Hopelessly Romantic

Tis the season of love. Well on this side of my room. This is a mushy playlist inspired. Please see it as such.

Apparently, I'm a hopeless romantic, according to my friend. That's because I say 'aww' when she affirms that her dad has met her boyfriend.

What makes me hopeless, in my opinion, I have no idea. Other than the fact that I love being sung to. I'm not one for the grandiosely written stanzas or endless letters. I'd rather not have those. I'd love for 'us' to have 'our' song that would force a smile if he heard the busker cover it on the underground and cause him to drop a pound just because it brings me to the forefront of his mind for that split second. An added bonus would be if he could sing it. That's bliss for me. One would ask why I live in such delusion? That these men are hard to find. Well I want to believe that you can only be drawn to someone if you both have a common ground, if you share interests. I want this, if not more, to be our common ground. I guess this may mean that I might be single for a while, but I'm allowed to build dreams, live in them and imagine these may exist, someway, somehow.

I've seen boring marriages where I can see that there's love but there's no form of endearment. I dont want a boring man in that aspect. I don't want presents on every valentines day, I want holding hands to not be a figment of my imagination, nor a thing of our 'dating' days. I want to rub my husbands head and be able to tell by his reaction, at that moment, that there's something amiss or forsee a problem. I don't want a rigid man who thinks birthdays and anniversaries are all about cards and gifts. But that stroking my hair holds more water than a new handbag.

My list is endless but it shall stay in my head, where it makes more sense. On paper it sounds like the mind of a 14year old

I live in my own little bubble and thus oblivious of the fact that these are far fetched. I refuse to believe.

A bubble that confirms that I am indeed a hopeless romantic.

But hey, it's my dream, not yours

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Sibling Rivalry

Yes, that's my burden for this year. For many years now and maybe more.

No preambles today. I'll go straight to my worries. I have 3 older siblings who are 2 years apart each, but the lowest number of years between myself and them is 13 years. *Do the math. I like to feel a little cryptic with myself. Allow me to amuse myself*

Anyways. They were boarding school students so I never saw them very often and as soon as they finished secondary school, they left for the UK. So I grew up with me, my ears and my mother.
I heard from them often. Here's how. The first would call home, speak to my mother and say a quick hello to me. The 2nd wrote me countless number of letters and the third, said hello via birthday cards.
One more thing, here's how we bonded. The first dealt with my clothes and shoes, I never lacked. The second bought me books and my first dictionary, albeit half eaten by her boyfriends dog and the other, well random things here and there.

I was a sucker for letters and anything called a book, so it goes without saying who I bonded with the most.

Now growing up, I had no favourites. They are all my siblings. I love them all.

Fast forward to end of secondary school and I'm leaving Nigeria and headed for the UK. The oldest believes I'm supposed to join her in the US. I refuse, very politely. I mean my first nephew by her is just about 3 younger than I am, so I definitely can't be rude

I choose to stay in the UK with the second and all hell is let lose.

Both of them have had fights since they all got to England. This is going on 20yrs. Now it looks like I've taken sides in a matter that has been going on even before I could read.

At this age though, I feel like I have a right to take sides. Especially when one party says harsh and evil things to the other. So much so that it's detrimental to her life, to her marriage and to her sanity. Sorry why am I not allowed to take sides? When the side I chose was the one that could be bothered to ask me what I wanted to do? Rather than force nursing down my throat like medicine. So no one has the right to be upset that they weren't told I'd graduated. If they bothered to ask what I was doing, then they wouldn't need to find out from facebook that I'd bagged that certificate.

So no one has any right to call this side and ask to call the other side. For what I ask? For what reason? Because that side is god and I'm supposed to have my tail between my legs and return home like the prodigal child. Excuse my French but that is bullshit served on a platter.

I have been quiet, but I shan't any longer. It is unfair that I have to do anything. 4 or 40, no individual is too big to apologise. And if they are, well I'm assuming they are too big to accept one, so none will be rendered on my part

Unfortuantely, ties have been severed and people like my almost 20yr old nephew and his siblings will be the ones to suffer for it.
But right now, in as much as I feel for those kids, I could care less about anyone else.

And to think they didn't see all these coming as kids. They apparently had a great time as kids. So God knows what happened during the transition to adulthood.

Lessons learnt though Most of all is to be able to detect these signs in my kids and avoid the he'll I've been through for them.

I hope we all do

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The light

It's bright
It's White
It blinds

From afar
A speck amongst millions
From within
A glow that lights millions

I feel the light today
I glow in the presence of light
My skin beams
My cheeks, rosy as they are
Alternate between the shades of glow and red

The light approaches
Closer and closer
It's on me, just me
And now, I'm the star of this show
It's the light of the show
It transcends beyond my person
There are no shadows

I take centre stage
As I am the star
And it is the light
So, it is my light

Written in one of my moments, just one moment. In the space of that moment. In the hopes that I'd read it to someone. I didn't and so it sat in the book, as with many others. But todsy, it's finally seen the light of day

I hope everyone has a bright week

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone