UM.....

I'll get back to you guys on the rest of that story..

Come to think of it, why do you think there is a 'rest' to it?

I know I've been MIA, its work o! One would think I work in Goldman Sachs with the way these people use me....NOW I MISS UNI!!! I want to be a student again. I'm not cut out for this 9-6 mehn!

NEVERS!

I've said that its either I marry rich or win the lotto- 9-6 cant happen for a long time.

NO NO NO!!!!

Anyways, it was my sister's birthday a few weeks ago and I cooked her some surprise fried rice, with some funky chicken



and baked. I tried icing the cake for the first time in my life and it all went totally wrong. Now I know I cant go into cake making for a living...or maybe the icing I bought was just rubbish - You guys will be kept up to date on the baking - unfortunately, you guys cant do any tasting, but be rest assured that my baking is mad, even though the icing appears to say otherwise!



I know you like....hmmmmm

Lastly...

''I could take a look for you"...

The email said.

That was the first time they spoke.

In reply to rants about burns

Then it all started, boy meets girl, far across the oceans and seas.

Their conversation is endless, probably for fear that the chemistry might start to diminish with each passing second...first the emails for he was on the move, then to messenger when he wasnt.
It had no destination.

A week went by and there was no sign of life from that end. Then she thought, ''yes, I've done it again". "Like I always do, managed to chase him away"

The following lines were "please put me out of my misery and tell me what I've done", half hoping he wouldnt come back with a "ýour sarcasm"..for she knew that though she meant to be witty most times, it bordered on being rude.

"Nothing", it said.. "I've just been very busy". Ön the move, remember?"

Her thoughts read, "yeah right". ''Í know busy''. ''Busy is; sorry, I dont think this is working out and we'd rather end it, before it begins''

But for once... or so she thought, busy did mean busy.

The following weeks went past and it started to seem like, they were ''born to do it''.

Born to just talk.

On and on, till the sun set on one end and rose on the other. Till the hours trickled into minutes and minutes into seconds.

It was as though they were trying to play 'catch up' on not knowing each other since birth. Trying not to blame life and their parents, for choosing to live on separate ends of the country.

They say the start is always rosy.
The smell is always fresh.
The taste is always sweet.
The feeling is soft and warm.
The start is always rosy

Weeks later, came the transitions.

''May I please call you baby''? No one had ever asked that before. It felt like a trick question.

''No? Yes? Do as you please''? ''Why''?

Then the heart jolting, mind shaking question came.

''Why are you so rigid''?

''I beg your pardon''

''Yes, lacking emotion''. he said. As though in her veins ran lava, molten rocks as opposed to blood. Whilst her bones were a mixture of cement and bone tissue. So he must have thought, for her, feelings didnt exist. They might have just been a combination of eight letters of the alphabet, meant for describing someone who was human, not her.

''Dont you see the signs''?

''What signs''? She asked? At this point, thoughts were failing her, and ultimately, words.

"I like you very much and you know it, if not for anything, for the fact that I tell you every day, and all you do is smile and veer the conversation in a different, unrelated direction".

Words still failed.

''I tell you that I miss you, even though the only time not spent talking, is time spent sleeping''. ''So why are you making it harder''?

Then the thoughts came flooding in...its current was overwhelming. ''So why am I being rigid''? She asked herself''?

The waves of thoughts couldnt be held back in any longer. It forced its way to the shores of her lips and an ''I like you too'' followed suit. ''But honestly, I find it hard to say these things''. ''I'm a very reserved person and besides, you have just come out of a long, 'probably would have ended in marriage' type of relationship''. ''I didnt want to lead you on and take advantage of your vulnerability''.

''What do you mean vulnerability?" ''it's no big deal. We are just friends, telling each other how we feel''.

Imprudently, the word ''friends'' didnt register, but the rest of the sentence did.

Months later, 'friends'' then vehemently came back to bite her in the back side.

Weddings, Weddings, WEDDINGS!

You'd think that after my experience the other weekend, I'd think twice before tagging along? Well, this time it was a wedding...why would I want to miss out on a wedding, considering I havent been to one!

I had a lot of expectations really. Outside of the single girl goes to wedding to socialize: I wasnt really thinking of that, cos I just dont randomly socialise like that, especially as, once again, the person I tagged along with was the only person I knew there. I wanted to see what weddings were like these days. The deco, the outifts (ESPECIALLY), the way the event went along and many other things..most of all, to just be out. I'm usually holed up in my house gisting with my alomost 40year old sister. Trust me, I'd pick that any day over hustling to get to a wedding in south London, that I'd have to hop trains for. I take life easy!

So anyways, the person I tagged along with was a bridesmaid - talk about worsening my situation. We got there just a little bit before the church ceremony and the bride was seriously raking!!! The last bridesmaid was late! So we both ran into the bathroom at the church, she changed into her dress, luckily she had done all her make up on the train and in the cab, so all she needed were her dress and shoes. Then she left me in the bathroom to change. Which I did....and I must say I was looking rather HOT!!! I had a high waisted ankara skirt on and a black tube top, but the top was tucked in, so for some reason, everyone thought I had a dress on! After changing, I realised the ceremony had started and the bathroom leads to the side of the pews and I thot, nah mehn...Im not going into that room with the ceremony having started and attract so much attention. So I got out of the church through the back door then went back in through the main door, then took a seat right at the back. I'm a back bencher...I love it.

The ceremony lasted just over an hour, it wasnt a Nigerian church, so you must understand why it didnt take that long. Then we headed for the reception. In this time, I'd only spoken to my bridesmaid cousin just once. We got to the reception and I sat at the same table as her friend who gave me a lift to the reception. She was also a friend of the bride, so she was on her feet the whole time. So I was stuck at the table with random people, her husband and their 14 month old daughter....the beginning of a very long day

I have to say, this is the part where I brought out my observation skills. Firstly, I was bored out of my brains...as in OMG...how do people do it? Really though? Or is it just cos of the type of person that I am? I was beginning to look sad and my cousin kept asking me if I was ok. But thats just me! Anyways, I think it was cos the compere was a bit on the dulling side. He didnt grab the crowd. For instance, when people were meant to clap or count down to the cutting of the cake, they just werent responding, or maybe they were just as bored as I was. Although, I was made to understand by a friend who said Nigerians are a bit rude and ll they do is eat and not take part...they werent even listening to the groom's vote of thanks!

Some people did have their own fun though, dont get me wrong. But I think, having heard and seen quite a bit about weddings, I subconsciously had quite a few expectations. Like recently, I just saw a wedding entrance where the bridesmaids and groomsmen each danced into the church to Chris Brown's forever and another Nigerian one where they danced into the reception with different songs, or another one where the couple's first dance was a choreography to the classics in the 90's. I wasnt sure what I was expecting, but I knew nothing really grabbed me the whole day. Instead, I spent the whole day sending text messages.

Plus I had a list of weird things I saw that day.

• Why were the guys hanging around the back of the hall with their alcohol. I know alchy wasnt served at the party, so one of them must have organised it. Some of them looked silly, standing like Buckingham palace guards with their shades on. I think the shades fad has to die quickly cos its starting to annoy me...like REALLY!!!

• Why did one of the tables have their own food in coolers and serving themselves. Food was in abundance, it was a 'serve yourself' set up and Nigerians looked orderly for once as they queued for the food, although there was some women who jumped the queue in the aim of going to say hello to others in line. Anyways, one of the women from this said table must have cooked some food, so she had them under her table and served only her guests. As in really? I thought people usually cooked for other people's occassions when its a small gathering, where the person who's having the party has seen what you have brought and is able to show some sppreciation. Plus they are able to put it where all other guests have access to it...so really, what was the point?

• The souveniers!! Oh my God, Ive forgotten what Julius Agwu called them. So it is in this jand that you will see the funky things that people give out at parties. From packets of salt, to washing up liquid, then theres the conventional plastic bowls, baskets, trays and the likes. You know the one that got my attention? Yoruba people call it 'omorogun'. The wooden spoon that we use to make eba and amala. Yes...you could tell this was straight from Nigeria, cos it wasnt no spoon like it is in Tesco. It was the stick... the one you hoped your parents wouldnt pick up if they were looking for somethink to smack you with.

• So obviuosly, I did the people watching as well. There were the fine girls. By fine I meant well dressed and good looking. There were girls who fit one or the other criteria but not both and all I did was shake my head, cos if I start on the way some of them were dressed, I think I'd get fired...(I'm at work). But anyways the one I will mention is women with white faces and brown legs. As in seriously? I thought people had movedon from it. I thought it was a phase that had died down? Well apparently not!!! To worsen it, they had horrible make up on! Euuurrgh! *CRINGE*

• So I was torn between the kind of music I'd have at my wedding, cos I knew that was part of the reasons I was bored. There was a live band, who did covers of some Sunny Ade classics and mostly praise and worship songs. So I was thinking, If I got a DJ, we would be inclined to rely on CD's and stuff and you lose that effect of having a live band..but then a live band is still a bit stifling as well, although having one means you can at least cater for the adults at the party. But its MY party!!!!! Gosh, Im confused!!
  

Anyways it was surely an eventful day. Plus the bride and groom danced to the max, so I'm sure they had fun as well... The whole day now got me thinking...planning a wedding isnt easy in any way. I was told that sometimes, using name cards on tables helps with socialising i.e putting the singles at the same tables...etc.

So now I'm making a list....any other things you guys think should be done to make it more fun?