2 weeks in..

Whoever said some parts of Nigeria are still backward didnt lie.

I picked up my call up letter quite alright. That was after the crowd had gone mad and the NYSC officials didnt seem to show any crowd control skills. How can you have almost a thousand people queue up in no particular order to collect a letter that isnt arranged in any order. I take that back. We didnt queue up, we became a crowd that couldnt be managed where the tall ones had their noses up above the short ones and could smell their hair. God help those who had smelly weaves in their noses. One official then came out and said, he'd call out names (written in no order) and we had to queue up as he called out the names. Yes, that worked for a minute but the queue didnt move because the letters were not arranged in the order that the names were called. So once again, it became a very angry crowd. Finally the same guy came out with the letters and called out the names as he went along. That finally worked, after we'd spent almost 6 hours trying to pick up a lousy letter. After the gruelling task, the letter delivers the bad news that yes you have been posted to the state you asked for, but your orientation camp is in some remote village somewhere. Wow! How exciting!

Fast forward to days later and Lagos corpers are heading to Iseyin, Oyo state. I was looking forward to it. Partly because I'd have the opportunity to meet lots of people and also get a last minute feel of what its like to be in a boarding school. A few miles to camp and my feet went numb. Some call it cold feet but thats for those that that can feel their feet at a time like that. Got to camp and well, let the chaos begin. In as much as I would like to delve into every little detail in regards to registration, I cant. That itself is tiring. It was one hell of a day. I got there shortly after 11am but didnt finish my registration till 12.40am the next day. Thus leaving me with 4 hours to sleep, wake up and get ready. Well, I didnt get any sleep, so I had loads of time to get ready. With an 18 man room, I wonder how people still managed to snore away and sleep comfortably on a metal bunk and a mattress the width of a notebook.

Days went and so did the people. Many stayed to register and then found their way out, others took more drastic measures like scaling the fence. I had no escape route, so I had to stay put, in as much as I wanted to leave so bad! I mean seriously, how easy is it to manage in a place where there are pit latrines in place of toilets and open air cubicles in place of shower areas. SERIOUSLY HOW!!!!???? I managed to have a shower once in a while but hell no was I hovering my bum over a hole in the ground. As God would have it, my mind and my body were in sync and I didnt need a number 2 till sunday when we finally broke out with an 'atm pass' and headed for the nearest hotel. There we shat, showered and crashed. Forgive my crude diction but it has to be said in its crudest form for you to understand how bad it was.

Next day, I played a tiny bit of volleyball and managed to 'sprain' my ankle. Call it whatever you want, but I managed to get my exeat and with all the fuss I made, I got the rest of the 2 weeks off! Haha SUCKERS! The patient dog always gets the fattest bone, I kid you not!
I've been home for a week and now I want to go back. I'm more bored at home than I was in camp! So I'm packing my bags and I am off tomorrow. Lucky for me, it finishes on friday, so I'm sure my bowels can rest for another 3 days! Hehe!

I shall be back soon with a post on 'moving on and the barriers we create for ourselves in relationships'. I have questions! I need them answered by my very able blog fam.

Its EID next week and to my fellow muslim brothers and sisters, Eid Mubarak. To others, I say, enjoy the meat!


xxx

10 less 2 things...

I hate these things!!
Argghhh

8 Things I look forward to


1. Getting a Job
2. Moving to Naij
3. Graduation
4. Going to a Wedding...Someone PLS GET MARRIED LIKE...NOW!
5. Becoming a size 10...ok maybe 12
6. My hair to GROW!!!
7. Going to Dubai
8. Getting a LIFE!!!


8 Things I did yesterday


1. Things that need to be censored! Lets keep it at that
2. Went to frigging training, that had me in pain for the rest of the night
3. Made that efo...Hmmm dont watch that!
4. Stared at my uni email inbox and wondered how I'd sort out over thousands of emails that I've kept over the last 3 years, before the email address gets shut down
5. Burnt the dodo, which was unripe anyway, though the skin said otherwise, and so it became extra bitter
6.Came to terms with the fact that a 2.1 is what I'm likely to get! Stupid Lecturers!
7. Realised that most of the places on campus dont open till 9.30...like the frigging cashiers office!
8. Bought my favourite muffin...Banana and walnut; stared at it for hours out of guilt, decided not to eat it, went out, came back....picked it up and quaffed it!


8 Things I wish to do


1. Get married
2. Get published : What I'm publishing, I dont know!
3. Get a Phd: In what, I dont know
4. Go sky diving...it might just stay a wish for a VERY long time!
5. Have lots of kids
6. Get a NEW LAPTOP
7. Get my hair into dreads! Will save me money and time in the long run
8. Get the balls to tell some people to EFF off


8 shows I watch


1. 24...Gatta love Jack- His screaming alone can make you wet your pants, before you finally decide to answer him
2. Prison break: Sob....Why Scofield, why?
3. Desperate housewives
4. Brothers and Sisters
5. Used to watch heroes, till it became pointless
6. Boston Legal- Loveeeeeeeeeeee Denny Crane
7. Entourage.... Ari Gold is the man
8. CSI


8 Bloggers tagged


1. Spesh
2. Incog
3. Mizcheif
...Ermmm



PS: I am not getting MARRIED O! E ma koba mi o, but thank you for the good wishes in advance, I shall be sure to let you know when that happens!


I did say, I'd gone old school right?
Lets see if you remember this.

Freshers Week!!!

For all those that expressed sincere concern when I was violated, thank you very much. For those that laughed at me, well I know my true friends now. For those that I called or text (you know yourselves) and did not respond, well I have no comment for you.I am still bruised, scarred and traumatised!!! (LOL)

Back to the post!! Its just full of random stuff but anyway

....No I'm not a fresher. It's just freshers week at my uni...they moved in and now the campus if heaving with these people, children to say the least! Someone made mention that all the people that start uni this year were born in the 90's....gosh I feel so old!!! Don''t you?

Anyways on a different note.........after so much back and forthing (does that even exist?) I finally met mizchief. I randomly chose somewhere to meet...guess where..lol Camden Market. Seeing as in all my years in this country,I hadnt been there, I thought we might as well both be tourists and roam the streets of camden. The babe said that place is scary, why do you want to go there? (I didnt get the hint), I said, haba, its afternoon, we will be fine.


I got there!!! Ha....nah its inexplicable! Heres why!



90% of the crowd had likeness in one form or the other to that guy with his red hair.

I think she took some pictures of the place but mehn, I looked like a blonde public school (fee paying school) girl in a university like Thames Valley or Brunel. Anyways I was lost and to top it up Mizchief had been there before! *Hiss* So it kinda ruined the excitement and she turned out to be showing me around...(bad bad). But it was fun anyway, I only had like and hour or so to spare so it was a short meeting. But trust me, she is as crazy as she sounds in her blogs.

Oh and she bought a T-shirt..with a large figure 8 on it...enough said!!! Fits her too much...go figure!!! Haha.

I is out!!

Later

Oh and needless to say that this is my favourite song of all time...ok maybe not all time but a fusion of these 2 artists will arouse the ....em yeah, you get what I mean. This was just too good.
Kinda the bases for some random decisions I took last week...haha!!! (Nope I'm not telling). But look at the video and tell me you disagree, then I shall assume you are either not normal or just lacking sensitivity...(lol no offence)

Violated!!!!

So I was jejely in my bed the other day, pretty much the whole day.

It was a sunday, nothing to do. I'd just seen Titanic for God knows how many times and I still cried, especially when the old couple were in their bed, hugging each other and ready for death!!! Ah, not only is that mad love but confidence and acceptance of the fact that they have lived their lives and are ready to go. Hmm, I'm not quite sure but I don't think I can be in that frame of mind for a while....I dare say its only the elderly that can have that frame of mind...any other person that tells me they are, is chatting shit as far as I'm concerned....I digress.

Yeah so I had managed to get a shower and make some curry at about 8pm when my friend called me and demanded that I come to her house. She'd been begging and she was on her way to pick another of my friends up so I had to get dressed and wait for her. Got into my track suit bottoms, t shirt and hoodie...(something befitting for the night I presumed).

We got there and they got down to their naija movies, of which I'm not a big fan of...so most of what I did was criticize the whole thing and rant on and on about the steeeewwwpid movie!!!

As my boredom increased I asked my friend if she had some garri for babes. She did.....(now thats my kinda host) plus she had groundnuts too...and I was good to go.

I got to the kitchen, put my garri in the bowl, with sugar and groundnuts and then halt! No water. Have I mentioned that I don't drink tap water? No? Well, I dont, so if you dont have bottled water, dont offer me water or anything that I have to mix with water, i.e ribena and the lot.

She came into the kitchen and was like ohhh sorry, but you can use tap water now!! I looked at her and shook my head, thinking, I cant have this conversation with you again. Then she opened the fridge and found a small bottle of vittel and was like oh here's some water...use this and if it isnt enough, you can get some from the kettle and use some ice.

I did exactly as she told me.....the whole process seemed long but mehn I was bent on getting some garri that evening. I mixed it all up and as I walked into the living room, I took one spoon of the garri and it just didnt feel right

Yes!!!!!!!! My tongue was burrrrrrrning, unfortunately, some of it found its way down my throat and my throat literally fried at the feeling. I screamed and said to her, What the f*** was in that bottle???

You know what she said??? She walked towards me and was like oh my God, I am so so sorry.

It was VODKA!!!!!!!!!!

Man I was pisssedddd. She then said that her housemate had emptied the water in the bottle and filled it with vodka cos she was going clubbing and didnt want to buy any drinks at the club. All she wanted to do was buy coke at the bar and mix it with her own vodka....CHEAPSKATE OSHI!!!!

Ok maybe not....sorry to say that, she is a student like me and she has every right to do as she pleases. But damn I was so pissed off.

I just went back to the sofa sat down, and shut my mouth. They carried on with their naija movie and I wasnt even in the frame of mind to criticize anymore. Not only had she ruined my perfect evening with a bowl of garri...she had given me alcohol in the most unthinkable of waysss....

*HISS*

For those that think I'm ranting and over reacting.....I'm allowed to cos I dont drink and cos I'M ALLOWED TO....PERIOD!!!!

To worsen the situation she then asked me if I was a recovering alcoholic, cos I was pissed off so much. I just kept quiet ( as I always do when I'm pissed) and laid my head down to sleep. I could have picked up my hoodie and left but that would have been a bit too dramatic.

LOL at some point I thot I was drunk cos I was thinking all sorts in my head but I wasnt actually doing any of them, so I put it down to paranoia, but considering I had just downed a bottle of vodka into my garri, I guess I was allowed to think and vex.

Psheeeew.

My first taste of alcohol and it just had to be with my garri....

Nonsense and ingredient!!!!!

Dear Mother II

A long time has indeed elapsed since my last letter,

In that time, a lot has ensued as well.

I hope you received my last letter.

I know it was signed with the unfamiliar pseudonym that I have recently adopted

And not that one oriki that you fondly called me.

The same one you were fondly called by your mother, of which she was called by hers too.

I decided to use that so as the keep the oriki between us,

Away from the prying eyes of these people (Yes YOU).

Yes, it is that time of the month, and it reminds me of the first time.

That morning, yes that morning.

Now I laugh, but then I didn't. It certainly wasn't funny.

It was supposed to be like any other morning, I was getting ready for school.

You heard me scream.

You thought I'd just seen my grandmother's ghost.

You were right! Well partially.

I had seen a ghost, though not mami's.

It was a red one. The red one.

The famous Miss P (or according to Buttercup, Aunty Flo)

She had come unexpectedly to jolt me to womanhood,

She was to stay and haunt my life for the next 30 years.

I was forlorn, because I knew she was early. Too early.

She must have caught the fast train. I was only in JSS 2.

My siblings had been much older,

But then again, I guess she'd used the choo choo train in their time.

Then it was time for the talk. I wasn't ready for it.

But fortunately for me, I didn't get the falsified version.

I wasn't told I'd be heavy with child if I held hands with a boy.

Though you didn't fail to emphasize that you'd make my life miserable if you did find me holding hands.

Though once again you said you would take care of the child and send me back to school.

After the talk, I got the chicken.

Yes the chicken. Like every young 'budding' Yoruba girl.

I got one killed specially for me. It was my day.

At the end of that day, I knew or rather I emphasized the fact that,

The weirdo I had become was from being the daughter of a weirdo.

I called you mega mother weird.

The weirdest this planet has ever seen.

Doesn't stop me from loving you

For not only does this hereditary weirdness make me unique,

The 'talk' made me a better person and I appreciated my sudden 'womanhood'.

I am happy with the woman that I have become as a result.

For that, I say thank you.

My daughter must surely get this talk,

Though not verbatim,

It will certainly be in the most mega mother weird way that I can give it.




NOTE: Those who have read, I have come to a conclusion that such utterences are not befitting for a post that is solely directed at my mother. So if you read the comments and wonder what the first few people have said....you can keep wondering.

Dear Mother,

My Dearest,

Gone are the days when we would lie in on a Saturday morning
Watching the Cadbury's breakfast show,
We would catch up on the week gone past,
The troubles I'd been through at school,
The trials you'd been through with securing that contract,
I didn't think I'd miss those days.

Gone are the days when you would dig out your whip,
Beat the advice into me,
That was the only way you knew how,
That was the way you had been 'advised'
That, has inevitably shaped my person today.

Gone are the days when we would cook the last bag of meat,
And pray to God that the pot wouldn't be empty before it got refilled.
It was just you and I.
The older ones were out of the country, fending for themselves.
You wouldn't let me leave with them.
I was your companion.
The only companion.

Gone are the days when we would not talk
Either because I had been naughty or...well usually it was only because of that.
You warned me, that come the time, I would be alone.
The time is now and I wish I heeded those words,
I heard them but I didn't listen.
I was probably too young to realise.

Gone are the days I would wish I didn't have to go home from school
I found my haven at school, My solace.
I would stall leaving school for home everyday,
Just so I didn't have to do those dishes or fill up the house with water.
But now I still do them, but I do them with pride because I know you taught me well.

Gone are the days when we would plan my future, our future.
The future is here now, but not the way we planned it.
It has been good, but it could be better.
Still, I am proud.
And though the days are gone,
I have the pleasure of re-living them,
One day at a time,
And I've started, by wearing those waist beads.

Yours lovingly.
NaijaBabe,
A. O. S. D.





Inspired by many bloggers.
More letters to come!