BlackOUT!!!

In Nigeria, the lights go out and people heave a sigh of acceptance, praying that it won't be too long till they see that flicker of hope in the Phillips light bulb in their living room.

In the UK, the lights go out and every one stares at each other, thinking, "what just happened"? Then the braver of them steps up to the fuse box and fiddles with the switches, thinking " hmm it's probably just tripped off". He fiddles with it once or twice. When there is no show, he starts to panic.

He calms down. Right, first I need the toilet badly for a number one, then I will call the electric company. He goes to the toilet , finishes and turns on the tap to wash his hands. The water is freezing cold. He looks at the tap he has opened, double checks. " yeah it's the red one" , meaning it's meant to be hot. But no it's not, cos the boiler is off. " oh the boiler is run by electricity"...HISS

Next he decides, yes I need the number for the electric company. "Hmm let me try the Internet, I cant be bothered to find any of those bills right now. Well the computer is off. Oh well, the laptop is still on". He fires up Internet explorer and it says "the web page required does not work offline". Ahn ahn, offline bawo? At least my Internet is wireless. He goes to the modem and finds that it is off. " oh duh, it uses electricity too".

Faces the reality of looking for the bills. Goes to the door, where the mail is in a huge pile. Looks through, to find any of the monthly bills from the electrics company, it should have their number on it. Finally, he gets it and looks everywhere for the land line phone. He finds it sitting on its hub in the living room and tries to dial the number. 0-8-0-0-3-5-5-5-5-5-5, hits the green 'call' button. Places the phone to his ear but he doesnt hear the sound he uusually hears, the one he wants to hear. Its quiet. There's no dial tone. Haba? Ki ni de?
"Damn" He realises, the phone is electric, its 2009 and cannot think of where to find an analogue phone. Tries to call them on the mobile and they aren't picking up, A waste of his already finished minutes. Its slowly getting dark.

Well it's past 7, I better head out to buy some candles and whatnot. Beckons on his wife to feed the kids their dinner and get them to bed before it's too dark, and it becomes a case of sorting out electricity and children that cant sleep in darkness. She heads to the kitchen. Thinks of something she can do on the cooker seeing as the microwave won't work. She decided on warming up the rice for them. Turns the knob and hits the ignition. The sound of the gas coming out is all she hears. Nothing from the ignition. Oh my God. The ignition is electric and we dont have any match sticks at home.

Its gone past 7 and all the shops are closed. Waitrose shuts at 7 and the Tesco that is meant to be open 24 hours is shut due to flooding.

Shit, where is an aboki when you need one?

The husband declares, It's a state of emergency