Rules apply.
Everyone believes you should know what to do and what to say in a relationship. Be it as friends, lovers, siblings or co workers.
Some things should just not be said and some, not done either.
But how do you know where these lines are?
We all know or have at least heard the saying that "your friends' ex is a no go area for you", talkless of your siblings'. Who came up with this rule?
Understood, you shouldn't pick up someone else's reminants but what if the situations were different? Maybe she hurt him, didn't appreciate him or just doesn't think he's right for her, but in your case, he's a perfect match. That aside, hes still the ex, if we decide to cast a blind eye on the reasons for their break up.
Notice the keyword being "ex" not current. So I'm still trying to understand why this particular rule applies. Cos a friend recently got into trouble for talking to her friends ex boyfriend. By talking, she means skype conversations. I've said to myself that it's wrong for her to do so, but I can't place a finger on one particular reason why. It's just something that's not done. Now she claims there's nothing between her and her friend's ex, they are just friends, but now her friend has gone stark raving mad saying she just shouldn't have. Now my question is why ?
Boundaries as friends. Should there be things that you should and shouldn't say to a "friend"? It's a common belief that you should be able to say anything to your close friends. You should be able to put them straight when they seem to be heading the wrong way, but some don't seem to want to hear the truth, they just believe it shouldn't be said. They come to you for corroboration, and as the friend you have to give it. Now this isn't done.
I think things that shouldn't be said revolve around matters thar probably hurt your friend, everytime they are reminded about it or as with the case above, the ex says something contrary to what your friend has said and you'd rather not confront her about it cos maybe you take her word over his and won't need to confirm anything with her.
Am I right? Or I seem to be getting these rules wrong? If so then where's the thin line?
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9 Cogitations:
I deal with things based on an individualist perspective. What works for one friend or relationship may not work for another...and there goes the so-called "thin line."
This statement is true though, "Some don't seem to want to hear the truth, they just believe it shouldn't be said..."
The thin line. Sometimes I believe we just make it up for our own sakes. Why? Good question. When you find out let me know.
Jaycee, quite right. I guess the individualist approach works best cos when you think about it, no 2 friends or situations are the same...
Fabulol...lol- Funny but true.
I suppose there are some things that even friends wouldn't take well but I think you should be able to tell your friends anything. Even when the truth is hard to hear. Afterall what are friends for?
So, Friend A, is "stark raving mad" at Friend B for having a skype conversation with Ex C?
Hmm... Everyone has to let it go. Assuming Friend B is correct in that it was just a friendly conversation, Friend A needs to let her raw emotions against C not interfere with the friendship she has with B. And, if it turns out that B and C eventually hook up, that would be dirty, but grown folks can make their own decisions, even dirty ones.
Wishing all these folks the best of luck.
And as to telling things to friends. Well, I have learned that sometimes, there are aspects of a friend's life that I am not going to get into unless formally invited to do so. It makes my life easier that way. And, regardless of whether that friend makes mistakes, I'll be there for them anyway, so I don't pokenose, unless I really have to or am invited to do so.
=)
How far?
See i've been putting off commenting and now SSD came and said what i wanted to say.
Human beings are a 'special' species.
I'm sure everyday you get revelations abut people you had previously reffered to as friends.
I've always been more comfortable in friendships where i was open enough to express my feelings concerning my friends actions, but with time i have learnt to compartmentalise. We can be friends without me getting involved in aspects of your life that i do not like. This doesn't make for the most wholesome friendship, but it is workable.
As for the friends ex situation.... it will always be a dicey one.
I have been known to avoid friends ex-es to avoid the awkwardness but in truth it's because i know those ex-es to be true jerks.
However, what if your friend was the one who couldn't see the good in the man she had and let him go only for you guys to reconnect sometime down the line?
I think it would be sad to deprive oneself of a chance at hapiness over some unwritten 'rule'
Babe i miss you oh. Hope u're good.
Sugabelly: Exactly my point, what are friends for? If I cant tell you right from wrong..why am I your friend?
Mummyyy: How now? How are those little munchkins?
In regards to what you have said, I think that when you start to segregate yourself from parts of your friend's life, they arent exactly your close friends then? Are they? I'd say a close friend lets you in at least 95% percent of the way
Mizchief: Lol I know waht you mean o and I can imagine how it feels. But then again, the safest part may be to not get involved as you say!
I dey milz you too o! Hows hospital runs nah. Find me on BB o!
Hmmm, Ex-es.....rights, privileges, wrongs???
*threading with caution but, do i need to?* Well, nothing absolutely NOTHING stops one from being in a relationship with a friend's ex. Period! PERIOD!!
In life however, relationships and friendships are not a right, they are privileges.
In view of the above, the one (new relationship or old friendship) that is of lesser depth might simply have to give way; not as a matter of necessity but, for the expediency of awkwardness 'twill generate.
always wonder why we have all allowed d 'yeye' rule to determine some aspects of our life.
thr's no 'thin-line' jo
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