How do you get to know people?
By asking questions right?
Especially as we live in a world where our relationships are now 'over the waves'. We hardly do much in person. Twitter and BBM have taken over our lives.
Anyways, I digress.
Here's a scenario - people meet, get introduced, exchange pins (as is mostly the case) and kick off! They talk, perhaps ask questions within that process and 'get to know each other'.
Now here's where my problem is, recently I've been accused of 'not asking any questions'. Its happened on more than one occasion hence the reason why its become a bit of a concern. I've been told that I answer questions and don't ask any, which indirectly means I probably don't care. On my part, I'd say that's a bit harsh cos although it might ring true, its never really the case. It got me thinking though, so how do I get to 'know people'. I find that I can't really do the initial interrogation. Probably because it isn't effective for me. So when the questions end, how well do your conversational skills fare from that point? I think I'd rather study people and insert important information where appropriate. Many actually miss the fact one can say a lot or nothing in a conversation, depends on how receptive the person is to 'new entrants' in their lives. That is not to say they aren't 'interested'. So it feels rather weird when I get told "I've been asking all the questions since, I think its your turn now".
How do I deal with that? "Oh ok, so how many siblings do you have? Where do you live? What's your position in the family?" (I actually find that very archaic) but hey, whatever rocks your boat mate!
For me getting to know people involves learning how they think. Its a subconscious thing, I don't need to ask questions. Actually, I'm better off being asked questions cos I can't do the 'About You' speech.
Might seem like brain fart to some but in my mind, I've made a lot of sense. No?
Sent from my BlackBerry® Smartphone, from Etisalat.
Showing posts with label Daily Worries. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Daily Worries. Show all posts
Correct Sexing
The other day I said I had a headache and my aunt said 'you need a man in your life toh ma ki e mole ti gbo gbo arun yi ma kuro ni ara e'.
Translation: you need a man in your life so he will 'do you right' and all these illnesses will leave your body.
Direct meaning of "Ki e mole' is give you correct sexing!
My question is how does 'correct sexing' relate with having a headache?
She says I complain a little too much about having a backache, stomach ache or something and that if a man roughened me up a lil, I'd either be immune to all these petty complaints or I'd have a bigger threshold for pain.
I hear you 'ahhing'. Imagine how I felt when I stood there and received the most shocking retort ever.
----
Hope y'all are having a good week so far?
Thinking of hoping on this 30day challenge!
Let's go!
Have a Cameron and Strike filled week!
Sent from my BlackBerry® Smartphone, from Etisalat.
Translation: you need a man in your life so he will 'do you right' and all these illnesses will leave your body.
Direct meaning of "Ki e mole' is give you correct sexing!
My question is how does 'correct sexing' relate with having a headache?
She says I complain a little too much about having a backache, stomach ache or something and that if a man roughened me up a lil, I'd either be immune to all these petty complaints or I'd have a bigger threshold for pain.
I hear you 'ahhing'. Imagine how I felt when I stood there and received the most shocking retort ever.
----
Hope y'all are having a good week so far?
Thinking of hoping on this 30day challenge!
Let's go!
Have a Cameron and Strike filled week!
Sent from my BlackBerry® Smartphone, from Etisalat.
Undefined...
Its a case of boy meets girl and they kick it off.
2 months down the line, they arent official yet, but everything makes it look as though they are. She's met his family apart from his mother and some older, married siblings. She'd met his friends, his cousins been to family gatherings and has been introduced to as many people as the time can manage. The point is, it was never under the rocks. They were out and open with it. In that time, it was all rosy and sweet. They had talked about the exes and how things ended. He broke up with his recent ex (who he was meant to have wedded the month he met her). In their minds, they had been transparent with each other. No fights, no quarrels and the likes. Although it all looked too good to be true, it was all bliss and it seemed like she had reached her last bus stop on the 'search' journey.
Suddenly, it all starts to go awol. The calls reduce, the BB chats start to go vague and the visits practically disappear. My girl asks whats happening? His reason. I'm dealing with some things that I cant talk about. Ok, fine. My girl assumes its just for the moment. The moment turns into 2 months and they have practically become strangers to each other. No fight, nothing and its still under the premise that he is dealing with stuff he can't talk about. He starts to send irregular hellos and how are yous and when he is in town, he never offers to stop by. She is running between patience and anger. Some are saying "leave him, he'll come around and start begging". Others are saying "I think you have the right to tell him to piss off, you're not a carity case".
Confused.com
What should she do?
2 months down the line, they arent official yet, but everything makes it look as though they are. She's met his family apart from his mother and some older, married siblings. She'd met his friends, his cousins been to family gatherings and has been introduced to as many people as the time can manage. The point is, it was never under the rocks. They were out and open with it. In that time, it was all rosy and sweet. They had talked about the exes and how things ended. He broke up with his recent ex (who he was meant to have wedded the month he met her). In their minds, they had been transparent with each other. No fights, no quarrels and the likes. Although it all looked too good to be true, it was all bliss and it seemed like she had reached her last bus stop on the 'search' journey.
Suddenly, it all starts to go awol. The calls reduce, the BB chats start to go vague and the visits practically disappear. My girl asks whats happening? His reason. I'm dealing with some things that I cant talk about. Ok, fine. My girl assumes its just for the moment. The moment turns into 2 months and they have practically become strangers to each other. No fight, nothing and its still under the premise that he is dealing with stuff he can't talk about. He starts to send irregular hellos and how are yous and when he is in town, he never offers to stop by. She is running between patience and anger. Some are saying "leave him, he'll come around and start begging". Others are saying "I think you have the right to tell him to piss off, you're not a carity case".
Confused.com
What should she do?
Moving Swiftly on...
Hey Guys!!!
Its good to be back home. Well, sort of. Lazying about camp sort of has side effects that coming back to a 8-5 doesnt agree with. But still, its good to be back home. The final week in camp was fun actually. I went with a plan and I executed it well. I cant say much about it seeing I'm not so anonymous anymore but it revolved around making someone miserable and I think I did a good job at it.
One thing I noticed about the final week was the haste in which everyone got hooked up or wanted to. I, being the back bencher and a very good audience to these scenes had a lot of fun watching. Trust me, its hilarious seeing guys and girls getting all cuddly and mushy, having known each other for a few days. Worse is when you hear stories of the ones who got down to the nitty gritty either behind the camp directors office or anywhere a chair could be placed. Meanwhile, many left boyfriends, girlfriends, fiances and even husbands and wives at home. Pure hilarity, I tell you. But why am I telling you this anyway? I'm sure you've all heard a similar story or the other about the popular 3 week getaway.
In the last post I mentioned that I wanted to ask you guys about 'moving on'. I'm sure everyone has one theory or the other about moving on from a past relationship or an 'almost relationship'. But regardless of the differences in humans and how we handle our emotions, shouldnt there be some set guides that apply to us all?
Taking a 4 year old relationship for example, both guy and girl got hurt and the break up is not as a result of a fight or one causing grief to the other. Say, forces outside of the relationship caused the break up, e.g religion or family matters, Health issues or what have you. When is it okay for them to move on? And even after moving other, when is it okay to 'brandish' your new significant other to the world and most importantly to the person you just broke up with.
Take another example. Guy and girl just met, talked a lot, like each other so much but hit a road block and for one reason or the other, they cant progress into a relationshp. Although, if not for the road block which neither of them could handle, she would be a candidate for marriage. Days later, the girl starts to hear of another girl and in about a week, he's all over the place with her. Status messages, profile pictures, etc all indicating that he's found new love. Now my question is how does that happen? Especially when he says that none of it started whilst you two had your thng. So what, he had a few days to recover and find new love?
I understand a break up where, one has hurt the other so bad that s/he would do anything to forget the past or get back at him/her but not one where you'd wish to be with that person but just cant.
I dont want to say what my opinions are so I dont create any biases, so I'd like to hear what yours are.
I hope you guys are having a more productive week than I am! My next post will be another question on things I've noticed since being back home.
Toodles!
Its good to be back home. Well, sort of. Lazying about camp sort of has side effects that coming back to a 8-5 doesnt agree with. But still, its good to be back home. The final week in camp was fun actually. I went with a plan and I executed it well. I cant say much about it seeing I'm not so anonymous anymore but it revolved around making someone miserable and I think I did a good job at it.
One thing I noticed about the final week was the haste in which everyone got hooked up or wanted to. I, being the back bencher and a very good audience to these scenes had a lot of fun watching. Trust me, its hilarious seeing guys and girls getting all cuddly and mushy, having known each other for a few days. Worse is when you hear stories of the ones who got down to the nitty gritty either behind the camp directors office or anywhere a chair could be placed. Meanwhile, many left boyfriends, girlfriends, fiances and even husbands and wives at home. Pure hilarity, I tell you. But why am I telling you this anyway? I'm sure you've all heard a similar story or the other about the popular 3 week getaway.
In the last post I mentioned that I wanted to ask you guys about 'moving on'. I'm sure everyone has one theory or the other about moving on from a past relationship or an 'almost relationship'. But regardless of the differences in humans and how we handle our emotions, shouldnt there be some set guides that apply to us all?
Taking a 4 year old relationship for example, both guy and girl got hurt and the break up is not as a result of a fight or one causing grief to the other. Say, forces outside of the relationship caused the break up, e.g religion or family matters, Health issues or what have you. When is it okay for them to move on? And even after moving other, when is it okay to 'brandish' your new significant other to the world and most importantly to the person you just broke up with.
Take another example. Guy and girl just met, talked a lot, like each other so much but hit a road block and for one reason or the other, they cant progress into a relationshp. Although, if not for the road block which neither of them could handle, she would be a candidate for marriage. Days later, the girl starts to hear of another girl and in about a week, he's all over the place with her. Status messages, profile pictures, etc all indicating that he's found new love. Now my question is how does that happen? Especially when he says that none of it started whilst you two had your thng. So what, he had a few days to recover and find new love?
I understand a break up where, one has hurt the other so bad that s/he would do anything to forget the past or get back at him/her but not one where you'd wish to be with that person but just cant.
I dont want to say what my opinions are so I dont create any biases, so I'd like to hear what yours are.
I hope you guys are having a more productive week than I am! My next post will be another question on things I've noticed since being back home.
Toodles!
2 weeks in..
Whoever said some parts of Nigeria are still backward didnt lie.
I picked up my call up letter quite alright. That was after the crowd had gone mad and the NYSC officials didnt seem to show any crowd control skills. How can you have almost a thousand people queue up in no particular order to collect a letter that isnt arranged in any order. I take that back. We didnt queue up, we became a crowd that couldnt be managed where the tall ones had their noses up above the short ones and could smell their hair. God help those who had smelly weaves in their noses. One official then came out and said, he'd call out names (written in no order) and we had to queue up as he called out the names. Yes, that worked for a minute but the queue didnt move because the letters were not arranged in the order that the names were called. So once again, it became a very angry crowd. Finally the same guy came out with the letters and called out the names as he went along. That finally worked, after we'd spent almost 6 hours trying to pick up a lousy letter. After the gruelling task, the letter delivers the bad news that yes you have been posted to the state you asked for, but your orientation camp is in some remote village somewhere. Wow! How exciting!
Fast forward to days later and Lagos corpers are heading to Iseyin, Oyo state. I was looking forward to it. Partly because I'd have the opportunity to meet lots of people and also get a last minute feel of what its like to be in a boarding school. A few miles to camp and my feet went numb. Some call it cold feet but thats for those that that can feel their feet at a time like that. Got to camp and well, let the chaos begin. In as much as I would like to delve into every little detail in regards to registration, I cant. That itself is tiring. It was one hell of a day. I got there shortly after 11am but didnt finish my registration till 12.40am the next day. Thus leaving me with 4 hours to sleep, wake up and get ready. Well, I didnt get any sleep, so I had loads of time to get ready. With an 18 man room, I wonder how people still managed to snore away and sleep comfortably on a metal bunk and a mattress the width of a notebook.
Days went and so did the people. Many stayed to register and then found their way out, others took more drastic measures like scaling the fence. I had no escape route, so I had to stay put, in as much as I wanted to leave so bad! I mean seriously, how easy is it to manage in a place where there are pit latrines in place of toilets and open air cubicles in place of shower areas. SERIOUSLY HOW!!!!???? I managed to have a shower once in a while but hell no was I hovering my bum over a hole in the ground. As God would have it, my mind and my body were in sync and I didnt need a number 2 till sunday when we finally broke out with an 'atm pass' and headed for the nearest hotel. There we shat, showered and crashed. Forgive my crude diction but it has to be said in its crudest form for you to understand how bad it was.
Next day, I played a tiny bit of volleyball and managed to 'sprain' my ankle. Call it whatever you want, but I managed to get my exeat and with all the fuss I made, I got the rest of the 2 weeks off! Haha SUCKERS! The patient dog always gets the fattest bone, I kid you not!
I've been home for a week and now I want to go back. I'm more bored at home than I was in camp! So I'm packing my bags and I am off tomorrow. Lucky for me, it finishes on friday, so I'm sure my bowels can rest for another 3 days! Hehe!
I shall be back soon with a post on 'moving on and the barriers we create for ourselves in relationships'. I have questions! I need them answered by my very able blog fam.
Its EID next week and to my fellow muslim brothers and sisters, Eid Mubarak. To others, I say, enjoy the meat!
xxx
Anybody home?
I blame twitter. I blame twitter. I blame twitter!
Shows how easy you can be cheated on, even when offered less. 140 characters and everyone seems to have lost the zeal to rant with the many words that blogger has to offer.
Anyways!
Touch down Lagos. Well 2 months in and need I say it hasnt been easy. I love it still.
Almost 7 years since I last saw this town, a lot has changed and a lot hasnt. The parts that have changed are most beneficial to people like me, so really I can't complain. The journey back was filled with anxiety amidst the elation to be back in this much loved town. I have no regrets as yet. Its been hard no doubt, but still no regrets.
I have had more experiences in the last 6 weeks than I did in the last 7 years. The most recent being my boat cruise. Well, more of a machine powered canoe to cross the waters between Ikoyi and VI. Another traffic dodging strategy I thought I'd found, but alas, I have to use everyone else's strategy. Leave home early to beat the traffic.
On the entertainment front, I have been to a few bars with my cousin and one thing I absolutely abhore is the smoking. On 2 occassions, I've had to wash my hair as soon as I get into the house. Its annoying to think people smoked this much. Arrgh! I also went to Lord of the Ribs; a show organised by BasketMouth. The highlight of the show for me wasnt the comedy, but the artists that came on later. From Jesse Jaz and MI, with little or no stage presence, to Wizkid who serenaded the crown with his 'Tease Me' and 'Holla at your Boy'. Though the kings of Serenading should really be Iceprince with his 'Oleku' and Banky W's 'Strong Tin'. King madness is none other than Terry G who blew the crowd away, though the best I could do was sing along to the 2 or 3 lines I knew. Gosh too many artists to remember but the one that killed it for me was Tubaba himself. Now I really see why we all love him so. Plus He and Sound Sultan were the only ones that performed with a live band! Commendable performances, I tell you! That has been the highlight of my return so far! I'd like to top that up with a visit to the theatre soon but in the mean time, I made do with the Chill and Relax open mic night! Very soothing atmosphere and there, you get to appreciate talent.
Coming up; Chronicles of the newest corper in town! Yes, that dreaded moment is slowly crawling up on me. Letters are out next week and then I'll know which state my fate lies. Hopefully, I wont faint when I pick the letter up and I wont cry when I get to camp. All the stories havent really done me any good.
Oh and Yes, I finally met some of my blogger friends. One really awkward meeting. Actually make that two and dont ask why!
I have actually missed blogger and I cant go anywhere. This is the closest I can get to being published. Hehe!
PS:
Speaking of Banky W, I bumped into him on the elevator and errr, he isnt as cute as I thought.
Later my lovely people!
Time of Death: Unknown
Ever wondered when you might die? Or in which manner you'd choose to go when the time eventually arrives?
I do and I often also wonder who would remember me or miss me when I'm gone. Not a lot I can say.
I know quite a few who have died, some very close and others even closer. The feeling is awful and I think its harder to bear if you were with them when they took that last breath. When you see the person's journey come to a complete halt! When they cease to be and you don't get anymore 'I love yous' or 'Be good' or even the 'How fars?'. For some, that's all it takes for them to recount their steps and take each day as though its embellished in precious diamonds. Treat each day like its a newly found treasure. Live with meaning.
Yesterday I heard the news about Da grins death and I started to weep. It felt like I'd never known anyone die. Like my best friend had just been taken away from me. Only he never was my friend. He was never even popular on my iPod. In fact at some point, I'd known his songs for a while, I just didn't know they were his. He was just another artist to me. Another Naija artist.
I got offered his CD by a friend in Nigeria and I declined it under the premise that I was only familiar with a few songs of his, some of which I didn't quite like. So taking the CD would quickly wear out his novelty with me.
Weeks later I heard my friends go crazy over 'Kondo' and I asked my aforementioned friend to send me the song via blackberry messenger. She refused saying I should have taken the CD when she offered. We both laughed it off but I still didn't get the song.
Months later, last week, I was out with friends. The DJ dropped kondo and the crowd went mad. Literally. Some stood on the sofas and started to jump like a child would do on his father's kingsize bed. Then I found out Da grin was supposed to be at a concert here in the Uk. I smiled. Nice one I thought. I spoke to my cousin who's part of the organisers of the concert and asked about the concert. His words: 'that concert is going to be mad whether enemies like it or not'. I asked what do enemies want with your event? He said didn't you hear Da Grin had an accident. I responded that I'd actually seen it on some BBM statuses and gone to read a story online about it. The source in the story had said 'he's lucky. He should thank God for his life'. The concert is slotted for the 31st of may'. I said to my cousin, 'Not to worry, he has a month to recover, he'll be here'.
God had other plans.
I saw the first status message and then the 2nd and then I started to weep.I hoped it was an expensive joke. A joke I was willing to accept and not complain about whoever had started it, just so he'd be alive. He had to be. But he wasn't.
I think about death and I think about everything in life. It all ends one day.
Now I don't make plans. I can't. Each day is a new one. Its a fresh start. That way, I don't lose too much when I go. Actually I don't lose anything.
I do and I often also wonder who would remember me or miss me when I'm gone. Not a lot I can say.
I know quite a few who have died, some very close and others even closer. The feeling is awful and I think its harder to bear if you were with them when they took that last breath. When you see the person's journey come to a complete halt! When they cease to be and you don't get anymore 'I love yous' or 'Be good' or even the 'How fars?'. For some, that's all it takes for them to recount their steps and take each day as though its embellished in precious diamonds. Treat each day like its a newly found treasure. Live with meaning.
Yesterday I heard the news about Da grins death and I started to weep. It felt like I'd never known anyone die. Like my best friend had just been taken away from me. Only he never was my friend. He was never even popular on my iPod. In fact at some point, I'd known his songs for a while, I just didn't know they were his. He was just another artist to me. Another Naija artist.
I got offered his CD by a friend in Nigeria and I declined it under the premise that I was only familiar with a few songs of his, some of which I didn't quite like. So taking the CD would quickly wear out his novelty with me.
Weeks later I heard my friends go crazy over 'Kondo' and I asked my aforementioned friend to send me the song via blackberry messenger. She refused saying I should have taken the CD when she offered. We both laughed it off but I still didn't get the song.
Months later, last week, I was out with friends. The DJ dropped kondo and the crowd went mad. Literally. Some stood on the sofas and started to jump like a child would do on his father's kingsize bed. Then I found out Da grin was supposed to be at a concert here in the Uk. I smiled. Nice one I thought. I spoke to my cousin who's part of the organisers of the concert and asked about the concert. His words: 'that concert is going to be mad whether enemies like it or not'. I asked what do enemies want with your event? He said didn't you hear Da Grin had an accident. I responded that I'd actually seen it on some BBM statuses and gone to read a story online about it. The source in the story had said 'he's lucky. He should thank God for his life'. The concert is slotted for the 31st of may'. I said to my cousin, 'Not to worry, he has a month to recover, he'll be here'.
God had other plans.
I saw the first status message and then the 2nd and then I started to weep.I hoped it was an expensive joke. A joke I was willing to accept and not complain about whoever had started it, just so he'd be alive. He had to be. But he wasn't.
I think about death and I think about everything in life. It all ends one day.
Now I don't make plans. I can't. Each day is a new one. Its a fresh start. That way, I don't lose too much when I go. Actually I don't lose anything.
Same old story!
I know!
Apologies bla bla. Same gist!
Who knows when next I'll be back here, so I'll apologise for the next time I won't turn up.
My life never lacks drama and two thirds of it is unnecessary family headache. I need a life of my own, where no one feels the need to order me around like a robot!
I came across something I put together a while ago and whilst I re-read it, I realised it only made sense to me the day I wrote it. After that, it just looks like I needed to regurgitate every word in my head that seemed to express the way I was feeling but in a very incomprehensible manner!
Below is what I call 'faeces of words'. No pun intended but it is absolute shit!
''When you have never known austerity, you never see life in the eyes of one who has. Seeing how they live does not equal knowing how they live. Knowing how they live does not equal feeling how they feel either.
They say, tough times are temporary. To some, it comes to pass. To most, it is a way of life and the belief that better times are temporary plays a more familiar tune with them.
Beside you is a dead man walking and beside him is another. You.
The game is tagged "survival of the fittest" when in reality it should be called "surviving the survival of the fittest". When the dead man walking strives to survive and then should he overcome, the battle to sustain becomes paramount. Where breathing is no longer the chore, staying alive is and the feverent need to be relevant continues to persist.
Should the dead man walking start to believe that "hard times are temporary", the need to do things the right way points the scale mark at zero. And if the scale marks read negative, a new rule is set. "An for an eye". A rule adhered to in its most literal and figurative forms, that ensures that the next man canot easily place blame. His society is accepting of his shortcomings.
Shortcomings are not inadequacies.
Short comings are not mistakes.
Shortcomings are not crime.
Shortcomings are a way of life
Shortcomings make better times temporary.''
To think that now that I have a blackberry, I'd blog more often! Kmt!
Apologies bla bla. Same gist!
Who knows when next I'll be back here, so I'll apologise for the next time I won't turn up.
My life never lacks drama and two thirds of it is unnecessary family headache. I need a life of my own, where no one feels the need to order me around like a robot!
I came across something I put together a while ago and whilst I re-read it, I realised it only made sense to me the day I wrote it. After that, it just looks like I needed to regurgitate every word in my head that seemed to express the way I was feeling but in a very incomprehensible manner!
Below is what I call 'faeces of words'. No pun intended but it is absolute shit!
''When you have never known austerity, you never see life in the eyes of one who has. Seeing how they live does not equal knowing how they live. Knowing how they live does not equal feeling how they feel either.
They say, tough times are temporary. To some, it comes to pass. To most, it is a way of life and the belief that better times are temporary plays a more familiar tune with them.
Beside you is a dead man walking and beside him is another. You.
The game is tagged "survival of the fittest" when in reality it should be called "surviving the survival of the fittest". When the dead man walking strives to survive and then should he overcome, the battle to sustain becomes paramount. Where breathing is no longer the chore, staying alive is and the feverent need to be relevant continues to persist.
Should the dead man walking start to believe that "hard times are temporary", the need to do things the right way points the scale mark at zero. And if the scale marks read negative, a new rule is set. "An for an eye". A rule adhered to in its most literal and figurative forms, that ensures that the next man canot easily place blame. His society is accepting of his shortcomings.
Shortcomings are not inadequacies.
Short comings are not mistakes.
Shortcomings are not crime.
Shortcomings are a way of life
Shortcomings make better times temporary.''
To think that now that I have a blackberry, I'd blog more often! Kmt!
A little Clarity
Having heard so much about the Vera show, I followed the link on Fabulola's post about the whole Ray Ray fad (Now I don't look stupid on twitter anymore when they are ranting over it) and clicked on the latest show.
Anyways, not to digress and make it quick, I downloaded the latest show, 'Christmas gifts that should' or so its called and Vera co-hosted with Funmi. The topic was on Christmas gifts and somehow they veered into 'Sallah' and how Muslims celebrate.
First off, this is not a hate post. If you think it is, please kindly take the Northern line to Waterloo and jump off Waterloo Bridge.
I'd just like to clarify a few things, to people who are perhaps in the same school of thought as Funmi. Please bear in mind I have paused the show, so I cant even tell if these were her thoughts when she was growing up or if she still holds them now. So it stemmed from what she said, but has nothing to do with her.
But for some who'd rather not seek a clearer explanation or for those that just don't know, here is a little about Islam's festivals, just so you know and can at least be informed. At least, in primary school I was bombarded with C.R.K and can tell the Nativity story better than some Christians would, so why not?
Speaking of which, let me digress a little. My sister was listening to BBC Radio 4 the other day and she said that on one of the shows, the host said quite whimsically that he went to his daughter's Christmas school play: the nativity story and after he came out, he said to himself, "that was the story of Jesus, but there was no Jesus in it". I had to laugh at that.
Okay back to the point. The Festivals are called Eid and the suffix usually denotes which Eid it is. Eid ul Fitri is the one right after the month of Ramadan when Muslims have fasted for 30 days and Eid ul Kabir is the one where the Ram is Slaughtered.
As you may be aware, we go to the prayer ground in multitudes, those practicing and those who don't: that's the day you know your neighbour is muslim because he is dressed in his best clothes and headed for the National stadium (for those in Surulere, Lagos). We go there to perform a special Eid Prayer, thanking God for seeing another Sallah day. Let's just say its the same way Christians head for Church on Easter and Christmas days.
In Islam, there are many ways to secure God's mercies, most are detailed in the Quran and Hadith and some are just the daily doctrines and ethics that we all should know with 'common sense'. The fasting for example is significant in so many ways. For one, it helps to improve your relationship with God. You are meant to cleanse yourself physically (avoid eating junk) and mentally. Devoid yourself of all forms of sin for those 30days, in the hope that once the 30days are over, you will carry on in that manner. Further, it is for us, as Muslims, to put ourselves in the shoes of the needy, however we decide to define them. There are many whose lives are austere and do not have the opportunity to have 3 square meal, let alone access to drinking water. With this, we are meant to be thankful to Allah for all that we have and as we have 'walked in their shoes', we can be more accommodating to them and most of all, get closer to God. Before the 30days are over, we offer a mandatory share of our wealth (zakat) to the said group of people, however much we can afford (as it is according to your earning) in order that they may be happy on the Eid day as well and have enough to celebrate with just like you are.
Eid ul Kabir on the other hand, signifies the sacrifice that Ibrahim (Abraham) made to Allah in place of his son. Once again, it is for us to be thankful to Allah for the things He has done for us. What if, in this day and age, sons need to be sacrificed and for some reason we all (both Christians and Muslims) still followed it, would we all be happy? No?? (I'm just saying though, I bet, if that existed, it wont be condoned, so don't quote me on that) What I'm saying is that the slaughtering of the Ram is meant to put us in the state of mind that Ibrahim was in those days and help us to feel remorse and be Thankful for where we are today. So it is in no way 'A TABOOED OFFERING' neither is it a sacrificial lamb to appease some god.
More :
As with regards to Muslims praying some prayer before we kill the animal, that is what makes it befitting for us to eat. It means we bear in mind that Allah has created these animals and though they are provided for us to feed on, we are not supposed to suck the air out of them or kill them however they are done in some abattoirs. It makes it haram (forbidden) for us to eat.
The Halal Food Authority further explains this:
I hope this gives enough clarity. If you have other questions please feel free to visit credible sources wherever you may please.
Its for my sake, so that I am not called what I'm not and for your sake, to not sound ignorant in public.
PS: Regardless, I think back home, Muslims and Christians celebrate together more than anywhere else I've been. Do the British know what Eid is? Let alone give us a holiday.
Oh Please dont make me laugh.
Anyways, not to digress and make it quick, I downloaded the latest show, 'Christmas gifts that should' or so its called and Vera co-hosted with Funmi. The topic was on Christmas gifts and somehow they veered into 'Sallah' and how Muslims celebrate.
First off, this is not a hate post. If you think it is, please kindly take the Northern line to Waterloo and jump off Waterloo Bridge.
I'd just like to clarify a few things, to people who are perhaps in the same school of thought as Funmi. Please bear in mind I have paused the show, so I cant even tell if these were her thoughts when she was growing up or if she still holds them now. So it stemmed from what she said, but has nothing to do with her.
But for some who'd rather not seek a clearer explanation or for those that just don't know, here is a little about Islam's festivals, just so you know and can at least be informed. At least, in primary school I was bombarded with C.R.K and can tell the Nativity story better than some Christians would, so why not?
Speaking of which, let me digress a little. My sister was listening to BBC Radio 4 the other day and she said that on one of the shows, the host said quite whimsically that he went to his daughter's Christmas school play: the nativity story and after he came out, he said to himself, "that was the story of Jesus, but there was no Jesus in it". I had to laugh at that.
Okay back to the point. The Festivals are called Eid and the suffix usually denotes which Eid it is. Eid ul Fitri is the one right after the month of Ramadan when Muslims have fasted for 30 days and Eid ul Kabir is the one where the Ram is Slaughtered.
As you may be aware, we go to the prayer ground in multitudes, those practicing and those who don't: that's the day you know your neighbour is muslim because he is dressed in his best clothes and headed for the National stadium (for those in Surulere, Lagos). We go there to perform a special Eid Prayer, thanking God for seeing another Sallah day. Let's just say its the same way Christians head for Church on Easter and Christmas days.
In Islam, there are many ways to secure God's mercies, most are detailed in the Quran and Hadith and some are just the daily doctrines and ethics that we all should know with 'common sense'. The fasting for example is significant in so many ways. For one, it helps to improve your relationship with God. You are meant to cleanse yourself physically (avoid eating junk) and mentally. Devoid yourself of all forms of sin for those 30days, in the hope that once the 30days are over, you will carry on in that manner. Further, it is for us, as Muslims, to put ourselves in the shoes of the needy, however we decide to define them. There are many whose lives are austere and do not have the opportunity to have 3 square meal, let alone access to drinking water. With this, we are meant to be thankful to Allah for all that we have and as we have 'walked in their shoes', we can be more accommodating to them and most of all, get closer to God. Before the 30days are over, we offer a mandatory share of our wealth (zakat) to the said group of people, however much we can afford (as it is according to your earning) in order that they may be happy on the Eid day as well and have enough to celebrate with just like you are.
Eid ul Kabir on the other hand, signifies the sacrifice that Ibrahim (Abraham) made to Allah in place of his son. Once again, it is for us to be thankful to Allah for the things He has done for us. What if, in this day and age, sons need to be sacrificed and for some reason we all (both Christians and Muslims) still followed it, would we all be happy? No?? (I'm just saying though, I bet, if that existed, it wont be condoned, so don't quote me on that) What I'm saying is that the slaughtering of the Ram is meant to put us in the state of mind that Ibrahim was in those days and help us to feel remorse and be Thankful for where we are today. So it is in no way 'A TABOOED OFFERING' neither is it a sacrificial lamb to appease some god.
More :
During the celebration of Eid al-Adha, Muslims commemorate and remember Abraham's trials, by themselves slaughtering an animal such as a sheep, camel, or goat. This action is very often misunderstood by those outside the faith.
Allah has given us power over animals and allowed us to eat meat, but only if we pronounce His name at the solemn act of taking life. Muslims slaughter animals in the same way throughout the year. By saying the name of Allah at the time of slaughter, we are reminded that life is sacred.
As with regards to Muslims praying some prayer before we kill the animal, that is what makes it befitting for us to eat. It means we bear in mind that Allah has created these animals and though they are provided for us to feed on, we are not supposed to suck the air out of them or kill them however they are done in some abattoirs. It makes it haram (forbidden) for us to eat.
The Halal Food Authority further explains this:
- .... require animals to be alive and healthy at the time of slaughter, since carrion is forbidden and, jugular vein, carotid artery and windpipe have to be severed by a razor sharp knife by a single swipe, to incur as less a pain as possible.
- All the flowing blood) must be drained out of the carcass, as blood is forbidden (Quran 6 V145
- Forbidden is an animal that has been killed by strangling or by a violent blow, or by a headlong fall
I hope this gives enough clarity. If you have other questions please feel free to visit credible sources wherever you may please.
Its for my sake, so that I am not called what I'm not and for your sake, to not sound ignorant in public.
PS: Regardless, I think back home, Muslims and Christians celebrate together more than anywhere else I've been. Do the British know what Eid is? Let alone give us a holiday.
Oh Please dont make me laugh.
Trust me?
I'm sure loads of people have stressed this topic and opinions are saturated on this front. But I got thinking lately, on how trust is generated, maintained and possibly lost.
When people say 'oh that girl is so trustworthy', what do they mean? She can be trusted to deliver? Or she can be trusted with a secret? Does it mean you have faith in the person? Or you just believe that the person has your back wherever you or they may be? How is trust quantified?
In relationships, we talk about trust being the foundation of a good relationship and when it starts to waver, then we say that there seems to be a problem.
Trust is a human attribute, agreed?
So why then is a 'trustworthy' person given extra props if its meant to be an attribute that we all should have. It's just like those who argue that Fashola shouldnt be given extra credit for his work in Lagos state, because its his job anyway. Same goes for why should a person be given lofty praises when we are all supposed to be trustworthy. Would you compliment someone for breathing? I think not.
Its been dancing around in my head what other people's definitions of trust is? By that definition, what then does the said individual have to do before they lose that trust?
I ask because recently, I have been let down by many and I'm beginning to think if I have the meaning of trust misconstrued. I believe that when I trust people, they will not hurt me in anyway. When they do, they are honest and apologetic about it. Or at the very least accepting of the situation, even if no extra effort is made to rectify it, as the damage has been done already.
So whats your definition of trust?
When people say 'oh that girl is so trustworthy', what do they mean? She can be trusted to deliver? Or she can be trusted with a secret? Does it mean you have faith in the person? Or you just believe that the person has your back wherever you or they may be? How is trust quantified?
In relationships, we talk about trust being the foundation of a good relationship and when it starts to waver, then we say that there seems to be a problem.
Trust is a human attribute, agreed?
So why then is a 'trustworthy' person given extra props if its meant to be an attribute that we all should have. It's just like those who argue that Fashola shouldnt be given extra credit for his work in Lagos state, because its his job anyway. Same goes for why should a person be given lofty praises when we are all supposed to be trustworthy. Would you compliment someone for breathing? I think not.
Its been dancing around in my head what other people's definitions of trust is? By that definition, what then does the said individual have to do before they lose that trust?
I ask because recently, I have been let down by many and I'm beginning to think if I have the meaning of trust misconstrued. I believe that when I trust people, they will not hurt me in anyway. When they do, they are honest and apologetic about it. Or at the very least accepting of the situation, even if no extra effort is made to rectify it, as the damage has been done already.
So whats your definition of trust?
Long Goodbye
The Lyrics suffice as a post in itself.
I listen to this song so much to the brink of tears.
Its an amazing song
And I hope a lot of people appreciate that there is talent
And it brews in the words and voice of India Arie.
Lyrics:
I say I love you
You say that's kind
You don't wanna get too close
You loved me crazy
I lost my mind
Listen
You're everything I never wanted
and all the things I didn't need
This ain't who I wanna be
You don't have to stay forever
I'll take passion over pride
Full moon, high tide
Let's make it a long goodbye
Tomorrow we'll pick up the pieces
Try to mend our broken lives
Soft kiss, sweet lies
Let's make it a long goodbye
I cried in silence
I lived through you
I've given everything away
and maybe I can learn to fall
For someone who can give me all
The things I"m not afraid to lose
You don't have to stay forever
I'll take passion over pride
Full moon, high tide
Let's make it a long goodbye
Tomorrow we'll pick up the pieces
Try to mend our broken lives
Soft kiss, sweet lies
Let's make it a long goodbye
Whenever you see lonely faces
That's where I'll be
Don't cry for me, no no no
Don't cry for me
Don't cry for me no no no
I'll be okay
You don't have to stay forever
I'll take passion over pride
Full moon, high tide
Let's make it a long goodbye
Tomorrow we'll pick up the pieces
Try to mend our broken lives
......., sweet lies
Let's make it a long goodbye
You don't have to stay forever
I'll take passion over pride
Full moon, high tide
Let's make it a long goodbye
Tomorrow we'll pick up the pieces
Try to mend our broken lives
Soft kiss, sweet lies
Let's make it a long goodbye
Oh oh
Goodbye
Goodbye
I listen to this song so much to the brink of tears.
Its an amazing song
And I hope a lot of people appreciate that there is talent
And it brews in the words and voice of India Arie.
Lyrics:
I say I love you
You say that's kind
You don't wanna get too close
You loved me crazy
I lost my mind
Listen
You're everything I never wanted
and all the things I didn't need
This ain't who I wanna be
You don't have to stay forever
I'll take passion over pride
Full moon, high tide
Let's make it a long goodbye
Tomorrow we'll pick up the pieces
Try to mend our broken lives
Soft kiss, sweet lies
Let's make it a long goodbye
I cried in silence
I lived through you
I've given everything away
and maybe I can learn to fall
For someone who can give me all
The things I"m not afraid to lose
You don't have to stay forever
I'll take passion over pride
Full moon, high tide
Let's make it a long goodbye
Tomorrow we'll pick up the pieces
Try to mend our broken lives
Soft kiss, sweet lies
Let's make it a long goodbye
Whenever you see lonely faces
That's where I'll be
Don't cry for me, no no no
Don't cry for me
Don't cry for me no no no
I'll be okay
You don't have to stay forever
I'll take passion over pride
Full moon, high tide
Let's make it a long goodbye
Tomorrow we'll pick up the pieces
Try to mend our broken lives
......., sweet lies
Let's make it a long goodbye
You don't have to stay forever
I'll take passion over pride
Full moon, high tide
Let's make it a long goodbye
Tomorrow we'll pick up the pieces
Try to mend our broken lives
Soft kiss, sweet lies
Let's make it a long goodbye
Oh oh
Goodbye
Goodbye
A new rism II
The day of the surgery is here. You are all packed and headed for the hospital. The letter says you should get to the hospital for 7am. The surgery could be at anytime that morning.
At the reception of 'day surgery' waiting patiently...
"Mrs A."...the nurse calls out. You both walk into the changing room, she hands you a hospital robe and a pair of socks. "Please change into these, and I'll see you to your bed". Changing in that cold room makes it even harder to concentrate...anxiety is about the break the scale.
Getting to the bed, the nurse comes over with a clipboard..asking questions.
"Have you eaten anything this morning?"
No (Duhhh, I was told not to)
She carries on till she gets to the bottom of the clip board.
"Ok" she says... you will be seen to the ultrasounds for one more scan and markings and then the anaesthesiologist.
Very well. Another trip for ultrasound scans and have them use a black marker to map out where what will be cut open.
In the ultrascound room. The lady keeps going over and over the same spot. She is trying to make conversation, but she isnt even concentrating... so she is starting to sound like a child who's learning to string a correct sentence.
"So, how"....long stare into the screen, nose up into the air, trying to look through the glasses sitting at the tip of the nose
6 seconds later
"Are you today?"
"Fine thanks. Is there a problem?"
"Just a second please"..She walks out and returns with a colleague. They both stare at the screen. The other one says, "Yes I think you are right" and then turns around to say, "Hi there, Mrs A, sorry about this, we'll just have to send you upstairs for further scans ok. It wont take too long". You will have your MRI done in no time
Upstairs. It wont take too long in in their dictionary is another half an hour wait. Cold feet!
An hour later, the doctor comes in.
"Hello my dear, how are you today"?
"Fine thank you, is there any problem? I seem to have gone through a few scans today"
"Yes, basically we needed to be sure about a few things and the scan is the best way to do that. From our findings, you have what is called an aneurysm. A brain aneurysm, or cerebral aneurysm, is the weakening in the wall of a blood vessel or artery in the brain. If it ruptures, it can be fatal. Fortunately, we have caught it really early, so we will have to persorm the operation as soon as possible. Your surgery won't be a day surgery anymore. So we will have to admit you today and book you in for the surgery at the very latest, tomorrow morning. In the mean time, we will keep regular checks on you just to ensure that we do not have any problems".
Blank stare, smile.
"Do you have any questions?"
Thinking, yes, hundreds of questions. "No thank you, I'll just sit here and wait"
"Oh actually, can I please call my family?"
At the reception of 'day surgery' waiting patiently...
"Mrs A."...the nurse calls out. You both walk into the changing room, she hands you a hospital robe and a pair of socks. "Please change into these, and I'll see you to your bed". Changing in that cold room makes it even harder to concentrate...anxiety is about the break the scale.
Getting to the bed, the nurse comes over with a clipboard..asking questions.
"Have you eaten anything this morning?"
No (Duhhh, I was told not to)
She carries on till she gets to the bottom of the clip board.
"Ok" she says... you will be seen to the ultrasounds for one more scan and markings and then the anaesthesiologist.
Very well. Another trip for ultrasound scans and have them use a black marker to map out where what will be cut open.
In the ultrascound room. The lady keeps going over and over the same spot. She is trying to make conversation, but she isnt even concentrating... so she is starting to sound like a child who's learning to string a correct sentence.
"So, how"....long stare into the screen, nose up into the air, trying to look through the glasses sitting at the tip of the nose
6 seconds later
"Are you today?"
"Fine thanks. Is there a problem?"
"Just a second please"..She walks out and returns with a colleague. They both stare at the screen. The other one says, "Yes I think you are right" and then turns around to say, "Hi there, Mrs A, sorry about this, we'll just have to send you upstairs for further scans ok. It wont take too long". You will have your MRI done in no time
Upstairs. It wont take too long in in their dictionary is another half an hour wait. Cold feet!
An hour later, the doctor comes in.
"Hello my dear, how are you today"?
"Fine thank you, is there any problem? I seem to have gone through a few scans today"
"Yes, basically we needed to be sure about a few things and the scan is the best way to do that. From our findings, you have what is called an aneurysm. A brain aneurysm, or cerebral aneurysm, is the weakening in the wall of a blood vessel or artery in the brain. If it ruptures, it can be fatal. Fortunately, we have caught it really early, so we will have to persorm the operation as soon as possible. Your surgery won't be a day surgery anymore. So we will have to admit you today and book you in for the surgery at the very latest, tomorrow morning. In the mean time, we will keep regular checks on you just to ensure that we do not have any problems".
Blank stare, smile.
"Do you have any questions?"
Thinking, yes, hundreds of questions. "No thank you, I'll just sit here and wait"
"Oh actually, can I please call my family?"
A new rism
Here in England, we register with a local doctor (your residence has to be within a certain radius in order to use that particular one), it's like a little clinic- like mine is run by a couple who are both doctors, they have a few nurses and receptionists. When you have a problem, you call the 'surgery', tell them you need to see the doctor, they book you in. If you are VERY lucky, you get an appointment, if not, you have to wait for a few days. Then you go to the doctor, tell him/her you think you have this problem, let's say a headache-it's been very consistent. They assess you, with their hands (to check your temperature -ok thats not true), then with their mouths by asking you so many questions, you'd think you just walked into a murder interrogation where you were both the victim and the suspect.
Where this doctor thinks he has it covered, he prescribes medicine for you, because you've consumed all the paracetamol and Nurofen that you can buy without a doctor's prescription. You go and fork out your £6 an hour salary to pay for the medicine. A few weeks later, you come back to complain that the medicine you spent a day's wage on doesn't work, and to top it up, the headache gives you a sharp pain that often messes with your sight
Then he refers you to a REAL doctor. Now that's the doctor at the hospital ( The big building with wards where people are recovering and rooms where women are pushing out babies). By referral, it means you go home, he calls the REAL doctor at the hospital, tells them he is sending you over, then the REAL doctor books you in for an appointment to check you AGAIN! Unfortunately, this whole process is with the NHS (free medical treatment), so your appointment with the REAL doctor might be fictitious till at least a month later when you receive a letter in the post from the REAL doctor telling you to come for an appointment in another month. If my calculation is right, you don't get to see the REAL doctor at the HOSPITAL till 2 months after you have seen the doctor at the surgery.
*Its getting rather long, shey?* If you had a mole that was slowly eating up your skin, you'd be dead, buried and your will would have been read and your assets distributed by the time you were meant to see the REAL doctor.
Other options are available though- You go to a private doctor who will see you and assess you immediately- well in a few days- but be ready to fork out part of your £700 a day salary (yes that's where the difference is) or better still, **go to A&E with something that looks like a mosquito bite and tell them you think its a malignant tumour, but after you get there, you are made to understand that you have just come there to display your stupidity and ignorance because what you have is indeed a bite from some insect and its in no way a tumour, let alone a malignant one.
Please be aware that these are rare and extreme cases and in no way demonstrate anyone's display at the A&E.**
After you get to see the REAL doctor, then he does proper tests (of which take place on different days), two things might happen, although both of them involve bad news.
1. The doctor will tell you that you about some abnormal swelling in your head and that due to the long period of time it has taken for you to come and see them, it has reached a critical stage and all they can do for you is to admit you and give you pain relief till THE day comes.
2. He will tell you what the swelling is about, but lucky for you, its not so bad, but you will need to have an operation to get it fixed. He could then say its going to be a 'day's' job. You have the surgery in the morning, you go home later in the evening.
Your mind is at rest...you are patiently waiting for the day you get the surgery.
Then surgery day comes....and its a different story!
*TBC*
Where this doctor thinks he has it covered, he prescribes medicine for you, because you've consumed all the paracetamol and Nurofen that you can buy without a doctor's prescription. You go and fork out your £6 an hour salary to pay for the medicine. A few weeks later, you come back to complain that the medicine you spent a day's wage on doesn't work, and to top it up, the headache gives you a sharp pain that often messes with your sight
Then he refers you to a REAL doctor. Now that's the doctor at the hospital ( The big building with wards where people are recovering and rooms where women are pushing out babies). By referral, it means you go home, he calls the REAL doctor at the hospital, tells them he is sending you over, then the REAL doctor books you in for an appointment to check you AGAIN! Unfortunately, this whole process is with the NHS (free medical treatment), so your appointment with the REAL doctor might be fictitious till at least a month later when you receive a letter in the post from the REAL doctor telling you to come for an appointment in another month. If my calculation is right, you don't get to see the REAL doctor at the HOSPITAL till 2 months after you have seen the doctor at the surgery.
*Its getting rather long, shey?* If you had a mole that was slowly eating up your skin, you'd be dead, buried and your will would have been read and your assets distributed by the time you were meant to see the REAL doctor.
Other options are available though- You go to a private doctor who will see you and assess you immediately- well in a few days- but be ready to fork out part of your £700 a day salary (yes that's where the difference is) or better still, **go to A&E with something that looks like a mosquito bite and tell them you think its a malignant tumour, but after you get there, you are made to understand that you have just come there to display your stupidity and ignorance because what you have is indeed a bite from some insect and its in no way a tumour, let alone a malignant one.
Please be aware that these are rare and extreme cases and in no way demonstrate anyone's display at the A&E.**
After you get to see the REAL doctor, then he does proper tests (of which take place on different days), two things might happen, although both of them involve bad news.
1. The doctor will tell you that you about some abnormal swelling in your head and that due to the long period of time it has taken for you to come and see them, it has reached a critical stage and all they can do for you is to admit you and give you pain relief till THE day comes.
2. He will tell you what the swelling is about, but lucky for you, its not so bad, but you will need to have an operation to get it fixed. He could then say its going to be a 'day's' job. You have the surgery in the morning, you go home later in the evening.
Your mind is at rest...you are patiently waiting for the day you get the surgery.
Then surgery day comes....and its a different story!
*TBC*
BlackOUT!!!
In Nigeria, the lights go out and people heave a sigh of acceptance, praying that it won't be too long till they see that flicker of hope in the Phillips light bulb in their living room.
In the UK, the lights go out and every one stares at each other, thinking, "what just happened"? Then the braver of them steps up to the fuse box and fiddles with the switches, thinking " hmm it's probably just tripped off". He fiddles with it once or twice. When there is no show, he starts to panic.
He calms down. Right, first I need the toilet badly for a number one, then I will call the electric company. He goes to the toilet , finishes and turns on the tap to wash his hands. The water is freezing cold. He looks at the tap he has opened, double checks. " yeah it's the red one" , meaning it's meant to be hot. But no it's not, cos the boiler is off. " oh the boiler is run by electricity"...HISS
Next he decides, yes I need the number for the electric company. "Hmm let me try the Internet, I cant be bothered to find any of those bills right now. Well the computer is off. Oh well, the laptop is still on". He fires up Internet explorer and it says "the web page required does not work offline". Ahn ahn, offline bawo? At least my Internet is wireless. He goes to the modem and finds that it is off. " oh duh, it uses electricity too".
Faces the reality of looking for the bills. Goes to the door, where the mail is in a huge pile. Looks through, to find any of the monthly bills from the electrics company, it should have their number on it. Finally, he gets it and looks everywhere for the land line phone. He finds it sitting on its hub in the living room and tries to dial the number. 0-8-0-0-3-5-5-5-5-5-5, hits the green 'call' button. Places the phone to his ear but he doesnt hear the sound he uusually hears, the one he wants to hear. Its quiet. There's no dial tone. Haba? Ki ni de?
"Damn" He realises, the phone is electric, its 2009 and cannot think of where to find an analogue phone. Tries to call them on the mobile and they aren't picking up, A waste of his already finished minutes. Its slowly getting dark.
Well it's past 7, I better head out to buy some candles and whatnot. Beckons on his wife to feed the kids their dinner and get them to bed before it's too dark, and it becomes a case of sorting out electricity and children that cant sleep in darkness. She heads to the kitchen. Thinks of something she can do on the cooker seeing as the microwave won't work. She decided on warming up the rice for them. Turns the knob and hits the ignition. The sound of the gas coming out is all she hears. Nothing from the ignition. Oh my God. The ignition is electric and we dont have any match sticks at home.
Its gone past 7 and all the shops are closed. Waitrose shuts at 7 and the Tesco that is meant to be open 24 hours is shut due to flooding.
Shit, where is an aboki when you need one?
The husband declares, It's a state of emergency
In the UK, the lights go out and every one stares at each other, thinking, "what just happened"? Then the braver of them steps up to the fuse box and fiddles with the switches, thinking " hmm it's probably just tripped off". He fiddles with it once or twice. When there is no show, he starts to panic.
He calms down. Right, first I need the toilet badly for a number one, then I will call the electric company. He goes to the toilet , finishes and turns on the tap to wash his hands. The water is freezing cold. He looks at the tap he has opened, double checks. " yeah it's the red one" , meaning it's meant to be hot. But no it's not, cos the boiler is off. " oh the boiler is run by electricity"...HISS
Next he decides, yes I need the number for the electric company. "Hmm let me try the Internet, I cant be bothered to find any of those bills right now. Well the computer is off. Oh well, the laptop is still on". He fires up Internet explorer and it says "the web page required does not work offline". Ahn ahn, offline bawo? At least my Internet is wireless. He goes to the modem and finds that it is off. " oh duh, it uses electricity too".
Faces the reality of looking for the bills. Goes to the door, where the mail is in a huge pile. Looks through, to find any of the monthly bills from the electrics company, it should have their number on it. Finally, he gets it and looks everywhere for the land line phone. He finds it sitting on its hub in the living room and tries to dial the number. 0-8-0-0-3-5-5-5-5-5-5, hits the green 'call' button. Places the phone to his ear but he doesnt hear the sound he uusually hears, the one he wants to hear. Its quiet. There's no dial tone. Haba? Ki ni de?
"Damn" He realises, the phone is electric, its 2009 and cannot think of where to find an analogue phone. Tries to call them on the mobile and they aren't picking up, A waste of his already finished minutes. Its slowly getting dark.
Well it's past 7, I better head out to buy some candles and whatnot. Beckons on his wife to feed the kids their dinner and get them to bed before it's too dark, and it becomes a case of sorting out electricity and children that cant sleep in darkness. She heads to the kitchen. Thinks of something she can do on the cooker seeing as the microwave won't work. She decided on warming up the rice for them. Turns the knob and hits the ignition. The sound of the gas coming out is all she hears. Nothing from the ignition. Oh my God. The ignition is electric and we dont have any match sticks at home.
Its gone past 7 and all the shops are closed. Waitrose shuts at 7 and the Tesco that is meant to be open 24 hours is shut due to flooding.
Shit, where is an aboki when you need one?
The husband declares, It's a state of emergency
Suddenly...
... I understand life and it's complexities. You see that life is what you make it and how you choose to live it. There are rules, regulations and guidelines on how to live your life but then you design these to fit the way you live yours.
Someone said to me today that the Nigerian economy does not allow for progress in that one tends to live within one's means. I then said neither does the one in this country, seeing as whatever you earn goes to paying back what you owe. The point of my long story is? Live your life the way you want it and things will always sort themselves out. I'm not saying live lavishly or be non challant about things, but live comfortably, live for today. Cos you may not be here tomorrow. Do not live in austerity today because you want to live well tomorrow, for once again, you may not be here tomorrow.
I'm not preaching. I'm only airing my realisations. I have decided that no one in this life is worth the time and effort to hold any grudges. Not that I do anyways. Whoever feels the need to be friends with me should do so freely. But I won't go out of my way to look for anyone. The time for that is long gone. No one is worth it. Not till I am convinced that there are still good people on this earth. For now, I will assume that everyone is the same that they are only around you because something is needed from you , be it gist, money, your body, your boyfriend or your girlfriend or your coursework. Till otherwise proven, every gaddamn person is the same as the other. They can kiss my arse for all I freaking care.
On another note, I am disappointed with the way we nigerians use our places of worship be it church or mosque. As a Muslim, our place of worship is most sacred to us, either the mosque or the home. Cleaniness is a priority. The case is otherwise here. Most especially in this country, surprisingly. Considering all the amenities available to us here I'm in a mosque on Old Kent Rd at the moment and an Asian or Iranian or a muslim from another country would think twice before performing their Salat in this mosque. It's depressing. We need to do better as nigerians. This is appalling
Someone said to me today that the Nigerian economy does not allow for progress in that one tends to live within one's means. I then said neither does the one in this country, seeing as whatever you earn goes to paying back what you owe. The point of my long story is? Live your life the way you want it and things will always sort themselves out. I'm not saying live lavishly or be non challant about things, but live comfortably, live for today. Cos you may not be here tomorrow. Do not live in austerity today because you want to live well tomorrow, for once again, you may not be here tomorrow.
I'm not preaching. I'm only airing my realisations. I have decided that no one in this life is worth the time and effort to hold any grudges. Not that I do anyways. Whoever feels the need to be friends with me should do so freely. But I won't go out of my way to look for anyone. The time for that is long gone. No one is worth it. Not till I am convinced that there are still good people on this earth. For now, I will assume that everyone is the same that they are only around you because something is needed from you , be it gist, money, your body, your boyfriend or your girlfriend or your coursework. Till otherwise proven, every gaddamn person is the same as the other. They can kiss my arse for all I freaking care.
On another note, I am disappointed with the way we nigerians use our places of worship be it church or mosque. As a Muslim, our place of worship is most sacred to us, either the mosque or the home. Cleaniness is a priority. The case is otherwise here. Most especially in this country, surprisingly. Considering all the amenities available to us here I'm in a mosque on Old Kent Rd at the moment and an Asian or Iranian or a muslim from another country would think twice before performing their Salat in this mosque. It's depressing. We need to do better as nigerians. This is appalling
A gentle but LONG reminder
I'm sure this has gone around blogger and facebook, so most of you may have seen it. So not to worry, today, this is here for me. To remind me of many of the things that may apply to me. To remind me that:
- I will not set my standards any lower than they are meant to be.
- I shall not accept mediocrity in whatever shape or form it shows itself
- MOST IMPORTANTLY - I will not limit myself. For I know that I am worth more than I give myself credit for. I will not present myself as a charity case, nor something that is needing of pity
If you haven't read it, I suggest you do. It's rather long, but think of it as something out of a little book you have picked up.
5 Mistakes Women Make - By Ekene Agabu
"A lady who lives from her principles takes personal responsibility for her own actions and responses. She takes charge and never leaves her fate to the opinions or actions of men. She doesn’t go on a date with every man that asks her out because she doesn’t need a man – she would want a man but she fully well understands that her worth is solely appraised on who she is and not who she’s with. She would not change her principle to have or keep a man. She’s doesn’t need to sleep with a man to have or keep him..........sleeping with a guy does not mean he’s yours. If you had to sleep with him to keep him, he was never yours in the first place."
Before I begin or rather let you into what I have written, I must confess that I had completed this article months ago but was a bit apprehensive in publishing it. I didn’t want to come across as being judgmental and if after reading this you feel judged or put down as a woman, please excuse my unskilled delivery, for that is not my intent. And if you feel that I have crossed the line as man sharing these with you, do not hesitate to express your disdain for my impetus.
Having said that, I feel qualified to write this as a man because I stand as an unbiased observer and also one who has had the opportunity to take advantage of these mistakes. But I must confess, we as men have been @$#*%*$ . Where we should have given, we took; where we should have loved, we lusted and where we should have preserved, we devoured. As a Man, I must call myself to higher standards. Before I touch you, I must respect you like my mother, protect you like my sister and look out for your best interest like my baby – after all, that’s what I call you when I want you! We’ve failed to realize that the significance of our masculinity does not lie in how many girls we can dis-virgin but rather the honor we can bestow upon one. We fail to understand that the purpose of our strength and dominance is to defend and protect not to attack and destroy.
But the first mistake was not yours. You were born into a world that didn’t even give you the chance - the chance to be who you really are without any pressure or expectation. From day one you were unconsciously groomed from childhood to be an acceptable accessory to a man’s life. You were constantly made conscious of a false milestone that suggested your value was based upon a man finding you worthy to be his, instead of being made aware of who you are by virtue of your own unique existence. Your worth as a woman was reduced to two things; being a wife and your ability to bear a child – and in some cultures, you had to bear the right type of child. And if per chance you failed in one of these areas, you were nobody, no one – you were nothing.
Unfortunately, along the way, you may have made some mistakes in trying to fulfill this false notion of who you are supposed to be. Bad relationship after bad relationship continually emphasized the lie that you were nothing without a man. Not only do you sit there as one with mental wounds from childhood, but also with hurts and wounds that are self inflicted as you sincerely tried to fulfill the so called destiny of the woman – being someone’s woman.
As I share this with you, I do not come as one who claims to understand your plight, but rather I stand as one who has heard you. From my mother to my aunts to my cousins and my friends, I have heard you and will continue to listen whenever you speak.
That being said, I do not believe we are responsible for the things that are done or said to us, but I do know that we are responsible for allowing those things continue in us. It’s in this light that I share with you the five common mistakes women make in relationships.
1. Your Personal Standards! Don't leave home without them!
By not setting your standard, you’ve just set the standard. The standards I speak of are not standards for the relationship; I speak of your personal standards irrespective of the relationship. What is your life’s moral compass?
This could get a bit confusing, so let me explain. Often times, at a certain point in life, people turn to religion for some sort of moral guidance or law. It’s an acknowledgment of some sort that they have made numerous personal mistakes and are in probable search for a turn around. So you might have a young lady who’s been around the block and has now become a Christian, and professes that she will be celibate until she gets married thereby claiming this new belief to be her standard. This is a religious belief that she has now adopted and not a personal standard. Your personal standards are born and realized from within you and become your principles rather than a law. A principle is born out of understanding; an understanding of who you are and why you are here on this earth. If you are roaming the earth like a lost sheep in search of a man to give you relevance, you will always find yourself jumping from relationship to relationship with each one leaving you even more confused than you were in the beginning. But when you understand that you are not here by chance and your presence on this earth has significant relevance, the aura about you changes and the people and things you accept into your life will only be a reflection of your internal essence or your personal standard.
A man can cause you to go against a belief because it was never yours in the first place, but he can never sway you away from your principle because you are one with your principle. A lady who lives from her principles takes personal responsibility for her own actions and responses.
She takes charge and never leaves her fate to the opinions or actions of men. She doesn’t go on a date with every man that asks her out because she doesn’t need a man – she would want a man but she fully well understands that her worth is solely appraised on who she is and not who she’s with. She would not change her principle to have or keep a man. She’s doesn’t need to sleep with a man to have or keep him. She understands that whatever she can’t get by way of her principles will never be her own. That you are sleeping with a guy does not mean he’s yours. If you had to sleep with him to keep him, he was never yours in the first place. In the absence of your personal standards, you end up trying many things and many people, but you never experience the love that is already within you. Allow that love within to write your standards and begin to live from them. That love will never lead you astray, never ever!
2. Why are you making excuses for him…..again?
I have come to observe that ladies often see the man as the prize. So once it looks like they have him – especially if he appears to be a good one – they want to do everything in their power to keep him. I understand that, but I don’t accept that and neither should you. You are the Prize. We should fight over you and want to do things to get and keep you. We should want to make sure you are ok.
A man who loves and respects a woman will never want her in doubt when it comes her knowing of his feelings towards her. When we are crazy about a woman, we are no longer the reserved and non emotional creatures you think we are. We become a mess - drooling internally when we think of you. We would never want you to feel you are on shaky ground concerning your status with us. We will publicly profess and show you to the whole world. We will put up a picture with you in it as the our profile pic, tag you in all photos you appear in and most importantly make sure that our status box shows that we are in a relationship with you. Yup, that’s what we do when we love you - we say it out LOUD!
And when we are out and about with you, our professions are usually crystal clear: ‘Meet my girlfriend, Sandra’ or ‘Meet my fiance, Sandra.’ Not, ‘Meet Sandra’ who is Sandra??? When we love you, we want the world to know that we love you. But I get amazed when ladies see the writing on the wall and continually make excuses to justify a man’s blatant abuse towards them. What do I mean? Take for instance the introductions highlighted above; He introduces you as just ‘Sandra’: you know you don’t like it, but you make an excuse within yourself and say, ‘he’s a private kinda guy, he doesn’t like to publicly show stuff.’ Really? Ok, let me ask, “Are you enrolled in midnight gymnastics with him?” In other words has he bent your body in ways you didn’t think possible? Well, there is only one thing worse than a guy sleeping with a woman in secret; and that is, a woman allowing that to happen. Before you allow a man do to you privately what can affect you publicly, he must first of all acknowledge you publicly as the woman he respects and loves. If he can’t do that, you need to tell me why you are still sticking around. How can you allow a man to knock you up when you are just ‘Sandra’ to him? You know you deserve better, so stop the excuses. Instead of making excuses for him, take charge – not of him or the relationship, but of yourself. Never remain in an environment where your integrity is compromised. Remember, you are the prize and we should work hard to get and keep you. And after all our hard work, you still have a right to say NO.
3. Why are you looking for ‘something’ in a bag of ‘nothings?’
A few years ago, a friend who was engaged was getting ready for her wedding which was just a couple of months away at the time. She called me occasionally during the preparation process, but on this one phone call, things were pretty bad. She was mad, upset, disappointed and unhappy that she was marrying this guy. So I asked her why she was still going on with the wedding if she felt the marriage wouldn’t work out. She said to me that she did not want the last four years of her life spent with him to go to waste. Hmmm! When she said this, I looked at my phone because I couldn’t look at her (she was in a different city) and in that instant – if I had a private jet – I would have flown to her city to give her a knock on her head - not a hard one, just a gentle knock - to help tilt her brain back to the center of her skull, because obviously it seemed out of balance with what she had just said to me. Let’s think about this, You are willing to screw up the next 50 years of your life, create babies in a hostile environment with a man you despise thereby screwing up the next generation, raising kids that would need therapy for the rest of their lives based on the abuse they will experience in that home, all because you don’t want the last four years of your life - 1,2,3,4 - to mean nothing (I’m having a headache just rehashing the story). So you are trying to create a love marriage from a four year crappy relationship. Needless to say, this lady was a young beautiful 28yr old lawyer. With good life habits she could easily live another healthy 50 years (Have you seen Barbara Walters lately? She’s 80). And here you are, willing to mortgage a future on four years with this jerk? She was desperately trying to make something out of nothing. That you’ve been in a long term relationship does not mean you should continually stay in it. Unfortunately for some ladies, it takes a while to see the light and muster up courage to get out of a bad situation. But when you see the light; RUN, GO, your life deserves it. If you don’t make that change, you’ll never know what’s out there? And when I say out there, I don’t mean what’s out there in another relationship; I mean what’s out there in you that you are yet to discover. Some of you ladies are afraid – afraid that you might not be married by a certain time. You begin the calculations, ‘Ok, I’m 28 now, if I break this up, how long will it take to find another guy and get married? Oooh! It may take another 4 years and I’ll be 32. No! I can’t be single at 30.” You are killing yourself with this kind of dialogue. Like she later said to me, she always saw herself married by 29. Needless to say, she was divorced by 29. They got married alright, but their divorce was made final before a possible 1st wedding anniversary. Sometimes we allow fear to dictate what we should do. We will never get from fear what love has to give. Love is bold, confident and fearless. Why are you scared? Why are you letting fear keep you in a relationship that you know you don’t want? Why do you want to marry a guy who has already made you feel like trash? Why are you choosing to be with someone you are not crazy about? Ok, so you are more concerned about looking good and successful on the outside at the expense of how you truly feel on the inside. You are too special for that. Let people think what they think, you know what you know and that’s all that should matter. Sometimes, we don’t believe; we don’t believe in ourselves, so we settle and then try to make something out of nothing. You can’t change another human being, it’s impossible. You haven’t even changed some things about yourself; how then do you think it possible to change another?
4. You’ve gotta think before you have his baby!
Often times when I’m in conversation with one of my numerous lady friends, something always cracks me up. I know they been having sex for years in and out of relationships and that fact is not hidden between us. But on some occasions, when I ask them if they have been pregnant before, their voice takes on a new tone of ‘How dare you?’ And then there is a resounding NO, like, ‘how could I get pregnant?’ Wait a minute! Am I missing something here? If you are having sex – sexual intercourse, you are potentially making a baby. You are filing an application. As soon as he ejaculates into you, the application is submitted and the outcome of that process is no longer left to you or him but to the Department of Conception. And if they approve it, you become pregnant whether you want it or not. Sex is not just about the pleasure derived, neither is it an antidote for loneliness. Sex is Responsibility; meaning you will have to respond to the outcome of that sexual encounter and sometimes it could be a lifetime of responses especially when a child is conceived. And when that child is born, you will forever have a symbol representing your union with your ex. Once a child is conceived, there is no moving on from that relationship. It begins the strongest bond known between a man and a woman. That man holds a special place in your heart regardless of how you feel about him today. You may have an abortion in trying to cut any future ties to this man, but may I have you know that the power of conception outweighs the power of birth. For something to be born, it has to be conceived. We are all on this earth first because of conception then birth. Without conception they will be no birth but without birth there can be conception. A strong bond is created when you allow a man’s sperm to start life within you. It is a major privilege to give to someone and not everyone should have that kind of access to you. If a man is horny and wants to be relieved, tell him to use his hand. You are no object and certainly no substitute for a man’s hand. So if you don’t want to have his baby, don’t make his baby.
5. I know there’s Pressure, but why are you under it?
I have come to observe that whether she’s 21 or 29, she always feels she’s running out of time. One thing you must understand is that pressure is not real. You are real and when you give attention to or come under the dominance of something that is impotent, you give it potency – you give it power. That is why this thing we call ‘pressure’ has the effect it has. You give it the effect. You are the effect. Sometimes we are driven by those voices of ignorance that may have come from people we love, so we try hard to get into a relationship and make it work. “Oh! This one has to work cos I’m almost 30.” Screw him and screw 30. You are more valuable to yourself and to the world than the timeline of your eggs or your age. Your world will not come to an end if you are not married by 30; in fact, it may just be beginning!
A few years ago, a lady friend of mine, who was 21 at the time called me up to talk about her ‘man' troubles. During our conversation, I observed that she had always been in a sexual relationship since she was 15. She confessed to me that she didn’t want to be alone; actually she didn’t know how to be alone. You see, you do yourself a huge injustice when you spend your formative years interrupted. Sex interrupts. It stops your creative and intellectual development and gives strength to your emotional cravings which should still be asleep. Your formative years are years you spend forming your person and your identity in readiness for your service to the world. Unfortunately, ladies give that time and space to some guy – a guy who may not even be in your life past your 30th birthday.
Have we as men failed you? Oh yes we have! As fathers some of us weren’t present in your young life. As uncles, instead of being fond of you, we fondled you. As friends we were more focused on the benefits instead of the sacrifice. We used you when we should have added value. We took advantage instead giving the advantage. We failed you quite all right, but you don’t have to do to yourself what we did to you – You don’t have to fail yourself. You can’t afford to fail yourself. You are the door to humanity. Life has to go through you to enter this earth. Even God needed a woman to come back into the world.
There’s no need to dumb yourself down or compromise your true integrity. We need the true you. We can’t exist without you and we will adjust to whatever standard you set for us – so why not make it high, why not make it YOU?
If you have come this far, I commend you.
- I will not set my standards any lower than they are meant to be.
- I shall not accept mediocrity in whatever shape or form it shows itself
- MOST IMPORTANTLY - I will not limit myself. For I know that I am worth more than I give myself credit for. I will not present myself as a charity case, nor something that is needing of pity
For pity does not breed love
If you haven't read it, I suggest you do. It's rather long, but think of it as something out of a little book you have picked up.
5 Mistakes Women Make - By Ekene Agabu
"A lady who lives from her principles takes personal responsibility for her own actions and responses. She takes charge and never leaves her fate to the opinions or actions of men. She doesn’t go on a date with every man that asks her out because she doesn’t need a man – she would want a man but she fully well understands that her worth is solely appraised on who she is and not who she’s with. She would not change her principle to have or keep a man. She’s doesn’t need to sleep with a man to have or keep him..........sleeping with a guy does not mean he’s yours. If you had to sleep with him to keep him, he was never yours in the first place."
Before I begin or rather let you into what I have written, I must confess that I had completed this article months ago but was a bit apprehensive in publishing it. I didn’t want to come across as being judgmental and if after reading this you feel judged or put down as a woman, please excuse my unskilled delivery, for that is not my intent. And if you feel that I have crossed the line as man sharing these with you, do not hesitate to express your disdain for my impetus.
Having said that, I feel qualified to write this as a man because I stand as an unbiased observer and also one who has had the opportunity to take advantage of these mistakes. But I must confess, we as men have been @$#*%*$ . Where we should have given, we took; where we should have loved, we lusted and where we should have preserved, we devoured. As a Man, I must call myself to higher standards. Before I touch you, I must respect you like my mother, protect you like my sister and look out for your best interest like my baby – after all, that’s what I call you when I want you! We’ve failed to realize that the significance of our masculinity does not lie in how many girls we can dis-virgin but rather the honor we can bestow upon one. We fail to understand that the purpose of our strength and dominance is to defend and protect not to attack and destroy.
But the first mistake was not yours. You were born into a world that didn’t even give you the chance - the chance to be who you really are without any pressure or expectation. From day one you were unconsciously groomed from childhood to be an acceptable accessory to a man’s life. You were constantly made conscious of a false milestone that suggested your value was based upon a man finding you worthy to be his, instead of being made aware of who you are by virtue of your own unique existence. Your worth as a woman was reduced to two things; being a wife and your ability to bear a child – and in some cultures, you had to bear the right type of child. And if per chance you failed in one of these areas, you were nobody, no one – you were nothing.
Unfortunately, along the way, you may have made some mistakes in trying to fulfill this false notion of who you are supposed to be. Bad relationship after bad relationship continually emphasized the lie that you were nothing without a man. Not only do you sit there as one with mental wounds from childhood, but also with hurts and wounds that are self inflicted as you sincerely tried to fulfill the so called destiny of the woman – being someone’s woman.
As I share this with you, I do not come as one who claims to understand your plight, but rather I stand as one who has heard you. From my mother to my aunts to my cousins and my friends, I have heard you and will continue to listen whenever you speak.
That being said, I do not believe we are responsible for the things that are done or said to us, but I do know that we are responsible for allowing those things continue in us. It’s in this light that I share with you the five common mistakes women make in relationships.
1. Your Personal Standards! Don't leave home without them!
By not setting your standard, you’ve just set the standard. The standards I speak of are not standards for the relationship; I speak of your personal standards irrespective of the relationship. What is your life’s moral compass?
This could get a bit confusing, so let me explain. Often times, at a certain point in life, people turn to religion for some sort of moral guidance or law. It’s an acknowledgment of some sort that they have made numerous personal mistakes and are in probable search for a turn around. So you might have a young lady who’s been around the block and has now become a Christian, and professes that she will be celibate until she gets married thereby claiming this new belief to be her standard. This is a religious belief that she has now adopted and not a personal standard. Your personal standards are born and realized from within you and become your principles rather than a law. A principle is born out of understanding; an understanding of who you are and why you are here on this earth. If you are roaming the earth like a lost sheep in search of a man to give you relevance, you will always find yourself jumping from relationship to relationship with each one leaving you even more confused than you were in the beginning. But when you understand that you are not here by chance and your presence on this earth has significant relevance, the aura about you changes and the people and things you accept into your life will only be a reflection of your internal essence or your personal standard.
A man can cause you to go against a belief because it was never yours in the first place, but he can never sway you away from your principle because you are one with your principle. A lady who lives from her principles takes personal responsibility for her own actions and responses.
She takes charge and never leaves her fate to the opinions or actions of men. She doesn’t go on a date with every man that asks her out because she doesn’t need a man – she would want a man but she fully well understands that her worth is solely appraised on who she is and not who she’s with. She would not change her principle to have or keep a man. She’s doesn’t need to sleep with a man to have or keep him. She understands that whatever she can’t get by way of her principles will never be her own. That you are sleeping with a guy does not mean he’s yours. If you had to sleep with him to keep him, he was never yours in the first place. In the absence of your personal standards, you end up trying many things and many people, but you never experience the love that is already within you. Allow that love within to write your standards and begin to live from them. That love will never lead you astray, never ever!
2. Why are you making excuses for him…..again?
I have come to observe that ladies often see the man as the prize. So once it looks like they have him – especially if he appears to be a good one – they want to do everything in their power to keep him. I understand that, but I don’t accept that and neither should you. You are the Prize. We should fight over you and want to do things to get and keep you. We should want to make sure you are ok.
A man who loves and respects a woman will never want her in doubt when it comes her knowing of his feelings towards her. When we are crazy about a woman, we are no longer the reserved and non emotional creatures you think we are. We become a mess - drooling internally when we think of you. We would never want you to feel you are on shaky ground concerning your status with us. We will publicly profess and show you to the whole world. We will put up a picture with you in it as the our profile pic, tag you in all photos you appear in and most importantly make sure that our status box shows that we are in a relationship with you. Yup, that’s what we do when we love you - we say it out LOUD!
And when we are out and about with you, our professions are usually crystal clear: ‘Meet my girlfriend, Sandra’ or ‘Meet my fiance, Sandra.’ Not, ‘Meet Sandra’ who is Sandra??? When we love you, we want the world to know that we love you. But I get amazed when ladies see the writing on the wall and continually make excuses to justify a man’s blatant abuse towards them. What do I mean? Take for instance the introductions highlighted above; He introduces you as just ‘Sandra’: you know you don’t like it, but you make an excuse within yourself and say, ‘he’s a private kinda guy, he doesn’t like to publicly show stuff.’ Really? Ok, let me ask, “Are you enrolled in midnight gymnastics with him?” In other words has he bent your body in ways you didn’t think possible? Well, there is only one thing worse than a guy sleeping with a woman in secret; and that is, a woman allowing that to happen. Before you allow a man do to you privately what can affect you publicly, he must first of all acknowledge you publicly as the woman he respects and loves. If he can’t do that, you need to tell me why you are still sticking around. How can you allow a man to knock you up when you are just ‘Sandra’ to him? You know you deserve better, so stop the excuses. Instead of making excuses for him, take charge – not of him or the relationship, but of yourself. Never remain in an environment where your integrity is compromised. Remember, you are the prize and we should work hard to get and keep you. And after all our hard work, you still have a right to say NO.
3. Why are you looking for ‘something’ in a bag of ‘nothings?’
A few years ago, a friend who was engaged was getting ready for her wedding which was just a couple of months away at the time. She called me occasionally during the preparation process, but on this one phone call, things were pretty bad. She was mad, upset, disappointed and unhappy that she was marrying this guy. So I asked her why she was still going on with the wedding if she felt the marriage wouldn’t work out. She said to me that she did not want the last four years of her life spent with him to go to waste. Hmmm! When she said this, I looked at my phone because I couldn’t look at her (she was in a different city) and in that instant – if I had a private jet – I would have flown to her city to give her a knock on her head - not a hard one, just a gentle knock - to help tilt her brain back to the center of her skull, because obviously it seemed out of balance with what she had just said to me. Let’s think about this, You are willing to screw up the next 50 years of your life, create babies in a hostile environment with a man you despise thereby screwing up the next generation, raising kids that would need therapy for the rest of their lives based on the abuse they will experience in that home, all because you don’t want the last four years of your life - 1,2,3,4 - to mean nothing (I’m having a headache just rehashing the story). So you are trying to create a love marriage from a four year crappy relationship. Needless to say, this lady was a young beautiful 28yr old lawyer. With good life habits she could easily live another healthy 50 years (Have you seen Barbara Walters lately? She’s 80). And here you are, willing to mortgage a future on four years with this jerk? She was desperately trying to make something out of nothing. That you’ve been in a long term relationship does not mean you should continually stay in it. Unfortunately for some ladies, it takes a while to see the light and muster up courage to get out of a bad situation. But when you see the light; RUN, GO, your life deserves it. If you don’t make that change, you’ll never know what’s out there? And when I say out there, I don’t mean what’s out there in another relationship; I mean what’s out there in you that you are yet to discover. Some of you ladies are afraid – afraid that you might not be married by a certain time. You begin the calculations, ‘Ok, I’m 28 now, if I break this up, how long will it take to find another guy and get married? Oooh! It may take another 4 years and I’ll be 32. No! I can’t be single at 30.” You are killing yourself with this kind of dialogue. Like she later said to me, she always saw herself married by 29. Needless to say, she was divorced by 29. They got married alright, but their divorce was made final before a possible 1st wedding anniversary. Sometimes we allow fear to dictate what we should do. We will never get from fear what love has to give. Love is bold, confident and fearless. Why are you scared? Why are you letting fear keep you in a relationship that you know you don’t want? Why do you want to marry a guy who has already made you feel like trash? Why are you choosing to be with someone you are not crazy about? Ok, so you are more concerned about looking good and successful on the outside at the expense of how you truly feel on the inside. You are too special for that. Let people think what they think, you know what you know and that’s all that should matter. Sometimes, we don’t believe; we don’t believe in ourselves, so we settle and then try to make something out of nothing. You can’t change another human being, it’s impossible. You haven’t even changed some things about yourself; how then do you think it possible to change another?
4. You’ve gotta think before you have his baby!
Often times when I’m in conversation with one of my numerous lady friends, something always cracks me up. I know they been having sex for years in and out of relationships and that fact is not hidden between us. But on some occasions, when I ask them if they have been pregnant before, their voice takes on a new tone of ‘How dare you?’ And then there is a resounding NO, like, ‘how could I get pregnant?’ Wait a minute! Am I missing something here? If you are having sex – sexual intercourse, you are potentially making a baby. You are filing an application. As soon as he ejaculates into you, the application is submitted and the outcome of that process is no longer left to you or him but to the Department of Conception. And if they approve it, you become pregnant whether you want it or not. Sex is not just about the pleasure derived, neither is it an antidote for loneliness. Sex is Responsibility; meaning you will have to respond to the outcome of that sexual encounter and sometimes it could be a lifetime of responses especially when a child is conceived. And when that child is born, you will forever have a symbol representing your union with your ex. Once a child is conceived, there is no moving on from that relationship. It begins the strongest bond known between a man and a woman. That man holds a special place in your heart regardless of how you feel about him today. You may have an abortion in trying to cut any future ties to this man, but may I have you know that the power of conception outweighs the power of birth. For something to be born, it has to be conceived. We are all on this earth first because of conception then birth. Without conception they will be no birth but without birth there can be conception. A strong bond is created when you allow a man’s sperm to start life within you. It is a major privilege to give to someone and not everyone should have that kind of access to you. If a man is horny and wants to be relieved, tell him to use his hand. You are no object and certainly no substitute for a man’s hand. So if you don’t want to have his baby, don’t make his baby.
5. I know there’s Pressure, but why are you under it?
I have come to observe that whether she’s 21 or 29, she always feels she’s running out of time. One thing you must understand is that pressure is not real. You are real and when you give attention to or come under the dominance of something that is impotent, you give it potency – you give it power. That is why this thing we call ‘pressure’ has the effect it has. You give it the effect. You are the effect. Sometimes we are driven by those voices of ignorance that may have come from people we love, so we try hard to get into a relationship and make it work. “Oh! This one has to work cos I’m almost 30.” Screw him and screw 30. You are more valuable to yourself and to the world than the timeline of your eggs or your age. Your world will not come to an end if you are not married by 30; in fact, it may just be beginning!
A few years ago, a lady friend of mine, who was 21 at the time called me up to talk about her ‘man' troubles. During our conversation, I observed that she had always been in a sexual relationship since she was 15. She confessed to me that she didn’t want to be alone; actually she didn’t know how to be alone. You see, you do yourself a huge injustice when you spend your formative years interrupted. Sex interrupts. It stops your creative and intellectual development and gives strength to your emotional cravings which should still be asleep. Your formative years are years you spend forming your person and your identity in readiness for your service to the world. Unfortunately, ladies give that time and space to some guy – a guy who may not even be in your life past your 30th birthday.
Have we as men failed you? Oh yes we have! As fathers some of us weren’t present in your young life. As uncles, instead of being fond of you, we fondled you. As friends we were more focused on the benefits instead of the sacrifice. We used you when we should have added value. We took advantage instead giving the advantage. We failed you quite all right, but you don’t have to do to yourself what we did to you – You don’t have to fail yourself. You can’t afford to fail yourself. You are the door to humanity. Life has to go through you to enter this earth. Even God needed a woman to come back into the world.
There’s no need to dumb yourself down or compromise your true integrity. We need the true you. We can’t exist without you and we will adjust to whatever standard you set for us – so why not make it high, why not make it YOU?
If you have come this far, I commend you.
Untitled
Its hard
Its really hard
Its very hard
And when its hard, you make foolish decisions
when you make foolish decisions, things go wrong.
Ho do I fix it when it goes wrong?
when its wrong,
You help me when I try to fix it
Cos two wrongs cannot make a right.
Its really hard
Its very hard
And when its hard, you make foolish decisions
when you make foolish decisions, things go wrong.
Ho do I fix it when it goes wrong?
when its wrong,
You help me when I try to fix it
Cos two wrongs cannot make a right.
10 less 2 things...
I hate these things!!
Argghhh
8 Things I look forward to
1. Getting a Job
2. Moving to Naij
3. Graduation
4. Going to a Wedding...Someone PLS GET MARRIED LIKE...NOW!
5. Becoming a size 10...ok maybe 12
6. My hair to GROW!!!
7. Going to Dubai
8. Getting a LIFE!!!
8 Things I did yesterday
1. Things that need to be censored! Lets keep it at that
2. Went to frigging training, that had me in pain for the rest of the night
3. Made that efo...Hmmm dont watch that!
4. Stared at my uni email inbox and wondered how I'd sort out over thousands of emails that I've kept over the last 3 years, before the email address gets shut down
5. Burnt the dodo, which was unripe anyway, though the skin said otherwise, and so it became extra bitter
6.Came to terms with the fact that a 2.1 is what I'm likely to get! Stupid Lecturers!
7. Realised that most of the places on campus dont open till 9.30...like the frigging cashiers office!
8. Bought my favourite muffin...Banana and walnut; stared at it for hours out of guilt, decided not to eat it, went out, came back....picked it up and quaffed it!
8 Things I wish to do
1. Get married
2. Get published : What I'm publishing, I dont know!
3. Get a Phd: In what, I dont know
4. Go sky diving...it might just stay a wish for a VERY long time!
5. Have lots of kids
6. Get a NEW LAPTOP
7. Get my hair into dreads! Will save me money and time in the long run
8. Get the balls to tell some people to EFF off
8 shows I watch
1. 24...Gatta love Jack- His screaming alone can make you wet your pants, before you finally decide to answer him
2. Prison break: Sob....Why Scofield, why?
3. Desperate housewives
4. Brothers and Sisters
5. Used to watch heroes, till it became pointless
6. Boston Legal- Loveeeeeeeeeeee Denny Crane
7. Entourage.... Ari Gold is the man
8. CSI
8 Bloggers tagged
1. Spesh
2. Incog
3. Mizcheif
...Ermmm
PS: I am not getting MARRIED O! E ma koba mi o, but thank you for the good wishes in advance, I shall be sure to let you know when that happens!
I did say, I'd gone old school right?
Lets see if you remember this.
Argghhh
8 Things I look forward to
1. Getting a Job
2. Moving to Naij
3. Graduation
4. Going to a Wedding...Someone PLS GET MARRIED LIKE...NOW!
5. Becoming a size 10...ok maybe 12
6. My hair to GROW!!!
7. Going to Dubai
8. Getting a LIFE!!!
8 Things I did yesterday
1. Things that need to be censored! Lets keep it at that
2. Went to frigging training, that had me in pain for the rest of the night
3. Made that efo...Hmmm dont watch that!
4. Stared at my uni email inbox and wondered how I'd sort out over thousands of emails that I've kept over the last 3 years, before the email address gets shut down
5. Burnt the dodo, which was unripe anyway, though the skin said otherwise, and so it became extra bitter
6.Came to terms with the fact that a 2.1 is what I'm likely to get! Stupid Lecturers!
7. Realised that most of the places on campus dont open till 9.30...like the frigging cashiers office!
8. Bought my favourite muffin...Banana and walnut; stared at it for hours out of guilt, decided not to eat it, went out, came back....picked it up and quaffed it!
8 Things I wish to do
1. Get married
2. Get published : What I'm publishing, I dont know!
3. Get a Phd: In what, I dont know
4. Go sky diving...it might just stay a wish for a VERY long time!
5. Have lots of kids
6. Get a NEW LAPTOP
7. Get my hair into dreads! Will save me money and time in the long run
8. Get the balls to tell some people to EFF off
8 shows I watch
1. 24...Gatta love Jack- His screaming alone can make you wet your pants, before you finally decide to answer him
2. Prison break: Sob....Why Scofield, why?
3. Desperate housewives
4. Brothers and Sisters
5. Used to watch heroes, till it became pointless
6. Boston Legal- Loveeeeeeeeeeee Denny Crane
7. Entourage.... Ari Gold is the man
8. CSI
8 Bloggers tagged
1. Spesh
2. Incog
3. Mizcheif
...Ermmm
PS: I am not getting MARRIED O! E ma koba mi o, but thank you for the good wishes in advance, I shall be sure to let you know when that happens!
I did say, I'd gone old school right?
Lets see if you remember this.
Rant # 2 - am not feeling this
I did say I'd do this again, so I'm back for another people bashing on language and its misuse.
So come the shorthand nonsense, obviously follows those that do not understand the simple rules of grammar. I'm not talking about the ones that show off that they have a high vocab standard, theres nothing wrong with that. If you've got it, flaunt it. I fo one, would like to speak like the Wole Soyinkas one day. Not like the academics in Business, Law, or Psychology Journals (to name a few)that feel the need to use one big word after every preposition in their sentence.
This is an example:
Tell me, if you know nothing of unions and productivity, does this help you in any way?
HISS
Anyways I'm not talking about the over-sabis.
Im talking about those that missed primary 2 and 3, when we were being taught the preliminaries of the English Language.
I know people will say, ehn but English is not our first language. Please that is the lamest excuse ever, because English is the language of the world. The world trades in English, the world communicates in English..hence there is no argument there. If we are anti-westernisation, then why do we strive so hard to gain their education? why?Why didnt we all just stick to our farming and hunting, as opposed to becoming civilized. If we dont want to speak English, then we shouldnt. I will teach my child Yoruba o, dont get me wrong, but he will learn the English equally well.
Forget people who have gone to 'jakande' schools or what ever, I understand, they may have received second hand education, but I tell you , half of them do not come out writing like this.
The one I see the most, that makes me cringe, that can make me lose interest in a guy once I see it, the one that makes me scream my head off is 'am' for i'm... but as in, really?
Why???? why?
I'm not saying Nigeriansare the only ones that do it, so dont get me wrong, alot of other people do it but I think its just not right. I understand the mistake once or twice, but there are people that just cant stop using it that way.
I have the memory of a fish so I cant list the ones Ive seen, but Im sure you guys know what Im on about.
So come the shorthand nonsense, obviously follows those that do not understand the simple rules of grammar. I'm not talking about the ones that show off that they have a high vocab standard, theres nothing wrong with that. If you've got it, flaunt it. I fo one, would like to speak like the Wole Soyinkas one day. Not like the academics in Business, Law, or Psychology Journals (to name a few)that feel the need to use one big word after every preposition in their sentence.
This is an example:
Thus instead of wrenching unions from context and treating them as an exogeneous determinant of productivity, the best work has sought to recontextualize their social practices and view them as one element in a complex parallelogram of market, technological and institutional forces determining outcomes in production.
Tell me, if you know nothing of unions and productivity, does this help you in any way?
HISS
Anyways I'm not talking about the over-sabis.
Im talking about those that missed primary 2 and 3, when we were being taught the preliminaries of the English Language.
I know people will say, ehn but English is not our first language. Please that is the lamest excuse ever, because English is the language of the world. The world trades in English, the world communicates in English..hence there is no argument there. If we are anti-westernisation, then why do we strive so hard to gain their education? why?Why didnt we all just stick to our farming and hunting, as opposed to becoming civilized. If we dont want to speak English, then we shouldnt. I will teach my child Yoruba o, dont get me wrong, but he will learn the English equally well.
Forget people who have gone to 'jakande' schools or what ever, I understand, they may have received second hand education, but I tell you , half of them do not come out writing like this.
The one I see the most, that makes me cringe, that can make me lose interest in a guy once I see it, the one that makes me scream my head off is 'am' for i'm... but as in, really?
Why???? why?
I'm not saying Nigeriansare the only ones that do it, so dont get me wrong, alot of other people do it but I think its just not right. I understand the mistake once or twice, but there are people that just cant stop using it that way.
I have the memory of a fish so I cant list the ones Ive seen, but Im sure you guys know what Im on about.
Indecent Exposures III
Considering I have 3 posts on indecent exposures, one would think I must be some recluse, suffering from the trauma of having been exposed one too many times.
Well in this context, I havent actually been visibly exposed, its more of 'hearing', which kind of builds up to an image you really wouldnt want to 'see'.
So do you live with married adults?
Parents?
Brother maybe?
Or sister, or aunt, probably uncle?
Erm, has it crossed your mind once or twice on how they erm 'make babies'?
If it hasnt, now it has. (Evil grin).
Well unfortunately for me, "I've been hearing too much of it lately". I need ear plugs and a not so imaginative mind.
HELP!
Well in this context, I havent actually been visibly exposed, its more of 'hearing', which kind of builds up to an image you really wouldnt want to 'see'.
So do you live with married adults?
Parents?
Brother maybe?
Or sister, or aunt, probably uncle?
Erm, has it crossed your mind once or twice on how they erm 'make babies'?
If it hasnt, now it has. (Evil grin).
Well unfortunately for me, "I've been hearing too much of it lately". I need ear plugs and a not so imaginative mind.
HELP!
