Oh long overdue. I know
So since Juiceegals 'stock take' post, I thought I needed one too.
I don't do new year resolutions. I don't believe in them, more because I don't hold the means to make them happen, well this only applies to my own resolutions, I have lofty dreams. I have dreams and hopes and I can only pray that they come true. So anyways an account of this year.
I started this year with a big dream, to see the end of my degree. To some, it's not a big deal. To me it was as I had so many hurdles and hitches along the way, right up to weeks before. But now, I can only be thankful for getting to the end. It was worth the effort. I believe that, for me to have seen the end, God does have plans for me.
I started the year a happy person. Mid year saw the peak of this. You know like the movies, where halfway through is the climax. Yep! That's exactly how I was. All of a sudden, it all took a drastic turn downhill. The speed it all happened was overwhelming but they say when life throws you lemons, you make lemonade out of it. Rather, I chose to dwell on the sourness of these lemons. How I got out of it, I have no idea. But I'm glad I did.
Moving on, once again this year, I made new friends, mostly bloggers, a few random ones and got closer to already known ones. I must say that of all these, I can count a few that I'd still want to be acquainted with. Why? I've found that my view on people has made me become sort of a recluse. People are entirely different and unfortunately there are some differences that I can't deal with. I believe there are certain attitudes that I believe people should have. You know? those that go without saying. I find that many are fake and I can't deal with fake people. I can't deal with insensitive people. That's just me being naive, I'm sure there are worse but, I hope I don't have to deal with it all
This year, I planned on moving home. But as God will have it, plans change and as such, I've resorted to moving on with life here. When the time comes for me to head home, I surely will.
Every year, I pray to God for a better relationship with Him. I pray mostly for continuity in my faith. It's one thing to have faith, it's another to carry on with it. I've had so many downs and I must say the last few days have seen a sharp decline in my faith. I haven't said my prayers as I should and when I remember to, I don't. Tonight, as with many others, I will say special prayers, most especially for my faith, for me to build on it and be stronger than I am.
This time next year, I want to reflect on 2010 and still be thankful for progress made. I still have a long way to go and I still have one more hurdle to cross before I feel completeness in it's entirety. When that's done, life can truly begin for me and all other things will follow suit.
Some say what's the big deal with a new year? Isn't just another day? Surely it is, but it still marks 12 months since you last saw the 31st of December. So if anything, let's all be thankful
And That's my very undetailed recap of 2009. I wish you my blog family a very happy new year. Let's make 2010 another great year for ourselves
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
A little Clarity
Having heard so much about the Vera show, I followed the link on Fabulola's post about the whole Ray Ray fad (Now I don't look stupid on twitter anymore when they are ranting over it) and clicked on the latest show.
Anyways, not to digress and make it quick, I downloaded the latest show, 'Christmas gifts that should' or so its called and Vera co-hosted with Funmi. The topic was on Christmas gifts and somehow they veered into 'Sallah' and how Muslims celebrate.
First off, this is not a hate post. If you think it is, please kindly take the Northern line to Waterloo and jump off Waterloo Bridge.
I'd just like to clarify a few things, to people who are perhaps in the same school of thought as Funmi. Please bear in mind I have paused the show, so I cant even tell if these were her thoughts when she was growing up or if she still holds them now. So it stemmed from what she said, but has nothing to do with her.
But for some who'd rather not seek a clearer explanation or for those that just don't know, here is a little about Islam's festivals, just so you know and can at least be informed. At least, in primary school I was bombarded with C.R.K and can tell the Nativity story better than some Christians would, so why not?
Speaking of which, let me digress a little. My sister was listening to BBC Radio 4 the other day and she said that on one of the shows, the host said quite whimsically that he went to his daughter's Christmas school play: the nativity story and after he came out, he said to himself, "that was the story of Jesus, but there was no Jesus in it". I had to laugh at that.
Okay back to the point. The Festivals are called Eid and the suffix usually denotes which Eid it is. Eid ul Fitri is the one right after the month of Ramadan when Muslims have fasted for 30 days and Eid ul Kabir is the one where the Ram is Slaughtered.
As you may be aware, we go to the prayer ground in multitudes, those practicing and those who don't: that's the day you know your neighbour is muslim because he is dressed in his best clothes and headed for the National stadium (for those in Surulere, Lagos). We go there to perform a special Eid Prayer, thanking God for seeing another Sallah day. Let's just say its the same way Christians head for Church on Easter and Christmas days.
In Islam, there are many ways to secure God's mercies, most are detailed in the Quran and Hadith and some are just the daily doctrines and ethics that we all should know with 'common sense'. The fasting for example is significant in so many ways. For one, it helps to improve your relationship with God. You are meant to cleanse yourself physically (avoid eating junk) and mentally. Devoid yourself of all forms of sin for those 30days, in the hope that once the 30days are over, you will carry on in that manner. Further, it is for us, as Muslims, to put ourselves in the shoes of the needy, however we decide to define them. There are many whose lives are austere and do not have the opportunity to have 3 square meal, let alone access to drinking water. With this, we are meant to be thankful to Allah for all that we have and as we have 'walked in their shoes', we can be more accommodating to them and most of all, get closer to God. Before the 30days are over, we offer a mandatory share of our wealth (zakat) to the said group of people, however much we can afford (as it is according to your earning) in order that they may be happy on the Eid day as well and have enough to celebrate with just like you are.
Eid ul Kabir on the other hand, signifies the sacrifice that Ibrahim (Abraham) made to Allah in place of his son. Once again, it is for us to be thankful to Allah for the things He has done for us. What if, in this day and age, sons need to be sacrificed and for some reason we all (both Christians and Muslims) still followed it, would we all be happy? No?? (I'm just saying though, I bet, if that existed, it wont be condoned, so don't quote me on that) What I'm saying is that the slaughtering of the Ram is meant to put us in the state of mind that Ibrahim was in those days and help us to feel remorse and be Thankful for where we are today. So it is in no way 'A TABOOED OFFERING' neither is it a sacrificial lamb to appease some god.
More :
As with regards to Muslims praying some prayer before we kill the animal, that is what makes it befitting for us to eat. It means we bear in mind that Allah has created these animals and though they are provided for us to feed on, we are not supposed to suck the air out of them or kill them however they are done in some abattoirs. It makes it haram (forbidden) for us to eat.
The Halal Food Authority further explains this:
I hope this gives enough clarity. If you have other questions please feel free to visit credible sources wherever you may please.
Its for my sake, so that I am not called what I'm not and for your sake, to not sound ignorant in public.
PS: Regardless, I think back home, Muslims and Christians celebrate together more than anywhere else I've been. Do the British know what Eid is? Let alone give us a holiday.
Oh Please dont make me laugh.
Anyways, not to digress and make it quick, I downloaded the latest show, 'Christmas gifts that should' or so its called and Vera co-hosted with Funmi. The topic was on Christmas gifts and somehow they veered into 'Sallah' and how Muslims celebrate.
First off, this is not a hate post. If you think it is, please kindly take the Northern line to Waterloo and jump off Waterloo Bridge.
I'd just like to clarify a few things, to people who are perhaps in the same school of thought as Funmi. Please bear in mind I have paused the show, so I cant even tell if these were her thoughts when she was growing up or if she still holds them now. So it stemmed from what she said, but has nothing to do with her.
But for some who'd rather not seek a clearer explanation or for those that just don't know, here is a little about Islam's festivals, just so you know and can at least be informed. At least, in primary school I was bombarded with C.R.K and can tell the Nativity story better than some Christians would, so why not?
Speaking of which, let me digress a little. My sister was listening to BBC Radio 4 the other day and she said that on one of the shows, the host said quite whimsically that he went to his daughter's Christmas school play: the nativity story and after he came out, he said to himself, "that was the story of Jesus, but there was no Jesus in it". I had to laugh at that.
Okay back to the point. The Festivals are called Eid and the suffix usually denotes which Eid it is. Eid ul Fitri is the one right after the month of Ramadan when Muslims have fasted for 30 days and Eid ul Kabir is the one where the Ram is Slaughtered.
As you may be aware, we go to the prayer ground in multitudes, those practicing and those who don't: that's the day you know your neighbour is muslim because he is dressed in his best clothes and headed for the National stadium (for those in Surulere, Lagos). We go there to perform a special Eid Prayer, thanking God for seeing another Sallah day. Let's just say its the same way Christians head for Church on Easter and Christmas days.
In Islam, there are many ways to secure God's mercies, most are detailed in the Quran and Hadith and some are just the daily doctrines and ethics that we all should know with 'common sense'. The fasting for example is significant in so many ways. For one, it helps to improve your relationship with God. You are meant to cleanse yourself physically (avoid eating junk) and mentally. Devoid yourself of all forms of sin for those 30days, in the hope that once the 30days are over, you will carry on in that manner. Further, it is for us, as Muslims, to put ourselves in the shoes of the needy, however we decide to define them. There are many whose lives are austere and do not have the opportunity to have 3 square meal, let alone access to drinking water. With this, we are meant to be thankful to Allah for all that we have and as we have 'walked in their shoes', we can be more accommodating to them and most of all, get closer to God. Before the 30days are over, we offer a mandatory share of our wealth (zakat) to the said group of people, however much we can afford (as it is according to your earning) in order that they may be happy on the Eid day as well and have enough to celebrate with just like you are.
Eid ul Kabir on the other hand, signifies the sacrifice that Ibrahim (Abraham) made to Allah in place of his son. Once again, it is for us to be thankful to Allah for the things He has done for us. What if, in this day and age, sons need to be sacrificed and for some reason we all (both Christians and Muslims) still followed it, would we all be happy? No?? (I'm just saying though, I bet, if that existed, it wont be condoned, so don't quote me on that) What I'm saying is that the slaughtering of the Ram is meant to put us in the state of mind that Ibrahim was in those days and help us to feel remorse and be Thankful for where we are today. So it is in no way 'A TABOOED OFFERING' neither is it a sacrificial lamb to appease some god.
More :
During the celebration of Eid al-Adha, Muslims commemorate and remember Abraham's trials, by themselves slaughtering an animal such as a sheep, camel, or goat. This action is very often misunderstood by those outside the faith.
Allah has given us power over animals and allowed us to eat meat, but only if we pronounce His name at the solemn act of taking life. Muslims slaughter animals in the same way throughout the year. By saying the name of Allah at the time of slaughter, we are reminded that life is sacred.
As with regards to Muslims praying some prayer before we kill the animal, that is what makes it befitting for us to eat. It means we bear in mind that Allah has created these animals and though they are provided for us to feed on, we are not supposed to suck the air out of them or kill them however they are done in some abattoirs. It makes it haram (forbidden) for us to eat.
The Halal Food Authority further explains this:
- .... require animals to be alive and healthy at the time of slaughter, since carrion is forbidden and, jugular vein, carotid artery and windpipe have to be severed by a razor sharp knife by a single swipe, to incur as less a pain as possible.
- All the flowing blood) must be drained out of the carcass, as blood is forbidden (Quran 6 V145
- Forbidden is an animal that has been killed by strangling or by a violent blow, or by a headlong fall
I hope this gives enough clarity. If you have other questions please feel free to visit credible sources wherever you may please.
Its for my sake, so that I am not called what I'm not and for your sake, to not sound ignorant in public.
PS: Regardless, I think back home, Muslims and Christians celebrate together more than anywhere else I've been. Do the British know what Eid is? Let alone give us a holiday.
Oh Please dont make me laugh.
Trust me?
I'm sure loads of people have stressed this topic and opinions are saturated on this front. But I got thinking lately, on how trust is generated, maintained and possibly lost.
When people say 'oh that girl is so trustworthy', what do they mean? She can be trusted to deliver? Or she can be trusted with a secret? Does it mean you have faith in the person? Or you just believe that the person has your back wherever you or they may be? How is trust quantified?
In relationships, we talk about trust being the foundation of a good relationship and when it starts to waver, then we say that there seems to be a problem.
Trust is a human attribute, agreed?
So why then is a 'trustworthy' person given extra props if its meant to be an attribute that we all should have. It's just like those who argue that Fashola shouldnt be given extra credit for his work in Lagos state, because its his job anyway. Same goes for why should a person be given lofty praises when we are all supposed to be trustworthy. Would you compliment someone for breathing? I think not.
Its been dancing around in my head what other people's definitions of trust is? By that definition, what then does the said individual have to do before they lose that trust?
I ask because recently, I have been let down by many and I'm beginning to think if I have the meaning of trust misconstrued. I believe that when I trust people, they will not hurt me in anyway. When they do, they are honest and apologetic about it. Or at the very least accepting of the situation, even if no extra effort is made to rectify it, as the damage has been done already.
So whats your definition of trust?
When people say 'oh that girl is so trustworthy', what do they mean? She can be trusted to deliver? Or she can be trusted with a secret? Does it mean you have faith in the person? Or you just believe that the person has your back wherever you or they may be? How is trust quantified?
In relationships, we talk about trust being the foundation of a good relationship and when it starts to waver, then we say that there seems to be a problem.
Trust is a human attribute, agreed?
So why then is a 'trustworthy' person given extra props if its meant to be an attribute that we all should have. It's just like those who argue that Fashola shouldnt be given extra credit for his work in Lagos state, because its his job anyway. Same goes for why should a person be given lofty praises when we are all supposed to be trustworthy. Would you compliment someone for breathing? I think not.
Its been dancing around in my head what other people's definitions of trust is? By that definition, what then does the said individual have to do before they lose that trust?
I ask because recently, I have been let down by many and I'm beginning to think if I have the meaning of trust misconstrued. I believe that when I trust people, they will not hurt me in anyway. When they do, they are honest and apologetic about it. Or at the very least accepting of the situation, even if no extra effort is made to rectify it, as the damage has been done already.
So whats your definition of trust?
Long Goodbye
The Lyrics suffice as a post in itself.
I listen to this song so much to the brink of tears.
Its an amazing song
And I hope a lot of people appreciate that there is talent
And it brews in the words and voice of India Arie.
Lyrics:
I say I love you
You say that's kind
You don't wanna get too close
You loved me crazy
I lost my mind
Listen
You're everything I never wanted
and all the things I didn't need
This ain't who I wanna be
You don't have to stay forever
I'll take passion over pride
Full moon, high tide
Let's make it a long goodbye
Tomorrow we'll pick up the pieces
Try to mend our broken lives
Soft kiss, sweet lies
Let's make it a long goodbye
I cried in silence
I lived through you
I've given everything away
and maybe I can learn to fall
For someone who can give me all
The things I"m not afraid to lose
You don't have to stay forever
I'll take passion over pride
Full moon, high tide
Let's make it a long goodbye
Tomorrow we'll pick up the pieces
Try to mend our broken lives
Soft kiss, sweet lies
Let's make it a long goodbye
Whenever you see lonely faces
That's where I'll be
Don't cry for me, no no no
Don't cry for me
Don't cry for me no no no
I'll be okay
You don't have to stay forever
I'll take passion over pride
Full moon, high tide
Let's make it a long goodbye
Tomorrow we'll pick up the pieces
Try to mend our broken lives
......., sweet lies
Let's make it a long goodbye
You don't have to stay forever
I'll take passion over pride
Full moon, high tide
Let's make it a long goodbye
Tomorrow we'll pick up the pieces
Try to mend our broken lives
Soft kiss, sweet lies
Let's make it a long goodbye
Oh oh
Goodbye
Goodbye
I listen to this song so much to the brink of tears.
Its an amazing song
And I hope a lot of people appreciate that there is talent
And it brews in the words and voice of India Arie.
Lyrics:
I say I love you
You say that's kind
You don't wanna get too close
You loved me crazy
I lost my mind
Listen
You're everything I never wanted
and all the things I didn't need
This ain't who I wanna be
You don't have to stay forever
I'll take passion over pride
Full moon, high tide
Let's make it a long goodbye
Tomorrow we'll pick up the pieces
Try to mend our broken lives
Soft kiss, sweet lies
Let's make it a long goodbye
I cried in silence
I lived through you
I've given everything away
and maybe I can learn to fall
For someone who can give me all
The things I"m not afraid to lose
You don't have to stay forever
I'll take passion over pride
Full moon, high tide
Let's make it a long goodbye
Tomorrow we'll pick up the pieces
Try to mend our broken lives
Soft kiss, sweet lies
Let's make it a long goodbye
Whenever you see lonely faces
That's where I'll be
Don't cry for me, no no no
Don't cry for me
Don't cry for me no no no
I'll be okay
You don't have to stay forever
I'll take passion over pride
Full moon, high tide
Let's make it a long goodbye
Tomorrow we'll pick up the pieces
Try to mend our broken lives
......., sweet lies
Let's make it a long goodbye
You don't have to stay forever
I'll take passion over pride
Full moon, high tide
Let's make it a long goodbye
Tomorrow we'll pick up the pieces
Try to mend our broken lives
Soft kiss, sweet lies
Let's make it a long goodbye
Oh oh
Goodbye
Goodbye
Your housegirl
How many people have stories of their own Ekaete?
I bet 2 in 5 families have these stories of their Ekaete getting pregnant. Of those 2 families, one Ekaete has been impregnated by the man or rather men of the house: The father or the son.
Why does this always happen? Is it because the Ekaetes are the ones that are readily available? Why are we all under the impression that its the Ekaetes that introduce sex to the 'naive son' and never the other way round?
Anyone have any stories to share?
If you havent seen the rather 'hot' Ekaete video, here it is.
I bet 2 in 5 families have these stories of their Ekaete getting pregnant. Of those 2 families, one Ekaete has been impregnated by the man or rather men of the house: The father or the son.
Why does this always happen? Is it because the Ekaetes are the ones that are readily available? Why are we all under the impression that its the Ekaetes that introduce sex to the 'naive son' and never the other way round?
Anyone have any stories to share?
If you havent seen the rather 'hot' Ekaete video, here it is.
Saturday came and after all the trouble I'd been through that day, I thought I deserved an outing. Suffice to say that I had hoped for one the weekend before to clear my head and hopefuly do something drastic, but as God would have it, those plans fell through.
I went off to a bar with my cousin. May I say this is my 3rd visit to a bar/club in London, so pardon me if I take every little detail of all that was happening around me.
Another sole reason, I looked forward to it, was to hear all my favourite songs, both Nigerian and non, blaring out of loud speakers and watching many others make total fools of themselves as they tried to compose themselves, albeit hammered out of their brains. And both, I did to my contentment. Though, Ive never been a big fan of partying, I love to dance, I'm not sure how those two correspond but I'm sure there are many more people out there who these apply to.
When I told 2 of my friends that I was hitting town, so to speak, one of them said she couldnt picture me in a club. Well here is a picture, I won't say the girl standing alone in the corner, for I definitely wont be termed the loser who does that either to get attention or to just look like a loser. I might be with one or 2 friends. When I say friends, I dont mean those that want to go out looking all dolled up and sitting cross legged when they are out, I'm talking those that can have fun and by that I mean dance. Why pay £20 quid to go and look pretty when I can have fun that can last me for another 3 years or more?
So I noticed a few things. The people who wear sunglasses into clubs are real. I see pictures and I think, hmm maybe he just put it on for the pictures, but no, this dude had it on the whole night and did a very good job of looking very stupid through out the night too.
Exposing the breatises is very common fashion and I don't mean the cleavage cos that doesnt count. I'm talking half of each breast popping out of the dress. This makes me wonder, is the dress too small, i.e the designer got the size right, but didn't anticipate the the buyer would be fully endowed or was it made that way? I was a bit baffled when ladies like me had their endowments all up in my face. So I turned to my cousin and asked, does this attract guys? He said to me, well there are guys that are attracted to big breasts, whilst others prefer big bums. Then I said, no, thats not my question. Are they still attracted when they are both out and staring you in the face? His response, "well I don't know". If he doesn't know, does that mean all those efforts by those ladies fruitless? I wonder.
The drinking: I noticed was minimal. I wondered if it was because of the credit crunch or just the different environment. Comparing it to a university union where every one is pretty smashed, I figured it must have been the fact that it was an older crowd, who had a bit more composure.
Speaking of older, I was having a discussion with my 37year old sister and she asked how my night went, and I said, well, I had fun, but the place seemed to be filled with "old people". She said, what do you mean by old? Do you mean 40'a or 50's? I said, no, mostly 30's and over. She asked, was it someone's birthday and I said actually, yes, there were a few birthdays. Her tone changed and she said, 'you dont call those type of people old" and I thought, I get it now. Why would I say that to someone who falls in that age range. Its just like hearing my 10year old nephew say, that party was full of old people and these old people are my age. Sheesh!!!
I went off to a bar with my cousin. May I say this is my 3rd visit to a bar/club in London, so pardon me if I take every little detail of all that was happening around me.
Another sole reason, I looked forward to it, was to hear all my favourite songs, both Nigerian and non, blaring out of loud speakers and watching many others make total fools of themselves as they tried to compose themselves, albeit hammered out of their brains. And both, I did to my contentment. Though, Ive never been a big fan of partying, I love to dance, I'm not sure how those two correspond but I'm sure there are many more people out there who these apply to.
When I told 2 of my friends that I was hitting town, so to speak, one of them said she couldnt picture me in a club. Well here is a picture, I won't say the girl standing alone in the corner, for I definitely wont be termed the loser who does that either to get attention or to just look like a loser. I might be with one or 2 friends. When I say friends, I dont mean those that want to go out looking all dolled up and sitting cross legged when they are out, I'm talking those that can have fun and by that I mean dance. Why pay £20 quid to go and look pretty when I can have fun that can last me for another 3 years or more?
So I noticed a few things. The people who wear sunglasses into clubs are real. I see pictures and I think, hmm maybe he just put it on for the pictures, but no, this dude had it on the whole night and did a very good job of looking very stupid through out the night too.
Exposing the breatises is very common fashion and I don't mean the cleavage cos that doesnt count. I'm talking half of each breast popping out of the dress. This makes me wonder, is the dress too small, i.e the designer got the size right, but didn't anticipate the the buyer would be fully endowed or was it made that way? I was a bit baffled when ladies like me had their endowments all up in my face. So I turned to my cousin and asked, does this attract guys? He said to me, well there are guys that are attracted to big breasts, whilst others prefer big bums. Then I said, no, thats not my question. Are they still attracted when they are both out and staring you in the face? His response, "well I don't know". If he doesn't know, does that mean all those efforts by those ladies fruitless? I wonder.
The drinking: I noticed was minimal. I wondered if it was because of the credit crunch or just the different environment. Comparing it to a university union where every one is pretty smashed, I figured it must have been the fact that it was an older crowd, who had a bit more composure.
Speaking of older, I was having a discussion with my 37year old sister and she asked how my night went, and I said, well, I had fun, but the place seemed to be filled with "old people". She said, what do you mean by old? Do you mean 40'a or 50's? I said, no, mostly 30's and over. She asked, was it someone's birthday and I said actually, yes, there were a few birthdays. Her tone changed and she said, 'you dont call those type of people old" and I thought, I get it now. Why would I say that to someone who falls in that age range. Its just like hearing my 10year old nephew say, that party was full of old people and these old people are my age. Sheesh!!!
Lightupnigeria
I joined the lightupnigeria movementon Twitter for the first time today and I enjoyed. It so happened that there was a march to the state house as well and we were able to get updates as well as pictures on how it went.
I must say that I am proud of us. I was once told that this movement wouldn't make any progress maily for the fact that all we Nigerians do is complain and do nothing to seek a change. Today, those people were proven wrong. They will see that not only do we want change, we want it now.
I saw thousands clad in their lightupnigeria branded tshirts both in green and White colours and I felt elated that we are not sitting behind the comforts of out desks and pasting lightupnigeria in our every tweet
Now that this step has been taken, it is not for us to become complacent and do nothing anymore neither shall we sit back and wait for God knows how long for a response to be given to us. It is our right and we demand it. It has become ridiculous and too long accepted. We have to do something about it. We need to get to the bottom of it.
I know I don't have any solutions, not anything that fellow blogger Solomonsydelle has not mentioned nor the many other people. But I know that I'm ready to be a part of change.
Are you?
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I must say that I am proud of us. I was once told that this movement wouldn't make any progress maily for the fact that all we Nigerians do is complain and do nothing to seek a change. Today, those people were proven wrong. They will see that not only do we want change, we want it now.
I saw thousands clad in their lightupnigeria branded tshirts both in green and White colours and I felt elated that we are not sitting behind the comforts of out desks and pasting lightupnigeria in our every tweet
Now that this step has been taken, it is not for us to become complacent and do nothing anymore neither shall we sit back and wait for God knows how long for a response to be given to us. It is our right and we demand it. It has become ridiculous and too long accepted. We have to do something about it. We need to get to the bottom of it.
I know I don't have any solutions, not anything that fellow blogger Solomonsydelle has not mentioned nor the many other people. But I know that I'm ready to be a part of change.
Are you?
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
A single story
A friend of mine just sent me a link to a talk given by our very own Chimamanda Adichie, the author of Purple Hibiscus and Half of a yellow sun. The talk revolves around the thoughts of us as people on others, particularly when these thougts are formed when we have incomplete information, basically "a single story".
She speaks about the "single stories" that she has heard mostly about "Africans". These include the surprise a lot of people feel, that Nigerians can speak English, or the fact that we do listen Mariah Carey and not our "tribal music".
From my point of view, I don't think it's got anything to do with racism, as naive as that sounds. Because Chimamanda confesses to the fact that she also held single stories about certain people, such as mexicans who are portrayed by Americans as "abject immigrants" as opposed to the learned, hard working people she saw mexicans to be when she visited their country. That goes to show that no one is beyond formulating single stories. Not necessarily in respect to countries, but also individuals. Forming impressions about someones entire lineage or family background based on one person, as Chimamanda did their house-boy's family whom she was made to understand were poor. She then saw a raffia basket that his brother had woven and realised that the only thing she had attached to his boy and his family was "poverty" and nothing else.
This got me thinking. If she speaks about it this way, it means everyone out there does it in one way or the other. When we form these stories about individuals, then it's probably our faults for narrowly assessing people. Then if it's done to larger groups such as countries or a tribe, is it then our fault for not being thoroughly enlightened or the fault of the informant who most likely make sure to omit important information and constantly reiterate that single story that they want you to be aware of.
How then do we solve the situation? Simple! Others may say. "just look for more information". But is it that easy? I don't think it is. Even with the ease that information technology has brought in providing information, our generation does not seem to have thirst for this knowledge. We want to be spoon fed! Then we complain when Africa is named along with countries when it's a continent housing over 40 countries or when an american thinks Kofi Anaan is a coffee derivative (and probably quite expensive too). All in this 21st century, or more recently this year 2009. Meanwhile the average African knows that Utah is an American state and not a fellow African's surname.
But then it's all well and good to point fingers. The question is, what's the way forward?
I do it, you do it too, we all do, but how do we stop it? Both as the receiving end of a single story and the creators of single stories.
Below is the link to the video
http://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story.html
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
She speaks about the "single stories" that she has heard mostly about "Africans". These include the surprise a lot of people feel, that Nigerians can speak English, or the fact that we do listen Mariah Carey and not our "tribal music".
From my point of view, I don't think it's got anything to do with racism, as naive as that sounds. Because Chimamanda confesses to the fact that she also held single stories about certain people, such as mexicans who are portrayed by Americans as "abject immigrants" as opposed to the learned, hard working people she saw mexicans to be when she visited their country. That goes to show that no one is beyond formulating single stories. Not necessarily in respect to countries, but also individuals. Forming impressions about someones entire lineage or family background based on one person, as Chimamanda did their house-boy's family whom she was made to understand were poor. She then saw a raffia basket that his brother had woven and realised that the only thing she had attached to his boy and his family was "poverty" and nothing else.
This got me thinking. If she speaks about it this way, it means everyone out there does it in one way or the other. When we form these stories about individuals, then it's probably our faults for narrowly assessing people. Then if it's done to larger groups such as countries or a tribe, is it then our fault for not being thoroughly enlightened or the fault of the informant who most likely make sure to omit important information and constantly reiterate that single story that they want you to be aware of.
How then do we solve the situation? Simple! Others may say. "just look for more information". But is it that easy? I don't think it is. Even with the ease that information technology has brought in providing information, our generation does not seem to have thirst for this knowledge. We want to be spoon fed! Then we complain when Africa is named along with countries when it's a continent housing over 40 countries or when an american thinks Kofi Anaan is a coffee derivative (and probably quite expensive too). All in this 21st century, or more recently this year 2009. Meanwhile the average African knows that Utah is an American state and not a fellow African's surname.
But then it's all well and good to point fingers. The question is, what's the way forward?
I do it, you do it too, we all do, but how do we stop it? Both as the receiving end of a single story and the creators of single stories.
Below is the link to the video
http://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story.html
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Say you're one of them
So I've just recently completed the book "Say you're one of them", written by Uwem Akpan.
Got to know about it from Sugarbelly, who says the author used to be her teacher.
For me, I try very hard to read Nigerian authors as I feel that it's what I need to jolt me back into my love for reading, especially when i've gone a long stretch without a good book. I did so with both Chimamanda's books and I never regretted it.
So I was rather excited about this new catch. The day after I read sugarbelly's post about "Say you're one of them", I went into waterstones and paid full price for it. Something I daresay Ive never really done, thanks to charity shops' cheap prices, WhSmith vouchers/offers and a sister who lives and breathes Amazon. So trust me, I felt very proud of myself and looked forward to more achievements like this.
I started the book on a train journey, which is a far cry from what my train journeys have been like in the last few months. Basically, I sleep on the train. I live quite far out in London and I love a little snooze in either a car or train. This is one thing I will miss when I get to naija. My eyes need to be wide open when I'm on public or non public transport. I don't want my bag or even my very self disappearing before my own eyes.
Anyways I started the book, with all excitement and anticipation of an exceptional journey.
It's a collection of short stories, each narrated by a different child, as each story is from a different country, all in Africa.
It tells of the struggles of children and their people in these troubled countries, Nigeria inclusive. The Nigerian story (the longest) revolved around the killings that took place when the Sharia laws were introduced in the north, whilst another story looks at Rwanda and the unrest between the Hutus and the Tutsis. Having seen Hotel Rwanda, I read that story like someone who has a fair knowledge of what that was all about. Plus being Nigerian and Muslim, I knew what the Nigerian story was all about as well.
For someone who was once a literature student, I embraced the book beyond it's theme and viewed it in respect to it's narrative style and structure.
I must say that it does an excellent job in giving the public a deeper view into the happenings in these countries, beyond what we see on the news or read on the Internet. It especially does so from the point of view of the most vulnerable parts of a nation's demographic; the children. When we see these things on the news, we never understand the intricacies of these occurrences, let alone their resulting effect on this part of the population.
On the other hand though, the book did drag a little, for me and took me almost 3 weeks to finish and that, doesnt happen very often. I found myself starting to skim read and when I do that, it means I'm bored. It was in no way boredom from the story, but more of style and a lot of things I considered to be irrelevant, especially in the Nigerian story, which unsurprisingly was the longest.
However, i will say that it's a good read, not great but good. It's pluses as I said are in regards to the theme that it chose, and the voices used. Its lows are mostly in consistency, fluidity, transition and relevance. These to some may not be considered important, but for me these play a huge role in my overall enjoyment of the book.
But still, I must say well done Mr Akpan. The book has been short and longlisted for prizes and that, is a great achievement.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Got to know about it from Sugarbelly, who says the author used to be her teacher.
For me, I try very hard to read Nigerian authors as I feel that it's what I need to jolt me back into my love for reading, especially when i've gone a long stretch without a good book. I did so with both Chimamanda's books and I never regretted it.
So I was rather excited about this new catch. The day after I read sugarbelly's post about "Say you're one of them", I went into waterstones and paid full price for it. Something I daresay Ive never really done, thanks to charity shops' cheap prices, WhSmith vouchers/offers and a sister who lives and breathes Amazon. So trust me, I felt very proud of myself and looked forward to more achievements like this.
I started the book on a train journey, which is a far cry from what my train journeys have been like in the last few months. Basically, I sleep on the train. I live quite far out in London and I love a little snooze in either a car or train. This is one thing I will miss when I get to naija. My eyes need to be wide open when I'm on public or non public transport. I don't want my bag or even my very self disappearing before my own eyes.
Anyways I started the book, with all excitement and anticipation of an exceptional journey.
It's a collection of short stories, each narrated by a different child, as each story is from a different country, all in Africa.
It tells of the struggles of children and their people in these troubled countries, Nigeria inclusive. The Nigerian story (the longest) revolved around the killings that took place when the Sharia laws were introduced in the north, whilst another story looks at Rwanda and the unrest between the Hutus and the Tutsis. Having seen Hotel Rwanda, I read that story like someone who has a fair knowledge of what that was all about. Plus being Nigerian and Muslim, I knew what the Nigerian story was all about as well.
For someone who was once a literature student, I embraced the book beyond it's theme and viewed it in respect to it's narrative style and structure.
I must say that it does an excellent job in giving the public a deeper view into the happenings in these countries, beyond what we see on the news or read on the Internet. It especially does so from the point of view of the most vulnerable parts of a nation's demographic; the children. When we see these things on the news, we never understand the intricacies of these occurrences, let alone their resulting effect on this part of the population.
On the other hand though, the book did drag a little, for me and took me almost 3 weeks to finish and that, doesnt happen very often. I found myself starting to skim read and when I do that, it means I'm bored. It was in no way boredom from the story, but more of style and a lot of things I considered to be irrelevant, especially in the Nigerian story, which unsurprisingly was the longest.
However, i will say that it's a good read, not great but good. It's pluses as I said are in regards to the theme that it chose, and the voices used. Its lows are mostly in consistency, fluidity, transition and relevance. These to some may not be considered important, but for me these play a huge role in my overall enjoyment of the book.
But still, I must say well done Mr Akpan. The book has been short and longlisted for prizes and that, is a great achievement.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Recently...
I seem to have lost my flare for blogging..
Maybe because nothing happens in my life. I literally, wake up, help get the kids ready for school, go to work, get back, get them to bed, eat, go to my room and talk to a few people on messenger, fall asleep in the middle of the conversation and the cycle begins all over again.
Or maybe its that things, do happen but Ive lost that connection with my blog. I think its because Ive met a few bloggers and plainly cos I dont want to discuss anything I've published with anyone. For some who dont know, I dont discuss my blog outside of blogger, even with other bloggers.
Or maybe because my brain is not functioning right at the moment. Ive never been one to creatively write up something. My posts are usually spurred by occurrences around me and now, I cant be bothered to process anything in my head right now.
Or maybe because I am bored out of my brains with the monotony that my life seems to be holed up in at the moment. I dont find things interesting anymore. I think one person is full if shit, whilst the other is full of even more shit and the last one is burried in the shit. Some people just need to eff off like seriously. I've lost all interest in people. Both girls and guys. Me thinks Ive taken to much nonsense from a lot of people, even after thinking I was smart enough to deal with the good, the bad and the fugly!
Life and the people in it have lost all relevant meaning to me right now. One would thing something major has happened recently that has caused me to feel this way. Thats not the case. I actually dont know what the case is. I think its like watching a movie and halfway through, you just hiss and change the channel.
Lets see what channel can lift my spirits
Maybe because nothing happens in my life. I literally, wake up, help get the kids ready for school, go to work, get back, get them to bed, eat, go to my room and talk to a few people on messenger, fall asleep in the middle of the conversation and the cycle begins all over again.
Or maybe its that things, do happen but Ive lost that connection with my blog. I think its because Ive met a few bloggers and plainly cos I dont want to discuss anything I've published with anyone. For some who dont know, I dont discuss my blog outside of blogger, even with other bloggers.
Or maybe because my brain is not functioning right at the moment. Ive never been one to creatively write up something. My posts are usually spurred by occurrences around me and now, I cant be bothered to process anything in my head right now.
Or maybe because I am bored out of my brains with the monotony that my life seems to be holed up in at the moment. I dont find things interesting anymore. I think one person is full if shit, whilst the other is full of even more shit and the last one is burried in the shit. Some people just need to eff off like seriously. I've lost all interest in people. Both girls and guys. Me thinks Ive taken to much nonsense from a lot of people, even after thinking I was smart enough to deal with the good, the bad and the fugly!
Life and the people in it have lost all relevant meaning to me right now. One would thing something major has happened recently that has caused me to feel this way. Thats not the case. I actually dont know what the case is. I think its like watching a movie and halfway through, you just hiss and change the channel.
Lets see what channel can lift my spirits
Yay!!!!
Now we are getting there!
Happy birthday darling!
Now lets perfect this icing dammit!
I need this thing to fetch me good money.
LOL
A long way to go abi?
Happy birthday darling!
Now lets perfect this icing dammit!
I need this thing to fetch me good money.
LOL
A long way to go abi?
Fear
Talking to a another faceless friend
I began to lament
I wanted to be a child again
These responsibilities are overwhelming
Too daunting
Am I going to cope?
He said, it's life, deal with it
I said it's not fair, I feel a knife somewhere carving out who I'm meant to be
He said well, it'll just carve out a hollow space
A space I'm supposed to fill
How do I know I can do a good job of it?
I don't think I can
Every single day sees the birth of a new task, a new duty
I see a child on the street and I smile. Does that automatically bestow good traits of motherhood on me?
That's just one of the many responsibilities
The very many
How do I even know I'll have them.
How does the future automatically make these decisions
It shouldn't be so
I can't do this
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I began to lament
I wanted to be a child again
These responsibilities are overwhelming
Too daunting
Am I going to cope?
He said, it's life, deal with it
I said it's not fair, I feel a knife somewhere carving out who I'm meant to be
He said well, it'll just carve out a hollow space
A space I'm supposed to fill
How do I know I can do a good job of it?
I don't think I can
Every single day sees the birth of a new task, a new duty
I see a child on the street and I smile. Does that automatically bestow good traits of motherhood on me?
That's just one of the many responsibilities
The very many
How do I even know I'll have them.
How does the future automatically make these decisions
It shouldn't be so
I can't do this
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Eid
I know its a day late, but for those in Nigeria who have 2 days off. It's still on point.
EID MUBARAK
I hope everyone enjoyed their Sallah. May Allah accept all our fasts and prayers.
All those in Nigeria are the ones enjoying o.
2 Days off!!
Thats what you call a country.
Other people may say that we are a lazy country, but to be honest, its for the appreciation of the fact that not everyone is a christian or atheist or ogun worshipper. I bet some states declare public holidays for appeasing their gods (dont quote me but I wont be surprised if it happens). Talk less of a place like the UK, that claims it is multi cultural, cannot think to give one day as a bank Holiday for this Eid or any Eid for that matter!!!
Anyways, I had to squeeze all my celebrations into one lousy sunday, whilst y'all get 3 days to do that!
I'm not hating. Dont worry.
One thing that annoys me though, is how, its only muslims that obviously remember to wish other muslims a happy Eid. I actually take offence, especially when people I call 'close' friends dont take the initiative to do so. Only one person actually said Happy Eid to me yesterday and that person, I dont even know well. I think these sorts of things are taken for granted. I know at Easter or Christmas, I try to at least send a general message to everyone, cos muslims dont celebrate those. Its just courtesy and an appreciation of the way of life of the person you call a friend or workmate or whatever. I swear my boss didnt even know what Eid was, let alone think to give me the day off, regardless of if it was a weekend or not.
It just goes to show how 'unconcerned' we are about the next person.
Its not acceptable.
A rant for a monday afternoon!!
PS: I'm not asking for an 'Eid Mubarak' now that I've talked about it, there is no point. Save it till next year and when you do remember, please say it to your muslim friends. Trust me the thought goes a long way.
EID MUBARAK
I hope everyone enjoyed their Sallah. May Allah accept all our fasts and prayers.
All those in Nigeria are the ones enjoying o.
2 Days off!!
Thats what you call a country.
Other people may say that we are a lazy country, but to be honest, its for the appreciation of the fact that not everyone is a christian or atheist or ogun worshipper. I bet some states declare public holidays for appeasing their gods (dont quote me but I wont be surprised if it happens). Talk less of a place like the UK, that claims it is multi cultural, cannot think to give one day as a bank Holiday for this Eid or any Eid for that matter!!!
Anyways, I had to squeeze all my celebrations into one lousy sunday, whilst y'all get 3 days to do that!
I'm not hating. Dont worry.
One thing that annoys me though, is how, its only muslims that obviously remember to wish other muslims a happy Eid. I actually take offence, especially when people I call 'close' friends dont take the initiative to do so. Only one person actually said Happy Eid to me yesterday and that person, I dont even know well. I think these sorts of things are taken for granted. I know at Easter or Christmas, I try to at least send a general message to everyone, cos muslims dont celebrate those. Its just courtesy and an appreciation of the way of life of the person you call a friend or workmate or whatever. I swear my boss didnt even know what Eid was, let alone think to give me the day off, regardless of if it was a weekend or not.
It just goes to show how 'unconcerned' we are about the next person.
Its not acceptable.
A rant for a monday afternoon!!
PS: I'm not asking for an 'Eid Mubarak' now that I've talked about it, there is no point. Save it till next year and when you do remember, please say it to your muslim friends. Trust me the thought goes a long way.
When its...
...my birthday,
*UPDATE* Its not my birthday, but when it is...I want to be the birthday cake
Hahahaha...
Jeremiah's still rocks though
And when I listen to Drake's version, I end up singing this...
Oh and yeah. I copped this from facebook. Everyone seems to be ooing and ahhing over it.
Honestly, do we really believe half of it?
Yeah, "Let us pay for you" my foot!!!
But read and let me hear your thoughts.
I hope everyone is having a good week so far?
*UPDATE* Its not my birthday, but when it is...I want to be the birthday cake
Hahahaha...
Jeremiah's still rocks though
And when I listen to Drake's version, I end up singing this...
Oh and yeah. I copped this from facebook. Everyone seems to be ooing and ahhing over it.
Honestly, do we really believe half of it?
Yeah, "Let us pay for you" my foot!!!
But read and let me hear your thoughts.
I hope everyone is having a good week so far?
*********************************************
We don't care if you're friends with other guys.
But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him, without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off.
It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we're still there.
We don't care if a guy calls >OR TEXTS<>
but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned..
Nothing is that important at 2 am
That it can't wait till the morning.
Also, when we tell you you're pretty/ beautiful/ gorgeous/
cute/ stunning, we freaking mean it.
Don't tell us we're wrong.
We'll stop trying to convince you
The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence.
Yeah, you can quote me.
Don't be mad when we hold the door open
Take Advantage of the mood I'm in.
Let us pay for you!
dont "feel bad"
We enjoy doing it.
It's expected.
Smile and say "thank you.
Kiss us when no one's watching.
If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking, we'll be more impressed.
You don't have to get dressed up for us.
If we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the need to
wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own.
We like you for who you are and not what you are.
Honestly, i think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pj's.
or my tshirt and boxers, not all dolled up.
Don't take everything we say seriously.
Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it.
Don't get angry easily.
Stop using magazines/media
as your bible.
Don't talk about how hott Chris Brown,
Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney is in front of us
It's boring, and we don't care. You have girlfriends for that.
Whatever happened to the word "handsome"
I'd be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me
with "Hey handsome!" instead of "Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/ sexy" or whatever else you can think of.
On the other hand I'm not saying I wouldn't like it ether ;)
Girls, I cannot stress this enough: if you aren't being treated right by a guy, dont wait for him to change!!!!!
Ditch his sorry ass, disgrace to the male population
and find someone who will treat you with utter respect
Someone who will honor your morals.
Someone who will make you smile when you're at your lowest.
Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel.
Someone who will stop what they're doing just to look you in the eyes....and say "i love you" ..and actually mean it.
Give the nice guys a chance.
Guys repost this if you agree.
Girls repost this if you think it's cute
Every Guy who isn't a jerk will agree with this,
so we hope that all the girls that read this will repost this.
ADVICE:
*Holdin Hands
Girls :If you want to hold his hand, gently bump into it a couple of times
*Movies
Girls : During a movie, if he puts his arm around you, tilt your head on his shoulder
Guys : Lift her chin up and kiss her.
*Loving each other
Guys : When she tells you she loves you, look deep into her eyes, give her a peck on the lips, and tell her you love her
too... And mean it
*Laying below the stars
Girls : When you're both laying under the stars, put your head on his chest and close your eyes as you listen to his steady heart beat
Guys : Whisper in her ear and link your hands with hers.
Girls repost as: written by a guy.
Guys post as: girls need to realize.
We don't care if you're friends with other guys.
But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him, without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off.
It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we're still there.
We don't care if a guy calls >OR TEXTS<>
but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned..
Nothing is that important at 2 am
That it can't wait till the morning.
Also, when we tell you you're pretty/ beautiful/ gorgeous/
cute/ stunning, we freaking mean it.
Don't tell us we're wrong.
We'll stop trying to convince you
The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence.
Yeah, you can quote me.
Don't be mad when we hold the door open
Take Advantage of the mood I'm in.
Let us pay for you!
dont "feel bad"
We enjoy doing it.
It's expected.
Smile and say "thank you.
Kiss us when no one's watching.
If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking, we'll be more impressed.
You don't have to get dressed up for us.
If we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the need to
wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own.
We like you for who you are and not what you are.
Honestly, i think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pj's.
or my tshirt and boxers, not all dolled up.
Don't take everything we say seriously.
Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it.
Don't get angry easily.
Stop using magazines/media
as your bible.
Don't talk about how hott Chris Brown,
Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney is in front of us
It's boring, and we don't care. You have girlfriends for that.
Whatever happened to the word "handsome"
I'd be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me
with "Hey handsome!" instead of "Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/ sexy" or whatever else you can think of.
On the other hand I'm not saying I wouldn't like it ether ;)
Girls, I cannot stress this enough: if you aren't being treated right by a guy, dont wait for him to change!!!!!
Ditch his sorry ass, disgrace to the male population
and find someone who will treat you with utter respect
Someone who will honor your morals.
Someone who will make you smile when you're at your lowest.
Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel.
Someone who will stop what they're doing just to look you in the eyes....and say "i love you" ..and actually mean it.
Give the nice guys a chance.
Guys repost this if you agree.
Girls repost this if you think it's cute
Every Guy who isn't a jerk will agree with this,
so we hope that all the girls that read this will repost this.
ADVICE:
*Holdin Hands
Girls :If you want to hold his hand, gently bump into it a couple of times
*Movies
Girls : During a movie, if he puts his arm around you, tilt your head on his shoulder
Guys : Lift her chin up and kiss her.
*Loving each other
Guys : When she tells you she loves you, look deep into her eyes, give her a peck on the lips, and tell her you love her
too... And mean it
*Laying below the stars
Girls : When you're both laying under the stars, put your head on his chest and close your eyes as you listen to his steady heart beat
Guys : Whisper in her ear and link your hands with hers.
Girls repost as: written by a guy.
Guys post as: girls need to realize.
Because why??
We keep complaining about the Sony PS3 advert and District 9. It's not like what the guy uttered isnt entirely true, isnt it?
We need to check ourselves. This is unacceptable and very played out. I dont find this very amusing anymore. At some point, I used to. Now, I dont think it is anymore.
If I am next of kin to someone, I would know who the HELL they are. Dont be sending me this jack shit!
Please, what is this?
I'll tell you what it is, a very stupid email, from a very stupid somebody.
NONSENSE!
Diamond Bank Plc
70 Harnham Road.
SP2 8JN
England,UK.
This is to inform you that you have been chosen as next of kin by one Mrs.Helen Morris who has been hospitalized.According to her,her total cash,shares,stock and bonds should be transfered to your possession.If truly you are her next of kin,please state it.Any form of identification is acceptable. You have the next 24hrs to reply or this transaction will be declined.
Regards,
Ohis Ohiwerei
Diamond Bank
Executive Director &
International Financial Officer
(44) 701-111-6284
We need to check ourselves. This is unacceptable and very played out. I dont find this very amusing anymore. At some point, I used to. Now, I dont think it is anymore.
If I am next of kin to someone, I would know who the HELL they are. Dont be sending me this jack shit!
Please, what is this?
I'll tell you what it is, a very stupid email, from a very stupid somebody.
NONSENSE!
Diamond Bank Plc
70 Harnham Road.
SP2 8JN
England,UK.
This is to inform you that you have been chosen as next of kin by one Mrs.Helen Morris who has been hospitalized.According to her,her total cash,shares,stock and bonds should be transfered to your possession.If truly you are her next of kin,please state it.Any form of identification is acceptable. You have the next 24hrs to reply or this transaction will be declined.
Regards,
Ohis Ohiwerei
Diamond Bank
Executive Director &
International Financial Officer
(44) 701-111-6284
One day at the station..
Guess what that guy was doing!
On the train...
PS: Sorry about the position of the video...I had to do it discreetly
...If you didnt guess,
He was smoking!!!!!!!!!!!
One afternoon, on my way to Westfield, I changed trains at Edgware road and the train decided to sleep at the platform and to watch time pass by, this guy decided to light up a cigarrette!
I dont think he remembered the ban: 'no smoking in enclosed public places'
The good samaritan
That got caught!
http://shakaratv.com/webisodes/the-good-samaritan.html
I wonder:
- Would you help her?
-What would you do if you got caught?
UPDATE:
-Erm the template is new and my 'search' box seems to have walked. If you find it please let me know where it is
http://shakaratv.com/webisodes/the-good-samaritan.html
I wonder:
- Would you help her?
-What would you do if you got caught?
UPDATE:
-Erm the template is new and my 'search' box seems to have walked. If you find it please let me know where it is
Why...
...Arrest them to find out what they did with the money?
Here's what they did with the money...
Oh thats GTB by the way
YAY!
Today...
My little 4 year old started schooooollll!!!!
I was excited
I was excited for him
I was too excited for him
I was excited to get him dressed in his uniform!!
Yes uniform...
I was excited to go shopping for his uniform!!!!
I love uniforms...I hate schools that dont wear uniforms
I proudly wore mine
But I couldnt go with him to school cos I had to work. But we took loads of pictures and he got tired of taking pictures. He's back home now and knackered...HAHA...good thing about school is, it wears you out. Now I dont have a problem sending them to bed at 7:30..YEAH!!!
*Victory dance*
------------
PS...I got some mails about my last post...apparently it scared some people, well erm such is life. We never know what it brings our way do we?
I know I've been away (yet again), pardon me..Ive been dealing with too many things.
Oh and the little boy is my nephew- don't I wish he was mine, with the way he looked cute this morning??
My little 4 year old started schooooollll!!!!
I was excited
I was excited for him
I was too excited for him
I was excited to get him dressed in his uniform!!
Yes uniform...
I was excited to go shopping for his uniform!!!!
I love uniforms...I hate schools that dont wear uniforms
I proudly wore mine
But I couldnt go with him to school cos I had to work. But we took loads of pictures and he got tired of taking pictures. He's back home now and knackered...HAHA...good thing about school is, it wears you out. Now I dont have a problem sending them to bed at 7:30..YEAH!!!
*Victory dance*
------------
PS...I got some mails about my last post...apparently it scared some people, well erm such is life. We never know what it brings our way do we?
I know I've been away (yet again), pardon me..Ive been dealing with too many things.
Oh and the little boy is my nephew- don't I wish he was mine, with the way he looked cute this morning??
Malignity
Slowly
Then rapidly,
Circulating cells
Fatal cells
Possessing her being
Making it vulnerable
"all clear"
"You are now in remission" he says
"The fractions will still remain though"
This game had been won, a winner was declared
It was short lived.
Like being pushed off the podium and the medal yanked off her neck
Pain and anguish reigned
Amidst fighting a battle that defeats chemistry
Suddenly
He asks,
"What is the the date today madam"?
"Your daughters are here"
Checking for functionality.
No response
No recognition
The silence becomes deafening
Looks, like daggers are exchanged
Piercing the others' skin
"not dead"! She still breathes
With the twitch of an eyelid
As rapidly as it came,
The race was on again
But The winner had been declared,
She was gone
With No medal
Nothing
She'd quit
She was gone
Then rapidly,
Circulating cells
Fatal cells
Possessing her being
Making it vulnerable
"all clear"
"You are now in remission" he says
"The fractions will still remain though"
This game had been won, a winner was declared
It was short lived.
Like being pushed off the podium and the medal yanked off her neck
Pain and anguish reigned
Amidst fighting a battle that defeats chemistry
Suddenly
He asks,
"What is the the date today madam"?
"Your daughters are here"
Checking for functionality.
No response
No recognition
The silence becomes deafening
Looks, like daggers are exchanged
Piercing the others' skin
"not dead"! She still breathes
With the twitch of an eyelid
As rapidly as it came,
The race was on again
But The winner had been declared,
She was gone
With No medal
Nothing
She'd quit
She was gone
UM.....
I'll get back to you guys on the rest of that story..
Come to think of it, why do you think there is a 'rest' to it?
I know I've been MIA, its work o! One would think I work in Goldman Sachs with the way these people use me....NOW I MISS UNI!!! I want to be a student again. I'm not cut out for this 9-6 mehn!
NEVERS!
I've said that its either I marry rich or win the lotto- 9-6 cant happen for a long time.
NO NO NO!!!!
Anyways, it was my sister's birthday a few weeks ago and I cooked her some surprise fried rice, with some funky chicken
and baked. I tried icing the cake for the first time in my life and it all went totally wrong. Now I know I cant go into cake making for a living...or maybe the icing I bought was just rubbish - You guys will be kept up to date on the baking - unfortunately, you guys cant do any tasting, but be rest assured that my baking is mad, even though the icing appears to say otherwise!
I know you like....hmmmmm
Come to think of it, why do you think there is a 'rest' to it?
I know I've been MIA, its work o! One would think I work in Goldman Sachs with the way these people use me....NOW I MISS UNI!!! I want to be a student again. I'm not cut out for this 9-6 mehn!
NEVERS!
I've said that its either I marry rich or win the lotto- 9-6 cant happen for a long time.
NO NO NO!!!!
Anyways, it was my sister's birthday a few weeks ago and I cooked her some surprise fried rice, with some funky chicken
and baked. I tried icing the cake for the first time in my life and it all went totally wrong. Now I know I cant go into cake making for a living...or maybe the icing I bought was just rubbish - You guys will be kept up to date on the baking - unfortunately, you guys cant do any tasting, but be rest assured that my baking is mad, even though the icing appears to say otherwise!
I know you like....hmmmmm
Lastly...
''I could take a look for you"...
The email said.
That was the first time they spoke.
In reply to rants about burns
Then it all started, boy meets girl, far across the oceans and seas.
Their conversation is endless, probably for fear that the chemistry might start to diminish with each passing second...first the emails for he was on the move, then to messenger when he wasnt.
It had no destination.
A week went by and there was no sign of life from that end. Then she thought, ''yes, I've done it again". "Like I always do, managed to chase him away"
The following lines were "please put me out of my misery and tell me what I've done", half hoping he wouldnt come back with a "ýour sarcasm"..for she knew that though she meant to be witty most times, it bordered on being rude.
"Nothing", it said.. "I've just been very busy". Ön the move, remember?"
Her thoughts read, "yeah right". ''Í know busy''. ''Busy is; sorry, I dont think this is working out and we'd rather end it, before it begins''
But for once... or so she thought, busy did mean busy.
The following weeks went past and it started to seem like, they were ''born to do it''.
Born to just talk.
On and on, till the sun set on one end and rose on the other. Till the hours trickled into minutes and minutes into seconds.
It was as though they were trying to play 'catch up' on not knowing each other since birth. Trying not to blame life and their parents, for choosing to live on separate ends of the country.
They say the start is always rosy.
The smell is always fresh.
The taste is always sweet.
The feeling is soft and warm.
The start is always rosy
Weeks later, came the transitions.
''May I please call you baby''? No one had ever asked that before. It felt like a trick question.
''No? Yes? Do as you please''? ''Why''?
Then the heart jolting, mind shaking question came.
''Why are you so rigid''?
''I beg your pardon''
''Yes, lacking emotion''. he said. As though in her veins ran lava, molten rocks as opposed to blood. Whilst her bones were a mixture of cement and bone tissue. So he must have thought, for her, feelings didnt exist. They might have just been a combination of eight letters of the alphabet, meant for describing someone who was human, not her.
''Dont you see the signs''?
''What signs''? She asked? At this point, thoughts were failing her, and ultimately, words.
"I like you very much and you know it, if not for anything, for the fact that I tell you every day, and all you do is smile and veer the conversation in a different, unrelated direction".
Words still failed.
''I tell you that I miss you, even though the only time not spent talking, is time spent sleeping''. ''So why are you making it harder''?
Then the thoughts came flooding in...its current was overwhelming. ''So why am I being rigid''? She asked herself''?
The waves of thoughts couldnt be held back in any longer. It forced its way to the shores of her lips and an ''I like you too'' followed suit. ''But honestly, I find it hard to say these things''. ''I'm a very reserved person and besides, you have just come out of a long, 'probably would have ended in marriage' type of relationship''. ''I didnt want to lead you on and take advantage of your vulnerability''.
''What do you mean vulnerability?" ''it's no big deal. We are just friends, telling each other how we feel''.
Imprudently, the word ''friends'' didnt register, but the rest of the sentence did.
Months later, 'friends'' then vehemently came back to bite her in the back side.
The email said.
That was the first time they spoke.
In reply to rants about burns
Then it all started, boy meets girl, far across the oceans and seas.
Their conversation is endless, probably for fear that the chemistry might start to diminish with each passing second...first the emails for he was on the move, then to messenger when he wasnt.
It had no destination.
A week went by and there was no sign of life from that end. Then she thought, ''yes, I've done it again". "Like I always do, managed to chase him away"
The following lines were "please put me out of my misery and tell me what I've done", half hoping he wouldnt come back with a "ýour sarcasm"..for she knew that though she meant to be witty most times, it bordered on being rude.
"Nothing", it said.. "I've just been very busy". Ön the move, remember?"
Her thoughts read, "yeah right". ''Í know busy''. ''Busy is; sorry, I dont think this is working out and we'd rather end it, before it begins''
But for once... or so she thought, busy did mean busy.
The following weeks went past and it started to seem like, they were ''born to do it''.
Born to just talk.
On and on, till the sun set on one end and rose on the other. Till the hours trickled into minutes and minutes into seconds.
It was as though they were trying to play 'catch up' on not knowing each other since birth. Trying not to blame life and their parents, for choosing to live on separate ends of the country.
They say the start is always rosy.
The smell is always fresh.
The taste is always sweet.
The feeling is soft and warm.
The start is always rosy
Weeks later, came the transitions.
''May I please call you baby''? No one had ever asked that before. It felt like a trick question.
''No? Yes? Do as you please''? ''Why''?
Then the heart jolting, mind shaking question came.
''Why are you so rigid''?
''I beg your pardon''
''Yes, lacking emotion''. he said. As though in her veins ran lava, molten rocks as opposed to blood. Whilst her bones were a mixture of cement and bone tissue. So he must have thought, for her, feelings didnt exist. They might have just been a combination of eight letters of the alphabet, meant for describing someone who was human, not her.
''Dont you see the signs''?
''What signs''? She asked? At this point, thoughts were failing her, and ultimately, words.
"I like you very much and you know it, if not for anything, for the fact that I tell you every day, and all you do is smile and veer the conversation in a different, unrelated direction".
Words still failed.
''I tell you that I miss you, even though the only time not spent talking, is time spent sleeping''. ''So why are you making it harder''?
Then the thoughts came flooding in...its current was overwhelming. ''So why am I being rigid''? She asked herself''?
The waves of thoughts couldnt be held back in any longer. It forced its way to the shores of her lips and an ''I like you too'' followed suit. ''But honestly, I find it hard to say these things''. ''I'm a very reserved person and besides, you have just come out of a long, 'probably would have ended in marriage' type of relationship''. ''I didnt want to lead you on and take advantage of your vulnerability''.
''What do you mean vulnerability?" ''it's no big deal. We are just friends, telling each other how we feel''.
Imprudently, the word ''friends'' didnt register, but the rest of the sentence did.
Months later, 'friends'' then vehemently came back to bite her in the back side.
Weddings, Weddings, WEDDINGS!
You'd think that after my experience the other weekend, I'd think twice before tagging along? Well, this time it was a wedding...why would I want to miss out on a wedding, considering I havent been to one!
I had a lot of expectations really. Outside of the single girl goes to wedding to socialize: I wasnt really thinking of that, cos I just dont randomly socialise like that, especially as, once again, the person I tagged along with was the only person I knew there. I wanted to see what weddings were like these days. The deco, the outifts (ESPECIALLY), the way the event went along and many other things..most of all, to just be out. I'm usually holed up in my house gisting with my alomost 40year old sister. Trust me, I'd pick that any day over hustling to get to a wedding in south London, that I'd have to hop trains for. I take life easy!
So anyways, the person I tagged along with was a bridesmaid - talk about worsening my situation. We got there just a little bit before the church ceremony and the bride was seriously raking!!! The last bridesmaid was late! So we both ran into the bathroom at the church, she changed into her dress, luckily she had done all her make up on the train and in the cab, so all she needed were her dress and shoes. Then she left me in the bathroom to change. Which I did....and I must say I was looking rather HOT!!! I had a high waisted ankara skirt on and a black tube top, but the top was tucked in, so for some reason, everyone thought I had a dress on! After changing, I realised the ceremony had started and the bathroom leads to the side of the pews and I thot, nah mehn...Im not going into that room with the ceremony having started and attract so much attention. So I got out of the church through the back door then went back in through the main door, then took a seat right at the back. I'm a back bencher...I love it.
The ceremony lasted just over an hour, it wasnt a Nigerian church, so you must understand why it didnt take that long. Then we headed for the reception. In this time, I'd only spoken to my bridesmaid cousin just once. We got to the reception and I sat at the same table as her friend who gave me a lift to the reception. She was also a friend of the bride, so she was on her feet the whole time. So I was stuck at the table with random people, her husband and their 14 month old daughter....the beginning of a very long day
I have to say, this is the part where I brought out my observation skills. Firstly, I was bored out of my brains...as in OMG...how do people do it? Really though? Or is it just cos of the type of person that I am? I was beginning to look sad and my cousin kept asking me if I was ok. But thats just me! Anyways, I think it was cos the compere was a bit on the dulling side. He didnt grab the crowd. For instance, when people were meant to clap or count down to the cutting of the cake, they just werent responding, or maybe they were just as bored as I was. Although, I was made to understand by a friend who said Nigerians are a bit rude and ll they do is eat and not take part...they werent even listening to the groom's vote of thanks!
Some people did have their own fun though, dont get me wrong. But I think, having heard and seen quite a bit about weddings, I subconsciously had quite a few expectations. Like recently, I just saw a wedding entrance where the bridesmaids and groomsmen each danced into the church to Chris Brown's forever and another Nigerian one where they danced into the reception with different songs, or another one where the couple's first dance was a choreography to the classics in the 90's. I wasnt sure what I was expecting, but I knew nothing really grabbed me the whole day. Instead, I spent the whole day sending text messages.
Plus I had a list of weird things I saw that day.
I had a lot of expectations really. Outside of the single girl goes to wedding to socialize: I wasnt really thinking of that, cos I just dont randomly socialise like that, especially as, once again, the person I tagged along with was the only person I knew there. I wanted to see what weddings were like these days. The deco, the outifts (ESPECIALLY), the way the event went along and many other things..most of all, to just be out. I'm usually holed up in my house gisting with my alomost 40year old sister. Trust me, I'd pick that any day over hustling to get to a wedding in south London, that I'd have to hop trains for. I take life easy!
So anyways, the person I tagged along with was a bridesmaid - talk about worsening my situation. We got there just a little bit before the church ceremony and the bride was seriously raking!!! The last bridesmaid was late! So we both ran into the bathroom at the church, she changed into her dress, luckily she had done all her make up on the train and in the cab, so all she needed were her dress and shoes. Then she left me in the bathroom to change. Which I did....and I must say I was looking rather HOT!!! I had a high waisted ankara skirt on and a black tube top, but the top was tucked in, so for some reason, everyone thought I had a dress on! After changing, I realised the ceremony had started and the bathroom leads to the side of the pews and I thot, nah mehn...Im not going into that room with the ceremony having started and attract so much attention. So I got out of the church through the back door then went back in through the main door, then took a seat right at the back. I'm a back bencher...I love it.
The ceremony lasted just over an hour, it wasnt a Nigerian church, so you must understand why it didnt take that long. Then we headed for the reception. In this time, I'd only spoken to my bridesmaid cousin just once. We got to the reception and I sat at the same table as her friend who gave me a lift to the reception. She was also a friend of the bride, so she was on her feet the whole time. So I was stuck at the table with random people, her husband and their 14 month old daughter....the beginning of a very long day
I have to say, this is the part where I brought out my observation skills. Firstly, I was bored out of my brains...as in OMG...how do people do it? Really though? Or is it just cos of the type of person that I am? I was beginning to look sad and my cousin kept asking me if I was ok. But thats just me! Anyways, I think it was cos the compere was a bit on the dulling side. He didnt grab the crowd. For instance, when people were meant to clap or count down to the cutting of the cake, they just werent responding, or maybe they were just as bored as I was. Although, I was made to understand by a friend who said Nigerians are a bit rude and ll they do is eat and not take part...they werent even listening to the groom's vote of thanks!
Some people did have their own fun though, dont get me wrong. But I think, having heard and seen quite a bit about weddings, I subconsciously had quite a few expectations. Like recently, I just saw a wedding entrance where the bridesmaids and groomsmen each danced into the church to Chris Brown's forever and another Nigerian one where they danced into the reception with different songs, or another one where the couple's first dance was a choreography to the classics in the 90's. I wasnt sure what I was expecting, but I knew nothing really grabbed me the whole day. Instead, I spent the whole day sending text messages.
Plus I had a list of weird things I saw that day.
- Why were the guys hanging around the back of the hall with their alcohol. I know alchy wasnt served at the party, so one of them must have organised it. Some of them looked silly, standing like Buckingham palace guards with their shades on. I think the shades fad has to die quickly cos its starting to annoy me...like REALLY!!!
- Why did one of the tables have their own food in coolers and serving themselves. Food was in abundance, it was a 'serve yourself' set up and Nigerians looked orderly for once as they queued for the food, although there was some women who jumped the queue in the aim of going to say hello to others in line. Anyways, one of the women from this said table must have cooked some food, so she had them under her table and served only her guests. As in really? I thought people usually cooked for other people's occassions when its a small gathering, where the person who's having the party has seen what you have brought and is able to show some sppreciation. Plus they are able to put it where all other guests have access to it...so really, what was the point?
- The souveniers!! Oh my God, Ive forgotten what Julius Agwu called them. So it is in this jand that you will see the funky things that people give out at parties. From packets of salt, to washing up liquid, then theres the conventional plastic bowls, baskets, trays and the likes. You know the one that got my attention? Yoruba people call it 'omorogun'. The wooden spoon that we use to make eba and amala. Yes...you could tell this was straight from Nigeria, cos it wasnt no spoon like it is in Tesco. It was the stick... the one you hoped your parents wouldnt pick up if they were looking for somethink to smack you with.
- So obviuosly, I did the people watching as well. There were the fine girls. By fine I meant well dressed and good looking. There were girls who fit one or the other criteria but not both and all I did was shake my head, cos if I start on the way some of them were dressed, I think I'd get fired...(I'm at work). But anyways the one I will mention is women with white faces and brown legs. As in seriously? I thought people had movedon from it. I thought it was a phase that had died down? Well apparently not!!! To worsen it, they had horrible make up on! Euuurrgh! *CRINGE*
- So I was torn between the kind of music I'd have at my wedding, cos I knew that was part of the reasons I was bored. There was a live band, who did covers of some Sunny Ade classics and mostly praise and worship songs. So I was thinking, If I got a DJ, we would be inclined to rely on CD's and stuff and you lose that effect of having a live band..but then a live band is still a bit stifling as well, although having one means you can at least cater for the adults at the party. But its MY party!!!!! Gosh, Im confused!!
Anyways it was surely an eventful day. Plus the bride and groom danced to the max, so I'm sure they had fun as well... The whole day now got me thinking...planning a wedding isnt easy in any way. I was told that sometimes, using name cards on tables helps with socialising i.e putting the singles at the same tables...etc.
So now I'm making a list....any other things you guys think should be done to make it more fun?
So now I'm making a list....any other things you guys think should be done to make it more fun?
How not to shoot a music video
3 solid videos from Dare and he takes the lead.
Saucekid needs a tip or 2 from this guy!!!
Plus, sorry what is Orits Wiliki still singing...as in seriously?
Dare is HOT HOT HOT!!!
Sauce kid is NOT NOT NOT!! Did he shoot the video in Peckham?
WORRR IS DIS??
Saucekid needs a tip or 2 from this guy!!!
Plus, sorry what is Orits Wiliki still singing...as in seriously?
Dare is HOT HOT HOT!!!
Sauce kid is NOT NOT NOT!! Did he shoot the video in Peckham?
WORRR IS DIS??
Oh my Lord!!!
Not a cry for help, more like an exclamation.
So as I said, I went to this grad party. More like I tagged along, meaning I asked for what my eyes saw that night. *Note to self*- No gate crashing of random grad/birthday/whatever you may call it party with anybody. Lessons learnt.
Ok it wasnt bad all.
Basically, the graduand is African, Sierra Leonan or Congolose, not too sure and she went to the same secondary school as the person I tagged along with. We got there at about 9ish and the party was still bubbling with family friends, kids everywhere. Food was in abundance, not that I could have much of it though cos there was rice that tried hard to look like jollof rice but didnt quite make it and their other ethnic food. There was no way I was eating anything apart from fish and chicken. I'm bad with experimenting food... sometimes I guess its good for me as a very angry stomach is not something I can deal with.
So anyways I didn't know anyone there apart from the person I tagged along with, who was busy chatting away, so I was left alone, with nothing to do but observe...which I gladly did.
What did I see?
A lady between size 18 and 20 dressed in a red halter neck top, white shorts, red heels. She had very dark skin which was equally pancaked with very dark powder. She had silver or grey eye-shadow on and rather long fake lashes. She had very glossy lips, I couldnt tell if it was the oil from the food she'd just eaten or she had some serious gloss on that even eating wouldnt clean off. But what was peculiar about her? Ok lets start this way, I have nothing against plus size women, as a size 14 myself ( I like to claim 12 sometimes), I know what its like being pushed to the plus end of the scale, however, seeing as I'm a bit conscious of how I look, I think I pay more attention to what suits me, which I think this young (not more that 23 year old) lady didnt do. Her stomach was hanging over her shorts, needless to say she had bronze hair glued to her face as an excuse for a fringe and stetch marks that were in different shades of brown. The weirdest part was that she is really hairy all the way to her back and its either she had bronze/brown hair or the lighting at the party made it seem so. But dear Lord, it was freaky and I thought to myself, now I dont blame those who go for full body waxing nor the guys who frown at it cos believe me its not a very nice sight...at all!!! I was cringing and I begged for forgiveness everytime I had to cringe.
To make matters worse for me, she was with this another lady, a few years older who was probably another 2 sizes bigger than she was. She had a short black dress on and fish net tights or whatever those tights with holes in them are called. What she did wrong? she sat with her legs wide open, with all her not-to-be-publicly-seen assets in full view. I felt VIOLATED! Ewwwwwwwwwwwww sheesh. I think I'll stop there on that one!
The less traumatising ones are the men. Oh those ones were funny. From the ones in funny coloured suits, ranging from gold (once again) to red. The funniest one, was this old man on bronze coloured trousers, a blue shirt and an even funnier tie. His tie had sonic the hedgehog on it, along with the rest of the characters...knuckles and tails. (Yes I know them. I live with kids) and then it was tied half way, plus he was walking so daintly possibly for fear of not creasing his outfit! That made me burst into fits of laughter and I thought wow...people still do these?
I think the best part of my evening was the people watching...I'd love to do that again..well apart from seeing -not-to-be-publicly-seen parts of the body...I think I'll pass on that!!
So as I said, I went to this grad party. More like I tagged along, meaning I asked for what my eyes saw that night. *Note to self*- No gate crashing of random grad/birthday/whatever you may call it party with anybody. Lessons learnt.
Ok it wasnt bad all.
Basically, the graduand is African, Sierra Leonan or Congolose, not too sure and she went to the same secondary school as the person I tagged along with. We got there at about 9ish and the party was still bubbling with family friends, kids everywhere. Food was in abundance, not that I could have much of it though cos there was rice that tried hard to look like jollof rice but didnt quite make it and their other ethnic food. There was no way I was eating anything apart from fish and chicken. I'm bad with experimenting food... sometimes I guess its good for me as a very angry stomach is not something I can deal with.
So anyways I didn't know anyone there apart from the person I tagged along with, who was busy chatting away, so I was left alone, with nothing to do but observe...which I gladly did.
What did I see?
A lady between size 18 and 20 dressed in a red halter neck top, white shorts, red heels. She had very dark skin which was equally pancaked with very dark powder. She had silver or grey eye-shadow on and rather long fake lashes. She had very glossy lips, I couldnt tell if it was the oil from the food she'd just eaten or she had some serious gloss on that even eating wouldnt clean off. But what was peculiar about her? Ok lets start this way, I have nothing against plus size women, as a size 14 myself ( I like to claim 12 sometimes), I know what its like being pushed to the plus end of the scale, however, seeing as I'm a bit conscious of how I look, I think I pay more attention to what suits me, which I think this young (not more that 23 year old) lady didnt do. Her stomach was hanging over her shorts, needless to say she had bronze hair glued to her face as an excuse for a fringe and stetch marks that were in different shades of brown. The weirdest part was that she is really hairy all the way to her back and its either she had bronze/brown hair or the lighting at the party made it seem so. But dear Lord, it was freaky and I thought to myself, now I dont blame those who go for full body waxing nor the guys who frown at it cos believe me its not a very nice sight...at all!!! I was cringing and I begged for forgiveness everytime I had to cringe.
To make matters worse for me, she was with this another lady, a few years older who was probably another 2 sizes bigger than she was. She had a short black dress on and fish net tights or whatever those tights with holes in them are called. What she did wrong? she sat with her legs wide open, with all her not-to-be-publicly-seen assets in full view. I felt VIOLATED! Ewwwwwwwwwwwww sheesh. I think I'll stop there on that one!
The less traumatising ones are the men. Oh those ones were funny. From the ones in funny coloured suits, ranging from gold (once again) to red. The funniest one, was this old man on bronze coloured trousers, a blue shirt and an even funnier tie. His tie had sonic the hedgehog on it, along with the rest of the characters...knuckles and tails. (Yes I know them. I live with kids) and then it was tied half way, plus he was walking so daintly possibly for fear of not creasing his outfit! That made me burst into fits of laughter and I thought wow...people still do these?
I think the best part of my evening was the people watching...I'd love to do that again..well apart from seeing -not-to-be-publicly-seen parts of the body...I think I'll pass on that!!
I love...I love
My new template.
Though its driving me nuts cos Ive been trying to edit the HTML all morning...
*WARNING*
If you are a novice to HTML, do not even attempt it, else you will pull all your hair out, and for you that dont have a lot of hair...well, my sincere sympathies.
Anyways, I still love it sha.
Meanwhile, I went to this grad party with my cuz and erm...wow.
Basically, Africans amaze me....DAMN
As in.....I ended up staring the whole night.
Gist later.
Though its driving me nuts cos Ive been trying to edit the HTML all morning...
*WARNING*
If you are a novice to HTML, do not even attempt it, else you will pull all your hair out, and for you that dont have a lot of hair...well, my sincere sympathies.
Anyways, I still love it sha.
Meanwhile, I went to this grad party with my cuz and erm...wow.
Basically, Africans amaze me....DAMN
As in.....I ended up staring the whole night.
Gist later.
FOOLISHNESS!!!
There are some people that have been annoying me lately...actually bloggers.
Attention seeking bloggers.
How do I know them?
By their foolish comments...
Stupid utterances.
Others by their foolish posts too...
With comments and posts, they try to be who they are not, one is when they clearly write the way they don't speak. Its despicable.
There's being eloquent and there's being outrightly 'stupid'. I dont think they know how transparent they are...
Which one are you?
If you found this offensive...err, sorry but no apologies. I guess it may be applying to you.
Does it?
Attention seeking bloggers.
How do I know them?
By their foolish comments...
Stupid utterances.
Others by their foolish posts too...
With comments and posts, they try to be who they are not, one is when they clearly write the way they don't speak. Its despicable.
There's being eloquent and there's being outrightly 'stupid'. I dont think they know how transparent they are...
Which one are you?
If you found this offensive...err, sorry but no apologies. I guess it may be applying to you.
Does it?
Really?
So I'm getting dating tips from my uncle....
Weird!
He's telling me how to say yes, without actually saying yes!
Double weird
Next he'll tell me to snog or not to snog
Triple weird....cos err he did!
Then he'll tell me when to have sex
Quadruple weird... he hasn't
...well technically he is on his way there when he says "well I wont advise you to say no when he asks you...obviously thats when you already know he is the one"...
Right...
I think I'm beginning to spend too much time with Uncle....lets leave his duties for the "high table"
....when that day comes...at least 'that day' is what all this talk is about.
Weird!
He's telling me how to say yes, without actually saying yes!
Double weird
Next he'll tell me to snog or not to snog
Triple weird....cos err he did!
Then he'll tell me when to have sex
Quadruple weird... he hasn't
...well technically he is on his way there when he says "well I wont advise you to say no when he asks you...obviously thats when you already know he is the one"...
Right...
I think I'm beginning to spend too much time with Uncle....lets leave his duties for the "high table"
....when that day comes...at least 'that day' is what all this talk is about.
On a daily..
In verbatim.
The response is somewhat a translation.
Dialogues between aunty-aged 22, niece-aged 3, nephew-aged 4 and 2months
The response is somewhat a translation.
Dialogues between aunty-aged 22, niece-aged 3, nephew-aged 4 and 2months
- Aunty ca I hab some fweet please - No darling you can't have anymore sweets
- Aunty ee ee yours? - Darling you should say, 'is it yours'
- Because I want some water - (In response to) Will you please put that cup down.
- Because I'm sirsty - (In response to) Close your eyes and go to sleep please
- Ca a wead a story - Yes we will read a story tonight.
- Is it sminished?- No its not finished.
A new rism II
The day of the surgery is here. You are all packed and headed for the hospital. The letter says you should get to the hospital for 7am. The surgery could be at anytime that morning.
At the reception of 'day surgery' waiting patiently...
"Mrs A."...the nurse calls out. You both walk into the changing room, she hands you a hospital robe and a pair of socks. "Please change into these, and I'll see you to your bed". Changing in that cold room makes it even harder to concentrate...anxiety is about the break the scale.
Getting to the bed, the nurse comes over with a clipboard..asking questions.
"Have you eaten anything this morning?"
No (Duhhh, I was told not to)
She carries on till she gets to the bottom of the clip board.
"Ok" she says... you will be seen to the ultrasounds for one more scan and markings and then the anaesthesiologist.
Very well. Another trip for ultrasound scans and have them use a black marker to map out where what will be cut open.
In the ultrascound room. The lady keeps going over and over the same spot. She is trying to make conversation, but she isnt even concentrating... so she is starting to sound like a child who's learning to string a correct sentence.
"So, how"....long stare into the screen, nose up into the air, trying to look through the glasses sitting at the tip of the nose
6 seconds later
"Are you today?"
"Fine thanks. Is there a problem?"
"Just a second please"..She walks out and returns with a colleague. They both stare at the screen. The other one says, "Yes I think you are right" and then turns around to say, "Hi there, Mrs A, sorry about this, we'll just have to send you upstairs for further scans ok. It wont take too long". You will have your MRI done in no time
Upstairs. It wont take too long in in their dictionary is another half an hour wait. Cold feet!
An hour later, the doctor comes in.
"Hello my dear, how are you today"?
"Fine thank you, is there any problem? I seem to have gone through a few scans today"
"Yes, basically we needed to be sure about a few things and the scan is the best way to do that. From our findings, you have what is called an aneurysm. A brain aneurysm, or cerebral aneurysm, is the weakening in the wall of a blood vessel or artery in the brain. If it ruptures, it can be fatal. Fortunately, we have caught it really early, so we will have to persorm the operation as soon as possible. Your surgery won't be a day surgery anymore. So we will have to admit you today and book you in for the surgery at the very latest, tomorrow morning. In the mean time, we will keep regular checks on you just to ensure that we do not have any problems".
Blank stare, smile.
"Do you have any questions?"
Thinking, yes, hundreds of questions. "No thank you, I'll just sit here and wait"
"Oh actually, can I please call my family?"
At the reception of 'day surgery' waiting patiently...
"Mrs A."...the nurse calls out. You both walk into the changing room, she hands you a hospital robe and a pair of socks. "Please change into these, and I'll see you to your bed". Changing in that cold room makes it even harder to concentrate...anxiety is about the break the scale.
Getting to the bed, the nurse comes over with a clipboard..asking questions.
"Have you eaten anything this morning?"
No (Duhhh, I was told not to)
She carries on till she gets to the bottom of the clip board.
"Ok" she says... you will be seen to the ultrasounds for one more scan and markings and then the anaesthesiologist.
Very well. Another trip for ultrasound scans and have them use a black marker to map out where what will be cut open.
In the ultrascound room. The lady keeps going over and over the same spot. She is trying to make conversation, but she isnt even concentrating... so she is starting to sound like a child who's learning to string a correct sentence.
"So, how"....long stare into the screen, nose up into the air, trying to look through the glasses sitting at the tip of the nose
6 seconds later
"Are you today?"
"Fine thanks. Is there a problem?"
"Just a second please"..She walks out and returns with a colleague. They both stare at the screen. The other one says, "Yes I think you are right" and then turns around to say, "Hi there, Mrs A, sorry about this, we'll just have to send you upstairs for further scans ok. It wont take too long". You will have your MRI done in no time
Upstairs. It wont take too long in in their dictionary is another half an hour wait. Cold feet!
An hour later, the doctor comes in.
"Hello my dear, how are you today"?
"Fine thank you, is there any problem? I seem to have gone through a few scans today"
"Yes, basically we needed to be sure about a few things and the scan is the best way to do that. From our findings, you have what is called an aneurysm. A brain aneurysm, or cerebral aneurysm, is the weakening in the wall of a blood vessel or artery in the brain. If it ruptures, it can be fatal. Fortunately, we have caught it really early, so we will have to persorm the operation as soon as possible. Your surgery won't be a day surgery anymore. So we will have to admit you today and book you in for the surgery at the very latest, tomorrow morning. In the mean time, we will keep regular checks on you just to ensure that we do not have any problems".
Blank stare, smile.
"Do you have any questions?"
Thinking, yes, hundreds of questions. "No thank you, I'll just sit here and wait"
"Oh actually, can I please call my family?"
A new rism
Here in England, we register with a local doctor (your residence has to be within a certain radius in order to use that particular one), it's like a little clinic- like mine is run by a couple who are both doctors, they have a few nurses and receptionists. When you have a problem, you call the 'surgery', tell them you need to see the doctor, they book you in. If you are VERY lucky, you get an appointment, if not, you have to wait for a few days. Then you go to the doctor, tell him/her you think you have this problem, let's say a headache-it's been very consistent. They assess you, with their hands (to check your temperature -ok thats not true), then with their mouths by asking you so many questions, you'd think you just walked into a murder interrogation where you were both the victim and the suspect.
Where this doctor thinks he has it covered, he prescribes medicine for you, because you've consumed all the paracetamol and Nurofen that you can buy without a doctor's prescription. You go and fork out your £6 an hour salary to pay for the medicine. A few weeks later, you come back to complain that the medicine you spent a day's wage on doesn't work, and to top it up, the headache gives you a sharp pain that often messes with your sight
Then he refers you to a REAL doctor. Now that's the doctor at the hospital ( The big building with wards where people are recovering and rooms where women are pushing out babies). By referral, it means you go home, he calls the REAL doctor at the hospital, tells them he is sending you over, then the REAL doctor books you in for an appointment to check you AGAIN! Unfortunately, this whole process is with the NHS (free medical treatment), so your appointment with the REAL doctor might be fictitious till at least a month later when you receive a letter in the post from the REAL doctor telling you to come for an appointment in another month. If my calculation is right, you don't get to see the REAL doctor at the HOSPITAL till 2 months after you have seen the doctor at the surgery.
*Its getting rather long, shey?* If you had a mole that was slowly eating up your skin, you'd be dead, buried and your will would have been read and your assets distributed by the time you were meant to see the REAL doctor.
Other options are available though- You go to a private doctor who will see you and assess you immediately- well in a few days- but be ready to fork out part of your £700 a day salary (yes that's where the difference is) or better still, **go to A&E with something that looks like a mosquito bite and tell them you think its a malignant tumour, but after you get there, you are made to understand that you have just come there to display your stupidity and ignorance because what you have is indeed a bite from some insect and its in no way a tumour, let alone a malignant one.
Please be aware that these are rare and extreme cases and in no way demonstrate anyone's display at the A&E.**
After you get to see the REAL doctor, then he does proper tests (of which take place on different days), two things might happen, although both of them involve bad news.
1. The doctor will tell you that you about some abnormal swelling in your head and that due to the long period of time it has taken for you to come and see them, it has reached a critical stage and all they can do for you is to admit you and give you pain relief till THE day comes.
2. He will tell you what the swelling is about, but lucky for you, its not so bad, but you will need to have an operation to get it fixed. He could then say its going to be a 'day's' job. You have the surgery in the morning, you go home later in the evening.
Your mind is at rest...you are patiently waiting for the day you get the surgery.
Then surgery day comes....and its a different story!
*TBC*
Where this doctor thinks he has it covered, he prescribes medicine for you, because you've consumed all the paracetamol and Nurofen that you can buy without a doctor's prescription. You go and fork out your £6 an hour salary to pay for the medicine. A few weeks later, you come back to complain that the medicine you spent a day's wage on doesn't work, and to top it up, the headache gives you a sharp pain that often messes with your sight
Then he refers you to a REAL doctor. Now that's the doctor at the hospital ( The big building with wards where people are recovering and rooms where women are pushing out babies). By referral, it means you go home, he calls the REAL doctor at the hospital, tells them he is sending you over, then the REAL doctor books you in for an appointment to check you AGAIN! Unfortunately, this whole process is with the NHS (free medical treatment), so your appointment with the REAL doctor might be fictitious till at least a month later when you receive a letter in the post from the REAL doctor telling you to come for an appointment in another month. If my calculation is right, you don't get to see the REAL doctor at the HOSPITAL till 2 months after you have seen the doctor at the surgery.
*Its getting rather long, shey?* If you had a mole that was slowly eating up your skin, you'd be dead, buried and your will would have been read and your assets distributed by the time you were meant to see the REAL doctor.
Other options are available though- You go to a private doctor who will see you and assess you immediately- well in a few days- but be ready to fork out part of your £700 a day salary (yes that's where the difference is) or better still, **go to A&E with something that looks like a mosquito bite and tell them you think its a malignant tumour, but after you get there, you are made to understand that you have just come there to display your stupidity and ignorance because what you have is indeed a bite from some insect and its in no way a tumour, let alone a malignant one.
Please be aware that these are rare and extreme cases and in no way demonstrate anyone's display at the A&E.**
After you get to see the REAL doctor, then he does proper tests (of which take place on different days), two things might happen, although both of them involve bad news.
1. The doctor will tell you that you about some abnormal swelling in your head and that due to the long period of time it has taken for you to come and see them, it has reached a critical stage and all they can do for you is to admit you and give you pain relief till THE day comes.
2. He will tell you what the swelling is about, but lucky for you, its not so bad, but you will need to have an operation to get it fixed. He could then say its going to be a 'day's' job. You have the surgery in the morning, you go home later in the evening.
Your mind is at rest...you are patiently waiting for the day you get the surgery.
Then surgery day comes....and its a different story!
*TBC*
Sunday Gathering
Have I said that sometimes, I am proud to be Nigerian? Yes I am.
Ask me why? Cos we know how to have fun. Give a Nigerian a few people to hang out with, he is laughing his head off whilst his cheeks hurt. Add an iPod and an iPod dock and the party is rolling out.
I went to my friends birthday a while ago . A little gathering with family and friends and I had more fun than another person would have in a club. Suffice to say that most of them were medi-lag students who are here doing a masters coincidentally at the same uni again, you can imagine the atmosphere. They all laughed and joked, I laughed so hard, you would think I went to medilag with them and I wasn't at least 6 years younger than them. The atmosphere was nothing like the one I hear about in clubs where everyone can see into everyone else's nostrils because they all have their noses up in the air.
Brings me to ask, why do we do so? Is it that it's a generation thing? Cos theirs seem a bit more friendly than mine.
Why have we decided that we want to show how much better than the other person we are?
Here's an example. My friends went to a BBQ last year or the a few years ago that was organized by a QC babe, so obviously most of her guests were QC babes who came with their friends or boyfriends. I heard the reception was so bad that people weren't mingling. They all stood around in their little cliques, assessing the other from the type of hair extension on their heads to the nail polish on their toe nails. People felt intimidated by their own peers. and couldnt even have fun as a group.
I'm not saying anything about QC babes, please don't get me wrong ( I'm not one of those school bashing people). I'm just using this as an example because QC girls are large in number, so they can easily have an effect on a gathering, especially when the majority of them there are from the same school. If it were mine, the reverse would be the case. Not because we dont adopt this nose in the air attitude but because my school was quite small and you just had to be friends with everyone, even down to the juniors.
So I ask, why are we so rigid and narrow minded? It baffles me. Would people like to explain this to me? Cos I want to be under the impression that its because they are so many in their school, they feel the need to stand out of the crowd. Agreed.
But what is not agreed is that, this behaviour is only typical of those whom puberty is still messing with their brains. So why do we, young adults, who are no longer teenagers display this abhorrent attitude?
Ask me why? Cos we know how to have fun. Give a Nigerian a few people to hang out with, he is laughing his head off whilst his cheeks hurt. Add an iPod and an iPod dock and the party is rolling out.
I went to my friends birthday a while ago . A little gathering with family and friends and I had more fun than another person would have in a club. Suffice to say that most of them were medi-lag students who are here doing a masters coincidentally at the same uni again, you can imagine the atmosphere. They all laughed and joked, I laughed so hard, you would think I went to medilag with them and I wasn't at least 6 years younger than them. The atmosphere was nothing like the one I hear about in clubs where everyone can see into everyone else's nostrils because they all have their noses up in the air.
Brings me to ask, why do we do so? Is it that it's a generation thing? Cos theirs seem a bit more friendly than mine.
Why have we decided that we want to show how much better than the other person we are?
Here's an example. My friends went to a BBQ last year or the a few years ago that was organized by a QC babe, so obviously most of her guests were QC babes who came with their friends or boyfriends. I heard the reception was so bad that people weren't mingling. They all stood around in their little cliques, assessing the other from the type of hair extension on their heads to the nail polish on their toe nails. People felt intimidated by their own peers. and couldnt even have fun as a group.
I'm not saying anything about QC babes, please don't get me wrong ( I'm not one of those school bashing people). I'm just using this as an example because QC girls are large in number, so they can easily have an effect on a gathering, especially when the majority of them there are from the same school. If it were mine, the reverse would be the case. Not because we dont adopt this nose in the air attitude but because my school was quite small and you just had to be friends with everyone, even down to the juniors.
So I ask, why are we so rigid and narrow minded? It baffles me. Would people like to explain this to me? Cos I want to be under the impression that its because they are so many in their school, they feel the need to stand out of the crowd. Agreed.
But what is not agreed is that, this behaviour is only typical of those whom puberty is still messing with their brains. So why do we, young adults, who are no longer teenagers display this abhorrent attitude?
Push Notification
If you are with apple (i.e you use the Iphone or Ipod touch), then you are with me.
If not. I beg your pardon. I just needed the post to sound a bit intelligent.
Considering I spent the whole of yesterday reading scribbles' blog (of which I'm not done yet) and went to bed feeling intimidated by his eloquence and coherence, I still feel good cos its a new week. Although I'm still a bit scared to go back for fear that I might just wallow in misery for the rest of the day. But I have some learning to keep me busy...*In your face scribbles*
If not. I beg your pardon. I just needed the post to sound a bit intelligent.
Considering I spent the whole of yesterday reading scribbles' blog (of which I'm not done yet) and went to bed feeling intimidated by his eloquence and coherence, I still feel good cos its a new week. Although I'm still a bit scared to go back for fear that I might just wallow in misery for the rest of the day. But I have some learning to keep me busy...*In your face scribbles*
The pains of being a woman...1
If you happen to have X and Y chromosomes, this might be a bit too graphic for you!
Growing up, I was made to understand that I was one of the lucky ones. Now, it looks like my luck has changed.
I started my menstrual period when I was quite young, about 12 I think, although some people claim to have been younger. Imagine seeing Aunty Flo ( as Buttercup) would call it at age 9? Ha my God!!! Even at 12, it still felt very weird and cringe worthy.
Anyways, my mother used to tell me that I was very lucky because I never had menstrual pains like my sister whose world usually stood still for that 5-7day period every month. She would wail, cry, wobble (because she couldnt stand straight, as her legs would give way) and generally just break down. But now that she is a mother, its all stopped (I have no idea what the explanation for that is).
That used to scare my mom and I think she prayed hard that the rest of her kids would not have to go through the same thing. One woman, four girls...I dont want to imagine the pain she herself went through for my older ones.
So instead of the usual stomach pains, back pains, all my body did was to swell...as in PUMP up like a balloon. As naive as I was, I never noticed, for months until my mother would ask me such questions like, what have you been doing with your pocket money, eating junk abi or its either you are on your period. Apparently, when I've had too much sweets and junk in general, my body bloats...according to my mother sha! So over the years, my feet and breasts especially would swell and indicate that madam was on her way. Now, those were the good times.
This time, the story has changed!
The reverse is the case.
A few months ago, it started. This unbearable pain in my lower abdomen. God, I cried my eyes out, it was even worse at uni, when there was no one to help me! Then back home during the hols when my sister actually saw me in pain, she joined me in crying and asked me several questions, like "Please tell me, what have you done? What happened?" She was thinking along the lines of sex, contraceptives or maybe even abortion. Me too I cried my responses back at her, nothing o...nothing. That was the beginning of my monthly sorrows.
It didnt end there. Now, my legs have started to give way. As in the pain is enormous. The best way, I can say it is in yoruba when you say "ese nro mi" and then there is "ese n dun mi"...thats where the difference is. The latter sounds like you've done something to the leg, may be bumped into a wall or done too much exercise that it hurts. But the former is as though the pain is flowing through your blood stream. Its inexplicable.
To worsen the case, my sister said to me "pele, just bear it, cos when you get pregnant, thats the same way it'll hurt"
Ha??? Mo gbe! Why is she telling me this now? Now that I've been bumping into so many pregnancy and child birth stories, that I'm beginning to think....hmmm??? Do I really want to go through this?
That one is a story for another day.
*You have been warned*
Growing up, I was made to understand that I was one of the lucky ones. Now, it looks like my luck has changed.
I started my menstrual period when I was quite young, about 12 I think, although some people claim to have been younger. Imagine seeing Aunty Flo ( as Buttercup) would call it at age 9? Ha my God!!! Even at 12, it still felt very weird and cringe worthy.
Anyways, my mother used to tell me that I was very lucky because I never had menstrual pains like my sister whose world usually stood still for that 5-7day period every month. She would wail, cry, wobble (because she couldnt stand straight, as her legs would give way) and generally just break down. But now that she is a mother, its all stopped (I have no idea what the explanation for that is).
That used to scare my mom and I think she prayed hard that the rest of her kids would not have to go through the same thing. One woman, four girls...I dont want to imagine the pain she herself went through for my older ones.
So instead of the usual stomach pains, back pains, all my body did was to swell...as in PUMP up like a balloon. As naive as I was, I never noticed, for months until my mother would ask me such questions like, what have you been doing with your pocket money, eating junk abi or its either you are on your period. Apparently, when I've had too much sweets and junk in general, my body bloats...according to my mother sha! So over the years, my feet and breasts especially would swell and indicate that madam was on her way. Now, those were the good times.
This time, the story has changed!
The reverse is the case.
A few months ago, it started. This unbearable pain in my lower abdomen. God, I cried my eyes out, it was even worse at uni, when there was no one to help me! Then back home during the hols when my sister actually saw me in pain, she joined me in crying and asked me several questions, like "Please tell me, what have you done? What happened?" She was thinking along the lines of sex, contraceptives or maybe even abortion. Me too I cried my responses back at her, nothing o...nothing. That was the beginning of my monthly sorrows.
It didnt end there. Now, my legs have started to give way. As in the pain is enormous. The best way, I can say it is in yoruba when you say "ese nro mi" and then there is "ese n dun mi"...thats where the difference is. The latter sounds like you've done something to the leg, may be bumped into a wall or done too much exercise that it hurts. But the former is as though the pain is flowing through your blood stream. Its inexplicable.
To worsen the case, my sister said to me "pele, just bear it, cos when you get pregnant, thats the same way it'll hurt"
Ha??? Mo gbe! Why is she telling me this now? Now that I've been bumping into so many pregnancy and child birth stories, that I'm beginning to think....hmmm??? Do I really want to go through this?
That one is a story for another day.
The beginning of the end... Plans my foot!
Last week was a busy one.
Graduation was awesome! I had sweaty feet...not to mention that the floor of the cathedral was marble! Hmmm not cool, but Thank God no accidents occurred, so don't worry. I was proud of myself..though I didnt get the grade I wanted, I still felt elated that I had gone through it all amidst all the ups and downs and trust me, there were so many downs, right till the very end. But God has always been on my side and I am ever grateful to Him! I cried that day sha...forget! Who wouldnt? For many reasons actually... that not many people knew of my accomplishments and the ones I'd have loved to have with me were not there...but as it is said..Life goes on. I'm trying not to dwell on the past.
Then came the birthday...I didnt do much actually...just chilled with friends who are amazing and they got me a lovely present... I couldnt ask for better friends. In as much of a little way they could, they made it special for me...I love you guys. I had no access to internet prior to my birthday so my facebook was bombarded by those whom I'd normally talk to and those who...well, our facebooking would not really go past hello or hi or happy birthday (Which brings me to ask why they are on my facebook anyways). I've actually taken my birthdate off facebook a few times just before previous birthdays, just so I can limit the 'happy birthdays' to those who actually 'remember' it...not that its a big deal...but I'm not a big fan of mass 'happy birthdays'.
In all, I felt loved! Thanks to the amazing people I have in my life...I guess God just has a way of keeping them in it and keeping others away. I believe I deserve a little bit of the good ones in my life.
On another note...boy is it hot or what???
Graduation was awesome! I had sweaty feet...not to mention that the floor of the cathedral was marble! Hmmm not cool, but Thank God no accidents occurred, so don't worry. I was proud of myself..though I didnt get the grade I wanted, I still felt elated that I had gone through it all amidst all the ups and downs and trust me, there were so many downs, right till the very end. But God has always been on my side and I am ever grateful to Him! I cried that day sha...forget! Who wouldnt? For many reasons actually... that not many people knew of my accomplishments and the ones I'd have loved to have with me were not there...but as it is said..Life goes on. I'm trying not to dwell on the past.
Then came the birthday...I didnt do much actually...just chilled with friends who are amazing and they got me a lovely present... I couldnt ask for better friends. In as much of a little way they could, they made it special for me...I love you guys. I had no access to internet prior to my birthday so my facebook was bombarded by those whom I'd normally talk to and those who...well, our facebooking would not really go past hello or hi or happy birthday (Which brings me to ask why they are on my facebook anyways). I've actually taken my birthdate off facebook a few times just before previous birthdays, just so I can limit the 'happy birthdays' to those who actually 'remember' it...not that its a big deal...but I'm not a big fan of mass 'happy birthdays'.
In all, I felt loved! Thanks to the amazing people I have in my life...I guess God just has a way of keeping them in it and keeping others away. I believe I deserve a little bit of the good ones in my life.
On another note...boy is it hot or what???
BlackOUT!!!
In Nigeria, the lights go out and people heave a sigh of acceptance, praying that it won't be too long till they see that flicker of hope in the Phillips light bulb in their living room.
In the UK, the lights go out and every one stares at each other, thinking, "what just happened"? Then the braver of them steps up to the fuse box and fiddles with the switches, thinking " hmm it's probably just tripped off". He fiddles with it once or twice. When there is no show, he starts to panic.
He calms down. Right, first I need the toilet badly for a number one, then I will call the electric company. He goes to the toilet , finishes and turns on the tap to wash his hands. The water is freezing cold. He looks at the tap he has opened, double checks. " yeah it's the red one" , meaning it's meant to be hot. But no it's not, cos the boiler is off. " oh the boiler is run by electricity"...HISS
Next he decides, yes I need the number for the electric company. "Hmm let me try the Internet, I cant be bothered to find any of those bills right now. Well the computer is off. Oh well, the laptop is still on". He fires up Internet explorer and it says "the web page required does not work offline". Ahn ahn, offline bawo? At least my Internet is wireless. He goes to the modem and finds that it is off. " oh duh, it uses electricity too".
Faces the reality of looking for the bills. Goes to the door, where the mail is in a huge pile. Looks through, to find any of the monthly bills from the electrics company, it should have their number on it. Finally, he gets it and looks everywhere for the land line phone. He finds it sitting on its hub in the living room and tries to dial the number. 0-8-0-0-3-5-5-5-5-5-5, hits the green 'call' button. Places the phone to his ear but he doesnt hear the sound he uusually hears, the one he wants to hear. Its quiet. There's no dial tone. Haba? Ki ni de?
"Damn" He realises, the phone is electric, its 2009 and cannot think of where to find an analogue phone. Tries to call them on the mobile and they aren't picking up, A waste of his already finished minutes. Its slowly getting dark.
Well it's past 7, I better head out to buy some candles and whatnot. Beckons on his wife to feed the kids their dinner and get them to bed before it's too dark, and it becomes a case of sorting out electricity and children that cant sleep in darkness. She heads to the kitchen. Thinks of something she can do on the cooker seeing as the microwave won't work. She decided on warming up the rice for them. Turns the knob and hits the ignition. The sound of the gas coming out is all she hears. Nothing from the ignition. Oh my God. The ignition is electric and we dont have any match sticks at home.
Its gone past 7 and all the shops are closed. Waitrose shuts at 7 and the Tesco that is meant to be open 24 hours is shut due to flooding.
Shit, where is an aboki when you need one?
The husband declares, It's a state of emergency
In the UK, the lights go out and every one stares at each other, thinking, "what just happened"? Then the braver of them steps up to the fuse box and fiddles with the switches, thinking " hmm it's probably just tripped off". He fiddles with it once or twice. When there is no show, he starts to panic.
He calms down. Right, first I need the toilet badly for a number one, then I will call the electric company. He goes to the toilet , finishes and turns on the tap to wash his hands. The water is freezing cold. He looks at the tap he has opened, double checks. " yeah it's the red one" , meaning it's meant to be hot. But no it's not, cos the boiler is off. " oh the boiler is run by electricity"...HISS
Next he decides, yes I need the number for the electric company. "Hmm let me try the Internet, I cant be bothered to find any of those bills right now. Well the computer is off. Oh well, the laptop is still on". He fires up Internet explorer and it says "the web page required does not work offline". Ahn ahn, offline bawo? At least my Internet is wireless. He goes to the modem and finds that it is off. " oh duh, it uses electricity too".
Faces the reality of looking for the bills. Goes to the door, where the mail is in a huge pile. Looks through, to find any of the monthly bills from the electrics company, it should have their number on it. Finally, he gets it and looks everywhere for the land line phone. He finds it sitting on its hub in the living room and tries to dial the number. 0-8-0-0-3-5-5-5-5-5-5, hits the green 'call' button. Places the phone to his ear but he doesnt hear the sound he uusually hears, the one he wants to hear. Its quiet. There's no dial tone. Haba? Ki ni de?
"Damn" He realises, the phone is electric, its 2009 and cannot think of where to find an analogue phone. Tries to call them on the mobile and they aren't picking up, A waste of his already finished minutes. Its slowly getting dark.
Well it's past 7, I better head out to buy some candles and whatnot. Beckons on his wife to feed the kids their dinner and get them to bed before it's too dark, and it becomes a case of sorting out electricity and children that cant sleep in darkness. She heads to the kitchen. Thinks of something she can do on the cooker seeing as the microwave won't work. She decided on warming up the rice for them. Turns the knob and hits the ignition. The sound of the gas coming out is all she hears. Nothing from the ignition. Oh my God. The ignition is electric and we dont have any match sticks at home.
Its gone past 7 and all the shops are closed. Waitrose shuts at 7 and the Tesco that is meant to be open 24 hours is shut due to flooding.
Shit, where is an aboki when you need one?
The husband declares, It's a state of emergency
Suddenly...
... I understand life and it's complexities. You see that life is what you make it and how you choose to live it. There are rules, regulations and guidelines on how to live your life but then you design these to fit the way you live yours.
Someone said to me today that the Nigerian economy does not allow for progress in that one tends to live within one's means. I then said neither does the one in this country, seeing as whatever you earn goes to paying back what you owe. The point of my long story is? Live your life the way you want it and things will always sort themselves out. I'm not saying live lavishly or be non challant about things, but live comfortably, live for today. Cos you may not be here tomorrow. Do not live in austerity today because you want to live well tomorrow, for once again, you may not be here tomorrow.
I'm not preaching. I'm only airing my realisations. I have decided that no one in this life is worth the time and effort to hold any grudges. Not that I do anyways. Whoever feels the need to be friends with me should do so freely. But I won't go out of my way to look for anyone. The time for that is long gone. No one is worth it. Not till I am convinced that there are still good people on this earth. For now, I will assume that everyone is the same that they are only around you because something is needed from you , be it gist, money, your body, your boyfriend or your girlfriend or your coursework. Till otherwise proven, every gaddamn person is the same as the other. They can kiss my arse for all I freaking care.
On another note, I am disappointed with the way we nigerians use our places of worship be it church or mosque. As a Muslim, our place of worship is most sacred to us, either the mosque or the home. Cleaniness is a priority. The case is otherwise here. Most especially in this country, surprisingly. Considering all the amenities available to us here I'm in a mosque on Old Kent Rd at the moment and an Asian or Iranian or a muslim from another country would think twice before performing their Salat in this mosque. It's depressing. We need to do better as nigerians. This is appalling
Someone said to me today that the Nigerian economy does not allow for progress in that one tends to live within one's means. I then said neither does the one in this country, seeing as whatever you earn goes to paying back what you owe. The point of my long story is? Live your life the way you want it and things will always sort themselves out. I'm not saying live lavishly or be non challant about things, but live comfortably, live for today. Cos you may not be here tomorrow. Do not live in austerity today because you want to live well tomorrow, for once again, you may not be here tomorrow.
I'm not preaching. I'm only airing my realisations. I have decided that no one in this life is worth the time and effort to hold any grudges. Not that I do anyways. Whoever feels the need to be friends with me should do so freely. But I won't go out of my way to look for anyone. The time for that is long gone. No one is worth it. Not till I am convinced that there are still good people on this earth. For now, I will assume that everyone is the same that they are only around you because something is needed from you , be it gist, money, your body, your boyfriend or your girlfriend or your coursework. Till otherwise proven, every gaddamn person is the same as the other. They can kiss my arse for all I freaking care.
On another note, I am disappointed with the way we nigerians use our places of worship be it church or mosque. As a Muslim, our place of worship is most sacred to us, either the mosque or the home. Cleaniness is a priority. The case is otherwise here. Most especially in this country, surprisingly. Considering all the amenities available to us here I'm in a mosque on Old Kent Rd at the moment and an Asian or Iranian or a muslim from another country would think twice before performing their Salat in this mosque. It's depressing. We need to do better as nigerians. This is appalling
A gentle but LONG reminder
I'm sure this has gone around blogger and facebook, so most of you may have seen it. So not to worry, today, this is here for me. To remind me of many of the things that may apply to me. To remind me that:
- I will not set my standards any lower than they are meant to be.
- I shall not accept mediocrity in whatever shape or form it shows itself
- MOST IMPORTANTLY - I will not limit myself. For I know that I am worth more than I give myself credit for. I will not present myself as a charity case, nor something that is needing of pity
If you haven't read it, I suggest you do. It's rather long, but think of it as something out of a little book you have picked up.
5 Mistakes Women Make - By Ekene Agabu
"A lady who lives from her principles takes personal responsibility for her own actions and responses. She takes charge and never leaves her fate to the opinions or actions of men. She doesn’t go on a date with every man that asks her out because she doesn’t need a man – she would want a man but she fully well understands that her worth is solely appraised on who she is and not who she’s with. She would not change her principle to have or keep a man. She’s doesn’t need to sleep with a man to have or keep him..........sleeping with a guy does not mean he’s yours. If you had to sleep with him to keep him, he was never yours in the first place."
Before I begin or rather let you into what I have written, I must confess that I had completed this article months ago but was a bit apprehensive in publishing it. I didn’t want to come across as being judgmental and if after reading this you feel judged or put down as a woman, please excuse my unskilled delivery, for that is not my intent. And if you feel that I have crossed the line as man sharing these with you, do not hesitate to express your disdain for my impetus.
Having said that, I feel qualified to write this as a man because I stand as an unbiased observer and also one who has had the opportunity to take advantage of these mistakes. But I must confess, we as men have been @$#*%*$ . Where we should have given, we took; where we should have loved, we lusted and where we should have preserved, we devoured. As a Man, I must call myself to higher standards. Before I touch you, I must respect you like my mother, protect you like my sister and look out for your best interest like my baby – after all, that’s what I call you when I want you! We’ve failed to realize that the significance of our masculinity does not lie in how many girls we can dis-virgin but rather the honor we can bestow upon one. We fail to understand that the purpose of our strength and dominance is to defend and protect not to attack and destroy.
But the first mistake was not yours. You were born into a world that didn’t even give you the chance - the chance to be who you really are without any pressure or expectation. From day one you were unconsciously groomed from childhood to be an acceptable accessory to a man’s life. You were constantly made conscious of a false milestone that suggested your value was based upon a man finding you worthy to be his, instead of being made aware of who you are by virtue of your own unique existence. Your worth as a woman was reduced to two things; being a wife and your ability to bear a child – and in some cultures, you had to bear the right type of child. And if per chance you failed in one of these areas, you were nobody, no one – you were nothing.
Unfortunately, along the way, you may have made some mistakes in trying to fulfill this false notion of who you are supposed to be. Bad relationship after bad relationship continually emphasized the lie that you were nothing without a man. Not only do you sit there as one with mental wounds from childhood, but also with hurts and wounds that are self inflicted as you sincerely tried to fulfill the so called destiny of the woman – being someone’s woman.
As I share this with you, I do not come as one who claims to understand your plight, but rather I stand as one who has heard you. From my mother to my aunts to my cousins and my friends, I have heard you and will continue to listen whenever you speak.
That being said, I do not believe we are responsible for the things that are done or said to us, but I do know that we are responsible for allowing those things continue in us. It’s in this light that I share with you the five common mistakes women make in relationships.
1. Your Personal Standards! Don't leave home without them!
By not setting your standard, you’ve just set the standard. The standards I speak of are not standards for the relationship; I speak of your personal standards irrespective of the relationship. What is your life’s moral compass?
This could get a bit confusing, so let me explain. Often times, at a certain point in life, people turn to religion for some sort of moral guidance or law. It’s an acknowledgment of some sort that they have made numerous personal mistakes and are in probable search for a turn around. So you might have a young lady who’s been around the block and has now become a Christian, and professes that she will be celibate until she gets married thereby claiming this new belief to be her standard. This is a religious belief that she has now adopted and not a personal standard. Your personal standards are born and realized from within you and become your principles rather than a law. A principle is born out of understanding; an understanding of who you are and why you are here on this earth. If you are roaming the earth like a lost sheep in search of a man to give you relevance, you will always find yourself jumping from relationship to relationship with each one leaving you even more confused than you were in the beginning. But when you understand that you are not here by chance and your presence on this earth has significant relevance, the aura about you changes and the people and things you accept into your life will only be a reflection of your internal essence or your personal standard.
A man can cause you to go against a belief because it was never yours in the first place, but he can never sway you away from your principle because you are one with your principle. A lady who lives from her principles takes personal responsibility for her own actions and responses.
She takes charge and never leaves her fate to the opinions or actions of men. She doesn’t go on a date with every man that asks her out because she doesn’t need a man – she would want a man but she fully well understands that her worth is solely appraised on who she is and not who she’s with. She would not change her principle to have or keep a man. She’s doesn’t need to sleep with a man to have or keep him. She understands that whatever she can’t get by way of her principles will never be her own. That you are sleeping with a guy does not mean he’s yours. If you had to sleep with him to keep him, he was never yours in the first place. In the absence of your personal standards, you end up trying many things and many people, but you never experience the love that is already within you. Allow that love within to write your standards and begin to live from them. That love will never lead you astray, never ever!
2. Why are you making excuses for him…..again?
I have come to observe that ladies often see the man as the prize. So once it looks like they have him – especially if he appears to be a good one – they want to do everything in their power to keep him. I understand that, but I don’t accept that and neither should you. You are the Prize. We should fight over you and want to do things to get and keep you. We should want to make sure you are ok.
A man who loves and respects a woman will never want her in doubt when it comes her knowing of his feelings towards her. When we are crazy about a woman, we are no longer the reserved and non emotional creatures you think we are. We become a mess - drooling internally when we think of you. We would never want you to feel you are on shaky ground concerning your status with us. We will publicly profess and show you to the whole world. We will put up a picture with you in it as the our profile pic, tag you in all photos you appear in and most importantly make sure that our status box shows that we are in a relationship with you. Yup, that’s what we do when we love you - we say it out LOUD!
And when we are out and about with you, our professions are usually crystal clear: ‘Meet my girlfriend, Sandra’ or ‘Meet my fiance, Sandra.’ Not, ‘Meet Sandra’ who is Sandra??? When we love you, we want the world to know that we love you. But I get amazed when ladies see the writing on the wall and continually make excuses to justify a man’s blatant abuse towards them. What do I mean? Take for instance the introductions highlighted above; He introduces you as just ‘Sandra’: you know you don’t like it, but you make an excuse within yourself and say, ‘he’s a private kinda guy, he doesn’t like to publicly show stuff.’ Really? Ok, let me ask, “Are you enrolled in midnight gymnastics with him?” In other words has he bent your body in ways you didn’t think possible? Well, there is only one thing worse than a guy sleeping with a woman in secret; and that is, a woman allowing that to happen. Before you allow a man do to you privately what can affect you publicly, he must first of all acknowledge you publicly as the woman he respects and loves. If he can’t do that, you need to tell me why you are still sticking around. How can you allow a man to knock you up when you are just ‘Sandra’ to him? You know you deserve better, so stop the excuses. Instead of making excuses for him, take charge – not of him or the relationship, but of yourself. Never remain in an environment where your integrity is compromised. Remember, you are the prize and we should work hard to get and keep you. And after all our hard work, you still have a right to say NO.
3. Why are you looking for ‘something’ in a bag of ‘nothings?’
A few years ago, a friend who was engaged was getting ready for her wedding which was just a couple of months away at the time. She called me occasionally during the preparation process, but on this one phone call, things were pretty bad. She was mad, upset, disappointed and unhappy that she was marrying this guy. So I asked her why she was still going on with the wedding if she felt the marriage wouldn’t work out. She said to me that she did not want the last four years of her life spent with him to go to waste. Hmmm! When she said this, I looked at my phone because I couldn’t look at her (she was in a different city) and in that instant – if I had a private jet – I would have flown to her city to give her a knock on her head - not a hard one, just a gentle knock - to help tilt her brain back to the center of her skull, because obviously it seemed out of balance with what she had just said to me. Let’s think about this, You are willing to screw up the next 50 years of your life, create babies in a hostile environment with a man you despise thereby screwing up the next generation, raising kids that would need therapy for the rest of their lives based on the abuse they will experience in that home, all because you don’t want the last four years of your life - 1,2,3,4 - to mean nothing (I’m having a headache just rehashing the story). So you are trying to create a love marriage from a four year crappy relationship. Needless to say, this lady was a young beautiful 28yr old lawyer. With good life habits she could easily live another healthy 50 years (Have you seen Barbara Walters lately? She’s 80). And here you are, willing to mortgage a future on four years with this jerk? She was desperately trying to make something out of nothing. That you’ve been in a long term relationship does not mean you should continually stay in it. Unfortunately for some ladies, it takes a while to see the light and muster up courage to get out of a bad situation. But when you see the light; RUN, GO, your life deserves it. If you don’t make that change, you’ll never know what’s out there? And when I say out there, I don’t mean what’s out there in another relationship; I mean what’s out there in you that you are yet to discover. Some of you ladies are afraid – afraid that you might not be married by a certain time. You begin the calculations, ‘Ok, I’m 28 now, if I break this up, how long will it take to find another guy and get married? Oooh! It may take another 4 years and I’ll be 32. No! I can’t be single at 30.” You are killing yourself with this kind of dialogue. Like she later said to me, she always saw herself married by 29. Needless to say, she was divorced by 29. They got married alright, but their divorce was made final before a possible 1st wedding anniversary. Sometimes we allow fear to dictate what we should do. We will never get from fear what love has to give. Love is bold, confident and fearless. Why are you scared? Why are you letting fear keep you in a relationship that you know you don’t want? Why do you want to marry a guy who has already made you feel like trash? Why are you choosing to be with someone you are not crazy about? Ok, so you are more concerned about looking good and successful on the outside at the expense of how you truly feel on the inside. You are too special for that. Let people think what they think, you know what you know and that’s all that should matter. Sometimes, we don’t believe; we don’t believe in ourselves, so we settle and then try to make something out of nothing. You can’t change another human being, it’s impossible. You haven’t even changed some things about yourself; how then do you think it possible to change another?
4. You’ve gotta think before you have his baby!
Often times when I’m in conversation with one of my numerous lady friends, something always cracks me up. I know they been having sex for years in and out of relationships and that fact is not hidden between us. But on some occasions, when I ask them if they have been pregnant before, their voice takes on a new tone of ‘How dare you?’ And then there is a resounding NO, like, ‘how could I get pregnant?’ Wait a minute! Am I missing something here? If you are having sex – sexual intercourse, you are potentially making a baby. You are filing an application. As soon as he ejaculates into you, the application is submitted and the outcome of that process is no longer left to you or him but to the Department of Conception. And if they approve it, you become pregnant whether you want it or not. Sex is not just about the pleasure derived, neither is it an antidote for loneliness. Sex is Responsibility; meaning you will have to respond to the outcome of that sexual encounter and sometimes it could be a lifetime of responses especially when a child is conceived. And when that child is born, you will forever have a symbol representing your union with your ex. Once a child is conceived, there is no moving on from that relationship. It begins the strongest bond known between a man and a woman. That man holds a special place in your heart regardless of how you feel about him today. You may have an abortion in trying to cut any future ties to this man, but may I have you know that the power of conception outweighs the power of birth. For something to be born, it has to be conceived. We are all on this earth first because of conception then birth. Without conception they will be no birth but without birth there can be conception. A strong bond is created when you allow a man’s sperm to start life within you. It is a major privilege to give to someone and not everyone should have that kind of access to you. If a man is horny and wants to be relieved, tell him to use his hand. You are no object and certainly no substitute for a man’s hand. So if you don’t want to have his baby, don’t make his baby.
5. I know there’s Pressure, but why are you under it?
I have come to observe that whether she’s 21 or 29, she always feels she’s running out of time. One thing you must understand is that pressure is not real. You are real and when you give attention to or come under the dominance of something that is impotent, you give it potency – you give it power. That is why this thing we call ‘pressure’ has the effect it has. You give it the effect. You are the effect. Sometimes we are driven by those voices of ignorance that may have come from people we love, so we try hard to get into a relationship and make it work. “Oh! This one has to work cos I’m almost 30.” Screw him and screw 30. You are more valuable to yourself and to the world than the timeline of your eggs or your age. Your world will not come to an end if you are not married by 30; in fact, it may just be beginning!
A few years ago, a lady friend of mine, who was 21 at the time called me up to talk about her ‘man' troubles. During our conversation, I observed that she had always been in a sexual relationship since she was 15. She confessed to me that she didn’t want to be alone; actually she didn’t know how to be alone. You see, you do yourself a huge injustice when you spend your formative years interrupted. Sex interrupts. It stops your creative and intellectual development and gives strength to your emotional cravings which should still be asleep. Your formative years are years you spend forming your person and your identity in readiness for your service to the world. Unfortunately, ladies give that time and space to some guy – a guy who may not even be in your life past your 30th birthday.
Have we as men failed you? Oh yes we have! As fathers some of us weren’t present in your young life. As uncles, instead of being fond of you, we fondled you. As friends we were more focused on the benefits instead of the sacrifice. We used you when we should have added value. We took advantage instead giving the advantage. We failed you quite all right, but you don’t have to do to yourself what we did to you – You don’t have to fail yourself. You can’t afford to fail yourself. You are the door to humanity. Life has to go through you to enter this earth. Even God needed a woman to come back into the world.
There’s no need to dumb yourself down or compromise your true integrity. We need the true you. We can’t exist without you and we will adjust to whatever standard you set for us – so why not make it high, why not make it YOU?
If you have come this far, I commend you.
- I will not set my standards any lower than they are meant to be.
- I shall not accept mediocrity in whatever shape or form it shows itself
- MOST IMPORTANTLY - I will not limit myself. For I know that I am worth more than I give myself credit for. I will not present myself as a charity case, nor something that is needing of pity
For pity does not breed love
If you haven't read it, I suggest you do. It's rather long, but think of it as something out of a little book you have picked up.
5 Mistakes Women Make - By Ekene Agabu
"A lady who lives from her principles takes personal responsibility for her own actions and responses. She takes charge and never leaves her fate to the opinions or actions of men. She doesn’t go on a date with every man that asks her out because she doesn’t need a man – she would want a man but she fully well understands that her worth is solely appraised on who she is and not who she’s with. She would not change her principle to have or keep a man. She’s doesn’t need to sleep with a man to have or keep him..........sleeping with a guy does not mean he’s yours. If you had to sleep with him to keep him, he was never yours in the first place."
Before I begin or rather let you into what I have written, I must confess that I had completed this article months ago but was a bit apprehensive in publishing it. I didn’t want to come across as being judgmental and if after reading this you feel judged or put down as a woman, please excuse my unskilled delivery, for that is not my intent. And if you feel that I have crossed the line as man sharing these with you, do not hesitate to express your disdain for my impetus.
Having said that, I feel qualified to write this as a man because I stand as an unbiased observer and also one who has had the opportunity to take advantage of these mistakes. But I must confess, we as men have been @$#*%*$ . Where we should have given, we took; where we should have loved, we lusted and where we should have preserved, we devoured. As a Man, I must call myself to higher standards. Before I touch you, I must respect you like my mother, protect you like my sister and look out for your best interest like my baby – after all, that’s what I call you when I want you! We’ve failed to realize that the significance of our masculinity does not lie in how many girls we can dis-virgin but rather the honor we can bestow upon one. We fail to understand that the purpose of our strength and dominance is to defend and protect not to attack and destroy.
But the first mistake was not yours. You were born into a world that didn’t even give you the chance - the chance to be who you really are without any pressure or expectation. From day one you were unconsciously groomed from childhood to be an acceptable accessory to a man’s life. You were constantly made conscious of a false milestone that suggested your value was based upon a man finding you worthy to be his, instead of being made aware of who you are by virtue of your own unique existence. Your worth as a woman was reduced to two things; being a wife and your ability to bear a child – and in some cultures, you had to bear the right type of child. And if per chance you failed in one of these areas, you were nobody, no one – you were nothing.
Unfortunately, along the way, you may have made some mistakes in trying to fulfill this false notion of who you are supposed to be. Bad relationship after bad relationship continually emphasized the lie that you were nothing without a man. Not only do you sit there as one with mental wounds from childhood, but also with hurts and wounds that are self inflicted as you sincerely tried to fulfill the so called destiny of the woman – being someone’s woman.
As I share this with you, I do not come as one who claims to understand your plight, but rather I stand as one who has heard you. From my mother to my aunts to my cousins and my friends, I have heard you and will continue to listen whenever you speak.
That being said, I do not believe we are responsible for the things that are done or said to us, but I do know that we are responsible for allowing those things continue in us. It’s in this light that I share with you the five common mistakes women make in relationships.
1. Your Personal Standards! Don't leave home without them!
By not setting your standard, you’ve just set the standard. The standards I speak of are not standards for the relationship; I speak of your personal standards irrespective of the relationship. What is your life’s moral compass?
This could get a bit confusing, so let me explain. Often times, at a certain point in life, people turn to religion for some sort of moral guidance or law. It’s an acknowledgment of some sort that they have made numerous personal mistakes and are in probable search for a turn around. So you might have a young lady who’s been around the block and has now become a Christian, and professes that she will be celibate until she gets married thereby claiming this new belief to be her standard. This is a religious belief that she has now adopted and not a personal standard. Your personal standards are born and realized from within you and become your principles rather than a law. A principle is born out of understanding; an understanding of who you are and why you are here on this earth. If you are roaming the earth like a lost sheep in search of a man to give you relevance, you will always find yourself jumping from relationship to relationship with each one leaving you even more confused than you were in the beginning. But when you understand that you are not here by chance and your presence on this earth has significant relevance, the aura about you changes and the people and things you accept into your life will only be a reflection of your internal essence or your personal standard.
A man can cause you to go against a belief because it was never yours in the first place, but he can never sway you away from your principle because you are one with your principle. A lady who lives from her principles takes personal responsibility for her own actions and responses.
She takes charge and never leaves her fate to the opinions or actions of men. She doesn’t go on a date with every man that asks her out because she doesn’t need a man – she would want a man but she fully well understands that her worth is solely appraised on who she is and not who she’s with. She would not change her principle to have or keep a man. She’s doesn’t need to sleep with a man to have or keep him. She understands that whatever she can’t get by way of her principles will never be her own. That you are sleeping with a guy does not mean he’s yours. If you had to sleep with him to keep him, he was never yours in the first place. In the absence of your personal standards, you end up trying many things and many people, but you never experience the love that is already within you. Allow that love within to write your standards and begin to live from them. That love will never lead you astray, never ever!
2. Why are you making excuses for him…..again?
I have come to observe that ladies often see the man as the prize. So once it looks like they have him – especially if he appears to be a good one – they want to do everything in their power to keep him. I understand that, but I don’t accept that and neither should you. You are the Prize. We should fight over you and want to do things to get and keep you. We should want to make sure you are ok.
A man who loves and respects a woman will never want her in doubt when it comes her knowing of his feelings towards her. When we are crazy about a woman, we are no longer the reserved and non emotional creatures you think we are. We become a mess - drooling internally when we think of you. We would never want you to feel you are on shaky ground concerning your status with us. We will publicly profess and show you to the whole world. We will put up a picture with you in it as the our profile pic, tag you in all photos you appear in and most importantly make sure that our status box shows that we are in a relationship with you. Yup, that’s what we do when we love you - we say it out LOUD!
And when we are out and about with you, our professions are usually crystal clear: ‘Meet my girlfriend, Sandra’ or ‘Meet my fiance, Sandra.’ Not, ‘Meet Sandra’ who is Sandra??? When we love you, we want the world to know that we love you. But I get amazed when ladies see the writing on the wall and continually make excuses to justify a man’s blatant abuse towards them. What do I mean? Take for instance the introductions highlighted above; He introduces you as just ‘Sandra’: you know you don’t like it, but you make an excuse within yourself and say, ‘he’s a private kinda guy, he doesn’t like to publicly show stuff.’ Really? Ok, let me ask, “Are you enrolled in midnight gymnastics with him?” In other words has he bent your body in ways you didn’t think possible? Well, there is only one thing worse than a guy sleeping with a woman in secret; and that is, a woman allowing that to happen. Before you allow a man do to you privately what can affect you publicly, he must first of all acknowledge you publicly as the woman he respects and loves. If he can’t do that, you need to tell me why you are still sticking around. How can you allow a man to knock you up when you are just ‘Sandra’ to him? You know you deserve better, so stop the excuses. Instead of making excuses for him, take charge – not of him or the relationship, but of yourself. Never remain in an environment where your integrity is compromised. Remember, you are the prize and we should work hard to get and keep you. And after all our hard work, you still have a right to say NO.
3. Why are you looking for ‘something’ in a bag of ‘nothings?’
A few years ago, a friend who was engaged was getting ready for her wedding which was just a couple of months away at the time. She called me occasionally during the preparation process, but on this one phone call, things were pretty bad. She was mad, upset, disappointed and unhappy that she was marrying this guy. So I asked her why she was still going on with the wedding if she felt the marriage wouldn’t work out. She said to me that she did not want the last four years of her life spent with him to go to waste. Hmmm! When she said this, I looked at my phone because I couldn’t look at her (she was in a different city) and in that instant – if I had a private jet – I would have flown to her city to give her a knock on her head - not a hard one, just a gentle knock - to help tilt her brain back to the center of her skull, because obviously it seemed out of balance with what she had just said to me. Let’s think about this, You are willing to screw up the next 50 years of your life, create babies in a hostile environment with a man you despise thereby screwing up the next generation, raising kids that would need therapy for the rest of their lives based on the abuse they will experience in that home, all because you don’t want the last four years of your life - 1,2,3,4 - to mean nothing (I’m having a headache just rehashing the story). So you are trying to create a love marriage from a four year crappy relationship. Needless to say, this lady was a young beautiful 28yr old lawyer. With good life habits she could easily live another healthy 50 years (Have you seen Barbara Walters lately? She’s 80). And here you are, willing to mortgage a future on four years with this jerk? She was desperately trying to make something out of nothing. That you’ve been in a long term relationship does not mean you should continually stay in it. Unfortunately for some ladies, it takes a while to see the light and muster up courage to get out of a bad situation. But when you see the light; RUN, GO, your life deserves it. If you don’t make that change, you’ll never know what’s out there? And when I say out there, I don’t mean what’s out there in another relationship; I mean what’s out there in you that you are yet to discover. Some of you ladies are afraid – afraid that you might not be married by a certain time. You begin the calculations, ‘Ok, I’m 28 now, if I break this up, how long will it take to find another guy and get married? Oooh! It may take another 4 years and I’ll be 32. No! I can’t be single at 30.” You are killing yourself with this kind of dialogue. Like she later said to me, she always saw herself married by 29. Needless to say, she was divorced by 29. They got married alright, but their divorce was made final before a possible 1st wedding anniversary. Sometimes we allow fear to dictate what we should do. We will never get from fear what love has to give. Love is bold, confident and fearless. Why are you scared? Why are you letting fear keep you in a relationship that you know you don’t want? Why do you want to marry a guy who has already made you feel like trash? Why are you choosing to be with someone you are not crazy about? Ok, so you are more concerned about looking good and successful on the outside at the expense of how you truly feel on the inside. You are too special for that. Let people think what they think, you know what you know and that’s all that should matter. Sometimes, we don’t believe; we don’t believe in ourselves, so we settle and then try to make something out of nothing. You can’t change another human being, it’s impossible. You haven’t even changed some things about yourself; how then do you think it possible to change another?
4. You’ve gotta think before you have his baby!
Often times when I’m in conversation with one of my numerous lady friends, something always cracks me up. I know they been having sex for years in and out of relationships and that fact is not hidden between us. But on some occasions, when I ask them if they have been pregnant before, their voice takes on a new tone of ‘How dare you?’ And then there is a resounding NO, like, ‘how could I get pregnant?’ Wait a minute! Am I missing something here? If you are having sex – sexual intercourse, you are potentially making a baby. You are filing an application. As soon as he ejaculates into you, the application is submitted and the outcome of that process is no longer left to you or him but to the Department of Conception. And if they approve it, you become pregnant whether you want it or not. Sex is not just about the pleasure derived, neither is it an antidote for loneliness. Sex is Responsibility; meaning you will have to respond to the outcome of that sexual encounter and sometimes it could be a lifetime of responses especially when a child is conceived. And when that child is born, you will forever have a symbol representing your union with your ex. Once a child is conceived, there is no moving on from that relationship. It begins the strongest bond known between a man and a woman. That man holds a special place in your heart regardless of how you feel about him today. You may have an abortion in trying to cut any future ties to this man, but may I have you know that the power of conception outweighs the power of birth. For something to be born, it has to be conceived. We are all on this earth first because of conception then birth. Without conception they will be no birth but without birth there can be conception. A strong bond is created when you allow a man’s sperm to start life within you. It is a major privilege to give to someone and not everyone should have that kind of access to you. If a man is horny and wants to be relieved, tell him to use his hand. You are no object and certainly no substitute for a man’s hand. So if you don’t want to have his baby, don’t make his baby.
5. I know there’s Pressure, but why are you under it?
I have come to observe that whether she’s 21 or 29, she always feels she’s running out of time. One thing you must understand is that pressure is not real. You are real and when you give attention to or come under the dominance of something that is impotent, you give it potency – you give it power. That is why this thing we call ‘pressure’ has the effect it has. You give it the effect. You are the effect. Sometimes we are driven by those voices of ignorance that may have come from people we love, so we try hard to get into a relationship and make it work. “Oh! This one has to work cos I’m almost 30.” Screw him and screw 30. You are more valuable to yourself and to the world than the timeline of your eggs or your age. Your world will not come to an end if you are not married by 30; in fact, it may just be beginning!
A few years ago, a lady friend of mine, who was 21 at the time called me up to talk about her ‘man' troubles. During our conversation, I observed that she had always been in a sexual relationship since she was 15. She confessed to me that she didn’t want to be alone; actually she didn’t know how to be alone. You see, you do yourself a huge injustice when you spend your formative years interrupted. Sex interrupts. It stops your creative and intellectual development and gives strength to your emotional cravings which should still be asleep. Your formative years are years you spend forming your person and your identity in readiness for your service to the world. Unfortunately, ladies give that time and space to some guy – a guy who may not even be in your life past your 30th birthday.
Have we as men failed you? Oh yes we have! As fathers some of us weren’t present in your young life. As uncles, instead of being fond of you, we fondled you. As friends we were more focused on the benefits instead of the sacrifice. We used you when we should have added value. We took advantage instead giving the advantage. We failed you quite all right, but you don’t have to do to yourself what we did to you – You don’t have to fail yourself. You can’t afford to fail yourself. You are the door to humanity. Life has to go through you to enter this earth. Even God needed a woman to come back into the world.
There’s no need to dumb yourself down or compromise your true integrity. We need the true you. We can’t exist without you and we will adjust to whatever standard you set for us – so why not make it high, why not make it YOU?
If you have come this far, I commend you.
