Crushes or rather the lack of it.

Someone on my twitter timeline started talking about her crushes and what age she started. She says even at age 6, she knew what it meant to have a crush.

I say it took me 10 more years to do what she's started at a young age.
I have no idea why that happened.

Actually, I do have a bit of an idea.
That last statement is a white lie and here's why...

I grew up with my mother as all my sisters who are very much older had left for the UK. I was in strong and capable hands.

Even before I reached the age of puberty, I knew the things you did when you reached puberty. My mum was very blunt about these things and she succeeded in grossing me out. She went the 'guilt tripping' route and would accuse me of allowing some boy/man stick his finger in my panties. (Till today, when I think of the way she says it, I cringe).

Another time, we had gone to visit a friend of hers who had a son about my age. When we got back home, she said that someone had told her he'd seen her friend's son and I on the bed, and the boy had had his pants down. I was barely ten.

Another day, she said she'd seen me smiling with one of the guys who lived in our compound and she was certain I was smiling with him because I'd allowed him do things he shouldn't be doing to me. Once again, I don't think I'd started secondary school here. It got so bad that I got too scared to talk to anyone in the area nor have friends ( which I wasn't very keen on anyway, because I disliked the area we'd moved to).

Knowingly or unknowingly, my mother had succeeded in putting me off 'discovering what puberty was and what it meant to become a woman'. So you can imagine how worse it got when I started my period ( that's a post for another day).

As such, I became too serious for my age. I never had any crushes, nor talked of boyfriends, let alone having one. Reminiscing with old friends, I got very surprised when I heard that in my primary school and junior secondary, people were having 'boyfriends/girlfriends' and were experimenting with kissing. I thought I didn't grow up in such environment but apparently, I did. I was just oblivious to the things that were happening around me. STUPIDLY OBLIVIOUS!

In senior secondary, I had a crush and unfortunately, the boy proved my mother right -- "all boys want to do is get in your pants". I'd gone to my crush's house, sat in the living room with his parents who seemed a little interested in my family and what part of Lagos I come from. Shortly after, we went up to his room and yes, his fingers did start to stray. I got up, ran as fast as my legs could take me and headed home. I didn't say anything to my mother because unfortunately, it did prove her right and that would be me setting myself up for punishment. Punishment was usually serious whooping and most times, threat of painting your sore body with freshly ground pepper. She never acted on that threat but somehow, pepper always seemed to be available and in sight. Don't ask me how she ever came up with that.

That was how I left secondary school without so much as a kiss nor a boyfriend. I'd like you to guess what age I got my first kiss.

Don't get me wrong though, I wasn't an SU or whatever they are called. I played HARD. I probably looked like one of those girls who had started out early. I wasn't a recluse and I infact became a relationship counsellor at 15. Please don't ask me how that came about.

Now that I'm much older, I keep thinking if my childhood had an effect on the choices I've made today? Even though I don't think about those things she said. Sometimes I think I'm the way I am because I chose to be? Or??

More on that to come much later.

Have a great week ahead people.
Sent from my BlackBerry® Smartphone, from Etisalat. Enjoy high speed internet service with Etisalat easy net, available at all our experience centres

35 Cogitations:

BSNC said...

lol i can imagine. You mum was strict though. I guess that made you a better person today right?

Muse Origins said...

I think strict is much better than not oh.

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depuy hip recall lawsuit said...

Your mom's moves i guess is a way of protecting you. But i wished that she should at least teach you some ways how to deal with opposite sex.

Anonymous said...

Been strict is sometimes not the best way to bring up a child. It worked for you because you were still the good girl that you are...for some it won't work. They would rather want to find out what all the fuss about dropping the pants that mummy is always talking about. The best way out for me is talking to the child about the opposite sex and what and what not to do. That way the child knows what to expect and how to react to every situation.

Anonymous said...

Been strict is sometimes not the best way to bring up a child. It worked for you because you were still the good girl that you are...for some it won't work. They would rather want to find out what all the fuss about dropping the pants that mummy is always talking about. The best way out for me is talking to the child about the opposite sex and what and what not to do. That way the child knows what to expect and how to react to every situation.

Anonymous said...

Well.i cld remember the first time I saw my period,my mum told me if I touched a guy I wld be pregnant...scary.my mum was so strict and to her it was her being strict that made me a good girl.believe me I never thought of her or what she would do to me if I took a step,it was just the fear of God that saw me through.i would have been the bad girl if I had wanted to be.i just feel being strict is not the solution,not in this era where the kids are overexposed.otherwise u just end up driving ur kids away from u and make them seek confidant somewhere else.it really affects kids psychologically a lot.

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