for a whole week. Bliss I tell you. Sleep is such a good thing. Now I'm home for the week till I go back to reality. Yes, project calls. I shall succeed...AMEN!!

Honestly, things happened and I just lost the flare for blogging, not that I dont have things to say, its just that it gets a bit too complicated and too many eyes!!

Oh I have something to say...yes, whats the new fashion of 19, 20 year olds getting married or having kids. Is it madness? as in they leave their education and become mothers. I'm not saying its a bad thing, I love kids, I live with kids so I know what its like to be a mother so to speak.

But is it just me or don't we all have it etched in our skulls that we have to finish all this education shibang and then settle down to marry or do whatever comes after? So why go half way through uni and whatnot, only to leave it for something else when we all know that especially in Nigeria, without your degree, you can't take a step forward without being set back 5 steps?

I'm confused, cos I have two friends who were like 3 years my junior at secondary school and they both have a child each, and another girl at uni dropped out after her first year to go and have a baby and I'm thinking wow? Has our thinking changed so much that we have become lax as women or as a society?

At least one of them is now married to the father of the child, so I'm guessing the point of the marriage was because she was already with child but still I can't but my head around it or am I being too hypocritical?

Anyway, so my music mood has shifted and lately these are the songs I've been listening to.
It started with him.....

Happy holidays people!

One down...One to go...

2008-12-10T02:38:00.006Z

....And six months to go!!

I have become sooo lazy with school work lately, I dont even understand myself anymore. I had an exam on monday and I feel on top of the world, like I have nothing to do anymore, meanwhile I have one more essay due and another exam, then I have to start worrying about getting a chunk of disso done before uni resumes in January.

God help me o!

But, I'm still looking forward to sleep time sha...Everly!

Ok, this is a very random post as I am in no form or shape to compose myself and write anything sensible, so I'll just rant about the songs I heard recently.

And oh shall I ADD, Mizchief, I AM STILL WAITING FOR THAT INVITE!!!! PLUS YELLOW DRESS....HAWTNESS!!

So Dare-Not the Girl.
Vocals...Hmm.. *This is me with a scrunched up face like someone just did a really nasty fart*.
I don't know sha but the deepness is kinda sexy to be honest, but not for the song, especially as its a really slow and nostalgic song...
So, Hmmm again!

And Mr Kilz...
He doesnt make me go shoobe doo da eh eh eh...
Oh hell no he doesnt......
If he walks into a room, I wont say sho be doo bee do da ehh to myself
But I still like the song sha
"I'd like to make this hard Ibo by feel soft inside"
Deep Jo!!

Pardon me...its 4am and in the library fixing an essay.

Shet! I need a Life after Monday!!!!

2 Months Sabbatical Leave...

2008-12-03T21:48:00.004Z

...Has made me a different person.

Easily prone to worry and anger. That's who you become when you have less than six months left to finish the last lap of the beginning of your life...(whew that was a mouth full).

So...been gone for 2 months and things certainly haven't changed around here.
One of the reasons I started blogging was to release the thoughts in my head that I probably or most likely never shared with people, also, partly because no one knew who I was and partly because I wasn't allowed to take that English degree that I craved so much, I thought I'd take my writing somewhere else...or so I thought.

Till I started to meet and talk to people on blogger. It took a while to open up as I knew my blogging would suffer the consequences. Anyway, I took the plunge and I met quite a range of people.

I met the really sweet and mushy till it went a bit awol...I shall keep that part of my experience to myself..thank you very much.

I met the nice and talkative ones...gisting became a disease we found no cure for...till they decided to disappear off the face of blogger and the earth and that ended abruptly.

I met the snobbish and overtly condescending. I didn't think people with such combination existed, well I am snobbish but I don't think I am condescending, but then again I'm talking rubbish because they both mean absolutely the same thing.

I met the exceedingly hyper and friendly ones who make you believe that there are indeed people out there with so much energy in them that you can feel it in their words. They make you look like a slug half the time.

I met those whom, though write beautifully, are the worst set of people to converse with. It doesn't take long to figure out why those ones blog,

Then I met the shy ones, whom just like me, are very self confident on either blogger or msn, but in person are the meekest of souls ever.

And obviously comes the nasty ones are just outright NASTY! (Enough said).

Then again, I've met just 5 or so people over blogger, one in person. You'd wonder if all these applied per person or multiple attributes to one person or I dont count some people with the negative attitudes as those I know.

Obviously before or after meeting these people I began to pay great attention to other relationships over blogger and I realised that we all come to this online world to be one person or the other, to have friends, to relieve ourselves of stress or to just poke our noses in other people's business. Either way, I found interactions between alot of people to be very fake and pretentious. People did it to get recognised, or they just became friends so they could try out their new found personality. I found these quite bothersome and a bit too much to take.

But then life wasnt any different in the real world, in fact, probably even worse, so much so that I lost a few friends along the line, gained one or two, but who am I to judge their viability? How do I assess these people if I'd failed earlier? I became a recluse with no life, I pitied myself and blamed myself for being such a woeful judge of character, for being so gullible.

I then came to the realization that you cant stop the search for that person or those people that make you happy and bring out the best in you. The Yoruba have a saying that one hand doesn't wash itself clean, you need both. One man cannot be an island, neither can he make a nation.

However, I am not on a hunt for a friend, I am on a quest to find myself.
Maybe, I just might prove the saying wrong and make that nation.

I am back!!

Freshers Week!!!

2008-09-22T12:30:00.007+01:00

For all those that expressed sincere concern when I was violated, thank you very much. For those that laughed at me, well I know my true friends now. For those that I called or text (you know yourselves) and did not respond, well I have no comment for you.I am still bruised, scarred and traumatised!!! (LOL)

Back to the post!! Its just full of random stuff but anyway

....No I'm not a fresher. It's just freshers week at my uni...they moved in and now the campus if heaving with these people, children to say the least! Someone made mention that all the people that start uni this year were born in the 90's....gosh I feel so old!!! Don''t you?

Anyways on a different note.........after so much back and forthing (does that even exist?) I finally met mizchief. I randomly chose somewhere to meet...guess where..lol Camden Market. Seeing as in all my years in this country,I hadnt been there, I thought we might as well both be tourists and roam the streets of camden. The babe said that place is scary, why do you want to go there? (I didnt get the hint), I said, haba, its afternoon, we will be fine.

I got there!!! Ha....nah its inexplicable! Heres why!

90% of the crowd had likeness in one form or the other to that guy with his red hair.

I think she took some pictures of the place but mehn, I looked like a blonde public school (fee paying school) girl in a university like Thames Valley or Brunel. Anyways I was lost and to top it up Mizchief had been there before! *Hiss* So it kinda ruined the excitement and she turned out to be showing me around...(bad bad). But it was fun anyway, I only had like and hour or so to spare so it was a short meeting. But trust me, she is as crazy as she sounds in her blogs.

Oh and she bought a T-shirt..with a large figure 8 on it...enough said!!! Fits her too much...go figure!!! Haha.

I is out!!

Later

Oh and needless to say that this is my favourite song of all time...ok maybe not all time but a fusion of these 2 artists will arouse the ....em yeah, you get what I mean. This was just too good.
Kinda the bases for some random decisions I took last week...haha!!! (Nope I'm not telling). But look at the video and tell me you disagree, then I shall assume you are either not normal or just lacking sensitivity...(lol no offence)

Violated!!!!

2008-09-15T17:32:00.009+01:00

So I was jejely in my bed the other day, pretty much the whole day.

It was a sunday, nothing to do. I'd just seen Titanic for God knows how many times and I still cried, especially when the old couple were in their bed, hugging each other and ready for death!!! Ah, not only is that mad love but confidence and acceptance of the fact that they have lived their lives and are ready to go. Hmm, I'm not quite sure but I don't think I can be in that frame of mind for a while....I dare say its only the elderly that can have that frame of mind...any other person that tells me they are, is chatting shit as far as I'm concerned....I digress.

Yeah so I had managed to get a shower and make some curry at about 8pm when my friend called me and demanded that I come to her house. She'd been begging and she was on her way to pick another of my friends up so I had to get dressed and wait for her. Got into my track suit bottoms, t shirt and hoodie...(something befitting for the night I presumed).

We got there and they got down to their naija movies, of which I'm not a big fan of...so most of what I did was criticize the whole thing and rant on and on about the steeeewwwpid movie!!!

As my boredom increased I asked my friend if she had some garri for babes. She did.....(now thats my kinda host) plus she had groundnuts too...and I was good to go.

I got to the kitchen, put my garri in the bowl, with sugar and groundnuts and then halt! No water. Have I mentioned that I don't drink tap water? No? Well, I dont, so if you dont have bottled water, dont offer me water or anything that I have to mix with water, i.e ribena and the lot.

She came into the kitchen and was like ohhh sorry, but you can use tap water now!! I looked at her and shook my head, thinking, I cant have this conversation with you again. Then she opened the fridge and found a small bottle of vittel and was like oh here's some water...use this and if it isnt enough, you can get some from the kettle and use some ice.

I did exactly as she told me.....the whole process seemed long but mehn I was bent on getting some garri that evening. I mixed it all up and as I walked into the living room, I took one spoon of the garri and it just didnt feel right

Yes!!!!!!!! My tongue was burrrrrrrning, unfortunately, some of it found its way down my throat and my throat literally fried at the feeling. I screamed and said to her, What the f*** was in that bottle???

You know what she said??? She walked towards me and was like oh my God, I am so so sorry.

It was VODKA!!!!!!!!!!

Man I was pisssedddd. She then said that her housemate had emptied the water in the bottle and filled it with vodka cos she was going clubbing and didnt want to buy any drinks at the club. All she wanted to do was buy coke at the bar and mix it with her own vodka....CHEAPSKATE OSHI!!!!

Ok maybe not....sorry to say that, she is a student like me and she has every right to do as she pleases. But damn I was so pissed off.

I just went back to the sofa sat down, and shut my mouth. They carried on with their naija movie and I wasnt even in the frame of mind to criticize anymore. Not only had she ruined my perfect evening with a bowl of garri...she had given me alcohol in the most unthinkable of waysss....

*HISS*

For those that think I'm ranting and over reacting.....I'm allowed to cos I dont drink and cos I'M ALLOWED TO....PERIOD!!!!

To worsen the situation she then asked me if I was a recovering alcoholic, cos I was pissed off so much. I just kept quiet ( as I always do when I'm pissed) and laid my head down to sleep. I could have picked up my hoodie and left but that would have been a bit too dramatic.

LOL at some point I thot I was drunk cos I was thinking all sorts in my head but I wasnt actually doing any of them, so I put it down to paranoia, but considering I had just downed a bottle of vodka into my garri, I guess I was allowed to think and vex.

Psheeeew.

My first taste of alcohol and it just had to be with my garri....

Nonsense and ingredient!!!!!

Obsession, madness, OCD???

2008-09-08T20:52:00.006+01:00

So please, anyone care to explain any of these terms to be cos I'm beginning to think there is something wrong with me o.

Ok maybe not that there's something wrong...we all know ( actually let me rephrase that to I know) that I am a mega weirdo, so things I do dont phase me, but it kinda bothers other people. So basically I need an analysis of the following....dont judge me...just analyse.

Flossing:

I am very paranoid when it comes to food being stuck between my teeth. Not so much that the spinach has made my teeth green, but its the fact that I can feel it there thats the problem. I floss countless number of times in a day. I have my floss in every bag, so when I change bags, I don't worry about moving it about. I go crazy when I can't find it. My little ones once unrolled a pack that I had, and I absolutely went beserk. That wasnt funny mehn.

Keeping tidy:

I'm not a neat freak or anything but,

-My clothes have to be ironed. I love the look of ironed clothes in my wardrobe. I arrange them from the thinnest to widest, depending on how they've been folded, so I kinda get a pyramid shape.

-When arranging things, I have to see the 'front' where the name of the item is written. Even if its a bottle of bleach. The part that says 'Domestos thick bleach' is the part that faces me, not the back with the barcode....Oh hell no.

So if you take my stuff and return it, I still know when its been used. Especiallyif its been returned facing the wrong way!!! I kinda got this from my mother, who got it from her father. It runs in my family.....I know!!!!!!!!!!!

Pens:

Ok here's the penned bit as most of you cant see it.
-It has to be black
-It's always black
-It has to have a lid. If it hasnt got a lid, then the pen is useless to me.
If the lid has been lost, the pen might as well be lost.
-If its a click pen, then it obviously doesnt need a lid.
-It has to be ball point or anything close to it, if it isnt, forget it!!
-Yes, I am a freak, one of those that write their names when trying out a pen. I can stand in WHSmith or Ryman for over half an hour trying a pen. It needs to feel right. Both on my fingers and on paper. **You know, how you have to try clothes on before you buy? Yeah thats what it is**
-Pilfering- Maybe not so much of pilfering, but obtaining. If you are unfortunate enough to have pens that perfectly fit the above description in either your pencil case, office or home or where ever, then be rest assurred that I will obtain it.
Hence, I do not borrow pens, neither do I lend mine out, if I do, then I will wait till you're done and then collect it.

The New!!

2008-09-05T12:58:00.002+01:00

Yes I am back....New year, New month! New life!!!

To those who dropped their 2 on the last post, thanks. I didnt have a rethink, lets just say I chilled. All I needed to do was vent. I think I'm a bit too meek to do shit! So thanks everyone.

Im backkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk...lol, not to blogger ( Technically I didnt go anywhere). To uni I mean

I'm a bit off point now but I'll be back with something more sensible....

I missed you tooooooooooooooooo much!!!

Beware.

2008-08-21T17:34:00.002+01:00

For all those who have wronged me,

Beware.

Before the month of forgiveness approaches,

I will seek my revenge on ALL.

I will work my way from the bottom to the top.

Even to the minutest of things,

I will do the best I can to make them as miserable as I can.

No I will not be doing anyone any bodily harm

I have more than enough to shut down their emotional realm

To do enough psychological damage that can cause worse than any physical harm can

My silence is Golden

Yes, as cliche as it may sound, my silence is golden and it will bring me victory

My plans will work without any hitches.

My silence has been taken for stupidity,

Well unfortunately for them, I am not stupid.

No, this is no female chauvinism,

This is directed at both female and male

Who have brought myself and those within me grief.

My threshold of pain has been increased,

I have emboldened myself so that I can pull a poker face when they beg for forgiveness,

After that they will be left to feel the wrath of the most high.

Today.

2008-08-05T17:33:00.004+01:00

Today has been a day that I'm still yet to figure out.

Or maybe it all started from yesterday when I got the hints...hints that today might be what it is or get the revelation.

Today has been the day I have been called all sorts. Different names, I fear which is really mine. Am I so different that people see me in totally different lights. Would that be a good thing or a bad thing.

I have been called all sorts, but I have never been called all sorts in one day by all sorts.

I am patient, I am quiet. I can't remember the day I shouted at anyone, maybe because I don't remember doing so. Maybe because I never say anything.

Today I was a snob (Big deal)

Today I was more or less a child (Too young to be conversed with like an adult) At 21 I beg to ask what age I am an adult? (I didn't take it to heart if you think I did, It just made me wonder, thats all or maybe I just misconstrued it all...I apologise)

Today I was called a moaner (Yes I was in a mood, so big fucking deal, deal with it. I didn't take it out on you, I just said I didn't have the time to kneel at your crusty feet and wash them with my hands.)

Today I was called useless (Because I forgot to .... now I dont even remember what I forgot to do)

Today I was called stupid (Without words, I know when I am called stupid. Because I don't complain, because I don't say anything, doesn't mean I'm stupid, Just means you're stupid cos I cant be bothered to waste my precious time exchanging words that I know will make absolutely no sense to you)

Today I was called all sorts. I don't want to bother remembering.

Hard times are here and I cannot give in to worry.
I have a life ahead of me.
I have a dissertation ahead of me.
I have a project ahead of me.
I have a life ahead of me. I know I said that already.
Just goes to show that, that's all that really matters.

I am not one to worry, whatever happens, does so for a reason. I may not be able to decipher what it is, but I know there is one.

With that, I am taking a mini hiatus, or maybe a a maxi one. I am yet to find out.
I maybe a silent reader, or a loud one (ie via comments), but never fear blogger is still one click away.
If I could cut all ties with the world without dying, trust me I'll do so. But I shall try with the ties available to me i.e blogger, Facebook, messenger, and my phone (I don't get many calls, so its not a worry for me).

I love you all.
Never doubt that.
You most especially, you know who you are.
If you've ever thought otherwise, then you are highly mistaken.
A pity I cant change that right now.

Dear Mother II

2008-08-02T14:48:00.006+01:00

A long time has indeed elapsed since my last letter,

In that time, a lot has ensued as well.

I hope you received my last letter.

I know it was signed with the unfamiliar pseudonym that I have recently adopted

And not that one oriki that you fondly called me.

The same one you were fondly called by your mother, of which she was called by hers too.

I decided to use that so as the keep the oriki between us,

Away from the prying eyes of these people (Yes YOU).

Yes, it is that time of the month, and it reminds me of the first time.

That morning, yes that morning.

Now I laugh, but then I didn't. It certainly wasn't funny.

It was supposed to be like any other morning, I was getting ready for school.

You heard me scream.

You thought I'd just seen my grandmother's ghost.

You were right! Well partially.

I had seen a ghost, though not mami's.

It was a red one. The red one.

The famous Miss P (or according to Buttercup, Aunty Flo)

She had come unexpectedly to jolt me to womanhood,

She was to stay and haunt my life for the next 30 years.

I was forlorn, because I knew she was early. Too early.

She must have caught the fast train. I was only in JSS 2.

My siblings had been much older,

But then again, I guess she'd used the choo choo train in their time.

Then it was time for the talk. I wasn't ready for it.

But fortunately for me, I didn't get the falsified version.

I wasn't told I'd be heavy with child if I held hands with a boy.

Though you didn't fail to emphasize that you'd make my life miserable if you did find me holding hands.

Though once again you said you would take care of the child and send me back to school.

After the talk, I got the chicken.

Yes the chicken. Like every young 'budding' Yoruba girl.

I got one killed specially for me. It was my day.

At the end of that day, I knew or rather I emphasized the fact that,

The weirdo I had become was from being the daughter of a weirdo.

I called you mega mother weird.

The weirdest this planet has ever seen.

Doesn't stop me from loving you

For not only does this hereditary weirdness make me unique,

The 'talk' made me a better person and I appreciated my sudden 'womanhood'.

I am happy with the woman that I have become as a result.

For that, I say thank you.

My daughter must surely get this talk,

Though not verbatim,

It will certainly be in the most mega mother weird way that I can give it.

NOTE: Those who have read, I have come to a conclusion that such utterences are not befitting for a post that is solely directed at my mother. So if you read the comments and wonder what the first few people have said....you can keep wondering.

For lack of....

2008-07-22T17:37:00.002+01:00

Anything Tangible to say, and to feed my boredom.

A. Attached or Single?
Both

B. Best Friends?
Me, me, me...

C. Cake or Pie?
Cakes all the way.

D. Day of Choice?
Anyday, as long as I can sleep for some of it.

E. Essential Item?
Floss...I get withdrawal symptoms when I dont have it.

F. Favorite Color?
Brown.

G. Greatest accomplishment?
In Progress

H. Hometown?
Lagos Island Baby

I. Indulgences?
Ben and Jerrys, Madeira, Haagen Daaz.

J. January or July?
Neither has my birthday in it, so what's my business?

K. Kids?
3, 4, 5, .....

L. Life is incomplete without?
God (Something to believe in), Anything to read, my crazy/lovely family, me.

M. Marriage date?
Seriously?

N. Number of siblings?
3

O. Oranges or apples?
Oranges

P. Phobias or fears?
Both! Flying and the dark. I start to see things that are not there.

Q. Quotes?
Let sleeping dogs lie.
I take this literally, cos my sleep is important to me. *I do bite*

R. Reason to smile?
I smile all the time...some people can testify to that.

S. Season?
*Hiss* We don't have any sensible ones in Jand.

T. Tag three friends?
Because?

U. Unknown fact about me?
It is'nt unknown anymore when I say it.
I can send it to your inbox if you really want to know!

V. Very favorite store?
Waterstones/Amazon

W. Worst habit?
I forget too easily.

X. X-ray or ultrasound?
Because?

Y. Your favorite food?
Make me some amala, with ogbono, and I am yours forever!

Z. Zodiac?
Cancer

I know better!

2008-07-07T22:24:00.005+01:00

This is in response to Tininu's 'Let's call a spade a spade'. Or rather should I say a follow up, with my own 2 cents on the issue. I think GoodNaijaGirl too, has said something in relation to this. Though mine may take a different turn.

This did bring a wave of nostalgia, and though I may seem to rant and rave, I will give anything to re-live my childhood.

I lived as a family of two, i.e my mother and myself even though I have siblings. My siblings were much older and were out of the country. So imagine a middle aged mother in her hitting her 40's having to take care of a child. I guess her mates had stopped worrying about who was going to help their daughter take her lunch to school because she had left it at home or worry about going to the bookshop with list of books for a primary school girl. I think those ones were worrying about the next lace they would wear to that 'owanbe' party, than the baggage that came with having a little child because they either didn't have kids or, the youngest of their kids was already wearing make up and getting ready to write their WAEC.

With this you can imagine how my mother's attention was focused on me. So much so that if I wanted to breathe, I needed to ask of the air was clean enough for me. I never made any decisions by myself. Not because I was being spoilt. Oh hell no, in fact my case was far from it. I've tasted beating of all sorts. Be it from the ruler, to the normal cane, to 'koboko'. Yes I have been down that route. Although I must say that after I reached a certain age, all those beatings stopped, and it was more of slaps. You know those dizziness inducing ones that left the palm imprint on your cheeks for the next hour or two. Yes, my mother had hands of iron, and I don't mean figuratively. If you think I was a stubborn kid, I was in fact far from it. Lets just say I did stupid things that my mother felt could only be managed with thorough lashing.

As I said, I never made decisions for myself. To be honest, I didn't even think there were such things as discretion on my part, as the child. I lived a life where majority of the conversations I could hold with my mother (about me) revolved around things she wanted to hear. School, Arabic school and more school, however as her only companion, she told me everything there was to hear about her day(s), provided they were appropriate for my age to hear.

I couldn't say 'oh I want to go to my friend's house', cos I believed that you didn't go to school to keep friends (not that it was ever uttered as so, but that was the vibe I got). Hence I didn't have friends in the area, though partly because I think I became a snobbish child and I hated the area.

I believed this was also the case with my siblings, well at least two of them, and they only broke free because they now lived away from home, out of the country. But they suffered the 'you have defied me' speech every single time they called home.
I only got to notice this when I actually lived with both one of my siblings and my mother at the same time in the same house. My mother was giving orders on what to do and what not to do, especially in regards to relationships. The guy my sister was seeing/ dating (whatever) came down to jand from yankee and my sister went to see him and spent the night there. Through out the night, my mother was fuming, although I didn't know why, I got to find out the next day when my sister returned and my mother gave her the 'talk' as to why it was indecent for a lady to spend the night with a man.
On the one hand, I think she was only doing her job as a mother, but on the other hand, I think it was a bit late for her to be having that conversation with a woman who was soon to be hitting her thirties.
You could bet that my sister was furious.

She did the same with another sibling, as she complained that it was senseless of them (my sister and her husband) to spend all that money buying a Chrysler jeep, when they could have split the money and bought two smaller cars, where my sister could own hers and the other for her hubby (who takes the train to work in the city). Once again, the sis did'nt find it funny and when she aired her views in her usual soft spoken manner , my mother flared, packed her things and left their house, under the premise that the sis doesn't listen to her anymore, and that all her husband says is the gold she cherishes, rather than my mother's words.
I daresay she failed to realise that her daughter is now a married woman, with her own family to take care of and worry about.

Now that I live away from home i.e at uni and with my sister at the holidays, I have only just begun to assume a role of responsibility, although I still find myself speaking about my intentions with the sis, rather than carrying on with it on my own.
I find that I don't do it because I need advise, but I do it because I need /want/have to be told what to do.

I'm still yet to find out if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

Also, the sis plays the 'you are an adult' card, 'you have the discretion to do as you please', but she never fails however to state how she feels this should be done or the appropriate manner that this should be said or done.

At least, one thing we tend to agree with, without spoken words, is that we don't need to attend this family gathering or visit that family member. I think unlike a lot of us, I am very lucky in that area.

Although, subconsciously, she has adopted that same behaviour as our mother, though she uses it in the subtle way that blends with her character. So sometimes I don't complain because it is not as though I am being ordered. I too subtly treat is as an input, of which I have the discretion to accept or not.

The one time I decided to stand up for myself by refusing to move to the states with the eldest, the family went (and still is) in turmoil because I chose to stay with one sibling over the other. The eldest claiming that by right, as the oldest, she had to be my guardian. I ask why? All the siblings I have are in good position to be my guardian, so why play the age card?.

Fast forward to now. Am I complaining about the way things were? I would like to delude myself and say no. But maybe I am not or once again, I am. I would like to leave that in the grey area
Should I say that they way I was brought up, has had an effect on who I am today. Maybe yes! I meet a few people at uni who tell me I am very mature. I ask, what do you mean by mature? I have either never spoken to you, or if I have it has not been more than 'hi-hello', so how then can you tell? Usually, they cant explain it, or as one of them said, 'when I saw you, I thought you were a postgraduate student'. I didn't know whether I was to take that as a compliment or not.
I find these comments hard to believe, especially as I know I am a person who has grown up to being told what and what not to do.
On the other hand, maybe I did grow up early, maybe I did assume a role of responsibility quite early.

From this, I have noticed that, even though a lot of people preach that they do not accept the things that their parents do and the way do it, they subconsciously adopt this style of bringing up their children, thus, it becomes a cycle.
It is for us, this generation to understand that, children are of different personalities, and you cannot attack the singular in the same manner that you deal with the bunch .

You cannot use the same method with every child. It causes problems.

We should learn to understand our children.

I am not saying the slow child should be given a tamed hand, and the stubborn child a hard hand, or vice versa. I just think every approach should be tailored to the kind of child you have, though taking care for it not to be misconstrued as being partial. It is not easy, but it has to be done.

I can/cannot say this has indeed moulded the person that I am today, maybe it did do me some good, or maybe with my personality, I have not allowed it to do me any harm. I am not saying it was wrong or right, but it could have benefited from some kinds of adjustments.

Note: Once again, I think my points have been misconstrued as something else. I am not arguing that the parents/older ones 'have not been there before'. Obviously they have.
My point is, even though 'they have been there before', doesn't mean they have to force their opinions. That is called ordering people. Which is what a lot of people do not appreciate. If your child is at the age where he/she can make certain decisions, then let him, obviously, his actions will only be put forward with the guidance that the adult/parent provides.

If I ruled the world= No more tagging!

2008-06-28T22:37:00.001+01:00

*Hiss*

The person that started this tagging nonsense must have been bored and lacked ideas for his or her new post!!

Forget the rules cos I cant be bothered to tag anyone.

IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY? Cant get enough- Mary J. Blige
I told Charizard this thing is evil. I had no idea what the question meant till I got this song as my answer.

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY? Check on it- Beyonce
No way! I don't telll guys to come and check on anything

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL ? Dilemma- Nelly and Kelly
someone interprete please?

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? Against all odds- Phil Collins...Yeah mehn! That is my state of mind right now....I shall breakthrough!!!!!!!!!

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE? Make it rain- Fat Joe and the other dudes - Hell to the yeah! Make it rain some dough!!!! LOL, maybe this thing isnt so evil afterall

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? In case you don't know- Timaya...Damn right, I am the mother of them all...they better be thinking that

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS? Hotel-R kelly n Cassidy .....lol
No comment o... did know there was somn fishy about them...I didnt know they were this kinky

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? Control myself- LL Cool J n J.lo...see this dirty minded thing o! Yeah I do think about controlling myself...but not in that way...more like learning to curb my sarcasm....No one dare to state otherwise...i forbid you...yeah u tininu!

WHAT IS 2+2? heartburn...alicia keys...go figure!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND? Bed-J holiday! Ahhhhhhhhhhh....you must be possessed. I don't have a best friend and even if I do, I think its a girl....so how about a big fat NO!!!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE? shakomo- Remedies...Yep I'm done fronting...I'm all yours my sweets

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? Good life- Kanye...ahhn ahn too mad jo! 'welcome to the good life'...hop in lemme show u around

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? Fuji- Dare art alade.... because why?

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? I want it that way- backstreet boys...yeah I want it this way.

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? Harder to breathe- maroon 5....some kind of weirdo that can live without breathing

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING ?Macarena... Yeah should be fun

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?Do without my love-Nathan... Yep...you guys are gonna be distraught without my love

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? Hotel California- Eagles...If you know he deep meaning of the song, then you feel me...but I dont get as bad as the characters in the song o...

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET? Mo sorire- Paul play....I guess that cant be a secret for too long

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? Its not right, but its ok- whitney houston....True say...I condone some of them for some reason beyond me...I think I'm just too nice

WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS? If I ruled the world- Nas n Lauren hill..ermm ok

FYI...I didnt edit it!

Ok maybe for one or two.

Indecent Exposures II

2008-06-21T15:23:00.003+01:00

Blogsville...

So I was having a shower the other day and my 8 year old nephew strolled into the bathroom. Boy, was I furious, but I didnt really scold him for some reason cos his mother has a shower with the door WIDE open, so I thought, no biggie.

But I was still pissed cos I felt that I had just exposed myself to a little boy. Selfishly of me, I was only worried about myself and not what was going on in the poor boy's head.

This got me thinking about what went through my head when I was almost eight. I think I already knew seeing naked people was a bit of errr......a not so cool thing at that age and this took me back to another incident that occurred after the other indecent exposure. I think it was about a year after or there abouts. I lived in a house that had 4 flats in it and we lived in the bottom flat whilst another family lived in the other bottom flat. The family was quite small. An old man, say probably about 50/6o with his young wife who had a kid, not the old man's though.

I was hardly ever outside of our flat, but that afternoon, I think I was probably seated by the back door which went through the kitchen, engrossed in one of my dictionaries or a newspaper that I'd been forced to read and had to re-tell whatever it is I'd read in it to my mother. The kitchen door to the other flat was right next to ours too. The old man came in from wherever he'd been out to, I greeted him and he went into his flat. A few minutes later, he came up to me and said he wanted to send me some where.

Here I should tell you the story behind living in my mother's house. Basically, I only stepped out of my house when I had to go to school or follow an adult somewhere. Plus, my street in Surulere, at that time, didn't have any abokis that sold things in front of the houses that were there. So my street was bare. If you needed anything, it had to be bought from the supermarket that was on the next street or from another aboki that turned out to be on that street too, but across the road. Thinking about it now, it was as though all those abokis had planned not to deface the street with their little kiosks.

Unfortunately for him, I don't think he knew that going to either of those two places required that I either went with an adult or I had to cross the road (of which I could only do with an adult anyway).

So I said to him that I couldnt go. He asked me why and I said (erm duhh) I cannot go out on my own or cross the road, but I can get Kemi ( the help) to go for you. He said fine. I called on Kemi and told her that the old man wanted her to get something for him. She didnt find it funny, but I didnt ask why.

She got back, called him from the window of his living room to collect his robb and he told her to bring it in, that the door was open. She opened the kitchen door, placed the robb on the worktop and called out to him that she'd left it there, and that she needed to do something for my mum quickly. I wondered what rubbish she was talking, because my mother wasn't even home. Again, I let it slide.

A few minutes afterwards, he called my name and asked me to please come in and help him with something that he muttered under his breath. I went in through the kitchen, down to the living room. I said to him that I was there, then he told me to come into the bedroom. I opened the door, and what did I see. An ape looking figure lying on the bed. It was the old man. Ask me why he was ape looking?

Cos he was naked and HAIRY. Shet, I don't know if it was the nakedness that scared the shit out of me or the fact that the hair made him look so much like a monkey. I was lost for words as I ran out the way I'd come in from. I went into my house and locked the door. When I mean locked, I mean naija style lock, where theres the key lock, then the padlocks and then the bolts on the door too. I bumped into Kemi as I was running to my room, but didn't say a word to her.

When my mom got home, I remember she got into a shouting match with the old man, and I was scared because even though I didnt mention the whole thing to anyone, I thought my mother knew. But then it turned out that he was the reason we had to change helps every so often and Kemi had been the only one that had the courage to tell my mother he had tried to get with her. All these I learnt years after, when we had moved out of the flat.

Then, I thought O.M.G
Now I'm thinking, but W.T.F

Till this day, I never said a word to anyone and it makes me wonder that if this happened to a lot of children out there, parents would never know the things that happen to their child. Or, was it just me that turned out to be a mute child and not tell anyone?

Either way, I fear o!

Dear Mother,

2008-06-07T08:14:00.002+01:00

My Dearest,

Gone are the days when we would lie in on a Saturday morning
Watching the Cadbury's breakfast show,
We would catch up on the week gone past,
The troubles I'd been through at school,
The trials you'd been through with securing that contract,
I didn't think I'd miss those days.

Gone are the days when you would dig out your whip,
Beat the advice into me,
That was the only way you knew how,
That was the way you had been 'advised'
That, has inevitably shaped my person today.

Gone are the days when we would cook the last bag of meat,
And pray to God that the pot wouldn't be empty before it got refilled.
It was just you and I.
The older ones were out of the country, fending for themselves.
You wouldn't let me leave with them.
I was your companion.
The only companion.

Gone are the days when we would not talk
Either because I had been naughty or...well usually it was only because of that.
You warned me, that come the time, I would be alone.
The time is now and I wish I heeded those words,
I heard them but I didn't listen.
I was probably too young to realise.

Gone are the days I would wish I didn't have to go home from school
I found my haven at school, My solace.
I would stall leaving school for home everyday,
Just so I didn't have to do those dishes or fill up the house with water.
But now I still do them, but I do them with pride because I know you taught me well.

Gone are the days when we would plan my future, our future.
The future is here now, but not the way we planned it.
It has been good, but it could be better.
Still, I am proud.
And though the days are gone,
I have the pleasure of re-living them,
One day at a time,
And I've started, by wearing those waist beads.

Yours lovingly.
NaijaBabe,
A. O. S. D.

Inspired by many bloggers.
More letters to come!

Randomly....I just had to share this!

2008-06-05T16:23:00.006+01:00

Nothing to do.

Youtube tends to do the trick.

I bumped into this video.

At first I thought but WTF....but I'll let you decide.

This one's my all time favourite.
As in Naija commercials are too mad jo!
But why do they have that 'I'm watching channel o' feel... All dark and grey!

And this one...fogerrrit!

Here mother was sitting right there and she stroked the hell out of the woman!!

He tagged me!

2008-05-24T22:35:00.009+01:00

Ok, this is not cool, cos everyone I know has been frigging TAGGED!

But I have to do this!
Let's go!
Firstly the rules
i. link the person(s) who tagged you...
ii. mention the rules in your blog
iii. tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours...
iv. tag 6 following bloggers by linking them
v. leave comment on each of the tagged blogger's blogs letting them know they've been tagged.

Tin Tin...Well done o!!!

i. I blog- No one knows I blog and I intend to keep it that way. Obviously there are alot of things on here that can give me away, but I try to avoid it. As in, its so bad that I can't even bookmark blogger on my laptop for fear of someone getting in, but then I have my google email on the google tab and my password is saved so really there is no sense in that, is it?

ii. I day dream/ fantasize...whatever-you-ma-call-it before i sleep. Actually its what helps me to fall asleep. I think about so many things...like how I want 'him' to propose or just hold me in is arms... (whoever he is).

iii. I'm annoying...because i'm either too sarcastic or just too picky especially in regards to naija movies. I see everything wrong in what they do or say and it pisses my friend off.

iv. I'm an ice cream addict. From Ben and Jerry's to Tesco value, as long as it says ice cream, i'm down...if you give me haagen daaz, I'll sing your praises till the tub finishes, then I go back to my annoying sarcastic self.

v. I hate Mills and Boons! In as much as I LOVE to read, I cannot stand the fake romance in those books...as in shoot me, is the kind of attitude I have when those books are around me.

vi. I'm a sucker for football, and to top it up, I support the BEST team in Britain and Europe...so beat me!!!

Now to find people....I'm just gonna be random and choose anybody, and if you've been tagged before, Tough luck.......Ha.So wait, if i tag charizard, does that mean i've tagged buttercup too? I should believe soo...lol

To charizzyyy and butter cup...lol , tininu (for tagging me in the first place), mamalicious (cos ur the jjc in town), supersexy, cos i havent read your blog...or have I?....LOL to allyurz...cos you're all mine... ..

So thats it...a bit wishy washy but hey...I'm tired...just moved back to London for the summer and trust me, packing aint fun!

Gone too Long!!!

2008-05-18T16:13:00.003+01:00

Yeah mehn...in the words of 'blak jesus', I'm back morrasuckers! LOL...I feel that to be a little too much for you guys, cos you've been too lovely!

Anyways, how has everyone been? Everyone writing papers or finishing off that dissertation? I wish you all good luck o....its not easy, but we go survive!

so I'v had a gruelling time this past few weeks, revising, trying to sort out my life (including the whole Mr T. wahala and some other family issues. speaking of which, the 'atorise' song is dedicated to all the mothers out there, it's in yoruba and for those who understand, you'll agree that it's an awesome tune!

Updating on Mr T., baseline, he didnt break up with her, infact, I dont think they even had any problems (or so I think sha), and to say that God saved me is an understatement cos the way I found out was a shocker!!
After the restaurant scene, I stopped taking his calls and replying his messages but he was consistent, as in it was a bit freaky cos he'd be parked outside my house in the morning waiting to take me to uni and obviously i'd just walk past...(as a girl i need to front a bit) or come to the library and sit near me pretending to revise, he wouldnt say anything, he'd just sit there with his books, solving equations and hissing if it didnt go right. As in, people at the library would have thought we didnt even know each other, cos we never said a word to each other, but then the'd go to the shop to buy food, crisps and the lot and offer me, but i declined them and I didnt want to pack up so as not to make a scene at the library and (secretly i kinda liked the silent company).

After a little bit, it kida got a bit boring and I had to tell him to stop the stalking and he said he'd carry on till whenever I agreed. I took pity on him and I started talking to him more often, replying a few sms's and I got to know that he was going to Nigeria in the summer, hence the reason he was being persistent, so he'd make sure I wasn't available for any other guy whilst he was gone.
Cheeky and a tad bit selfish aint it?
so one day, i thought i'd take a break from my library runz and treat myself to some good female therapy...shopping, a nice hair do and some manicure. I got to the shop, trying on some clothes, I saw some of his girl friend's riff raff friends outside the changing room waiting for someone who was trying something on, it turned out to be her. I mean I was a bit pissed to see then there cos I was in Karen Millen and you only want to be in that kind of store with a certain calibre of people and she and her gang sure aint part of that set. I got into a changing booth and overheard their convo...it was along the lines of 'I need to make this night special cos my man is leaving soon' bla bla bla...and I was like whoaa...so this dude wants to use me to catch trips.

Ok me sef I'm down to catch some trips too! Mother of all trips.

so I got home and gave him a call...he was surprised and I was like, seeing as you are going soon that we should do somn together..my guy was happy! I said oh, but I'm in London, pls can you come and pick me up (My uni town is an hours drive from London) and the truth of the matter is I wasnt in London, infact was in my room in uni town but as per trips level na... Dude got to London and called me, where are you?
Me: u took too long jo, so I got the train, and it just left o! But seeing as you are in London pls can you buy me peppersoup from D'Den? I ignored all his rants and shouting...he is the one with the I dont pick up my phone when I'm driving policy'....

He got to my house sha...ready to spark and then he saw one of my toasters sitting comfortably o the sofa...what did i hear after he got in? so who is that?
I flipped, jo jo jo! you are not the boss of me, you hear me? Then we started fighting like we were a couple and I just thought, why am I doing this?

I gave it to him straight..look, I'm not going to let you play me around aiight...now out of my house!

so thats the drama over and done with...its much longer than that but i had to edit it cos my keyboard is doing my head it with its wireless nonsense!

I'm out.

I'm on my knees

2008-05-04T16:25:00.002+01:00

Begging you, my lovely readers. Yours truly is on a break to get that first class.
That's how I can stay alive to keep posting....

Juicy juicy....coming your way.

I love y'all.

Ps...I could taste the venom from some comments on ''Thou hast caused and done temptation'', I fear small o! Chei.

I'll be back!!

Tininu, this is specially for you, cos I can vividly see the frustration from your comments...

BRB.

Randomness.

2008-03-25T22:34:00.010Z

So, I'm home for the Easter holidays and I am bored shitless, suffice to say that the kids in my house are just too lovely for me to complain about them doing my head in. So I guess I shouldn't even venture in that direction.

Seeing as I'm being random today, I will just do my ranting and go "stark raving mad"

Firstly, why is it that the good guys are gone? Gone to the most annoying set of babes that do not appreciate what they have on their hands...as in, its pissing me off bad bad. I'm on a hating spree right now. I want to slap them left, right and centre and maybe in the process, reality will find its way back to their mucus filled brains. So, in light of that, I am out for another girl's man...that gist is coming (if I'm not knocked out with morphine, as a result of the beating that has been afflicted upon me by the girlfriend's HOOLIGAN friends). its COMING SOON TO A BLOGGER NEAR YOU....WATCH OUT!!!!! (That just sounds like something out of a naija movie trailer, I should take Segun Arinze's job).

Following that, whats with the FREAKING weather? Its bloody snowing in march. The British asked for a white Christmas, not a white Easter! Imagine snow and rain...a pathetic sight to behold, trust me, you don't want to get caught in one of those, waiting for the FLIPPING bus, that's over 20mins late!!!!

I'm sure you can tell that I am stressed. BIG TIME. Unifasiti is kicking my arse! I have essays due in and one of them is longer than half of a final year's dissertation and I AM NOT A BLOODY FINAL YEAR!!! Why??? Do they want to kill me? My family don't pay tuition so I can drop dead in the middle of a marketing essay. Plus I have 5 exams in the next 4 weeks and I haven't read jack shit!!!! Life is not fair I swear.

But on a lighter note, shall I just say, the reds are top!! For those who follow the Premier league, it's not hard to figure out. For those who don't, let's just say Manchester United is hot like FIRE!!!

On that note, I'm out.

I hope everyone is having a much better week?

Muah!!