A little Clarity

Having heard so much about the Vera show, I followed the link on Fabulola's post about the whole Ray Ray fad (Now I don't look stupid on twitter anymore when they are ranting over it) and clicked on the latest show.

Anyways, not to digress and make it quick, I downloaded the latest show, 'Christmas gifts that should' or so its called and Vera co-hosted with Funmi. The topic was on Christmas gifts and somehow they veered into 'Sallah' and how Muslims celebrate.

First off, this is not a hate post. If you think it is, please kindly take the Northern line to Waterloo and jump off Waterloo Bridge.

I'd just like to clarify a few things, to people who are perhaps in the same school of thought as Funmi. Please bear in mind I have paused the show, so I cant even tell if these were her thoughts when she was growing up or if she still holds them now. So it stemmed from what she said, but has nothing to do with her.
But for some who'd rather not seek a clearer explanation or for those that just don't know, here is a little about Islam's festivals, just so you know and can at least be informed. At least, in primary school I was bombarded with C.R.K and can tell the Nativity story better than some Christians would, so why not?

Speaking of which, let me digress a little. My sister was listening to BBC Radio 4 the other day and she said that on one of the shows, the host said quite whimsically that he went to his daughter's Christmas school play: the nativity story and after he came out, he said to himself, "that was the story of Jesus, but there was no Jesus in it". I had to laugh at that.

Okay back to the point. The Festivals are called Eid and the suffix usually denotes which Eid it is. Eid ul Fitri is the one right after the month of Ramadan when Muslims have fasted for 30 days and Eid ul Kabir is the one where the Ram is Slaughtered.

As you may be aware, we go to the prayer ground in multitudes, those practicing and those who don't: that's the day you know your neighbour is muslim because he is dressed in his best clothes and headed for the National stadium (for those in Surulere, Lagos). We go there to perform a special Eid Prayer, thanking God for seeing another Sallah day. Let's just say its the same way Christians head for Church on Easter and Christmas days.

In Islam, there are many ways to secure God's mercies, most are detailed in the Quran and Hadith and some are just the daily doctrines and ethics that we all should know with 'common sense'. The fasting for example is significant in so many ways. For one, it helps to improve your relationship with God. You are meant to cleanse yourself physically (avoid eating junk) and mentally. Devoid yourself of all forms of sin for those 30days, in the hope that once the 30days are over, you will carry on in that manner. Further, it is for us, as Muslims, to put ourselves in the shoes of the needy, however we decide to define them. There are many whose lives are austere and do not have the opportunity to have 3 square meal, let alone access to drinking water. With this, we are meant to be thankful to Allah for all that we have and as we have 'walked in their shoes', we can be more accommodating to them and most of all, get closer to God. Before the 30days are over, we offer a mandatory share of our wealth (zakat) to the said group of people, however much we can afford (as it is according to your earning) in order that they may be happy on the Eid day as well and have enough to celebrate with just like you are.

Eid ul Kabir on the other hand, signifies the sacrifice that Ibrahim (Abraham) made to Allah in place of his son. Once again, it is for us to be thankful to Allah for the things He has done for us. What if, in this day and age, sons need to be sacrificed and for some reason we all (both Christians and Muslims) still followed it, would we all be happy? No?? (I'm just saying though, I bet, if that existed, it wont be condoned, so don't quote me on that) What I'm saying is that the slaughtering of the Ram is meant to put us in the state of mind that Ibrahim was in those days and help us to feel remorse and be Thankful for where we are today. So it is in no way 'A TABOOED OFFERING' neither is it a sacrificial lamb to appease some god.

More :

During the celebration of Eid al-Adha, Muslims commemorate and remember Abraham's trials, by themselves slaughtering an animal such as a sheep, camel, or goat. This action is very often misunderstood by those outside the faith.

Allah has given us power over animals and allowed us to eat meat, but only if we pronounce His name at the solemn act of taking life. Muslims slaughter animals in the same way throughout the year. By saying the name of Allah at the time of slaughter, we are reminded that life is sacred.

As with regards to Muslims praying some prayer before we kill the animal, that is what makes it befitting for us to eat. It means we bear in mind that Allah has created these animals and though they are provided for us to feed on, we are not supposed to suck the air out of them or kill them however they are done in some abattoirs. It makes it haram (forbidden) for us to eat.

The Halal Food Authority further explains this:

• .... require animals to be alive and healthy at the time of slaughter, since carrion is forbidden and, jugular vein, carotid artery and windpipe have to be severed by a razor sharp knife by a single swipe, to incur as less a pain as possible.

• All the flowing blood) must be drained out of the carcass, as blood is forbidden (Quran 6 V145

• Forbidden is an animal that has been killed by strangling or by a violent blow, or by a headlong fall

I hope this gives enough clarity. If you have other questions please feel free to visit credible sources wherever you may please.

Its for my sake, so that I am not called what I'm not and for your sake, to not sound ignorant in public.

PS: Regardless, I think back home, Muslims and Christians celebrate together more than anywhere else I've been. Do the British know what Eid is? Let alone give us a holiday.
Oh Please dont make me laugh.

Weddings, Weddings, WEDDINGS!

You'd think that after my experience the other weekend, I'd think twice before tagging along? Well, this time it was a wedding...why would I want to miss out on a wedding, considering I havent been to one!

I had a lot of expectations really. Outside of the single girl goes to wedding to socialize: I wasnt really thinking of that, cos I just dont randomly socialise like that, especially as, once again, the person I tagged along with was the only person I knew there. I wanted to see what weddings were like these days. The deco, the outifts (ESPECIALLY), the way the event went along and many other things..most of all, to just be out. I'm usually holed up in my house gisting with my alomost 40year old sister. Trust me, I'd pick that any day over hustling to get to a wedding in south London, that I'd have to hop trains for. I take life easy!

So anyways, the person I tagged along with was a bridesmaid - talk about worsening my situation. We got there just a little bit before the church ceremony and the bride was seriously raking!!! The last bridesmaid was late! So we both ran into the bathroom at the church, she changed into her dress, luckily she had done all her make up on the train and in the cab, so all she needed were her dress and shoes. Then she left me in the bathroom to change. Which I did....and I must say I was looking rather HOT!!! I had a high waisted ankara skirt on and a black tube top, but the top was tucked in, so for some reason, everyone thought I had a dress on! After changing, I realised the ceremony had started and the bathroom leads to the side of the pews and I thot, nah mehn...Im not going into that room with the ceremony having started and attract so much attention. So I got out of the church through the back door then went back in through the main door, then took a seat right at the back. I'm a back bencher...I love it.

The ceremony lasted just over an hour, it wasnt a Nigerian church, so you must understand why it didnt take that long. Then we headed for the reception. In this time, I'd only spoken to my bridesmaid cousin just once. We got to the reception and I sat at the same table as her friend who gave me a lift to the reception. She was also a friend of the bride, so she was on her feet the whole time. So I was stuck at the table with random people, her husband and their 14 month old daughter....the beginning of a very long day

I have to say, this is the part where I brought out my observation skills. Firstly, I was bored out of my brains...as in OMG...how do people do it? Really though? Or is it just cos of the type of person that I am? I was beginning to look sad and my cousin kept asking me if I was ok. But thats just me! Anyways, I think it was cos the compere was a bit on the dulling side. He didnt grab the crowd. For instance, when people were meant to clap or count down to the cutting of the cake, they just werent responding, or maybe they were just as bored as I was. Although, I was made to understand by a friend who said Nigerians are a bit rude and ll they do is eat and not take part...they werent even listening to the groom's vote of thanks!

Some people did have their own fun though, dont get me wrong. But I think, having heard and seen quite a bit about weddings, I subconsciously had quite a few expectations. Like recently, I just saw a wedding entrance where the bridesmaids and groomsmen each danced into the church to Chris Brown's forever and another Nigerian one where they danced into the reception with different songs, or another one where the couple's first dance was a choreography to the classics in the 90's. I wasnt sure what I was expecting, but I knew nothing really grabbed me the whole day. Instead, I spent the whole day sending text messages.

Plus I had a list of weird things I saw that day.

• Why were the guys hanging around the back of the hall with their alcohol. I know alchy wasnt served at the party, so one of them must have organised it. Some of them looked silly, standing like Buckingham palace guards with their shades on. I think the shades fad has to die quickly cos its starting to annoy me...like REALLY!!!

• Why did one of the tables have their own food in coolers and serving themselves. Food was in abundance, it was a 'serve yourself' set up and Nigerians looked orderly for once as they queued for the food, although there was some women who jumped the queue in the aim of going to say hello to others in line. Anyways, one of the women from this said table must have cooked some food, so she had them under her table and served only her guests. As in really? I thought people usually cooked for other people's occassions when its a small gathering, where the person who's having the party has seen what you have brought and is able to show some sppreciation. Plus they are able to put it where all other guests have access to it...so really, what was the point?

• The souveniers!! Oh my God, Ive forgotten what Julius Agwu called them. So it is in this jand that you will see the funky things that people give out at parties. From packets of salt, to washing up liquid, then theres the conventional plastic bowls, baskets, trays and the likes. You know the one that got my attention? Yoruba people call it 'omorogun'. The wooden spoon that we use to make eba and amala. Yes...you could tell this was straight from Nigeria, cos it wasnt no spoon like it is in Tesco. It was the stick... the one you hoped your parents wouldnt pick up if they were looking for somethink to smack you with.

• So obviuosly, I did the people watching as well. There were the fine girls. By fine I meant well dressed and good looking. There were girls who fit one or the other criteria but not both and all I did was shake my head, cos if I start on the way some of them were dressed, I think I'd get fired...(I'm at work). But anyways the one I will mention is women with white faces and brown legs. As in seriously? I thought people had movedon from it. I thought it was a phase that had died down? Well apparently not!!! To worsen it, they had horrible make up on! Euuurrgh! *CRINGE*

• So I was torn between the kind of music I'd have at my wedding, cos I knew that was part of the reasons I was bored. There was a live band, who did covers of some Sunny Ade classics and mostly praise and worship songs. So I was thinking, If I got a DJ, we would be inclined to rely on CD's and stuff and you lose that effect of having a live band..but then a live band is still a bit stifling as well, although having one means you can at least cater for the adults at the party. But its MY party!!!!! Gosh, Im confused!!
  

Anyways it was surely an eventful day. Plus the bride and groom danced to the max, so I'm sure they had fun as well... The whole day now got me thinking...planning a wedding isnt easy in any way. I was told that sometimes, using name cards on tables helps with socialising i.e putting the singles at the same tables...etc.

So now I'm making a list....any other things you guys think should be done to make it more fun?

Oh my Lord!!!

Not a cry for help, more like an exclamation.

So as I said, I went to this grad party. More like I tagged along, meaning I asked for what my eyes saw that night. *Note to self*- No gate crashing of random grad/birthday/whatever you may call it party with anybody. Lessons learnt.

Ok it wasnt bad all.

Basically, the graduand is African, Sierra Leonan or Congolose, not too sure and she went to the same secondary school as the person I tagged along with. We got there at about 9ish and the party was still bubbling with family friends, kids everywhere. Food was in abundance, not that I could have much of it though cos there was rice that tried hard to look like jollof rice but didnt quite make it and their other ethnic food. There was no way I was eating anything apart from fish and chicken. I'm bad with experimenting food... sometimes I guess its good for me as a very angry stomach is not something I can deal with.

So anyways I didn't know anyone there apart from the person I tagged along with, who was busy chatting away, so I was left alone, with nothing to do but observe...which I gladly did.

What did I see?

A lady between size 18 and 20 dressed in a red halter neck top, white shorts, red heels. She had very dark skin which was equally pancaked with very dark powder. She had silver or grey eye-shadow on and rather long fake lashes. She had very glossy lips, I couldnt tell if it was the oil from the food she'd just eaten or she had some serious gloss on that even eating wouldnt clean off. But what was peculiar about her? Ok lets start this way, I have nothing against plus size women, as a size 14 myself ( I like to claim 12 sometimes), I know what its like being pushed to the plus end of the scale, however, seeing as I'm a bit conscious of how I look, I think I pay more attention to what suits me, which I think this young (not more that 23 year old) lady didnt do. Her stomach was hanging over her shorts, needless to say she had bronze hair glued to her face as an excuse for a fringe and stetch marks that were in different shades of brown. The weirdest part was that she is really hairy all the way to her back and its either she had bronze/brown hair or the lighting at the party made it seem so. But dear Lord, it was freaky and I thought to myself, now I dont blame those who go for full body waxing nor the guys who frown at it cos believe me its not a very nice sight...at all!!! I was cringing and I begged for forgiveness everytime I had to cringe.

To make matters worse for me, she was with this another lady, a few years older who was probably another 2 sizes bigger than she was. She had a short black dress on and fish net tights or whatever those tights with holes in them are called. What she did wrong? she sat with her legs wide open, with all her not-to-be-publicly-seen assets in full view. I felt VIOLATED! Ewwwwwwwwwwwww sheesh. I think I'll stop there on that one!

The less traumatising ones are the men. Oh those ones were funny. From the ones in funny coloured suits, ranging from gold (once again) to red. The funniest one, was this old man on bronze coloured trousers, a blue shirt and an even funnier tie. His tie had sonic the hedgehog on it, along with the rest of the characters...knuckles and tails. (Yes I know them. I live with kids) and then it was tied half way, plus he was walking so daintly possibly for fear of not creasing his outfit! That made me burst into fits of laughter and I thought wow...people still do these?

I think the best part of my evening was the people watching...I'd love to do that again..well apart from seeing -not-to-be-publicly-seen parts of the body...I think I'll pass on that!!

Suddenly...

... I understand life and it's complexities. You see that life is what you make it and how you choose to live it. There are rules, regulations and guidelines on how to live your life but then you design these to fit the way you live yours.
Someone said to me today that the Nigerian economy does not allow for progress in that one tends to live within one's means. I then said neither does the one in this country, seeing as whatever you earn goes to paying back what you owe. The point of my long story is? Live your life the way you want it and things will always sort themselves out. I'm not saying live lavishly or be non challant about things, but live comfortably, live for today. Cos you may not be here tomorrow. Do not live in austerity today because you want to live well tomorrow, for once again, you may not be here tomorrow.

I'm not preaching. I'm only airing my realisations. I have decided that no one in this life is worth the time and effort to hold any grudges. Not that I do anyways. Whoever feels the need to be friends with me should do so freely. But I won't go out of my way to look for anyone. The time for that is long gone. No one is worth it. Not till I am convinced that there are still good people on this earth. For now, I will assume that everyone is the same that they are only around you because something is needed from you , be it gist, money, your body, your boyfriend or your girlfriend or your coursework. Till otherwise proven, every gaddamn person is the same as the other. They can kiss my arse for all I freaking care.

On another note, I am disappointed with the way we nigerians use our places of worship be it church or mosque. As a Muslim, our place of worship is most sacred to us, either the mosque or the home. Cleaniness is a priority. The case is otherwise here. Most especially in this country, surprisingly. Considering all the amenities available to us here I'm in a mosque on Old Kent Rd at the moment and an Asian or Iranian or a muslim from another country would think twice before performing their Salat in this mosque. It's depressing. We need to do better as nigerians. This is appalling

Rant # 2 - am not feeling this

I did say I'd do this again, so I'm back for another people bashing on language and its misuse.

So come the shorthand nonsense, obviously follows those that do not understand the simple rules of grammar. I'm not talking about the ones that show off that they have a high vocab standard, theres nothing wrong with that. If you've got it, flaunt it. I fo one, would like to speak like the Wole Soyinkas one day. Not like the academics in Business, Law, or Psychology Journals (to name a few)that feel the need to use one big word after every preposition in their sentence.

This is an example:

Thus instead of wrenching unions from context and treating them as an exogeneous determinant of productivity, the best work has sought to recontextualize their social practices and view them as one element in a complex parallelogram of market, technological and institutional forces determining outcomes in production.

Tell me, if you know nothing of unions and productivity, does this help you in any way?

HISS

Anyways I'm not talking about the over-sabis.

Im talking about those that missed primary 2 and 3, when we were being taught the preliminaries of the English Language.

I know people will say, ehn but English is not our first language. Please that is the lamest excuse ever, because English is the language of the world. The world trades in English, the world communicates in English..hence there is no argument there. If we are anti-westernisation, then why do we strive so hard to gain their education? why?Why didnt we all just stick to our farming and hunting, as opposed to becoming civilized. If we dont want to speak English, then we shouldnt. I will teach my child Yoruba o, dont get me wrong, but he will learn the English equally well.

Forget people who have gone to 'jakande' schools or what ever, I understand, they may have received second hand education, but I tell you , half of them do not come out writing like this.

The one I see the most, that makes me cringe, that can make me lose interest in a guy once I see it, the one that makes me scream my head off is 'am' for i'm... but as in, really?

Why???? why?

I'm not saying Nigeriansare the only ones that do it, so dont get me wrong, alot of other people do it but I think its just not right. I understand the mistake once or twice, but there are people that just cant stop using it that way.

I have the memory of a fish so I cant list the ones Ive seen, but Im sure you guys know what Im on about.