Be my Mrs ... Or maybe not!

A colleague at work once said to me, "The first time I met my wife, I knew that was the woman I wanted to marry. I'd only known her the whole of five minutes, but she fit so perfectly into my initial requirements in a woman. All others criteria would follow and we will make them fit". Later on, he went on to say "We made the decision to not have sex till marriage. This went on for almost 3 years till we got married, but in that time I PLAYED very well, satisfied myself and got myself ready for the woman I wanted to marry".

Sounds very weird when you combine all parts of his speech. But then, quite a few points were reiterated for me. Most I hear from people, I never met a man who actually came out to express them.

• First, it rang true that men do know if they can marry a woman, upon first meeting. Not to say that its always the case 100 percent of the time but most times when you hear it, best believe it. He never said anything about the cliched 'love at first sight', his was a case of being practical. No lust, no love, just practical.
• When a man says 'let's stay off sex, then be rest assured that he's getting it from somewhere else. As a woman, you probably wont feel bad if you set the rule, as you'd expect that, as a man, he needs that 'release' once in a while. But when he sets the rule, you wait for him to explain why. Its one thing to cheat on you to your face, its another to get 'serviced' just because he's keeping the rest of his life for his prized woman. That begs the question, 'so should cheating be condoned?' -- (Gist-post for another day)
• Another is the fact that regardless of what happens out there or within himself/family, he has his eyes set on the woman he wants to marry.

The last point then brings to question the authenticity of the following incident. Guy meets girl 4 months after breaking up with his ex (whom he could have proposed marriage to at the time he met the new girl). However, this new girl is perfect or at least, things are going on well between them. Girl senses a bit of hatred between guy and ex, so the break up was not a 'mutual agreement'. Months down the line guy explains to new girl that his ex's family especially her mother and father have been calling him to beg on ex's behalf. They have involved his family and his mother and uncles are on his case. So basically, he's dealing with stuff and 'needs time'. Here's my question, is this guy an exception? One of the ones that are confused about who to go with? Actually his point is not about who to go with, its that its harder to break free when family members have been involved. True or false? You reckon this is true or as with a lot of men, 'hes one of them ones'.

Getting to know you.

How do you get to know people?

By asking questions right?

Especially as we live in a world where our relationships are now 'over the waves'. We hardly do much in person. Twitter and BBM have taken over our lives.

Anyways, I digress.

Here's a scenario - people meet, get introduced, exchange pins (as is mostly the case) and kick off! They talk, perhaps ask questions within that process and 'get to know each other'.

Now here's where my problem is, recently I've been accused of 'not asking any questions'. Its happened on more than one occasion hence the reason why its become a bit of a concern. I've been told that I answer questions and don't ask any, which indirectly means I probably don't care. On my part, I'd say that's a bit harsh cos although it might ring true, its never really the case. It got me thinking though, so how do I get to 'know people'. I find that I can't really do the initial interrogation. Probably because it isn't effective for me. So when the questions end, how well do your conversational skills fare from that point? I think I'd rather study people and insert important information where appropriate. Many actually miss the fact one can say a lot or nothing in a conversation, depends on how receptive the person is to 'new entrants' in their lives. That is not to say they aren't 'interested'. So it feels rather weird when I get told "I've been asking all the questions since, I think its your turn now".

How do I deal with that? "Oh ok, so how many siblings do you have? Where do you live? What's your position in the family?" (I actually find that very archaic) but hey, whatever rocks your boat mate!

For me getting to know people involves learning how they think. Its a subconscious thing, I don't need to ask questions. Actually, I'm better off being asked questions cos I can't do the 'About You' speech.

Might seem like brain fart to some but in my mind, I've made a lot of sense. No?
Sent from my BlackBerry® Smartphone, from Etisalat.

Correct Sexing

The other day I said I had a headache and my aunt said 'you need a man in your life toh ma ki e mole ti gbo gbo arun yi ma kuro ni ara e'.

Translation: you need a man in your life so he will 'do you right' and all these illnesses will leave your body.

Direct meaning of "Ki e mole' is give you correct sexing!

My question is how does 'correct sexing' relate with having a headache?

She says I complain a little too much about having a backache, stomach ache or something and that if a man roughened me up a lil, I'd either be immune to all these petty complaints or I'd have a bigger threshold for pain.

I hear you 'ahhing'. Imagine how I felt when I stood there and received the most shocking retort ever.

----
Hope y'all are having a good week so far?

Thinking of hoping on this 30day challenge!

Let's go!

Have a Cameron and Strike filled week!
Sent from my BlackBerry® Smartphone, from Etisalat.

Formula Two

Life just got easier.

Maybe not.

Not having a car in Nigeria is close to being suicidal. Having one adds to our traffic issues. But what can man do?

Well for me, who never started a car, let alone drove one, I had to learn. I learnt with Uncle Ben and his Beetle cos my cousin wouldn't let me touch his car. So in the 14day learning period that spun over 3 months, I grew muscles in quite a few places. At that, I know that even if its going for 50p I will not buy a manual car. If I end up with one, I'd be driven around. Call me spoilt. That, I can live with.

Now I THINK I can drive. Think being the operative word! When they say "if you know how to drive in Lagos, you can drive anywhere", that's a big bag of crap. If you drive like this anywhere else, you will either fail your test or get arrested with a big fat ticket!! Don't dull!
One thing driving in Lagos helps you with though is offensive driving. When you're in a car chase, you'll fair well cos Lagos driving keeps you thinking the next car is out for you!

Plus you need extra skills to drive in flood and still avoid potholes! Talk about major brain work.

If you think you can out run the danfo guy who's high on grass and the aboki on okada who barely speaks English, I suggest you take the back seat. Literally! And watch the sights and wonders in Lagos.


Sent from my BlackBerry® Smartphone, from Etisalat.

Just Checking

Many things are working against me now.

The fact that Blackberry still doesnt have an app for blogger. Either by RIM or a 3rd party, you'd think one of them would have thought to create one.

The epileptic and demented internet in Nigeria. If your life line depended on internet service either mobile or broadband, you'd be dead and decayed before you get help!

....

Ooops its home time and my free ride is calling.

Man cannot sleep in Lagos trffic

Undefined...

Its a case of boy meets girl and they kick it off.


2 months down the line, they arent official yet, but everything makes it look as though they are. She's met his family apart from his mother and some older, married siblings. She'd met his friends, his cousins been to family gatherings and has been introduced to as many people as the time can manage. The point is, it was never under the rocks. They were out and open with it. In that time, it was all rosy and sweet. They had talked about the exes and how things ended. He broke up with his recent ex (who he was meant to have wedded the month he met her). In their minds, they had been transparent with each other. No fights, no quarrels and the likes. Although it all looked too good to be true, it was all bliss and it seemed like she had reached her last bus stop on the 'search' journey.

Suddenly, it all starts to go awol. The calls reduce, the BB chats start to go vague and the visits practically disappear. My girl asks whats happening? His reason. I'm dealing with some things that I cant talk about. Ok, fine. My girl assumes its just for the moment. The moment turns into 2 months and they have practically become strangers to each other. No fight, nothing and its still under the premise that he is dealing with stuff he can't talk about. He starts to send irregular hellos and how are yous and when he is in town, he never offers to stop by. She is running between patience and anger. Some are saying "leave him, he'll come around and start begging". Others are saying "I think you have the right to tell him to piss off, you're not a carity case".

Confused.com

What should she do?

Moving Swiftly on...

Hey Guys!!!

Its good to be back home. Well, sort of. Lazying about camp sort of has side effects that coming back to a 8-5 doesnt agree with. But still, its good to be back home. The final week in camp was fun actually. I went with a plan and I executed it well. I cant say much about it seeing I'm not so anonymous anymore but it revolved around making someone miserable and I think I did a good job at it.
One thing I noticed about the final week was the haste in which everyone got hooked up or wanted to. I, being the back bencher and a very good audience to these scenes had a lot of fun watching. Trust me, its hilarious seeing guys and girls getting all cuddly and mushy, having known each other for a few days. Worse is when you hear stories of the ones who got down to the nitty gritty either behind the camp directors office or anywhere a chair could be placed. Meanwhile, many left boyfriends, girlfriends, fiances and even husbands and wives at home. Pure hilarity, I tell you. But why am I telling you this anyway? I'm sure you've all heard a similar story or the other about the popular 3 week getaway.

In the last post I mentioned that I wanted to ask you guys about 'moving on'. I'm sure everyone has one theory or the other about moving on from a past relationship or an 'almost relationship'. But regardless of the differences in humans and how we handle our emotions, shouldnt there be some set guides that apply to us all?
Taking a 4 year old relationship for example, both guy and girl got hurt and the break up is not as a result of a fight or one causing grief to the other. Say, forces outside of the relationship caused the break up, e.g religion or family matters, Health issues or what have you. When is it okay for them to move on? And even after moving other, when is it okay to 'brandish' your new significant other to the world and most importantly to the person you just broke up with.

Take another example. Guy and girl just met, talked a lot, like each other so much but hit a road block and for one reason or the other, they cant progress into a relationshp. Although, if not for the road block which neither of them could handle, she would be a candidate for marriage. Days later, the girl starts to hear of another girl and in about a week, he's all over the place with her. Status messages, profile pictures, etc all indicating that he's found new love. Now my question is how does that happen? Especially when he says that none of it started whilst you two had your thng. So what, he had a few days to recover and find new love?

I understand a break up where, one has hurt the other so bad that s/he would do anything to forget the past or get back at him/her but not one where you'd wish to be with that person but just cant.

I dont want to say what my opinions are so I dont create any biases, so I'd like to hear what yours are.

I hope you guys are having a more productive week than I am! My next post will be another question on things I've noticed since being back home.
Toodles!

2 weeks in..

Whoever said some parts of Nigeria are still backward didnt lie.

I picked up my call up letter quite alright. That was after the crowd had gone mad and the NYSC officials didnt seem to show any crowd control skills. How can you have almost a thousand people queue up in no particular order to collect a letter that isnt arranged in any order. I take that back. We didnt queue up, we became a crowd that couldnt be managed where the tall ones had their noses up above the short ones and could smell their hair. God help those who had smelly weaves in their noses. One official then came out and said, he'd call out names (written in no order) and we had to queue up as he called out the names. Yes, that worked for a minute but the queue didnt move because the letters were not arranged in the order that the names were called. So once again, it became a very angry crowd. Finally the same guy came out with the letters and called out the names as he went along. That finally worked, after we'd spent almost 6 hours trying to pick up a lousy letter. After the gruelling task, the letter delivers the bad news that yes you have been posted to the state you asked for, but your orientation camp is in some remote village somewhere. Wow! How exciting!

Fast forward to days later and Lagos corpers are heading to Iseyin, Oyo state. I was looking forward to it. Partly because I'd have the opportunity to meet lots of people and also get a last minute feel of what its like to be in a boarding school. A few miles to camp and my feet went numb. Some call it cold feet but thats for those that that can feel their feet at a time like that. Got to camp and well, let the chaos begin. In as much as I would like to delve into every little detail in regards to registration, I cant. That itself is tiring. It was one hell of a day. I got there shortly after 11am but didnt finish my registration till 12.40am the next day. Thus leaving me with 4 hours to sleep, wake up and get ready. Well, I didnt get any sleep, so I had loads of time to get ready. With an 18 man room, I wonder how people still managed to snore away and sleep comfortably on a metal bunk and a mattress the width of a notebook.

Days went and so did the people. Many stayed to register and then found their way out, others took more drastic measures like scaling the fence. I had no escape route, so I had to stay put, in as much as I wanted to leave so bad! I mean seriously, how easy is it to manage in a place where there are pit latrines in place of toilets and open air cubicles in place of shower areas. SERIOUSLY HOW!!!!???? I managed to have a shower once in a while but hell no was I hovering my bum over a hole in the ground. As God would have it, my mind and my body were in sync and I didnt need a number 2 till sunday when we finally broke out with an 'atm pass' and headed for the nearest hotel. There we shat, showered and crashed. Forgive my crude diction but it has to be said in its crudest form for you to understand how bad it was.

Next day, I played a tiny bit of volleyball and managed to 'sprain' my ankle. Call it whatever you want, but I managed to get my exeat and with all the fuss I made, I got the rest of the 2 weeks off! Haha SUCKERS! The patient dog always gets the fattest bone, I kid you not!
I've been home for a week and now I want to go back. I'm more bored at home than I was in camp! So I'm packing my bags and I am off tomorrow. Lucky for me, it finishes on friday, so I'm sure my bowels can rest for another 3 days! Hehe!

I shall be back soon with a post on 'moving on and the barriers we create for ourselves in relationships'. I have questions! I need them answered by my very able blog fam.

Its EID next week and to my fellow muslim brothers and sisters, Eid Mubarak. To others, I say, enjoy the meat!


xxx

Anybody home?

I blame twitter. I blame twitter. I blame twitter!

Shows how easy you can be cheated on, even when offered less. 140 characters and everyone seems to have lost the zeal to rant with the many words that blogger has to offer.

Anyways!

Touch down Lagos. Well 2 months in and need I say it hasnt been easy. I love it still.

Almost 7 years since I last saw this town, a lot has changed and a lot hasnt. The parts that have changed are most beneficial to people like me, so really I can't complain. The journey back was filled with anxiety amidst the elation to be back in this much loved town. I have no regrets as yet. Its been hard no doubt, but still no regrets. 

I have had more experiences in the last 6 weeks than I did in the last 7 years. The most recent being my boat cruise. Well, more of a machine powered canoe  to cross the waters between Ikoyi and VI. Another traffic dodging strategy I thought I'd found, but alas, I have to use everyone else's strategy. Leave home early to beat the traffic.

On the entertainment front, I have been to a few bars with my cousin and one thing I absolutely abhore is the smoking. On 2 occassions, I've had to wash my hair as soon as I get into the house. Its annoying to think people smoked this much. Arrgh! I also went to Lord of the Ribs; a show organised by BasketMouth. The highlight of the show for me wasnt the comedy, but the artists that came on later. From Jesse Jaz and MI, with little or no stage presence, to Wizkid who serenaded the crown with his 'Tease Me' and 'Holla at your Boy'. Though the kings of Serenading should really be Iceprince with his 'Oleku' and Banky W's 'Strong Tin'. King madness is none other than Terry G who blew the crowd away, though the best I could do was sing along to the 2 or 3 lines I knew. Gosh too many artists to remember but the one that killed it for me was Tubaba himself. Now I really see why we all love him so. Plus He and Sound Sultan were the only ones that performed with a live band! Commendable performances, I tell you! That has been the highlight of my return so far! I'd like to top that up with a visit to the theatre soon but in the mean time, I made do with the Chill and Relax open mic night! Very soothing atmosphere and there, you get to appreciate talent. 

Coming up; Chronicles of the newest corper in town! Yes, that dreaded moment is slowly crawling up on me. Letters are out next week and then I'll know which state my fate lies. Hopefully, I wont faint when I pick the letter up and I wont cry when I get to camp. All the stories havent really done me any good.

Oh and Yes, I finally met some of my blogger friends. One really awkward meeting. Actually make that two and dont ask why! 

I have actually missed blogger and I cant go anywhere. This is the closest I can get to being published. Hehe!

PS:

Speaking of Banky W, I bumped into him on the elevator and errr, he isnt as cute as I thought.

Later my lovely people!

Its my birthday

..and I can get high if I want to.
Its one day where Im the centre of attention and I hardly get any of that so I'm loving it.
As usual, got the beautiful jewellery presents from my sister. Sapphire earrings and I cant complain.
Though I thought someone would at least make use of my Amazon wish list.
Oh well, the day hasnt ended yet!