Its a case of boy meets girl and they kick it off.
2 months down the line, they arent official yet, but everything makes it look as though they are. She's met his family apart from his mother and some older, married siblings. She'd met his friends, his cousins been to family gatherings and has been introduced to as many people as the time can manage. The point is, it was never under the rocks. They were out and open with it. In that time, it was all rosy and sweet. They had talked about the exes and how things ended. He broke up with his recent ex (who he was meant to have wedded the month he met her). In their minds, they had been transparent with each other. No fights, no quarrels and the likes. Although it all looked too good to be true, it was all bliss and it seemed like she had reached her last bus stop on the 'search' journey.
Suddenly, it all starts to go awol. The calls reduce, the BB chats start to go vague and the visits practically disappear. My girl asks whats happening? His reason. I'm dealing with some things that I cant talk about. Ok, fine. My girl assumes its just for the moment. The moment turns into 2 months and they have practically become strangers to each other. No fight, nothing and its still under the premise that he is dealing with stuff he can't talk about. He starts to send irregular hellos and how are yous and when he is in town, he never offers to stop by. She is running between patience and anger. Some are saying "leave him, he'll come around and start begging". Others are saying "I think you have the right to tell him to piss off, you're not a carity case".
Confused.com
What should she do?
Showing posts with label relationships.. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships.. Show all posts
Moving Swiftly on...
Hey Guys!!!
Its good to be back home. Well, sort of. Lazying about camp sort of has side effects that coming back to a 8-5 doesnt agree with. But still, its good to be back home. The final week in camp was fun actually. I went with a plan and I executed it well. I cant say much about it seeing I'm not so anonymous anymore but it revolved around making someone miserable and I think I did a good job at it.
One thing I noticed about the final week was the haste in which everyone got hooked up or wanted to. I, being the back bencher and a very good audience to these scenes had a lot of fun watching. Trust me, its hilarious seeing guys and girls getting all cuddly and mushy, having known each other for a few days. Worse is when you hear stories of the ones who got down to the nitty gritty either behind the camp directors office or anywhere a chair could be placed. Meanwhile, many left boyfriends, girlfriends, fiances and even husbands and wives at home. Pure hilarity, I tell you. But why am I telling you this anyway? I'm sure you've all heard a similar story or the other about the popular 3 week getaway.
In the last post I mentioned that I wanted to ask you guys about 'moving on'. I'm sure everyone has one theory or the other about moving on from a past relationship or an 'almost relationship'. But regardless of the differences in humans and how we handle our emotions, shouldnt there be some set guides that apply to us all?
Taking a 4 year old relationship for example, both guy and girl got hurt and the break up is not as a result of a fight or one causing grief to the other. Say, forces outside of the relationship caused the break up, e.g religion or family matters, Health issues or what have you. When is it okay for them to move on? And even after moving other, when is it okay to 'brandish' your new significant other to the world and most importantly to the person you just broke up with.
Take another example. Guy and girl just met, talked a lot, like each other so much but hit a road block and for one reason or the other, they cant progress into a relationshp. Although, if not for the road block which neither of them could handle, she would be a candidate for marriage. Days later, the girl starts to hear of another girl and in about a week, he's all over the place with her. Status messages, profile pictures, etc all indicating that he's found new love. Now my question is how does that happen? Especially when he says that none of it started whilst you two had your thng. So what, he had a few days to recover and find new love?
I understand a break up where, one has hurt the other so bad that s/he would do anything to forget the past or get back at him/her but not one where you'd wish to be with that person but just cant.
I dont want to say what my opinions are so I dont create any biases, so I'd like to hear what yours are.
I hope you guys are having a more productive week than I am! My next post will be another question on things I've noticed since being back home.
Toodles!
Its good to be back home. Well, sort of. Lazying about camp sort of has side effects that coming back to a 8-5 doesnt agree with. But still, its good to be back home. The final week in camp was fun actually. I went with a plan and I executed it well. I cant say much about it seeing I'm not so anonymous anymore but it revolved around making someone miserable and I think I did a good job at it.
One thing I noticed about the final week was the haste in which everyone got hooked up or wanted to. I, being the back bencher and a very good audience to these scenes had a lot of fun watching. Trust me, its hilarious seeing guys and girls getting all cuddly and mushy, having known each other for a few days. Worse is when you hear stories of the ones who got down to the nitty gritty either behind the camp directors office or anywhere a chair could be placed. Meanwhile, many left boyfriends, girlfriends, fiances and even husbands and wives at home. Pure hilarity, I tell you. But why am I telling you this anyway? I'm sure you've all heard a similar story or the other about the popular 3 week getaway.
In the last post I mentioned that I wanted to ask you guys about 'moving on'. I'm sure everyone has one theory or the other about moving on from a past relationship or an 'almost relationship'. But regardless of the differences in humans and how we handle our emotions, shouldnt there be some set guides that apply to us all?
Taking a 4 year old relationship for example, both guy and girl got hurt and the break up is not as a result of a fight or one causing grief to the other. Say, forces outside of the relationship caused the break up, e.g religion or family matters, Health issues or what have you. When is it okay for them to move on? And even after moving other, when is it okay to 'brandish' your new significant other to the world and most importantly to the person you just broke up with.
Take another example. Guy and girl just met, talked a lot, like each other so much but hit a road block and for one reason or the other, they cant progress into a relationshp. Although, if not for the road block which neither of them could handle, she would be a candidate for marriage. Days later, the girl starts to hear of another girl and in about a week, he's all over the place with her. Status messages, profile pictures, etc all indicating that he's found new love. Now my question is how does that happen? Especially when he says that none of it started whilst you two had your thng. So what, he had a few days to recover and find new love?
I understand a break up where, one has hurt the other so bad that s/he would do anything to forget the past or get back at him/her but not one where you'd wish to be with that person but just cant.
I dont want to say what my opinions are so I dont create any biases, so I'd like to hear what yours are.
I hope you guys are having a more productive week than I am! My next post will be another question on things I've noticed since being back home.
Toodles!
Long Goodbye
The Lyrics suffice as a post in itself.
I listen to this song so much to the brink of tears.
Its an amazing song
And I hope a lot of people appreciate that there is talent
And it brews in the words and voice of India Arie.
Lyrics:
I say I love you
You say that's kind
You don't wanna get too close
You loved me crazy
I lost my mind
Listen
You're everything I never wanted
and all the things I didn't need
This ain't who I wanna be
You don't have to stay forever
I'll take passion over pride
Full moon, high tide
Let's make it a long goodbye
Tomorrow we'll pick up the pieces
Try to mend our broken lives
Soft kiss, sweet lies
Let's make it a long goodbye
I cried in silence
I lived through you
I've given everything away
and maybe I can learn to fall
For someone who can give me all
The things I"m not afraid to lose
You don't have to stay forever
I'll take passion over pride
Full moon, high tide
Let's make it a long goodbye
Tomorrow we'll pick up the pieces
Try to mend our broken lives
Soft kiss, sweet lies
Let's make it a long goodbye
Whenever you see lonely faces
That's where I'll be
Don't cry for me, no no no
Don't cry for me
Don't cry for me no no no
I'll be okay
You don't have to stay forever
I'll take passion over pride
Full moon, high tide
Let's make it a long goodbye
Tomorrow we'll pick up the pieces
Try to mend our broken lives
......., sweet lies
Let's make it a long goodbye
You don't have to stay forever
I'll take passion over pride
Full moon, high tide
Let's make it a long goodbye
Tomorrow we'll pick up the pieces
Try to mend our broken lives
Soft kiss, sweet lies
Let's make it a long goodbye
Oh oh
Goodbye
Goodbye
I listen to this song so much to the brink of tears.
Its an amazing song
And I hope a lot of people appreciate that there is talent
And it brews in the words and voice of India Arie.
Lyrics:
I say I love you
You say that's kind
You don't wanna get too close
You loved me crazy
I lost my mind
Listen
You're everything I never wanted
and all the things I didn't need
This ain't who I wanna be
You don't have to stay forever
I'll take passion over pride
Full moon, high tide
Let's make it a long goodbye
Tomorrow we'll pick up the pieces
Try to mend our broken lives
Soft kiss, sweet lies
Let's make it a long goodbye
I cried in silence
I lived through you
I've given everything away
and maybe I can learn to fall
For someone who can give me all
The things I"m not afraid to lose
You don't have to stay forever
I'll take passion over pride
Full moon, high tide
Let's make it a long goodbye
Tomorrow we'll pick up the pieces
Try to mend our broken lives
Soft kiss, sweet lies
Let's make it a long goodbye
Whenever you see lonely faces
That's where I'll be
Don't cry for me, no no no
Don't cry for me
Don't cry for me no no no
I'll be okay
You don't have to stay forever
I'll take passion over pride
Full moon, high tide
Let's make it a long goodbye
Tomorrow we'll pick up the pieces
Try to mend our broken lives
......., sweet lies
Let's make it a long goodbye
You don't have to stay forever
I'll take passion over pride
Full moon, high tide
Let's make it a long goodbye
Tomorrow we'll pick up the pieces
Try to mend our broken lives
Soft kiss, sweet lies
Let's make it a long goodbye
Oh oh
Goodbye
Goodbye
Lastly...
''I could take a look for you"...
The email said.
That was the first time they spoke.
In reply to rants about burns
Then it all started, boy meets girl, far across the oceans and seas.
Their conversation is endless, probably for fear that the chemistry might start to diminish with each passing second...first the emails for he was on the move, then to messenger when he wasnt.
It had no destination.
A week went by and there was no sign of life from that end. Then she thought, ''yes, I've done it again". "Like I always do, managed to chase him away"
The following lines were "please put me out of my misery and tell me what I've done", half hoping he wouldnt come back with a "ýour sarcasm"..for she knew that though she meant to be witty most times, it bordered on being rude.
"Nothing", it said.. "I've just been very busy". Ön the move, remember?"
Her thoughts read, "yeah right". ''Í know busy''. ''Busy is; sorry, I dont think this is working out and we'd rather end it, before it begins''
But for once... or so she thought, busy did mean busy.
The following weeks went past and it started to seem like, they were ''born to do it''.
Born to just talk.
On and on, till the sun set on one end and rose on the other. Till the hours trickled into minutes and minutes into seconds.
It was as though they were trying to play 'catch up' on not knowing each other since birth. Trying not to blame life and their parents, for choosing to live on separate ends of the country.
They say the start is always rosy.
The smell is always fresh.
The taste is always sweet.
The feeling is soft and warm.
The start is always rosy
Weeks later, came the transitions.
''May I please call you baby''? No one had ever asked that before. It felt like a trick question.
''No? Yes? Do as you please''? ''Why''?
Then the heart jolting, mind shaking question came.
''Why are you so rigid''?
''I beg your pardon''
''Yes, lacking emotion''. he said. As though in her veins ran lava, molten rocks as opposed to blood. Whilst her bones were a mixture of cement and bone tissue. So he must have thought, for her, feelings didnt exist. They might have just been a combination of eight letters of the alphabet, meant for describing someone who was human, not her.
''Dont you see the signs''?
''What signs''? She asked? At this point, thoughts were failing her, and ultimately, words.
"I like you very much and you know it, if not for anything, for the fact that I tell you every day, and all you do is smile and veer the conversation in a different, unrelated direction".
Words still failed.
''I tell you that I miss you, even though the only time not spent talking, is time spent sleeping''. ''So why are you making it harder''?
Then the thoughts came flooding in...its current was overwhelming. ''So why am I being rigid''? She asked herself''?
The waves of thoughts couldnt be held back in any longer. It forced its way to the shores of her lips and an ''I like you too'' followed suit. ''But honestly, I find it hard to say these things''. ''I'm a very reserved person and besides, you have just come out of a long, 'probably would have ended in marriage' type of relationship''. ''I didnt want to lead you on and take advantage of your vulnerability''.
''What do you mean vulnerability?" ''it's no big deal. We are just friends, telling each other how we feel''.
Imprudently, the word ''friends'' didnt register, but the rest of the sentence did.
Months later, 'friends'' then vehemently came back to bite her in the back side.
The email said.
That was the first time they spoke.
In reply to rants about burns
Then it all started, boy meets girl, far across the oceans and seas.
Their conversation is endless, probably for fear that the chemistry might start to diminish with each passing second...first the emails for he was on the move, then to messenger when he wasnt.
It had no destination.
A week went by and there was no sign of life from that end. Then she thought, ''yes, I've done it again". "Like I always do, managed to chase him away"
The following lines were "please put me out of my misery and tell me what I've done", half hoping he wouldnt come back with a "ýour sarcasm"..for she knew that though she meant to be witty most times, it bordered on being rude.
"Nothing", it said.. "I've just been very busy". Ön the move, remember?"
Her thoughts read, "yeah right". ''Í know busy''. ''Busy is; sorry, I dont think this is working out and we'd rather end it, before it begins''
But for once... or so she thought, busy did mean busy.
The following weeks went past and it started to seem like, they were ''born to do it''.
Born to just talk.
On and on, till the sun set on one end and rose on the other. Till the hours trickled into minutes and minutes into seconds.
It was as though they were trying to play 'catch up' on not knowing each other since birth. Trying not to blame life and their parents, for choosing to live on separate ends of the country.
They say the start is always rosy.
The smell is always fresh.
The taste is always sweet.
The feeling is soft and warm.
The start is always rosy
Weeks later, came the transitions.
''May I please call you baby''? No one had ever asked that before. It felt like a trick question.
''No? Yes? Do as you please''? ''Why''?
Then the heart jolting, mind shaking question came.
''Why are you so rigid''?
''I beg your pardon''
''Yes, lacking emotion''. he said. As though in her veins ran lava, molten rocks as opposed to blood. Whilst her bones were a mixture of cement and bone tissue. So he must have thought, for her, feelings didnt exist. They might have just been a combination of eight letters of the alphabet, meant for describing someone who was human, not her.
''Dont you see the signs''?
''What signs''? She asked? At this point, thoughts were failing her, and ultimately, words.
"I like you very much and you know it, if not for anything, for the fact that I tell you every day, and all you do is smile and veer the conversation in a different, unrelated direction".
Words still failed.
''I tell you that I miss you, even though the only time not spent talking, is time spent sleeping''. ''So why are you making it harder''?
Then the thoughts came flooding in...its current was overwhelming. ''So why am I being rigid''? She asked herself''?
The waves of thoughts couldnt be held back in any longer. It forced its way to the shores of her lips and an ''I like you too'' followed suit. ''But honestly, I find it hard to say these things''. ''I'm a very reserved person and besides, you have just come out of a long, 'probably would have ended in marriage' type of relationship''. ''I didnt want to lead you on and take advantage of your vulnerability''.
''What do you mean vulnerability?" ''it's no big deal. We are just friends, telling each other how we feel''.
Imprudently, the word ''friends'' didnt register, but the rest of the sentence did.
Months later, 'friends'' then vehemently came back to bite her in the back side.
Suddenly...
... I understand life and it's complexities. You see that life is what you make it and how you choose to live it. There are rules, regulations and guidelines on how to live your life but then you design these to fit the way you live yours.
Someone said to me today that the Nigerian economy does not allow for progress in that one tends to live within one's means. I then said neither does the one in this country, seeing as whatever you earn goes to paying back what you owe. The point of my long story is? Live your life the way you want it and things will always sort themselves out. I'm not saying live lavishly or be non challant about things, but live comfortably, live for today. Cos you may not be here tomorrow. Do not live in austerity today because you want to live well tomorrow, for once again, you may not be here tomorrow.
I'm not preaching. I'm only airing my realisations. I have decided that no one in this life is worth the time and effort to hold any grudges. Not that I do anyways. Whoever feels the need to be friends with me should do so freely. But I won't go out of my way to look for anyone. The time for that is long gone. No one is worth it. Not till I am convinced that there are still good people on this earth. For now, I will assume that everyone is the same that they are only around you because something is needed from you , be it gist, money, your body, your boyfriend or your girlfriend or your coursework. Till otherwise proven, every gaddamn person is the same as the other. They can kiss my arse for all I freaking care.
On another note, I am disappointed with the way we nigerians use our places of worship be it church or mosque. As a Muslim, our place of worship is most sacred to us, either the mosque or the home. Cleaniness is a priority. The case is otherwise here. Most especially in this country, surprisingly. Considering all the amenities available to us here I'm in a mosque on Old Kent Rd at the moment and an Asian or Iranian or a muslim from another country would think twice before performing their Salat in this mosque. It's depressing. We need to do better as nigerians. This is appalling
Someone said to me today that the Nigerian economy does not allow for progress in that one tends to live within one's means. I then said neither does the one in this country, seeing as whatever you earn goes to paying back what you owe. The point of my long story is? Live your life the way you want it and things will always sort themselves out. I'm not saying live lavishly or be non challant about things, but live comfortably, live for today. Cos you may not be here tomorrow. Do not live in austerity today because you want to live well tomorrow, for once again, you may not be here tomorrow.
I'm not preaching. I'm only airing my realisations. I have decided that no one in this life is worth the time and effort to hold any grudges. Not that I do anyways. Whoever feels the need to be friends with me should do so freely. But I won't go out of my way to look for anyone. The time for that is long gone. No one is worth it. Not till I am convinced that there are still good people on this earth. For now, I will assume that everyone is the same that they are only around you because something is needed from you , be it gist, money, your body, your boyfriend or your girlfriend or your coursework. Till otherwise proven, every gaddamn person is the same as the other. They can kiss my arse for all I freaking care.
On another note, I am disappointed with the way we nigerians use our places of worship be it church or mosque. As a Muslim, our place of worship is most sacred to us, either the mosque or the home. Cleaniness is a priority. The case is otherwise here. Most especially in this country, surprisingly. Considering all the amenities available to us here I'm in a mosque on Old Kent Rd at the moment and an Asian or Iranian or a muslim from another country would think twice before performing their Salat in this mosque. It's depressing. We need to do better as nigerians. This is appalling
A gentle but LONG reminder
I'm sure this has gone around blogger and facebook, so most of you may have seen it. So not to worry, today, this is here for me. To remind me of many of the things that may apply to me. To remind me that:
- I will not set my standards any lower than they are meant to be.
- I shall not accept mediocrity in whatever shape or form it shows itself
- MOST IMPORTANTLY - I will not limit myself. For I know that I am worth more than I give myself credit for. I will not present myself as a charity case, nor something that is needing of pity
If you haven't read it, I suggest you do. It's rather long, but think of it as something out of a little book you have picked up.
5 Mistakes Women Make - By Ekene Agabu
"A lady who lives from her principles takes personal responsibility for her own actions and responses. She takes charge and never leaves her fate to the opinions or actions of men. She doesn’t go on a date with every man that asks her out because she doesn’t need a man – she would want a man but she fully well understands that her worth is solely appraised on who she is and not who she’s with. She would not change her principle to have or keep a man. She’s doesn’t need to sleep with a man to have or keep him..........sleeping with a guy does not mean he’s yours. If you had to sleep with him to keep him, he was never yours in the first place."
Before I begin or rather let you into what I have written, I must confess that I had completed this article months ago but was a bit apprehensive in publishing it. I didn’t want to come across as being judgmental and if after reading this you feel judged or put down as a woman, please excuse my unskilled delivery, for that is not my intent. And if you feel that I have crossed the line as man sharing these with you, do not hesitate to express your disdain for my impetus.
Having said that, I feel qualified to write this as a man because I stand as an unbiased observer and also one who has had the opportunity to take advantage of these mistakes. But I must confess, we as men have been @$#*%*$ . Where we should have given, we took; where we should have loved, we lusted and where we should have preserved, we devoured. As a Man, I must call myself to higher standards. Before I touch you, I must respect you like my mother, protect you like my sister and look out for your best interest like my baby – after all, that’s what I call you when I want you! We’ve failed to realize that the significance of our masculinity does not lie in how many girls we can dis-virgin but rather the honor we can bestow upon one. We fail to understand that the purpose of our strength and dominance is to defend and protect not to attack and destroy.
But the first mistake was not yours. You were born into a world that didn’t even give you the chance - the chance to be who you really are without any pressure or expectation. From day one you were unconsciously groomed from childhood to be an acceptable accessory to a man’s life. You were constantly made conscious of a false milestone that suggested your value was based upon a man finding you worthy to be his, instead of being made aware of who you are by virtue of your own unique existence. Your worth as a woman was reduced to two things; being a wife and your ability to bear a child – and in some cultures, you had to bear the right type of child. And if per chance you failed in one of these areas, you were nobody, no one – you were nothing.
Unfortunately, along the way, you may have made some mistakes in trying to fulfill this false notion of who you are supposed to be. Bad relationship after bad relationship continually emphasized the lie that you were nothing without a man. Not only do you sit there as one with mental wounds from childhood, but also with hurts and wounds that are self inflicted as you sincerely tried to fulfill the so called destiny of the woman – being someone’s woman.
As I share this with you, I do not come as one who claims to understand your plight, but rather I stand as one who has heard you. From my mother to my aunts to my cousins and my friends, I have heard you and will continue to listen whenever you speak.
That being said, I do not believe we are responsible for the things that are done or said to us, but I do know that we are responsible for allowing those things continue in us. It’s in this light that I share with you the five common mistakes women make in relationships.
1. Your Personal Standards! Don't leave home without them!
By not setting your standard, you’ve just set the standard. The standards I speak of are not standards for the relationship; I speak of your personal standards irrespective of the relationship. What is your life’s moral compass?
This could get a bit confusing, so let me explain. Often times, at a certain point in life, people turn to religion for some sort of moral guidance or law. It’s an acknowledgment of some sort that they have made numerous personal mistakes and are in probable search for a turn around. So you might have a young lady who’s been around the block and has now become a Christian, and professes that she will be celibate until she gets married thereby claiming this new belief to be her standard. This is a religious belief that she has now adopted and not a personal standard. Your personal standards are born and realized from within you and become your principles rather than a law. A principle is born out of understanding; an understanding of who you are and why you are here on this earth. If you are roaming the earth like a lost sheep in search of a man to give you relevance, you will always find yourself jumping from relationship to relationship with each one leaving you even more confused than you were in the beginning. But when you understand that you are not here by chance and your presence on this earth has significant relevance, the aura about you changes and the people and things you accept into your life will only be a reflection of your internal essence or your personal standard.
A man can cause you to go against a belief because it was never yours in the first place, but he can never sway you away from your principle because you are one with your principle. A lady who lives from her principles takes personal responsibility for her own actions and responses.
She takes charge and never leaves her fate to the opinions or actions of men. She doesn’t go on a date with every man that asks her out because she doesn’t need a man – she would want a man but she fully well understands that her worth is solely appraised on who she is and not who she’s with. She would not change her principle to have or keep a man. She’s doesn’t need to sleep with a man to have or keep him. She understands that whatever she can’t get by way of her principles will never be her own. That you are sleeping with a guy does not mean he’s yours. If you had to sleep with him to keep him, he was never yours in the first place. In the absence of your personal standards, you end up trying many things and many people, but you never experience the love that is already within you. Allow that love within to write your standards and begin to live from them. That love will never lead you astray, never ever!
2. Why are you making excuses for him…..again?
I have come to observe that ladies often see the man as the prize. So once it looks like they have him – especially if he appears to be a good one – they want to do everything in their power to keep him. I understand that, but I don’t accept that and neither should you. You are the Prize. We should fight over you and want to do things to get and keep you. We should want to make sure you are ok.
A man who loves and respects a woman will never want her in doubt when it comes her knowing of his feelings towards her. When we are crazy about a woman, we are no longer the reserved and non emotional creatures you think we are. We become a mess - drooling internally when we think of you. We would never want you to feel you are on shaky ground concerning your status with us. We will publicly profess and show you to the whole world. We will put up a picture with you in it as the our profile pic, tag you in all photos you appear in and most importantly make sure that our status box shows that we are in a relationship with you. Yup, that’s what we do when we love you - we say it out LOUD!
And when we are out and about with you, our professions are usually crystal clear: ‘Meet my girlfriend, Sandra’ or ‘Meet my fiance, Sandra.’ Not, ‘Meet Sandra’ who is Sandra??? When we love you, we want the world to know that we love you. But I get amazed when ladies see the writing on the wall and continually make excuses to justify a man’s blatant abuse towards them. What do I mean? Take for instance the introductions highlighted above; He introduces you as just ‘Sandra’: you know you don’t like it, but you make an excuse within yourself and say, ‘he’s a private kinda guy, he doesn’t like to publicly show stuff.’ Really? Ok, let me ask, “Are you enrolled in midnight gymnastics with him?” In other words has he bent your body in ways you didn’t think possible? Well, there is only one thing worse than a guy sleeping with a woman in secret; and that is, a woman allowing that to happen. Before you allow a man do to you privately what can affect you publicly, he must first of all acknowledge you publicly as the woman he respects and loves. If he can’t do that, you need to tell me why you are still sticking around. How can you allow a man to knock you up when you are just ‘Sandra’ to him? You know you deserve better, so stop the excuses. Instead of making excuses for him, take charge – not of him or the relationship, but of yourself. Never remain in an environment where your integrity is compromised. Remember, you are the prize and we should work hard to get and keep you. And after all our hard work, you still have a right to say NO.
3. Why are you looking for ‘something’ in a bag of ‘nothings?’
A few years ago, a friend who was engaged was getting ready for her wedding which was just a couple of months away at the time. She called me occasionally during the preparation process, but on this one phone call, things were pretty bad. She was mad, upset, disappointed and unhappy that she was marrying this guy. So I asked her why she was still going on with the wedding if she felt the marriage wouldn’t work out. She said to me that she did not want the last four years of her life spent with him to go to waste. Hmmm! When she said this, I looked at my phone because I couldn’t look at her (she was in a different city) and in that instant – if I had a private jet – I would have flown to her city to give her a knock on her head - not a hard one, just a gentle knock - to help tilt her brain back to the center of her skull, because obviously it seemed out of balance with what she had just said to me. Let’s think about this, You are willing to screw up the next 50 years of your life, create babies in a hostile environment with a man you despise thereby screwing up the next generation, raising kids that would need therapy for the rest of their lives based on the abuse they will experience in that home, all because you don’t want the last four years of your life - 1,2,3,4 - to mean nothing (I’m having a headache just rehashing the story). So you are trying to create a love marriage from a four year crappy relationship. Needless to say, this lady was a young beautiful 28yr old lawyer. With good life habits she could easily live another healthy 50 years (Have you seen Barbara Walters lately? She’s 80). And here you are, willing to mortgage a future on four years with this jerk? She was desperately trying to make something out of nothing. That you’ve been in a long term relationship does not mean you should continually stay in it. Unfortunately for some ladies, it takes a while to see the light and muster up courage to get out of a bad situation. But when you see the light; RUN, GO, your life deserves it. If you don’t make that change, you’ll never know what’s out there? And when I say out there, I don’t mean what’s out there in another relationship; I mean what’s out there in you that you are yet to discover. Some of you ladies are afraid – afraid that you might not be married by a certain time. You begin the calculations, ‘Ok, I’m 28 now, if I break this up, how long will it take to find another guy and get married? Oooh! It may take another 4 years and I’ll be 32. No! I can’t be single at 30.” You are killing yourself with this kind of dialogue. Like she later said to me, she always saw herself married by 29. Needless to say, she was divorced by 29. They got married alright, but their divorce was made final before a possible 1st wedding anniversary. Sometimes we allow fear to dictate what we should do. We will never get from fear what love has to give. Love is bold, confident and fearless. Why are you scared? Why are you letting fear keep you in a relationship that you know you don’t want? Why do you want to marry a guy who has already made you feel like trash? Why are you choosing to be with someone you are not crazy about? Ok, so you are more concerned about looking good and successful on the outside at the expense of how you truly feel on the inside. You are too special for that. Let people think what they think, you know what you know and that’s all that should matter. Sometimes, we don’t believe; we don’t believe in ourselves, so we settle and then try to make something out of nothing. You can’t change another human being, it’s impossible. You haven’t even changed some things about yourself; how then do you think it possible to change another?
4. You’ve gotta think before you have his baby!
Often times when I’m in conversation with one of my numerous lady friends, something always cracks me up. I know they been having sex for years in and out of relationships and that fact is not hidden between us. But on some occasions, when I ask them if they have been pregnant before, their voice takes on a new tone of ‘How dare you?’ And then there is a resounding NO, like, ‘how could I get pregnant?’ Wait a minute! Am I missing something here? If you are having sex – sexual intercourse, you are potentially making a baby. You are filing an application. As soon as he ejaculates into you, the application is submitted and the outcome of that process is no longer left to you or him but to the Department of Conception. And if they approve it, you become pregnant whether you want it or not. Sex is not just about the pleasure derived, neither is it an antidote for loneliness. Sex is Responsibility; meaning you will have to respond to the outcome of that sexual encounter and sometimes it could be a lifetime of responses especially when a child is conceived. And when that child is born, you will forever have a symbol representing your union with your ex. Once a child is conceived, there is no moving on from that relationship. It begins the strongest bond known between a man and a woman. That man holds a special place in your heart regardless of how you feel about him today. You may have an abortion in trying to cut any future ties to this man, but may I have you know that the power of conception outweighs the power of birth. For something to be born, it has to be conceived. We are all on this earth first because of conception then birth. Without conception they will be no birth but without birth there can be conception. A strong bond is created when you allow a man’s sperm to start life within you. It is a major privilege to give to someone and not everyone should have that kind of access to you. If a man is horny and wants to be relieved, tell him to use his hand. You are no object and certainly no substitute for a man’s hand. So if you don’t want to have his baby, don’t make his baby.
5. I know there’s Pressure, but why are you under it?
I have come to observe that whether she’s 21 or 29, she always feels she’s running out of time. One thing you must understand is that pressure is not real. You are real and when you give attention to or come under the dominance of something that is impotent, you give it potency – you give it power. That is why this thing we call ‘pressure’ has the effect it has. You give it the effect. You are the effect. Sometimes we are driven by those voices of ignorance that may have come from people we love, so we try hard to get into a relationship and make it work. “Oh! This one has to work cos I’m almost 30.” Screw him and screw 30. You are more valuable to yourself and to the world than the timeline of your eggs or your age. Your world will not come to an end if you are not married by 30; in fact, it may just be beginning!
A few years ago, a lady friend of mine, who was 21 at the time called me up to talk about her ‘man' troubles. During our conversation, I observed that she had always been in a sexual relationship since she was 15. She confessed to me that she didn’t want to be alone; actually she didn’t know how to be alone. You see, you do yourself a huge injustice when you spend your formative years interrupted. Sex interrupts. It stops your creative and intellectual development and gives strength to your emotional cravings which should still be asleep. Your formative years are years you spend forming your person and your identity in readiness for your service to the world. Unfortunately, ladies give that time and space to some guy – a guy who may not even be in your life past your 30th birthday.
Have we as men failed you? Oh yes we have! As fathers some of us weren’t present in your young life. As uncles, instead of being fond of you, we fondled you. As friends we were more focused on the benefits instead of the sacrifice. We used you when we should have added value. We took advantage instead giving the advantage. We failed you quite all right, but you don’t have to do to yourself what we did to you – You don’t have to fail yourself. You can’t afford to fail yourself. You are the door to humanity. Life has to go through you to enter this earth. Even God needed a woman to come back into the world.
There’s no need to dumb yourself down or compromise your true integrity. We need the true you. We can’t exist without you and we will adjust to whatever standard you set for us – so why not make it high, why not make it YOU?
If you have come this far, I commend you.
- I will not set my standards any lower than they are meant to be.
- I shall not accept mediocrity in whatever shape or form it shows itself
- MOST IMPORTANTLY - I will not limit myself. For I know that I am worth more than I give myself credit for. I will not present myself as a charity case, nor something that is needing of pity
For pity does not breed love
If you haven't read it, I suggest you do. It's rather long, but think of it as something out of a little book you have picked up.
5 Mistakes Women Make - By Ekene Agabu
"A lady who lives from her principles takes personal responsibility for her own actions and responses. She takes charge and never leaves her fate to the opinions or actions of men. She doesn’t go on a date with every man that asks her out because she doesn’t need a man – she would want a man but she fully well understands that her worth is solely appraised on who she is and not who she’s with. She would not change her principle to have or keep a man. She’s doesn’t need to sleep with a man to have or keep him..........sleeping with a guy does not mean he’s yours. If you had to sleep with him to keep him, he was never yours in the first place."
Before I begin or rather let you into what I have written, I must confess that I had completed this article months ago but was a bit apprehensive in publishing it. I didn’t want to come across as being judgmental and if after reading this you feel judged or put down as a woman, please excuse my unskilled delivery, for that is not my intent. And if you feel that I have crossed the line as man sharing these with you, do not hesitate to express your disdain for my impetus.
Having said that, I feel qualified to write this as a man because I stand as an unbiased observer and also one who has had the opportunity to take advantage of these mistakes. But I must confess, we as men have been @$#*%*$ . Where we should have given, we took; where we should have loved, we lusted and where we should have preserved, we devoured. As a Man, I must call myself to higher standards. Before I touch you, I must respect you like my mother, protect you like my sister and look out for your best interest like my baby – after all, that’s what I call you when I want you! We’ve failed to realize that the significance of our masculinity does not lie in how many girls we can dis-virgin but rather the honor we can bestow upon one. We fail to understand that the purpose of our strength and dominance is to defend and protect not to attack and destroy.
But the first mistake was not yours. You were born into a world that didn’t even give you the chance - the chance to be who you really are without any pressure or expectation. From day one you were unconsciously groomed from childhood to be an acceptable accessory to a man’s life. You were constantly made conscious of a false milestone that suggested your value was based upon a man finding you worthy to be his, instead of being made aware of who you are by virtue of your own unique existence. Your worth as a woman was reduced to two things; being a wife and your ability to bear a child – and in some cultures, you had to bear the right type of child. And if per chance you failed in one of these areas, you were nobody, no one – you were nothing.
Unfortunately, along the way, you may have made some mistakes in trying to fulfill this false notion of who you are supposed to be. Bad relationship after bad relationship continually emphasized the lie that you were nothing without a man. Not only do you sit there as one with mental wounds from childhood, but also with hurts and wounds that are self inflicted as you sincerely tried to fulfill the so called destiny of the woman – being someone’s woman.
As I share this with you, I do not come as one who claims to understand your plight, but rather I stand as one who has heard you. From my mother to my aunts to my cousins and my friends, I have heard you and will continue to listen whenever you speak.
That being said, I do not believe we are responsible for the things that are done or said to us, but I do know that we are responsible for allowing those things continue in us. It’s in this light that I share with you the five common mistakes women make in relationships.
1. Your Personal Standards! Don't leave home without them!
By not setting your standard, you’ve just set the standard. The standards I speak of are not standards for the relationship; I speak of your personal standards irrespective of the relationship. What is your life’s moral compass?
This could get a bit confusing, so let me explain. Often times, at a certain point in life, people turn to religion for some sort of moral guidance or law. It’s an acknowledgment of some sort that they have made numerous personal mistakes and are in probable search for a turn around. So you might have a young lady who’s been around the block and has now become a Christian, and professes that she will be celibate until she gets married thereby claiming this new belief to be her standard. This is a religious belief that she has now adopted and not a personal standard. Your personal standards are born and realized from within you and become your principles rather than a law. A principle is born out of understanding; an understanding of who you are and why you are here on this earth. If you are roaming the earth like a lost sheep in search of a man to give you relevance, you will always find yourself jumping from relationship to relationship with each one leaving you even more confused than you were in the beginning. But when you understand that you are not here by chance and your presence on this earth has significant relevance, the aura about you changes and the people and things you accept into your life will only be a reflection of your internal essence or your personal standard.
A man can cause you to go against a belief because it was never yours in the first place, but he can never sway you away from your principle because you are one with your principle. A lady who lives from her principles takes personal responsibility for her own actions and responses.
She takes charge and never leaves her fate to the opinions or actions of men. She doesn’t go on a date with every man that asks her out because she doesn’t need a man – she would want a man but she fully well understands that her worth is solely appraised on who she is and not who she’s with. She would not change her principle to have or keep a man. She’s doesn’t need to sleep with a man to have or keep him. She understands that whatever she can’t get by way of her principles will never be her own. That you are sleeping with a guy does not mean he’s yours. If you had to sleep with him to keep him, he was never yours in the first place. In the absence of your personal standards, you end up trying many things and many people, but you never experience the love that is already within you. Allow that love within to write your standards and begin to live from them. That love will never lead you astray, never ever!
2. Why are you making excuses for him…..again?
I have come to observe that ladies often see the man as the prize. So once it looks like they have him – especially if he appears to be a good one – they want to do everything in their power to keep him. I understand that, but I don’t accept that and neither should you. You are the Prize. We should fight over you and want to do things to get and keep you. We should want to make sure you are ok.
A man who loves and respects a woman will never want her in doubt when it comes her knowing of his feelings towards her. When we are crazy about a woman, we are no longer the reserved and non emotional creatures you think we are. We become a mess - drooling internally when we think of you. We would never want you to feel you are on shaky ground concerning your status with us. We will publicly profess and show you to the whole world. We will put up a picture with you in it as the our profile pic, tag you in all photos you appear in and most importantly make sure that our status box shows that we are in a relationship with you. Yup, that’s what we do when we love you - we say it out LOUD!
And when we are out and about with you, our professions are usually crystal clear: ‘Meet my girlfriend, Sandra’ or ‘Meet my fiance, Sandra.’ Not, ‘Meet Sandra’ who is Sandra??? When we love you, we want the world to know that we love you. But I get amazed when ladies see the writing on the wall and continually make excuses to justify a man’s blatant abuse towards them. What do I mean? Take for instance the introductions highlighted above; He introduces you as just ‘Sandra’: you know you don’t like it, but you make an excuse within yourself and say, ‘he’s a private kinda guy, he doesn’t like to publicly show stuff.’ Really? Ok, let me ask, “Are you enrolled in midnight gymnastics with him?” In other words has he bent your body in ways you didn’t think possible? Well, there is only one thing worse than a guy sleeping with a woman in secret; and that is, a woman allowing that to happen. Before you allow a man do to you privately what can affect you publicly, he must first of all acknowledge you publicly as the woman he respects and loves. If he can’t do that, you need to tell me why you are still sticking around. How can you allow a man to knock you up when you are just ‘Sandra’ to him? You know you deserve better, so stop the excuses. Instead of making excuses for him, take charge – not of him or the relationship, but of yourself. Never remain in an environment where your integrity is compromised. Remember, you are the prize and we should work hard to get and keep you. And after all our hard work, you still have a right to say NO.
3. Why are you looking for ‘something’ in a bag of ‘nothings?’
A few years ago, a friend who was engaged was getting ready for her wedding which was just a couple of months away at the time. She called me occasionally during the preparation process, but on this one phone call, things were pretty bad. She was mad, upset, disappointed and unhappy that she was marrying this guy. So I asked her why she was still going on with the wedding if she felt the marriage wouldn’t work out. She said to me that she did not want the last four years of her life spent with him to go to waste. Hmmm! When she said this, I looked at my phone because I couldn’t look at her (she was in a different city) and in that instant – if I had a private jet – I would have flown to her city to give her a knock on her head - not a hard one, just a gentle knock - to help tilt her brain back to the center of her skull, because obviously it seemed out of balance with what she had just said to me. Let’s think about this, You are willing to screw up the next 50 years of your life, create babies in a hostile environment with a man you despise thereby screwing up the next generation, raising kids that would need therapy for the rest of their lives based on the abuse they will experience in that home, all because you don’t want the last four years of your life - 1,2,3,4 - to mean nothing (I’m having a headache just rehashing the story). So you are trying to create a love marriage from a four year crappy relationship. Needless to say, this lady was a young beautiful 28yr old lawyer. With good life habits she could easily live another healthy 50 years (Have you seen Barbara Walters lately? She’s 80). And here you are, willing to mortgage a future on four years with this jerk? She was desperately trying to make something out of nothing. That you’ve been in a long term relationship does not mean you should continually stay in it. Unfortunately for some ladies, it takes a while to see the light and muster up courage to get out of a bad situation. But when you see the light; RUN, GO, your life deserves it. If you don’t make that change, you’ll never know what’s out there? And when I say out there, I don’t mean what’s out there in another relationship; I mean what’s out there in you that you are yet to discover. Some of you ladies are afraid – afraid that you might not be married by a certain time. You begin the calculations, ‘Ok, I’m 28 now, if I break this up, how long will it take to find another guy and get married? Oooh! It may take another 4 years and I’ll be 32. No! I can’t be single at 30.” You are killing yourself with this kind of dialogue. Like she later said to me, she always saw herself married by 29. Needless to say, she was divorced by 29. They got married alright, but their divorce was made final before a possible 1st wedding anniversary. Sometimes we allow fear to dictate what we should do. We will never get from fear what love has to give. Love is bold, confident and fearless. Why are you scared? Why are you letting fear keep you in a relationship that you know you don’t want? Why do you want to marry a guy who has already made you feel like trash? Why are you choosing to be with someone you are not crazy about? Ok, so you are more concerned about looking good and successful on the outside at the expense of how you truly feel on the inside. You are too special for that. Let people think what they think, you know what you know and that’s all that should matter. Sometimes, we don’t believe; we don’t believe in ourselves, so we settle and then try to make something out of nothing. You can’t change another human being, it’s impossible. You haven’t even changed some things about yourself; how then do you think it possible to change another?
4. You’ve gotta think before you have his baby!
Often times when I’m in conversation with one of my numerous lady friends, something always cracks me up. I know they been having sex for years in and out of relationships and that fact is not hidden between us. But on some occasions, when I ask them if they have been pregnant before, their voice takes on a new tone of ‘How dare you?’ And then there is a resounding NO, like, ‘how could I get pregnant?’ Wait a minute! Am I missing something here? If you are having sex – sexual intercourse, you are potentially making a baby. You are filing an application. As soon as he ejaculates into you, the application is submitted and the outcome of that process is no longer left to you or him but to the Department of Conception. And if they approve it, you become pregnant whether you want it or not. Sex is not just about the pleasure derived, neither is it an antidote for loneliness. Sex is Responsibility; meaning you will have to respond to the outcome of that sexual encounter and sometimes it could be a lifetime of responses especially when a child is conceived. And when that child is born, you will forever have a symbol representing your union with your ex. Once a child is conceived, there is no moving on from that relationship. It begins the strongest bond known between a man and a woman. That man holds a special place in your heart regardless of how you feel about him today. You may have an abortion in trying to cut any future ties to this man, but may I have you know that the power of conception outweighs the power of birth. For something to be born, it has to be conceived. We are all on this earth first because of conception then birth. Without conception they will be no birth but without birth there can be conception. A strong bond is created when you allow a man’s sperm to start life within you. It is a major privilege to give to someone and not everyone should have that kind of access to you. If a man is horny and wants to be relieved, tell him to use his hand. You are no object and certainly no substitute for a man’s hand. So if you don’t want to have his baby, don’t make his baby.
5. I know there’s Pressure, but why are you under it?
I have come to observe that whether she’s 21 or 29, she always feels she’s running out of time. One thing you must understand is that pressure is not real. You are real and when you give attention to or come under the dominance of something that is impotent, you give it potency – you give it power. That is why this thing we call ‘pressure’ has the effect it has. You give it the effect. You are the effect. Sometimes we are driven by those voices of ignorance that may have come from people we love, so we try hard to get into a relationship and make it work. “Oh! This one has to work cos I’m almost 30.” Screw him and screw 30. You are more valuable to yourself and to the world than the timeline of your eggs or your age. Your world will not come to an end if you are not married by 30; in fact, it may just be beginning!
A few years ago, a lady friend of mine, who was 21 at the time called me up to talk about her ‘man' troubles. During our conversation, I observed that she had always been in a sexual relationship since she was 15. She confessed to me that she didn’t want to be alone; actually she didn’t know how to be alone. You see, you do yourself a huge injustice when you spend your formative years interrupted. Sex interrupts. It stops your creative and intellectual development and gives strength to your emotional cravings which should still be asleep. Your formative years are years you spend forming your person and your identity in readiness for your service to the world. Unfortunately, ladies give that time and space to some guy – a guy who may not even be in your life past your 30th birthday.
Have we as men failed you? Oh yes we have! As fathers some of us weren’t present in your young life. As uncles, instead of being fond of you, we fondled you. As friends we were more focused on the benefits instead of the sacrifice. We used you when we should have added value. We took advantage instead giving the advantage. We failed you quite all right, but you don’t have to do to yourself what we did to you – You don’t have to fail yourself. You can’t afford to fail yourself. You are the door to humanity. Life has to go through you to enter this earth. Even God needed a woman to come back into the world.
There’s no need to dumb yourself down or compromise your true integrity. We need the true you. We can’t exist without you and we will adjust to whatever standard you set for us – so why not make it high, why not make it YOU?
If you have come this far, I commend you.
Indecent Exposures III
Considering I have 3 posts on indecent exposures, one would think I must be some recluse, suffering from the trauma of having been exposed one too many times.
Well in this context, I havent actually been visibly exposed, its more of 'hearing', which kind of builds up to an image you really wouldnt want to 'see'.
So do you live with married adults?
Parents?
Brother maybe?
Or sister, or aunt, probably uncle?
Erm, has it crossed your mind once or twice on how they erm 'make babies'?
If it hasnt, now it has. (Evil grin).
Well unfortunately for me, "I've been hearing too much of it lately". I need ear plugs and a not so imaginative mind.
HELP!
Well in this context, I havent actually been visibly exposed, its more of 'hearing', which kind of builds up to an image you really wouldnt want to 'see'.
So do you live with married adults?
Parents?
Brother maybe?
Or sister, or aunt, probably uncle?
Erm, has it crossed your mind once or twice on how they erm 'make babies'?
If it hasnt, now it has. (Evil grin).
Well unfortunately for me, "I've been hearing too much of it lately". I need ear plugs and a not so imaginative mind.
HELP!
2 Months Sabbatical Leave...
...Has made me a different person.
Easily prone to worry and anger. That's who you become when you have less than six months left to finish the last lap of the beginning of your life...(whew that was a mouth full).
So...been gone for 2 months and things certainly haven't changed around here.
One of the reasons I started blogging was to release the thoughts in my head that I probably or most likely never shared with people, also, partly because no one knew who I was and partly because I wasn't allowed to take that English degree that I craved so much, I thought I'd take my writing somewhere else...or so I thought.
Till I started to meet and talk to people on blogger. It took a while to open up as I knew my blogging would suffer the consequences. Anyway, I took the plunge and I met quite a range of people.
I met the really sweet and mushy till it went a bit awol...I shall keep that part of my experience to myself..thank you very much.
I met the nice and talkative ones...gisting became a disease we found no cure for...till they decided to disappear off the face of blogger and the earth and that ended abruptly.
I met the snobbish and overtly condescending. I didn't think people with such combination existed, well I am snobbish but I don't think I am condescending, but then again I'm talking rubbish because they both mean absolutely the same thing.
I met the exceedingly hyper and friendly ones who make you believe that there are indeed people out there with so much energy in them that you can feel it in their words. They make you look like a slug half the time.
I met those whom, though write beautifully, are the worst set of people to converse with. It doesn't take long to figure out why those ones blog,
Then I met the shy ones, whom just like me, are very self confident on either blogger or msn, but in person are the meekest of souls ever.
And obviously comes the nasty ones are just outright NASTY! (Enough said).
Then again, I've met just 5 or so people over blogger, one in person. You'd wonder if all these applied per person or multiple attributes to one person or I dont count some people with the negative attitudes as those I know.
Obviously before or after meeting these people I began to pay great attention to other relationships over blogger and I realised that we all come to this online world to be one person or the other, to have friends, to relieve ourselves of stress or to just poke our noses in other people's business. Either way, I found interactions between alot of people to be very fake and pretentious. People did it to get recognised, or they just became friends so they could try out their new found personality. I found these quite bothersome and a bit too much to take.
But then life wasnt any different in the real world, in fact, probably even worse, so much so that I lost a few friends along the line, gained one or two, but who am I to judge their viability? How do I assess these people if I'd failed earlier? I became a recluse with no life, I pitied myself and blamed myself for being such a woeful judge of character, for being so gullible.
I then came to the realization that you cant stop the search for that person or those people that make you happy and bring out the best in you. The Yoruba have a saying that one hand doesn't wash itself clean, you need both. One man cannot be an island, neither can he make a nation.
However, I am not on a hunt for a friend, I am on a quest to find myself.
Maybe, I just might prove the saying wrong and make that nation.
I am back!!
Easily prone to worry and anger. That's who you become when you have less than six months left to finish the last lap of the beginning of your life...(whew that was a mouth full).
So...been gone for 2 months and things certainly haven't changed around here.
One of the reasons I started blogging was to release the thoughts in my head that I probably or most likely never shared with people, also, partly because no one knew who I was and partly because I wasn't allowed to take that English degree that I craved so much, I thought I'd take my writing somewhere else...or so I thought.
Till I started to meet and talk to people on blogger. It took a while to open up as I knew my blogging would suffer the consequences. Anyway, I took the plunge and I met quite a range of people.
I met the really sweet and mushy till it went a bit awol...I shall keep that part of my experience to myself..thank you very much.
I met the nice and talkative ones...gisting became a disease we found no cure for...till they decided to disappear off the face of blogger and the earth and that ended abruptly.
I met the snobbish and overtly condescending. I didn't think people with such combination existed, well I am snobbish but I don't think I am condescending, but then again I'm talking rubbish because they both mean absolutely the same thing.
I met the exceedingly hyper and friendly ones who make you believe that there are indeed people out there with so much energy in them that you can feel it in their words. They make you look like a slug half the time.
I met those whom, though write beautifully, are the worst set of people to converse with. It doesn't take long to figure out why those ones blog,
Then I met the shy ones, whom just like me, are very self confident on either blogger or msn, but in person are the meekest of souls ever.
And obviously comes the nasty ones are just outright NASTY! (Enough said).
Then again, I've met just 5 or so people over blogger, one in person. You'd wonder if all these applied per person or multiple attributes to one person or I dont count some people with the negative attitudes as those I know.
Obviously before or after meeting these people I began to pay great attention to other relationships over blogger and I realised that we all come to this online world to be one person or the other, to have friends, to relieve ourselves of stress or to just poke our noses in other people's business. Either way, I found interactions between alot of people to be very fake and pretentious. People did it to get recognised, or they just became friends so they could try out their new found personality. I found these quite bothersome and a bit too much to take.
But then life wasnt any different in the real world, in fact, probably even worse, so much so that I lost a few friends along the line, gained one or two, but who am I to judge their viability? How do I assess these people if I'd failed earlier? I became a recluse with no life, I pitied myself and blamed myself for being such a woeful judge of character, for being so gullible.
I then came to the realization that you cant stop the search for that person or those people that make you happy and bring out the best in you. The Yoruba have a saying that one hand doesn't wash itself clean, you need both. One man cannot be an island, neither can he make a nation.
However, I am not on a hunt for a friend, I am on a quest to find myself.
Maybe, I just might prove the saying wrong and make that nation.
I am back!!
Gone too Long!!!
Yeah mehn...in the words of 'blak jesus', I'm back morrasuckers! LOL...I feel that to be a little too much for you guys, cos you've been too lovely!
Anyways, how has everyone been? Everyone writing papers or finishing off that dissertation? I wish you all good luck o....its not easy, but we go survive!
so I'v had a gruelling time this past few weeks, revising, trying to sort out my life (including the whole Mr T. wahala and some other family issues. speaking of which, the 'atorise' song is dedicated to all the mothers out there, it's in yoruba and for those who understand, you'll agree that it's an awesome tune!
Updating on Mr T., baseline, he didnt break up with her, infact, I dont think they even had any problems (or so I think sha), and to say that God saved me is an understatement cos the way I found out was a shocker!!
After the restaurant scene, I stopped taking his calls and replying his messages but he was consistent, as in it was a bit freaky cos he'd be parked outside my house in the morning waiting to take me to uni and obviously i'd just walk past...(as a girl i need to front a bit) or come to the library and sit near me pretending to revise, he wouldnt say anything, he'd just sit there with his books, solving equations and hissing if it didnt go right. As in, people at the library would have thought we didnt even know each other, cos we never said a word to each other, but then the'd go to the shop to buy food, crisps and the lot and offer me, but i declined them and I didnt want to pack up so as not to make a scene at the library and (secretly i kinda liked the silent company).
After a little bit, it kida got a bit boring and I had to tell him to stop the stalking and he said he'd carry on till whenever I agreed. I took pity on him and I started talking to him more often, replying a few sms's and I got to know that he was going to Nigeria in the summer, hence the reason he was being persistent, so he'd make sure I wasn't available for any other guy whilst he was gone.
Cheeky and a tad bit selfish aint it?
so one day, i thought i'd take a break from my library runz and treat myself to some good female therapy...shopping, a nice hair do and some manicure. I got to the shop, trying on some clothes, I saw some of his girl friend's riff raff friends outside the changing room waiting for someone who was trying something on, it turned out to be her. I mean I was a bit pissed to see then there cos I was in Karen Millen and you only want to be in that kind of store with a certain calibre of people and she and her gang sure aint part of that set. I got into a changing booth and overheard their convo...it was along the lines of 'I need to make this night special cos my man is leaving soon' bla bla bla...and I was like whoaa...so this dude wants to use me to catch trips.
Ok me sef I'm down to catch some trips too! Mother of all trips.
so I got home and gave him a call...he was surprised and I was like, seeing as you are going soon that we should do somn together..my guy was happy! I said oh, but I'm in London, pls can you come and pick me up (My uni town is an hours drive from London) and the truth of the matter is I wasnt in London, infact was in my room in uni town but as per trips level na... Dude got to London and called me, where are you?
Me: u took too long jo, so I got the train, and it just left o! But seeing as you are in London pls can you buy me peppersoup from D'Den? I ignored all his rants and shouting...he is the one with the I dont pick up my phone when I'm driving policy'....
He got to my house sha...ready to spark and then he saw one of my toasters sitting comfortably o the sofa...what did i hear after he got in? so who is that?
I flipped, jo jo jo! you are not the boss of me, you hear me? Then we started fighting like we were a couple and I just thought, why am I doing this?
I gave it to him straight..look, I'm not going to let you play me around aiight...now out of my house!
so thats the drama over and done with...its much longer than that but i had to edit it cos my keyboard is doing my head it with its wireless nonsense!
I'm out.
Anyways, how has everyone been? Everyone writing papers or finishing off that dissertation? I wish you all good luck o....its not easy, but we go survive!
so I'v had a gruelling time this past few weeks, revising, trying to sort out my life (including the whole Mr T. wahala and some other family issues. speaking of which, the 'atorise' song is dedicated to all the mothers out there, it's in yoruba and for those who understand, you'll agree that it's an awesome tune!
Updating on Mr T., baseline, he didnt break up with her, infact, I dont think they even had any problems (or so I think sha), and to say that God saved me is an understatement cos the way I found out was a shocker!!
After the restaurant scene, I stopped taking his calls and replying his messages but he was consistent, as in it was a bit freaky cos he'd be parked outside my house in the morning waiting to take me to uni and obviously i'd just walk past...(as a girl i need to front a bit) or come to the library and sit near me pretending to revise, he wouldnt say anything, he'd just sit there with his books, solving equations and hissing if it didnt go right. As in, people at the library would have thought we didnt even know each other, cos we never said a word to each other, but then the'd go to the shop to buy food, crisps and the lot and offer me, but i declined them and I didnt want to pack up so as not to make a scene at the library and (secretly i kinda liked the silent company).
After a little bit, it kida got a bit boring and I had to tell him to stop the stalking and he said he'd carry on till whenever I agreed. I took pity on him and I started talking to him more often, replying a few sms's and I got to know that he was going to Nigeria in the summer, hence the reason he was being persistent, so he'd make sure I wasn't available for any other guy whilst he was gone.
Cheeky and a tad bit selfish aint it?
so one day, i thought i'd take a break from my library runz and treat myself to some good female therapy...shopping, a nice hair do and some manicure. I got to the shop, trying on some clothes, I saw some of his girl friend's riff raff friends outside the changing room waiting for someone who was trying something on, it turned out to be her. I mean I was a bit pissed to see then there cos I was in Karen Millen and you only want to be in that kind of store with a certain calibre of people and she and her gang sure aint part of that set. I got into a changing booth and overheard their convo...it was along the lines of 'I need to make this night special cos my man is leaving soon' bla bla bla...and I was like whoaa...so this dude wants to use me to catch trips.
Ok me sef I'm down to catch some trips too! Mother of all trips.
so I got home and gave him a call...he was surprised and I was like, seeing as you are going soon that we should do somn together..my guy was happy! I said oh, but I'm in London, pls can you come and pick me up (My uni town is an hours drive from London) and the truth of the matter is I wasnt in London, infact was in my room in uni town but as per trips level na... Dude got to London and called me, where are you?
Me: u took too long jo, so I got the train, and it just left o! But seeing as you are in London pls can you buy me peppersoup from D'Den? I ignored all his rants and shouting...he is the one with the I dont pick up my phone when I'm driving policy'....
He got to my house sha...ready to spark and then he saw one of my toasters sitting comfortably o the sofa...what did i hear after he got in? so who is that?
I flipped, jo jo jo! you are not the boss of me, you hear me? Then we started fighting like we were a couple and I just thought, why am I doing this?
I gave it to him straight..look, I'm not going to let you play me around aiight...now out of my house!
so thats the drama over and done with...its much longer than that but i had to edit it cos my keyboard is doing my head it with its wireless nonsense!
I'm out.
