Its good to be back home. Well, sort of. Lazying about camp sort of has side effects that coming back to a 8-5 doesnt agree with. But still, its good to be back home. The final week in camp was fun actually. I went with a plan and I executed it well. I cant say much about it seeing I'm not so anonymous anymore but it revolved around making someone miserable and I think I did a good job at it.
One thing I noticed about the final week was the haste in which everyone got hooked up or wanted to. I, being the back bencher and a very good audience to these scenes had a lot of fun watching. Trust me, its hilarious seeing guys and girls getting all cuddly and mushy, having known each other for a few days. Worse is when you hear stories of the ones who got down to the nitty gritty either behind the camp directors office or anywhere a chair could be placed. Meanwhile, many left boyfriends, girlfriends, fiances and even husbands and wives at home. Pure hilarity, I tell you. But why am I telling you this anyway? I'm sure you've all heard a similar story or the other about the popular 3 week getaway.
In the last post I mentioned that I wanted to ask you guys about 'moving on'. I'm sure everyone has one theory or the other about moving on from a past relationship or an 'almost relationship'. But regardless of the differences in humans and how we handle our emotions, shouldnt there be some set guides that apply to us all?
Taking a 4 year old relationship for example, both guy and girl got hurt and the break up is not as a result of a fight or one causing grief to the other. Say, forces outside of the relationship caused the break up, e.g religion or family matters, Health issues or what have you. When is it okay for them to move on? And even after moving other, when is it okay to 'brandish' your new significant other to the world and most importantly to the person you just broke up with.
Take another example. Guy and girl just met, talked a lot, like each other so much but hit a road block and for one reason or the other, they cant progress into a relationshp. Although, if not for the road block which neither of them could handle, she would be a candidate for marriage. Days later, the girl starts to hear of another girl and in about a week, he's all over the place with her. Status messages, profile pictures, etc all indicating that he's found new love. Now my question is how does that happen? Especially when he says that none of it started whilst you two had your thng. So what, he had a few days to recover and find new love?
I understand a break up where, one has hurt the other so bad that s/he would do anything to forget the past or get back at him/her but not one where you'd wish to be with that person but just cant.
I dont want to say what my opinions are so I dont create any biases, so I'd like to hear what yours are.
I hope you guys are having a more productive week than I am! My next post will be another question on things I've noticed since being back home.
I picked up my call up letter quite alright. That was after the crowd had gone mad and the NYSC officials didnt seem to show any crowd control skills. How can you have almost a thousand people queue up in no particular order to collect a letter that isnt arranged in any order. I take that back. We didnt queue up, we became a crowd that couldnt be managed where the tall ones had their noses up above the short ones and could smell their hair. God help those who had smelly weaves in their noses. One official then came out and said, he'd call out names (written in no order) and we had to queue up as he called out the names. Yes, that worked for a minute but the queue didnt move because the letters were not arranged in the order that the names were called. So once again, it became a very angry crowd. Finally the same guy came out with the letters and called out the names as he went along. That finally worked, after we'd spent almost 6 hours trying to pick up a lousy letter. After the gruelling task, the letter delivers the bad news that yes you have been posted to the state you asked for, but your orientation camp is in some remote village somewhere. Wow! How exciting!
Fast forward to days later and Lagos corpers are heading to Iseyin, Oyo state. I was looking forward to it. Partly because I'd have the opportunity to meet lots of people and also get a last minute feel of what its like to be in a boarding school. A few miles to camp and my feet went numb. Some call it cold feet but thats for those that that can feel their feet at a time like that. Got to camp and well, let the chaos begin. In as much as I would like to delve into every little detail in regards to registration, I cant. That itself is tiring. It was one hell of a day. I got there shortly after 11am but didnt finish my registration till 12.40am the next day. Thus leaving me with 4 hours to sleep, wake up and get ready. Well, I didnt get any sleep, so I had loads of time to get ready. With an 18 man room, I wonder how people still managed to snore away and sleep comfortably on a metal bunk and a mattress the width of a notebook.
Days went and so did the people. Many stayed to register and then found their way out, others took more drastic measures like scaling the fence. I had no escape route, so I had to stay put, in as much as I wanted to leave so bad! I mean seriously, how easy is it to manage in a place where there are pit latrines in place of toilets and open air cubicles in place of shower areas. SERIOUSLY HOW!!!!???? I managed to have a shower once in a while but hell no was I hovering my bum over a hole in the ground. As God would have it, my mind and my body were in sync and I didnt need a number 2 till sunday when we finally broke out with an 'atm pass' and headed for the nearest hotel. There we shat, showered and crashed. Forgive my crude diction but it has to be said in its crudest form for you to understand how bad it was.
Next day, I played a tiny bit of volleyball and managed to 'sprain' my ankle. Call it whatever you want, but I managed to get my exeat and with all the fuss I made, I got the rest of the 2 weeks off! Haha SUCKERS! The patient dog always gets the fattest bone, I kid you not!
I've been home for a week and now I want to go back. I'm more bored at home than I was in camp! So I'm packing my bags and I am off tomorrow. Lucky for me, it finishes on friday, so I'm sure my bowels can rest for another 3 days! Hehe!
I shall be back soon with a post on 'moving on and the barriers we create for ourselves in relationships'. I have questions! I need them answered by my very able blog fam.
Its EID next week and to my fellow muslim brothers and sisters, Eid Mubarak. To others, I say, enjoy the meat!
I blame twitter. I blame twitter. I blame twitter!
Shows how easy you can be cheated on, even when offered less. 140 characters and everyone seems to have lost the zeal to rant with the many words that blogger has to offer.
Touch down Lagos. Well 2 months in and need I say it hasnt been easy. I love it still.
Almost 7 years since I last saw this town, a lot has changed and a lot hasnt. The parts that have changed are most beneficial to people like me, so really I can't complain. The journey back was filled with anxiety amidst the elation to be back in this much loved town. I have no regrets as yet. Its been hard no doubt, but still no regrets.
I have had more experiences in the last 6 weeks than I did in the last 7 years. The most recent being my boat cruise. Well, more of a machine powered canoe to cross the waters between Ikoyi and VI. Another traffic dodging strategy I thought I'd found, but alas, I have to use everyone else's strategy. Leave home early to beat the traffic.
On the entertainment front, I have been to a few bars with my cousin and one thing I absolutely abhore is the smoking. On 2 occassions, I've had to wash my hair as soon as I get into the house. Its annoying to think people smoked this much. Arrgh! I also went to Lord of the Ribs; a show organised by BasketMouth. The highlight of the show for me wasnt the comedy, but the artists that came on later. From Jesse Jaz and MI, with little or no stage presence, to Wizkid who serenaded the crown with his 'Tease Me' and 'Holla at your Boy'. Though the kings of Serenading should really be Iceprince with his 'Oleku' and Banky W's 'Strong Tin'. King madness is none other than Terry G who blew the crowd away, though the best I could do was sing along to the 2 or 3 lines I knew. Gosh too many artists to remember but the one that killed it for me was Tubaba himself. Now I really see why we all love him so. Plus He and Sound Sultan were the only ones that performed with a live band! Commendable performances, I tell you! That has been the highlight of my return so far! I'd like to top that up with a visit to the theatre soon but in the mean time, I made do with the Chill and Relax open mic night! Very soothing atmosphere and there, you get to appreciate talent.
Coming up; Chronicles of the newest corper in town! Yes, that dreaded moment is slowly crawling up on me. Letters are out next week and then I'll know which state my fate lies. Hopefully, I wont faint when I pick the letter up and I wont cry when I get to camp. All the stories havent really done me any good.
Oh and Yes, I finally met some of my blogger friends. One really awkward meeting. Actually make that two and dont ask why!
I have actually missed blogger and I cant go anywhere. This is the closest I can get to being published. Hehe!
Speaking of Banky W, I bumped into him on the elevator and errr, he isnt as cute as I thought.
Later my lovely people!
Its one day where Im the centre of attention and I hardly get any of that so I'm loving it.
As usual, got the beautiful jewellery presents from my sister. Sapphire earrings and I cant complain.
Though I thought someone would at least make use of my Amazon wish list.
Oh well, the day hasnt ended yet!
Everyone believes you should know what to do and what to say in a relationship. Be it as friends, lovers, siblings or co workers.
Some things should just not be said and some, not done either.
But how do you know where these lines are?
We all know or have at least heard the saying that "your friends' ex is a no go area for you", talkless of your siblings'. Who came up with this rule?
Understood, you shouldn't pick up someone else's reminants but what if the situations were different? Maybe she hurt him, didn't appreciate him or just doesn't think he's right for her, but in your case, he's a perfect match. That aside, hes still the ex, if we decide to cast a blind eye on the reasons for their break up.
Notice the keyword being "ex" not current. So I'm still trying to understand why this particular rule applies. Cos a friend recently got into trouble for talking to her friends ex boyfriend. By talking, she means skype conversations. I've said to myself that it's wrong for her to do so, but I can't place a finger on one particular reason why. It's just something that's not done. Now she claims there's nothing between her and her friend's ex, they are just friends, but now her friend has gone stark raving mad saying she just shouldn't have. Now my question is why ?
Boundaries as friends. Should there be things that you should and shouldn't say to a "friend"? It's a common belief that you should be able to say anything to your close friends. You should be able to put them straight when they seem to be heading the wrong way, but some don't seem to want to hear the truth, they just believe it shouldn't be said. They come to you for corroboration, and as the friend you have to give it. Now this isn't done.
I think things that shouldn't be said revolve around matters thar probably hurt your friend, everytime they are reminded about it or as with the case above, the ex says something contrary to what your friend has said and you'd rather not confront her about it cos maybe you take her word over his and won't need to confirm anything with her.
Am I right? Or I seem to be getting these rules wrong? If so then where's the thin line?
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I do and I often also wonder who would remember me or miss me when I'm gone. Not a lot I can say.
I know quite a few who have died, some very close and others even closer. The feeling is awful and I think its harder to bear if you were with them when they took that last breath. When you see the person's journey come to a complete halt! When they cease to be and you don't get anymore 'I love yous' or 'Be good' or even the 'How fars?'. For some, that's all it takes for them to recount their steps and take each day as though its embellished in precious diamonds. Treat each day like its a newly found treasure. Live with meaning.
Yesterday I heard the news about Da grins death and I started to weep. It felt like I'd never known anyone die. Like my best friend had just been taken away from me. Only he never was my friend. He was never even popular on my iPod. In fact at some point, I'd known his songs for a while, I just didn't know they were his. He was just another artist to me. Another Naija artist.
I got offered his CD by a friend in Nigeria and I declined it under the premise that I was only familiar with a few songs of his, some of which I didn't quite like. So taking the CD would quickly wear out his novelty with me.
Weeks later I heard my friends go crazy over 'Kondo' and I asked my aforementioned friend to send me the song via blackberry messenger. She refused saying I should have taken the CD when she offered. We both laughed it off but I still didn't get the song.
Months later, last week, I was out with friends. The DJ dropped kondo and the crowd went mad. Literally. Some stood on the sofas and started to jump like a child would do on his father's kingsize bed. Then I found out Da grin was supposed to be at a concert here in the Uk. I smiled. Nice one I thought. I spoke to my cousin who's part of the organisers of the concert and asked about the concert. His words: 'that concert is going to be mad whether enemies like it or not'. I asked what do enemies want with your event? He said didn't you hear Da Grin had an accident. I responded that I'd actually seen it on some BBM statuses and gone to read a story online about it. The source in the story had said 'he's lucky. He should thank God for his life'. The concert is slotted for the 31st of may'. I said to my cousin, 'Not to worry, he has a month to recover, he'll be here'.
God had other plans.
I saw the first status message and then the 2nd and then I started to weep.I hoped it was an expensive joke. A joke I was willing to accept and not complain about whoever had started it, just so he'd be alive. He had to be. But he wasn't.
I think about death and I think about everything in life. It all ends one day.
Now I don't make plans. I can't. Each day is a new one. Its a fresh start. That way, I don't lose too much when I go. Actually I don't lose anything.
Age I mean? Is it just a number?
Apparently, a rule in relationships, that goes without saying is ' the man having to be older than the woman'
Now I'm asking why?
Why does it have to be so? Is it because women feel a lot more secure when he's older or....? Sorry, I've got nothing.
Apparently, another rule again, that usually gets bent is that women shouldn't even go for their age mates, let alone one who's younger. This particularly applying to those women who have marriage next on their 'to do' list. Hence a guy who's ticks ALL the boxes isn't good enought because he's a few weeks younger.
I'm still not sure where these rules come from but I can safely say its the African or maybe just Nigerian mentality. We have decided to live by the supposed study that posits that men are seemingly 5years younger than women their age. How true that is, I don't know. Even if, its a study, have we confirmed what the sample size is? If its a bunch of teenagers, I'd gladly accept the inferences of that study without blinking. But does this mean that all women stay 5years ahead or the gap starts to reduce at a certain age where a balance is achieved? Not to say that the woman has reached a halt on whatever its it that gets her ahead, but that the man is catching up ie we are fast, they are slow but we all get there in the end.
It all looks like brain fart right, but I think I need to find that study, so my arguments can be a little more coherent.
Anyway, back to my point. Another reason why this rule may stand is possibly (once again applying to those in marriage age) because she's ready and he isn't. Now that may be true for a fact, well mentally that is. But I'm not sure a lot are thinking its a mental state, rather for most, its a physical thing or just because his social status hasn't really peaked. Which is it? I'm not sure, because outside of our mentality, its ok for Mariah Carey to dote over someone who's no less than 10years younger than she is, same going for Demi Moore. However, these women are heading to their forties, if not in it already. But if she were 25 and he, 15, would it still have been ok then? For me, either way, the 10year gap still applies, whether twenties or forties
So what's wrong in going for a year younger? Or let's raise the stakes to 2years and not trying to go for 10 like the Demis and Careys do. Anything wrong with it?
I asked a friend once if she would date a younger person and her response was ''NEVER''. I asked another and she rolled her eyes like it would go out of fashion and then said, or rather asked, ''Are you stupid?''
But really, Am I?
Apologies bla bla. Same gist!
Who knows when next I'll be back here, so I'll apologise for the next time I won't turn up.
My life never lacks drama and two thirds of it is unnecessary family headache. I need a life of my own, where no one feels the need to order me around like a robot!
I came across something I put together a while ago and whilst I re-read it, I realised it only made sense to me the day I wrote it. After that, it just looks like I needed to regurgitate every word in my head that seemed to express the way I was feeling but in a very incomprehensible manner!
Below is what I call 'faeces of words'. No pun intended but it is absolute shit!
''When you have never known austerity, you never see life in the eyes of one who has. Seeing how they live does not equal knowing how they live. Knowing how they live does not equal feeling how they feel either.
They say, tough times are temporary. To some, it comes to pass. To most, it is a way of life and the belief that better times are temporary plays a more familiar tune with them.
Beside you is a dead man walking and beside him is another. You.
The game is tagged "survival of the fittest" when in reality it should be called "surviving the survival of the fittest". When the dead man walking strives to survive and then should he overcome, the battle to sustain becomes paramount. Where breathing is no longer the chore, staying alive is and the feverent need to be relevant continues to persist.
Should the dead man walking start to believe that "hard times are temporary", the need to do things the right way points the scale mark at zero. And if the scale marks read negative, a new rule is set. "An for an eye". A rule adhered to in its most literal and figurative forms, that ensures that the next man canot easily place blame. His society is accepting of his shortcomings.
Shortcomings are not inadequacies.
Short comings are not mistakes.
Shortcomings are not crime.
Shortcomings are a way of life
Shortcomings make better times temporary.''
To think that now that I have a blackberry, I'd blog more often! Kmt!
So goes the lyrics to Michael and Lionel's song. Recently it's been used by various artists to raise money for the victims of the Haiti earthquake. An equally touching version was done by 57 YouTube artists. I must say I commend their efforts.
This got me thinking about the various stories I'd heard regarding this Earthquake and also our efforts as fellow humans to help others.
Firstly on the earthquake. Many have said God has forsaken the Haitians, there's so much voodoo and other unGodly acts going on there that He feels the need to wipe out their existence. I won't preach what I don't know but I'm sure we all have our views in these utterances and the religious ones amongst us know not to question God in His decisions whether this particular one is His or not.
The non religious approach would seek to ask why there is a settlement is an natural disaster prone area? What would then be the decision? For them to move? Would we then ask the millions of Japanese or Indonesians to move as well? Where would they move to? It's totally out of the question. But should we help the Hatians bring their nation back to it's feet, only to have it in a rubble within sixty seconds by the powers of the almighty natural disasters? Or help them survive these trying times.
It's a sad sad story. Please let us do what we can to help them
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Apparently, I'm a hopeless romantic, according to my friend. That's because I say 'aww' when she affirms that her dad has met her boyfriend.
What makes me hopeless, in my opinion, I have no idea. Other than the fact that I love being sung to. I'm not one for the grandiosely written stanzas or endless letters. I'd rather not have those. I'd love for 'us' to have 'our' song that would force a smile if he heard the busker cover it on the underground and cause him to drop a pound just because it brings me to the forefront of his mind for that split second. An added bonus would be if he could sing it. That's bliss for me. One would ask why I live in such delusion? That these men are hard to find. Well I want to believe that you can only be drawn to someone if you both have a common ground, if you share interests. I want this, if not more, to be our common ground. I guess this may mean that I might be single for a while, but I'm allowed to build dreams, live in them and imagine these may exist, someway, somehow.
I've seen boring marriages where I can see that there's love but there's no form of endearment. I dont want a boring man in that aspect. I don't want presents on every valentines day, I want holding hands to not be a figment of my imagination, nor a thing of our 'dating' days. I want to rub my husbands head and be able to tell by his reaction, at that moment, that there's something amiss or forsee a problem. I don't want a rigid man who thinks birthdays and anniversaries are all about cards and gifts. But that stroking my hair holds more water than a new handbag.
My list is endless but it shall stay in my head, where it makes more sense. On paper it sounds like the mind of a 14year old
I live in my own little bubble and thus oblivious of the fact that these are far fetched. I refuse to believe.
A bubble that confirms that I am indeed a hopeless romantic.
But hey, it's my dream, not yours
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No preambles today. I'll go straight to my worries. I have 3 older siblings who are 2 years apart each, but the lowest number of years between myself and them is 13 years. *Do the math. I like to feel a little cryptic with myself. Allow me to amuse myself*
Anyways. They were boarding school students so I never saw them very often and as soon as they finished secondary school, they left for the UK. So I grew up with me, my ears and my mother.
I heard from them often. Here's how. The first would call home, speak to my mother and say a quick hello to me. The 2nd wrote me countless number of letters and the third, said hello via birthday cards.
One more thing, here's how we bonded. The first dealt with my clothes and shoes, I never lacked. The second bought me books and my first dictionary, albeit half eaten by her boyfriends dog and the other, well random things here and there.
I was a sucker for letters and anything called a book, so it goes without saying who I bonded with the most.
Now growing up, I had no favourites. They are all my siblings. I love them all.
Fast forward to end of secondary school and I'm leaving Nigeria and headed for the UK. The oldest believes I'm supposed to join her in the US. I refuse, very politely. I mean my first nephew by her is just about 3 younger than I am, so I definitely can't be rude
I choose to stay in the UK with the second and all hell is let lose.
Both of them have had fights since they all got to England. This is going on 20yrs. Now it looks like I've taken sides in a matter that has been going on even before I could read.
At this age though, I feel like I have a right to take sides. Especially when one party says harsh and evil things to the other. So much so that it's detrimental to her life, to her marriage and to her sanity. Sorry why am I not allowed to take sides? When the side I chose was the one that could be bothered to ask me what I wanted to do? Rather than force nursing down my throat like medicine. So no one has the right to be upset that they weren't told I'd graduated. If they bothered to ask what I was doing, then they wouldn't need to find out from facebook that I'd bagged that certificate.
So no one has any right to call this side and ask to call the other side. For what I ask? For what reason? Because that side is god and I'm supposed to have my tail between my legs and return home like the prodigal child. Excuse my French but that is bullshit served on a platter.
I have been quiet, but I shan't any longer. It is unfair that I have to do anything. 4 or 40, no individual is too big to apologise. And if they are, well I'm assuming they are too big to accept one, so none will be rendered on my part
Unfortuantely, ties have been severed and people like my almost 20yr old nephew and his siblings will be the ones to suffer for it.
But right now, in as much as I feel for those kids, I could care less about anyone else.
And to think they didn't see all these coming as kids. They apparently had a great time as kids. So God knows what happened during the transition to adulthood.
Lessons learnt though Most of all is to be able to detect these signs in my kids and avoid the he'll I've been through for them.
I hope we all do
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A speck amongst millions
A glow that lights millions
I feel the light today
I glow in the presence of light
My skin beams
My cheeks, rosy as they are
Alternate between the shades of glow and red
The light approaches
Closer and closer
It's on me, just me
And now, I'm the star of this show
It's the light of the show
It transcends beyond my person
There are no shadows
I take centre stage
As I am the star
And it is the light
So, it is my light
Written in one of my moments, just one moment. In the space of that moment. In the hopes that I'd read it to someone. I didn't and so it sat in the book, as with many others. But todsy, it's finally seen the light of day
I hope everyone has a bright week
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